Take Flight

by T. E. Price

  A few blustering remarks are uttered through her tears, but Tom takes over, patting her shoulder, as if to say that the burden isn’t just hers to carry. “The truth is, we can’t get pregnant, although we’ve been trying for years.” The group is stunned into silence, but I reach over and touch Sarah’s leg, her tears splashing down on my hand. This is what they’re struggling through. Tom’s shoulders fall, “My beautiful wife has wanted children since the moment we eloped, and I can’t give her that. We’ve been to doctors appointments, we’ve tried lots of things, but nothing has worked.”

  Sarah wipes the tears from her cheek and puts a hand on top of one of Tom’s hands, then adds, “It’s not just you, Tom. The doctors have said that it’s a combination of a few things, my problems included.” She sniffles and swipes the other side of her tear-streaked face. “I guess I just thought that life after becoming a Christian would be easy—that I wouldn’t be challenged. And yet, when we started trying for children, we experienced the biggest trial of all. I want to place my trust in God and get baptized—I mean, Tom has been baptized, so why can’t I bring myself to trust God and do the same?”

  Quiet fills the room, and my heart plays an emotional tug-of-war within my chest. “I know what you mean,” I eventually offer. All heads move in my direction. “My circumstances still haunt me too—in a different way,” I say as I direct my gaze toward Sarah for a second. “But I can’t seem to shake my reality in order to move forward with getting baptized.”

  Sarah nods, “Almost like you wouldn’t be giving your all to God if you got baptized now? Like you’d be resistant, even though you still have faith that you know will never leave you?”

  “Exactly.” Harrison and Isabel are still there, but the walls close in on me, Tom, and Sarah, who’ve become like family. It’s as if there’s nothing off limits—we can challenge each other and walk through life together without feeling betrayed. Was it ever like this with Ainsley? Gosh—how different could they be? Ainsley had a child, and she struggled with being a young mother…Sarah is getting older and watching her window of opportunity to have children dwindle. I guess it’s not all that different. Everyone struggles, it’s just a matter of how we react to that struggle. Sarah and I both need to heal, and there is a real freedom that comes in a friendship when we can both acknowledge that reality.

  A startling buzz from my phone in my back pocket catapults me back to the present. Rita’s name appears on the screen. What the—? I open the message with a shaky hand. Ahah. This is the trick he has been keeping up his sleeve.

  I heard you’ll be coming back to town next week.

  When do you arrive?

  I nearly spit at the screen as I read her words, my eyes running across the lines several times as my brow furrows. They can’t really think I’m that stupid.

  “You okay, Hallie?” Harrison asks from across the room.

  I raise my eyes and lower my phone with a frustrated shake of my head. “Rita just sent me a message asking when I’ll be arriving next week. Jonathan made her send it, I know he did. I knew he was gunna try something, I just didn’t think it would be this lame. I mean, do they think I’ll send them my itinerary with all my flight details so that he can easily track me down?”

  “That’s ridiculous,” Isabel huffs as Sarah sits up straighter in her seat and Tom returns to the couch. “Obviously, you’re not going to respond.”

  Hmmm. “What if I do?” I pose, all heads jutting with my words. “Yeah, I mean, if they think I’m dumb enough to tell Rita about my flight plans, then that’s exactly what I should do.”

  “Uh, Hallie,” Sarah says in a high-pitched voice, her eyes widening to reveal the white around her irises, “I really don’t think that’s a good idea. You just said—”

  “No, I know,” I interrupt, “but what if I give them the wrong details? I mean, our court time is on Friday at four, so if I told them I will arrive just before we have to meet at the courthouse, then I may be able to ensure a little more safety when I spend Thursday night at my parents’ house.” The four of them contemplate my words for a moment, then the nods begin. I reply to Rita with a bit of attitude, explaining that it’s none of her business when I arrive, but relaying the false time anyway in an effort to play into their scheme with the kind of stupid response they’re expecting. We wait around a little, filling our time with aimless conversation until I finally accept that she isn’t going to reply. As far as I know, they now think I’m arriving on Friday. My shoulders relax. I may have just bought myself some safety during my return trip to Oklahoma.

