Carpet Diem

by Misty Simon

  “Is that all?” She smacked me on the arm. “I could have sworn you were going to say this was too much for us and call it quits. I want my hands on all this stuff. This place is going to shine when I’m done with it. Me and the ladies, that is.”

  I breathed out a sigh of relief. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath in and had been like a balloon about to pop. “Seriously? You’re not mad? I don’t want to cut out, but I have to help my dad as best I can.”

  “Tallie, I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. Go. Go now. I’ll talk to everyone, and they’ll all be fine with it. I’ll make sure. And if you want to spend some time with Max instead of coming back later, I guarantee you we can handle this ourselves. No problem.”

  “I feel horrible, though. This place is a mess.”

  She laughed and tapped me this time instead of socking my arm. “I’m telling you, it’s a challenge, and it’s going to be fine. Now go, and I’ll talk to everyone.”

  “You’re the best.”

  “And don’t you forget it, even when you become the queen of Squeegeedom, with a battalion of awesome women at your back.”

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed at the image of me standing with a squeegee held high, going into battle with my ladies armed with caddies. “Okay. Let me know if there are any issues, or if anyone needs to talk to me about why I left. I’m in this as much as you all are. I might write the checks, but I also do the work.” It still smarted that Mrs. Petrovski had said I was above all this and messed things up deliberately. But once we finished cleaning this house and showed her what we could do, then she’d have to eat her words. I’d tie the bib around her neck myself.

  In the meantime, I had a hearse to drive and some assistance to give to my father.

  I called him back on my way out to the car and told him when I’d be there. I’d have to go change first, I thought as I looked down at my grimy jeans and faded shirt. I could check in with Max as I buzzed through. I hoped that we could be together later. In the meantime, chauffeur duty was calling.

  Chapter Twelve

  Dressed in a black skirt and a jade-green top, I kissed Peanut good-bye and waved to Mr. Fleefers, who was sitting on top of the fridge. I didn’t know if he and the dog were having a fight or just taking some alone time, but as long as my apartment wasn’t destroyed, I wouldn’t worry about it.

  Max was still out at the job, so I simply texted him that I’d see him later and went to do my duty. The funeral parlor was a hive of chaos if you looked close enough. But if you didn’t know what you were looking for, then it looked like smooth sailing on a glass-clear lake.

  My father roamed the floor, fixing a tissue box and making one small adjustment to the arranged flowers in order to achieve perfection. My mother made sure all the chairs in the blue room were organized correctly and were aligned with the discreet marks on the floor that showed where they belonged, in order to provide enough leg room but still be intimate. Jeremy straightened his tie in the oval mirror in the foyer and then slicked his hair down.

  “Looking good, brother of mine. Where do you want me, and how long do you need me for?”

  I was completely not expecting him to grab my arm and drag me into the little alcove behind a big old urn of flowers that stood almost seven feet tall.

  “You have to help me. I don’t know what’s going on with Mom and Dad, but it’s like they’ve lost their minds. Mom is the one who double-booked us, and Dad agreed to have the deceased delivered without making sure we even have room in the basement. I had to run down and check that the space was open. It was, but only because another person we were supposed to get has been delayed for toxicology reports. I’m losing my mind here, Tallie, keeping track of them.”

  Uh-oh. This was where I resolutely did not get involved and instead encouraged everyone to hire a new helper.

  “When did this start?” I asked and wanted to slap myself on the forehead. What had happened to not getting involved? But this was my family. No matter how many squabbles we had had, and would have, I was not going to walk away if there were some serious issues going on. “Do we need to bring in Dylan?” My other brother was a groundskeeper and a landscaper, but Jeremy and I could count on him to help us in a pinch.

  “I don’t think so yet, but it’s not off the table. They both seem so scattered, and I don’t know what to do with them.” He blew out a breath and then straightened his already straight tie. “Thank you for coming in. I know you don’t want to be here, but I really appreciate it.” He walked away, and I watched his shoulders slump. Because he felt defeated or because he was sincerely relieved to have the help? I was going with the second one, for all our sakes.

  Jumping into the fray had never been so easy. Still, I took my mom upstairs and went over the calendar for the next few days to make sure there weren’t going to be any more issues. I also put myself down for hearse duty, as necessary, after noting other funerals were scheduled for the next few days but had no assigned driver, as one of the regulars was taking off those days and the other was on vacation. I texted Letty to let her know and was rewarded with a thumbs-up.

  I also texted Max to let him know I was going to be a little later than I had planned, and he responded with a thumbs-up too.

  Okay, then, things were running again. We could all breathe.

  I checked my black skirt and my standard jade-green shirt, which everyone at Graver’s Funeral Home wore, and trotted back down the steps in my low-heeled black pumps. I met my dad at the bottom of the staircase and smoothed down his comb-over, which was covering his ear.

  “What’s going on?” I knew this probably wasn’t the time to press the issue, but if he was here, and I was here, then maybe we could have a moment to talk.

