“It’s okay,” I whisper. I reach out to her, praying she lets me hold her, and she does. Her shoulders are stiff at first, but she gives in and I say a silent prayer, thanking God for it. Her soft curves are warm in my embrace and I’m quick to kiss the crown of her head. The smell of her shampoo and every little detail about her is comforting. This is my drug. She’s my only addiction.
“Baby, it’s okay,” I tell her as I pull her small body snugger into my arms. I needed this. I hold her as close as I can, rocking her slightly and loving how she grips me right back.
I hold her like I have for years, and it feels so natural. So right.
“Just tell me what it is, sweetheart,” I whisper in her hair as she sobs into my chest. It hurts. Every bit of her sadness shreds me. “I’m sorry,” I tell her and pull back to look at her, but she just buries her face back into my chest.
It’s a long moment before Kat quietly pulls away.
“I have something you should see,” she says and walks off. She wraps her arms around her torso as I follow her toward the stairs.
Anxiousness suffocates me, not knowing what it is she wants to show me.
“Stay here,” she tells me, looking over her shoulder as she grips the railing.
I nod and watch her walk upstairs alone. She takes slow steps the entire way. Her bare feet pad softly on the floor as she leaves me.
I wait with bated breath. My body begs me to sit, the exhaustion making me want to give in and fall onto the couch. But I remain standing.
In the silence all I can think about is the shattered window, the fact that someone broke in. If they didn’t take anything, maybe they left something behind instead. Whatever it is, a picture of some shit I did, a text or a letter—I don’t care what it is that’s making her so damn upset. I’ll fix it.
I won’t let her go, and I’ll destroy anyone and everyone who gets between us.
My head lifts when I hear her coming down the stairs, and my feet move of their own accord.
They don’t move for long, though. The second my eyes land on the white plastic stick in her hands, my body freezes.
My mouth hangs open slightly as I glance from the pregnancy test to Kat’s face.
She stops in front of me, barely looking at me and holds it out. “I’m sorry,” she whispers in a cracked voice. As if this is bad. As if she’s done something wrong.
“Baby, why are you sorry?” I look between her and the stick. I can’t will myself to take it or to even believe it’s real. “You’re pregnant?” I ask her. She covers her mouth with her hand and nods.
A baby. A little life just like my Kat. Tears prick at the back of my eyes.
It’s the best damn thing I could have ever asked for.
And then it hits me. Jacob Scott. I looked into him after that … ‘meeting’ we had. My breathing picks up as my blood heats. I don’t have the nerve to ask her, but the words are on the tip of my tongue.
I’ll kill him.
“I’m pregnant,” Kat says and draws in a steadying breath, taking a few steps backward.
I almost ask her, but I can’t do it. Even if the baby isn’t mine, I don’t care. I’ll take care of both Kat and her child.
“A baby?” A swarm of emotions courses through me. “This is why you’re going to the doctor’s?”
“Yeah, a baby,” she says and chances a look up at me. Her long, dark lashes glisten with what’s left of the tears before she wipes them away.
“That’s wonderful,” I tell her and close the distance between us, reaching for her hands. She leans into me and I rub the pads of my thumbs against her knuckles. “Kat, why are you sorry about something so amazing? Don’t be sorry; I’m so happy.”
I can see her expression fall as she tries to stay strong.
“It doesn’t change what’s going on, but I just found out and I don’t know.”
“Don’t know what?” A numbness creeps up the back of my legs.
“How we’re going to handle all of this,” she says and starts to pull away from me.
“Kat, you’re mine,” I tell her.
“You were just in jail hours ago and we’re separated. How are you going to take care of your baby?”
“I’ll be the best damn father I can be.” Thump, thump. My heartbeat slows as what she’s saying settles in.
“You said that about being a husband too and—”
“And we’re going to be fine,” I say, cutting her off. “Better than fine. We’re having a baby.”
I finally look at her stomach. I wrap one of my hands around her hip while the other splays against Kat’s belly.
“I love you, and that’s what matters.”
“It’s not the only thing that matters,” she tells me back.
Her emerald eyes swirl with so much emotion, I can’t stand it. “I’m telling you right now, Kat. Me loving you is the only thing that matters.”
Chapter 5
Kat
I don’t know what to think or do.
I don’t know what’s right and wrong.
But I’m so aware of how I feel.
Every inch of my skin burns with need against Evan’s touch. He’s got a hold over me that’s like a spell. It must be some kind of dark magic because he makes me forget reason. He makes me forget how angry I am at him.
I melt into him as if I was meant to be held by him from the very start.
The worst part is that I don’t want him to ever let me go. Because the second he does, I’ll remember. Reality will intrude, and the moment will be ruined.
One of these times, I’ll let him go and never be held again. I can feel it down in my very soul.
His hot breath tickles my neck as he whispers, “I love you, Kat.”
My soul quiets, the pain soothed. For the moment, I grip him just as tightly as he holds me.
My heart clenches in my chest as I swallow the lump in my throat.
“I’m so happy,” he murmurs as he brushes his hand against my belly. “We’re going to have a baby,” he says reverently.