  Sarah rises to leave, then says, “Can I take you to the airport next week, Hallie? I know you need to be there around the time our group starts, so I can run you to Detroit and be back here shortly after we begin—I shouldn’t miss much.”

  I look to Isabel, who was supposed to drop me off, and motion to her with one raised shoulder. Isabel tilts her head and says, “Actually, that would be really helpful, Sarah. There’s this new cake recipe I’ve been wanting to try for group, so that would give me the time I need to do it after I pick the twins up from school.”

  “Great, then it’s settled,” she says. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way over.”

  The corner of my mouth turns up in a half-grin, “Perfect, thanks Sarah.” We all say a quick good-bye before she and Tom disappear down the staircase. After a full-day of work, Harrison shoos me to bed, refusing to accept my assistance with cleaning. As I settle under the covers for the night, I check my phone one last time. Rita still hasn’t responded, and at this point, she won’t—I just pray they bought my lie.

  * * *

  Tom offers to carry my luggage down to the car where Sarah is waiting for me as I say my good-byes to Isabel, the twins, and Harrison. “I’ll be praying for you, Hallie,” Harrison says. “You’re so strong, and as much as you have panicked over this whole ordeal, this is what you have to do … this is right, no matter what Mom and Dad say.” A weak smile forms as I wave and tell the twins I’ll be back on Saturday. While trudging down the stairs to Sarah’s car, my stomach grips. As much as I’ve dreamt about Oklahoma and returning to my home, now that I’m about to, my heart aches. Oh sure, I don’t really have anyone left in Oklahoma, but I’ve wondered what it would be like to return. How things have changed. Now, my torn heart is left grappling with my sorrow over being absent from Ann Arbor for a few days. And the question still remains…what will be waiting for me at the courthouse on Friday?

  Once settled in the passenger’s seat, I smile at Sarah, who’s just kissed Tom good-bye through the window. “Thanks again for offering to take me to the airport. I really appreciate it, and I know Harrison and Isabel do too—they’re pretty busy today.”

  “Not a problem—you got everything you need? All the paperwork or whatever else?”

  “Yep,” I reply. “I’m good to go …” But am I, really? This time tomorrow, I’ll be a free woman. My toes curl under. What does it mean to be free?

  As Sarah navigates to the highway, we chat a little about our work week. Eventually, the conversation turns back to the trip I’m about to make. “How are you feeling about all this?” she asks.

  I twist my mouth back and forth while the highway before us blurs. What’s really dancing in the distant corners of my mind? “I dunno, really. When things took a turn for the worse last summer—that time in August,” Sarah nods, “I was so ready to be over it all. I thought once Harrison arrived to help me move out, I would wait ten days, and then file for a divorce. My parents really hit me hard with their request—their demand—that I wait a year to sign the papers.” I sigh, “When I agreed, I wondered why I was willing to do that. I mean, all I wanted to do was to be rid of him and to be free from his abuse, but for some reason, I listened to my parents and waited a year, even though I knew I was still gunna go through with the divorce at the end of it.” My hands begin fiddling with the bottom hem of my jacket, then I add, “If I had divorced him when I could, then I wouldn’t hav
e had to deal with the gossip about the affair I supposedly had, I wouldn’t have had to deal with Rita and all her mess—following me around town and trying to get under my skin.” My heart takes a slight dip. “I wouldn’t have had to deal with losing Ainsley as a best friend or leaving Jim’s Gym. If I hadn’t listened to my parents, maybe by now things would be normal in Oklahoma. Instead, this wait gave Jonathan some sense of hope and forced him to come find me, wherever I was … to torment me for an entire year.” My stomach flips. My life would be completely different right now if I had just waved my parents off and done what I wanted with the divorce.