  “We’ve had more deaths in the past few weeks than normal, that’s all. I just got caught up in wanting to make sure everyone was taken care of. Some of these contracts we’ve had since your grandfather ran the place. I can’t turn them away. I just can’t, no matter how stacked up the bodies get.”

  “Can you space the funerals out a little more?”

  “Not when there are religious reasons that make it impossible for a funeral to be on a different day.”

  There were a number of things I didn’t know about the business. The religious aspect was high up on that list, I admitted. I wouldn’t press about that now, because I didn’t need to know, and it was time to drive the big old behemoth of a hearse and play chauffeur.

  After adjusting the seat once I was in the shiny black boat, I waited for the casket to be loaded, made sure I knew which church I was taking it to, and then got on the road.

  It was extremely important to go the speed limit in this thing. I watched the speedometer, keeping the needle under forty-five once I got outside the borough. The church sat on a piece of property nestled in the hills south of town. My job would be to pull up to the front door, pull out and set up the cart, then wait for the helpers to unload the coffin. Not much else to do after that except wait for the ceremony to be over. As the driver, I didn’t have a part in the actual funeral, and that was fine with me.

  I figured I’d take the time to go over the events of the past two days and sort out what could have happened to Audra to lead to her murder and ending with her rolled up in a carpet, where that mystery wall was, and why Mrs. Petrovski seemed bent on selling several of her big assets in such a short time.

  Unloading went fine, and the cart rolled on well-oiled wheels. Squeaking was not an option with a Graver funeral. As much as my dad could be a pain, he always did right by those he served in his capacity as usher to the afterlife.

  As everyone went inside the church, I exchanged sad smiles with people I knew and brief nods with anyone who nodded at me. I kept my eyes forward and didn’t engage those who looked like they were about to fall apart, unless they came directly up to me.

  After everyone had filed into the church, I checked to make sure everything was clear and then got back into the hearse,
where I cranked up the heat and checked in with Letty. She sent me an emoticon of a smiley face sticking out its tongue and told me she had things under control. Fine, fine, fine.

  So now thinking . . . And there was a lot to think about. I had originally considered that she’d been pushed out the window, but figured now that the body must have been carried down the stairs instead of dropped from that height. The body would have been more damaged and the carpet would not have been so neatly arranged if it had been pushed out a window. So in my estimation, it had to have taken more than one person to get Audra not only wrapped up in a carpet but also down the stairs and then hoisted into the Dumpster. I didn’t know anyone big enough or strong enough to do that by themselves. Even my cousin wasn’t that buff, and he was a weight lifter. So two people, but who? I couldn’t think of any pair that had had it in for the sweet woman.

  Frustration bit me in the prefrontal cortex, so I moved on to the next thing, the wall. I didn’t even know where to start. How could a wall be there in a picture but not in real life? I’d had run-ins with secret doors and secret rooms, and with doors that you didn’t know were there or that you didn’t remember. But this was a completely different kind of thing. Scrolling through the pictures on my phone again, I just shook my head.

  I’d checked out the dimensions of that room with Burton, and I couldn’t fathom how a half wall would fit there, no matter what story the pictures from Bethany told. One wall of the room was also an outside wall, and it was as solid as anything else, since the interior walls were made out of horsehair plaster. Thank you, 1820s builders.

  An idea struck me at that moment. I pulled my phone out and checked the pictures again. Could the half wall I’d been looking for actually be some kind of half door instead of a wall? Something to ponder.

  But since the pictures weren’t clear enough to show if it was a door or wall, and I didn’t see any kind of doorknob, I moved on to the next thing, Mrs. Petrovski and her selling. Was she in trouble? Was she having financial issues? What exactly made her want to get rid of all her property at the same time? There would be wagging tongues if she decided to get rid of much of the property she’d inherited over the years. She had no children and had never married, so anything she did not sell would go to whomever she had deemed worthy in her will. Who was that? Preston Prescott? Another relative? All of the relatives?

  But if she did not intend simply to bequeath her property to her heir or heirs, then she had to be experiencing money problems? It had to be money problems, though I hadn’t heard anything about that, other than a faint whisper from Mama Shirley and Audra’s warning to cash any checks immediately. Of course, since I was no longer part of the upper crust in this area, it was possible that rumors were running rampant and no one thought I was worthy of hearing about it.

  Going from being married to Waldo and in the inner circle to being kicked out on my fanny had not been fun, but it had been so worth it, and I never regretted it a single day.

  I’d gotten lost in my world of questions and nonanswers for a little too long. The knock on the window and the frown on my brother’s face told me he’d been standing there for longer than he liked.

  After throwing my phone on the seat beside me, I hopped out of the hearse, then popped the back door open. A thunk was not the sound I had hoped to hear. Sure enough, the back door had knocked into the coffin, which was now sitting at the back of the hearse. My face flamed; I could feel the heat rising like I was being scalded with hot water. Instead, I was going to be scolded, just as soon as my brother got me alone.

  Fortunately, the rest of the funeral went by without a hitch. I was able to drop the casket off at the cemetery without any other issues, and by the time Jeremy got ahold of me, he’d obviously decided not to look this gift hearse in the mouth. He simply thanked me, yanked at his tie, and walked across the street to Gina’s.