How can I not fall back into his arms when I know he loves me? How can I not cling to him when he talks to me like this?
I’m exhausted and wretchedly weak. Nothing feels better than this.
Every reason this is a bad idea comes to me one by one, the truth too real to ignore. I don’t know if the extreme swings of my emotions are from the pregnancy, or from the craziness of Evan’s life.
My nails scrape against his shirt as I push away from him. “We need to talk.” I push out the words as he reluctantly watches me move away.
“If we do this, we’re moving forward together?”
He nods and says, “I promise.”
“I just want to be with you, Evan,” I speak from the bottom of my heart and I know it’s the bottom because it’s all I have left.
“I promise,” he says again but his eyes are glossy.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t the man I should have been for you.” He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles one by one before turning it over to kiss my wrist. “I’m sorry I fucked things up so badly.” He doesn’t meet my gaze and I can’t stand the look in his eyes.
“It’s okay,” I tell him, desperate to take the hurt away from his expression.
“I love you, and that’s what matters,” he tells me again. “Don’t stop loving me. Please. No matter what happens,” he begs me.
“You didn’t do anything,” I tell him, grateful he’s finally told me the truth. I get it now; it all makes sense. “Nothing will happen.”
He looks me in the eye and says, “Nothing bad will ever happen to you or this baby. I swear, Kat.”
“Our baby,” I whisper and put his hand on my belly. He lowers his head and I swear I think he’s crying, but when he looks up at me he says, “Nothing bad will ever happen to you or our baby. I’ll never put you in harm’s way, Kat.” He takes a deep breath.
“Just don’t stop loving me,” he says, almost like a plea.
“Don’t stop loving me,” I tell him back and he says beneath his breath, “It’s all for you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
“Evan,” I start to say as I reach for him, feeling the intensity of his words and the chill that comes with it. But as my lips part, a startled yelp comes out. Evan’s strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me to his chest as he carries me up the steps to our bedroom.
He sets me down gently on the bed, which is so at odds with how he kisses me. It’s ravenous, reckless even. Desire scorches my skin and makes my core unbearably hot.
He groans into my mouth as his hands slip between my thighs and under my panties. He runs his fingers up and down my hard clit.
“So fucking wet,” he says, his eyes darkening with lust. “I love how you’re always wet for me.”
“Always,” I say, echoing him, but my head feels dizzy and the need for him to be inside me overrides any sort of logic or reason.
I claw at his shirt, desperate to get it off and it makes him chuckle, a deep, low sound.
I want to scold him for taking so long and leaving me wanting. but the words stick in my throat as I watch him pull his shirt over his shoulders, revealing his tanned, tattooed skin and lean physique.
I lick my lips with the need to kiss him and he grants me exactly that. Bracing one forearm by my head, he leans down to kiss me, pressing his lush lips against mine and tasting me with swift strokes of his tongue as my eyes shut. He traps my bottom lip between his teeth and pulls back as he pushes his jeans down.
It’s a short, sharp pain that spikes through my body, directly connected to my clit. When I open my eyes, letting the sweet gasp of longing escape, I’m lost in his gaze. Trapped by his gaze and waiting for him. I’d do anything for him. I swear there’s no way I could love him more than in this moment.
“Evan, please,” I say, ready to plead with him not to leave me again. Not to make me choose between a life without him or a life without shame, but he cuts me off, mistaking my plea for what my body feels and not my heart.
“Spread your legs for me.” He gives me the command and my body obeys before I can even fully register his words.
Every thrust is slow and deep. The air between our lips heats until I arch my neck with a moan, feeling his thick cock push fully inside me, wanting more of me than I can give.
“Evan,” I moan, saying his name reverently as my hardened nipples brush against his chest and he groans into my neck, holding himself still inside me.
“I love you,” he whispers and then pulls out slowly. My body relaxes thinking he’s keeping a slow pace, pulling himself nearly all the way out before pushing back in. But instead he slams himself into me all the way to the hilt and I scream out, my blunt nails digging into his muscular shoulders as pleasure races through me.
“I’ll never stop loving you,” he says as he pounds into me again, his hips crashing against mine.
“Evan.” His name slips from between my lips as my head presses against the pillow and thrashes from side to side. It feels too intense. Way too much for so soon. My breathing picks up as my toes curl and my legs wrap around his hips.
He rocks himself against me, his rough pubic hair brushing against my throbbing clit and I writhe under him, feeling my skin prick slowly with the need for just a little more. I can hardly breathe. “Evan,” I moan and again it comes out as a strangled plea.
“Kat,” Evan says then nips my earlobe, sending a shudder through my body, “never forget that I would do anything for you. Everything is for you.”
Chapter 6
Evan
It feels colder than usual as I make my way down the sidewalk. It’s empty and silent, with not a soul in sight. Not even down the alleyways or in the dark shadows. Someone’s always there. Always watching and waiting.
But not tonight.
The light snow crunches beneath my booted feet and fog fills my vision with each step I take to get home.
The streetlight outside the townhouse flickers and catches my attention.
Darkness sets in just as I walk up the stairs and open the door.