  “Maybe God knew it would be good for you to go through all this,” Sarah offers, interrupting my thoughts. I turn to her, my eyebrows lifting in question. “That sounded a bit harsh, and I’m definitely not saying that you deserved to go through any of this. But God puts us through hardships to grow our character. And as much as it sucks,” she emphasizes—she knows … what with not being able to get pregnant, “we really learn so much about our faith when we have to deal with the turmoil.” I sink deeper into my seat, her words ringing undeniably true in my ears. This year, I’ve not only learned more about who I am and what I’m capable of, but I’ve learned that God provides even when it seems like my whole world is unraveling. I left Oklahoma, but I settled in Ann Arbor. I left Jim’s Gym, but I found a job within a week of my arrival here. I lost Ainsley, but I gained Sarah. Yes, I’ve been through some serious messes, but God’s been there with me through it all.

  “You know,” I start, “I think you might be right. I honestly didn’t know what I was agreeing to a year ago, but I will say that God has used this year to teach me some things. Maybe if I had gotten the divorce ten days after I left him, I wouldn’t have figured out just how strong I really am. I wouldn’t have fought my way through so many things…I wouldn’t have met you and Tom.” We sit in silence for a moment, and my gaze shifts to the window as we blur past the barren trees that line the highway. “It seems like God knew what he was doing, even if it was hard on me.”

  We chat a little more about our personal walks with God, what he’s teaching us through scripture, and how he’s growing our character in different ways as the highway stretches on. At the first sight of the airport sign, my muscles tense as I recoil into the passenger’s side of the car. “You okay?” Sarah asks.

  I gulp. Here it is, again—the whole fight-or-flight battle that hits me without fail at this point in every trip I take to an airport. “Yeah,” I reply. “It’s just that it’s been a while since I’ve flown, and for the most part, I would usually be flying to escape him. But now I’m flying to return to him, and that makes me a little uncomfortable.”

  “That’s true,” Sarah offers, “but your return is for a good cause … once you leave the courthouse, you won’t have to escape from him anymore. That’s gotta give you some hope.”

  “You’d think,” I say with a hollow chuckle. “But I know what it feels like to approach an airport with hope filling my heart, and right now, it doesn’t feel that way at all.”

  “Well, I know when I’m feeling miserable, especially as I help all these women deliver babies when I still don’t have a baby of my own, I meditate on this verse: ‘For I know the plans I have for you—”

  “Declares the Lord,” I chime in.

  She turns to me briefly and grins, then we finish the verse in unison, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

  Her smile widens, “So, you’ve heard it before,” she adds with a tickle of laughter edging her voice.

  “Once or twice,” I laugh back. “Actually, Harrison and Isabel gifted that verse to me in a frame this past Christmas.” With a light shrug, I add, “It’s kinda been my lifeline ever since.”

  “I know what you mean … mine too,” Sarah replies. “You know, Hallie—you’ve gone through so much, but I know God’s going to give you a hope and a future. Your story is crazy, but it’s not over yet. God’s going to use your story one day.”

  My shoulders relax just a little at the sound of her words. I nod, “And I’ve got a recording in case anybody wants to hear just how crazy this journey has been.”

  “Yep,” Sarah replies, “and I have a copy of that recording just in case you need me to do anything with it.”

  “Thanks,” I offer, “but I don’t think it will come to that. Who knows why Rita messaged me last week, but it seems like Jonathan is going to show up at the courthouse when he needs to. He must know how serious I am about the threat of evidence, otherwise he would’ve returned to Ann Arbor. So, I doubt he’s gunna try to push me. Deep down, he knows I wouldn’t threaten him with something I don’t have.”

  As Sarah pulls up to the airport drop-off, she adds, “Well, at any rate, I’m here for you. And I hope you don’t run into Ainsley—it honestly makes me so mad that you had a friend who would just betray you like that.” With a grateful smile, we both exit the car. I grab my suitcase from the trunk as she asks, “Will you text me when you land?”

  “Sure, it might be a little late,” I say.