  After running upstairs to change into jeans again, I followed behind him, hoping I could catch Mama Shirley, while Gina soothed whatever ills Jeremy was going to complain to her about.

  “Tallie, caffeine?” Mama Shirley called when I came through the door. She already had a steaming mug on the counter, and I was both pleased and surprised to see Max sitting next to it.

  “Oh, yes, please!” I sat down and laid my head on Max’s shoulder. He stroked his hand over my hair, then kissed my crown.

  “Long day?” he asked.

  “Uh-huh. And I still have no answers. I can’t seem to figure out why Mrs. Petrovski is on the warpath to sell everything she owns. Or am I just making too much out of two buildings being sold, the mansion and this additional house she gave us while we’re waiting for the mansion to be released from investigation? I have no idea how much she owns. Maybe she just doesn’t want to be a landlord. Or maybe she’s tired of paying all the taxes. Or maybe she wants a big vacation, including cabana boys, with her little Pomeranian, and it will cost an entire mansion to do it right.”

  He stroked my hair again. “I have no idea, but why don’t you put it away for the moment? We’ll go eat some dinner after you’re caffeinated and then call it a night in.”

  That sounded heavenly, except that I still had to check in with Letty and my crew to see how they were doing, and I should check back in with my parents to see what they were up to. I watched in the mirror behind the counter as Gina and Jeremy put their heads together and murmured to each other, holding hands. If Jeremy wasn’t concerned enough to go run after my parents, then I could take the night off, too. And with that last text from Letty, the one with the smiley face with the tongue sticking out and the assurance that she was handling everything just fine, I was pretty sure I could let that go, too. I had a whole month with Max, but I really wanted to spend it with him, instead of watching the days run by until they were gone.

  “We should take a walk after dinner,” I offered.

  “Anywhere in particular? Are there any leads you need to follow up on that can be handled with a walk around town?”

  I mock punched him in the arm, which got a smile from Mama Shirley as she sidled up to the counter.

  “Actually,” she said softly, “if you go on down to that house your girls are cleaning, you might be able to find out quite a bit of stuff. I heard that your friend Audra was supposed to clean it out and set up an auction of the furniture and valuables, but instead, she donated a few pieces of furniture to the community place and threw the rest of the stuff into the house next door.”

  “That would explain why it’s so packed.”

  “But apparently, she told Marg that she sold everything, and she even had bills of sale, so she could get her cut of the profits. She asked for them to be given to her before the buyers had even written their checks.”

  “That doesn’t sound like the Audra I knew.” I shifted in my seat, decidedly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. Mama Shirley was to be trusted, but nothing she was saying coincided with what I knew of the sweet woman who’d been found dead.

  “How well do you think you knew her?” Mama leaned farther over the counter and gave me the squinty-eyed look.

  My feathers got ruffled right then and there. I knew enough to know that she should have been able to live out the rest of her life in happiness, to be with her boyfriend, and to clean with wild abandon if that was what she wanted.

  Instead, I said, “I liked her a lot, and I think something really wrong must have happened. She didn’t have any rivals, she hadn’t done anything wrong, and someone cut her life off way too early. She was getting married and was so happy and nice. That’s all I need to know.”

  Mama leaned back against the counter behind her and crossed her arms over her chest. She fwapped her ever-present towel against her upper arm a few times, as if debating whether to tell me something I wouldn’t want to hear.

  I was pretty sure I didn’t want to hear anything except what I had just said. I was also positive that she was going to decide to tell me no matter how nicely I asked to be kept in
the dark.

  “I wasn’t going to tell you this . . .”

  “And you don’t have to now,” I said, jumping in when she paused.

  “It’s for your own good.”

  I hated when people said that. It was like telling me to eat kale or brussels sprouts, both of which I couldn’t stand.

  I kept my mouth shut, because she was going to tell me, anyway.

  “She was going after your jobs, hon, deliberately.”

  My mouth dropped open, but no words came out.

  “Stacia Covington came in the other day and was complaining about how Audra wouldn’t leave her alone about moving from your services to hers, because you weren’t good at what you do and you charged too much. Why have a girl do the job when a real cleaning woman could do it?” Mama Shirley’s face didn’t change. She wasn’t smiling, she wasn’t frowning, she didn’t look sad, but she looked resolute. Like she was telling me brussels sprouts were good for me, and I was going to eat them whether I wanted to or not. Just choke it down, Tallie.

  And I tried to. I clamped my lips together in an effort not to say anything, even though I felt like I was going to burst.

  “Betty Ann Justice came in, too, when she picked up her cake from my Gina. She said she received a mailing with very specific language against you. It stated that Audra would be more than willing to undercut your prices for anyone who would move over to her service. I think it was thirty percent off the life of the contract.”

  “Bah!” I finally released the breath I was holding in. “Both of those women have a nasty habit of telling lies, and they’re the kind of people whose checks I cash before I even go home. Betty Ann watches my every move, and Stacia lies on the couch, directing me to do all the things while eating bonbons and watching soaps.”