It’s so quiet and my first thought is that I’m grateful she isn’t crying anymore. Ever since I told her the truth, Kat hasn’t been the same.
She looks at me the way I’ve always looked at myself. She’s always sad now, with red-rimmed eyes and an expression of shame blanketing her beautiful face, and it’s all because of me. I ruined her like I knew I would.
I call out to her in the townhouse. It’s the same as it’s always been, but there’s an emptiness to it. A hollow feeling that emanates from the white walls and seeps into my bones.
“Kat!” I call out again, and my voice echoes.
My boots crunch although there’s no snow.
My breathing picks up and again fog clouds my vision as I walk toward the kitchen. “Kat.” I say her name, but I already know she can’t hear me.
The white mist fades and suddenly I see her. Just as she was yesterday, she’s balled up on the floor, but she’s not crying anymore.
Crimson red has stained her clothes.
“Kat?” Her name slips from me in disbelief as tears flow freely and I run to her.
“No!” I scream as her limp body lies on the floor and her eyes stare back at me, lifeless, but still rimmed in red.
Praying for God to take it back, I cradle her, rocking her and screaming for it not to be true. A note falls and flutters to the floor with an elegance I hate in this moment. I can’t let go of Kat; I grip her tighter, reading the words as the ink on the paper appears slowly. The script is feminine and delicate.
You should have let me go. You should have protected me.
It’s all your fault.
And then I hear a baby scream.
My eyes shoot open with terror, a cold sweat clinging to every inch of me. My body’s stiff and hot as my heart races, pounding in my chest like a war drum. My pulse is heavy, hard, and unforgiving. It’s just a nightmare.
“Kat,” I say just beneath my breath, attempting to hide the fear before moving suddenly, shaking the bed as I put my arm around her.
It’s the soft moan from her sleep that keeps me from waking her.
My heart still races in my chest as she breathes easily beside me.
As if nothing’s wrong. Like nothing’s happened.
My body trembles, refusing to let go of the visions. I blink away the sleep and fright as the early morning light streams into the room. The white noise of city traffic drowns out the gentle and steady sounds of Kat’s breathing.
My body’s heavy as I lie back in the bed, wiping the sweat from my brow and trying to forget the look on her face as I held her in my arms in the nightmare.
It’s hard to swallow, the fear nearly crippling.
It’s not real, I whisper. But I know with everything in me it’s so much more.
Time ticks by slowly and sleep doesn’t come again for me.
I didn’t lie just once last night. I lied twice.
The need to be with her made me do it. The need to hold on to her love and let her feel how much I love her. I had to take away her pain. It only makes today that much harder.
There are two truths I know for certain.
Someone’s trying to kill me and if they can’t get me, they’ll come for her.
But only if they know we’re still together. Right now, no one does.
I love Kat too much.
I almost leave a note after going through my dresser drawer. There was nothing in there to take, but I made sure nothing was left behind or planted. The first thing I need to do is have a security system installed. This shit won’t happen again and that’s how I was going to start the note.
I wanted to write one for Kat saying goodbye and that I’ll be back, then leave before she wakes.
She deserves to know why I’m leaving. Only for a little while. Only until I know she’s safe.
“The doctor’s appointment is at one I think,” Kat says sleepily and I turn t
o face her slowly, my body stiff. My eyes burn from lack of sleep, but I don’t care.
I welcome the pain.
“You’re finally awake,” I answer her and prepare myself for what I have to do.
The world thinks we’ve broken up. And it has to stay that way.
“You’ve been up long?” she asks and then yawns. There’s a slight radiance to her. Her hair forms a messy halo on the pillow and a delicate simper is on her lips.
“Kat.” I say her name and swallow my words.
I’ve been thinking about them all morning, the images of the nightmare feeling more and more real. Every possibility of what could happen has been running on a loop in my mind.
“I have to tell you something.” I stare at the dresser across the room. I look in the mirror but I can’t see our reflection, only the closed door to the bedroom.
“It’s only for a short time, but I have to go do something.”
“What do you mean?” she asks, the sweetness she had for me vanishing far too quickly as she sits upright. She reaches out to me, her soft, small hand gripping my shoulder.
“I mean I don’t think I can go to the appointment today.”
Her expression falls and she visibly retreats, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping the comforter tightly around her.
“Why not?” she asks with a little heat in her words. With every second that passes, I can see her getting angrier. “What’s more important?”
“I don’t think we should be seen in public together,” I tell her and swallow the painful lump in my throat. No one knows we’re together or that she’s pregnant. “This has to stay a secret.”
“Are you serious?”
“Kat, I have to take care of some things.”
“Bullshit! What about us?” she says and her voice cracks. “What about taking care of us?” She motions between us.
“I am,” I tell her and my words come out strangled, shattering the delicate balance that was here only a moment ago.
“If you walk through that door, you’re not coming back.” Kat’s voice shakes as she speaks. Her eyes are wide and the grief I feel is reflected in them. “You can’t keep doing this to me. I can’t keep …” she trails off and hiccups, on the verge of tears.
You Know I Need You: Book 2, You Know Me duet (You Are Mine Duets 4) Page 4