  “No worries, I’ll probably still be at your brother’s place by the time you land, anyway.” With the automatic, glass doors awaiting my entrance, Sarah adds, “We’ll miss you tonight at group, but I’m glad this year of waiting is finally up. I just hope the worst of it is over.” Nodding and offering a quick wave, I pivot toward the doors of the airport and heave one, long breath. Yes, I hope so too.

  * * *

  “How was your flight,” my mother asks in a flat tone. My dad takes my suitcase and hauls it into the back of my mom’s SUV.

  “It was fine, I’m just really tired,” I say as I slip into the backseat. My dad walks around to the driver’s seat … he still hasn’t greeted me.

  “And how is everyone in Ann Arbor? Things going well there?” She pulls the seatbelt across her torso while my dad puts on his blinker and starts inching his way into traffic.

  “Yeah,” I sigh, “everyone’s good.” My dad pretends to study the vehicles moving along at a steady pace.

  “The twins doing well in school? I know they just started, but they’re already so smart.”

  “Yep. They’re doing great,” I half grunt as I take out my phone to text Sarah that I landed. If she’s still with Harrison and Isabel, she can pass the word along.

  “Well, that’s good,” she continues, “I mean, they have to do well in school. They’ll probably be our only grandbabies, so they need to be successful.”

  There it is, the demeaning comment I’ve been waiting for. “Mom,” I say with a roll of my eyes, “I’m getting divorced, I’m not barren.” And with the comment, my mind flits to Tom and Sarah. I say a quick prayer that God will give them a baby, but my heaven-bound plea is interrupted.

  “You might as well be,” my mother retorts under her breath. My fingers freeze as I blink. Message received, Mother. I bite my tongue and slump back against the headrest, closing my eyes. Is she trying to say I’m all used up and no one will want me? My nose wrinkles … it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to get into it tonight.

  Not that I could if I wanted to, because my dad finally decides to chime in. “You know, Hallie, we really thought you would come around this year. A year seemed like a good amount of time for you to come to your senses, but you still insist on embarrassing us by going through with this.”

  “Dad, it’s so much more complicated than you think,” comes my mumbled response as my eyes flutter open and my head leans on the window.

  “How can it be complicated, Hallie? You married the guy, you said the vows, now it’s your job to follow through.” With one hand still on the steering wheel, he throws up the other, “That’s what’s the matter with society today, they treat marriage like a dating relationship—when they’re through with their spouse, they just get divorced. As if it’s no big deal.”

  My chin begins to quiver. He has no clue, and he wouldn’t even hear me out if I thought
I had it in me to tell him. “It’s not like that,” I respond. “Look, I don’t want to get into it, but I’m getting a divorce tomorrow, and I would really appreciate your support, just for the day.”

  My parents look at each other for a second as the car gets awkwardly silent. No one says another word. I blink back tears. Why are the two of them being so weird? My phone buzzes on the seat beside me. I open Sarah’s reply to my text, and my heart soars at the selfie she took with Tom, Harrison, and Isabel. Their smiles are exactly what I needed to see, and I keep the photo up on my screen until we pull into the driveway.

  My dad returns to the back of the vehicle to grab my suitcase as my mom and I step up to the small, covered, cement porch. She opens the screen door and takes out her keys to unlock the front door, but she leaves them hanging in the lock. With a slight frown, I follow her inside. Oh no! I step back, like I’ve been body-checked. This is why my parents are acting so strange. My eyes widen at the two packed bags sitting beside their bedroom door. I take a few steps toward the bags, my eyes falling to the ugly, shag carpet. I tighten my fists and pierce daggers back at these items…as if they are responsible for this betrayal, not my parents. My dad opens the screen door behind me.

  He sets my suitcase down in the den to our left, then says, “We are leaving for the nursing home tonight. Grannie’s health has been declining, and I know she would really like to see us.”

  I rip my eyes from their packed bags and look back at the two of them, poised next to the screen door, ready to leave. A knife stabs at my heart. My mother avoids my eyes as she offers a feeble explanation, “They’re doing some sort of special dinner tomorrow night at the home.” She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, “We haven’t been to visit in a while, and now just seems like the right time.”