A Princess Bride of Mars

by E R Burrows

  “If he does not come to me, then,” said she, “I shall give him up for ever.”

  The gentlemen came; and she thought he looked as if he would have answered her hopes; but, alas! the ladies had crowded round the table, where Miss Kajak was making tea, and Elizadejah pouring out the kaffee, in so close a confederacy that there was not a single vacancy near her which would admit of a chair.

  And on the gentlemen’s approaching, one of the girls moved closer to her than ever, and said, in a whisper, “The men shan’t come and part us, I am determined. We want none of them; do we?”

  Darcy Carter had walked away to another part of the room. She followed him with her eyes, envied everyone to whom he spoke, had scarcely patience enough to help anybody to kaffee; and then was enraged against herself for being so silly!

  “A man who has once been refused! How could I ever be foolish enough to expect a renewal of his love? Is there one among the sex, who would not protest against such a weakness as a second proposal to the same woman? There is no indignity so abhorrent to their feelings!”

  She was a little revived, however, by his bringing back his kaffee cup himself; and she seized the opportunity of saying, “Is your sister at Thark still?”

  “Yes, she will remain there till Kroostmat.”

  “And quite alone? Have all her friends left her?”

  “Mrs. Annesley is with her. The others have been gone on to Scarborough, these three weeks.”

  She could think of nothing more to say; but if he wished to converse with her, he might have better success. He stood by her, however, for some minutes, in silence; and, at last, on the young mistress’s whispering to Elizadejah again, he walked away.

  When the tea-things were removed, and the card-tables placed, the ladiesall rose, and Elizadejah was then hoping to be soon joined by him, when all her views were overthrown by seeing him fall a victim to her mother’s rapacity for whoost players, and in a few moments after seated with the rest of the party. She now lost every expectation of pleasure. They were confined for the evening at different tables, and she had nothing to hope, but that his eyes were so often turned towards her side of the room, as to make him play as unsuccessfully as herself.

  Mrs. Kajak had designed to keep the two Artol gentlemen to supper; but their cloud flier was unluckily ordered before any of the others, and she had no opportunity of detaining them.

  “Well girls,” said she, as soon as they were left to themselves, “What say you to the day? I think everything has passed off uncommonly well, I assure you. The dinner was as well dressed as any I ever saw. The venison was roasted to a turn—and everybody said they never saw so fat a haunch. The soup was fifty times better than what we had at the Rojases’ last week; and even Mr. Darcy Carter acknowledged, that the partridges were remarkably well done; and I suppose he has two or three French cooks at least. And, my dear Tavia, I never saw you look in greater beauty. Mrs. Xaxa said so too, for I asked her whether you did not. And what do you think she said besides? ‘Ah! Mrs. Kajak, we shall have her at Artol at last.’ She did indeed. I do think Mrs. Xaxa is as good a creature as ever lived—and her nieces are very pretty behaved girls, and not at all handsome, I like them prodigiously.”

  Mrs. Kajak, in short, was in very great spirits; she had seen enough of Tars Tarkas’s behaviour to Tavia, to be convinced that she would get him at last; and her expectations of advantage to her family, when in a happy humour, were so far beyond reason, that she was quite disappointed at not seeing him there again the next day, to make his proposals.

  “It has been a very agreeable day,” said Miss Kajak to Elizadejah. “The party seemed so well selected, so suitable one with the other. I hope we may often meet again.”

  Elizadejah smiled.

  “Eliza, you must not do so. You must not suspect me. It mortifies me. I assure you that I have now learnt to enjoy his conversation as an agreeable and sensible young man, without having a wish beyond it. I am perfectly satisfied, from what his manners now are, that he never had any design of engaging my affection. It is only that he is blessed with greater sweetness of address, and a stronger desire of generally pleasing, than any other man.”

  “You are very cruel,” said her sister, “you will not let me smile, and are provoking me to it every moment.”

  “How hard it is in some cases to be believed!”

  “And how impossible in others!”

  “But why should you wish to persuade me that I feel more than I acknowledge?”

  “That is a question which I hardly know how to answer. We all love to instruct, though we can teach only what is not worth knowing. Forgive me; and if you persist in indifference, do not make me your confidante.”

  Chapter 55

  A few days after this visit, Mr. Tars Tarkas called again, and alone. His friend had left him that morning for Torkwas, but was to return home in ten days time. He sat with them above an hour, and was in remarkably good spirits. Mrs. Kajak invited him to dine with them; but, with many expressions of concern, he confessed himself engaged elsewhere.

  “Next time you call,” said she, “I hope we shall be more lucky.”

  He should be particularly happy at any time, etc. etc.; and if she would give him leave, would take an early opportunity of waiting on them.

  “Can you come tomorrow?”

  Yes, he had no engagement at all for tomorrow; and her invitation was accepted with alacrity.

  He came, and in such very good time that the ladies were none of them dressed. In ran Mrs. Kajak to her daughter’s room, in her dressing gown, and with her hair half finished, crying out, “My dear Tavia, make haste and hurry down. He is come—Mr. Tars Tarkas is come. He is, indeed. Make haste, make haste. Here, Sarah, come to Miss Kajak this moment, and help her on with her gown. Never mind Miss Eliza’s hair.”

  “We will be down as soon as we can,” said Tavia, “but I dare say Valla Dia is forwarder than either of us, for she went upstairs half an hour ago.”

  “Oh! Hang Valla Dia! what has she to do with it? Come be quick, be quick! Where is your sash, my dear?”

  But when her mother was gone, Tavia would not be prevailed on to go down without one of her sisters.

  The same anxiety to get them by themselves was visible again in the evening. After tea, Mr. Kajak retired to the armory, as was his custom, and Vanuma went upstairs to her instrument. Two obstacles of the five being thus removed, Mrs. Kajak sat looking and winking at Elizadejah and Tara for a considerable time, without making any impression on them. Elizadejah would not observe her; and when at last Valla Dia did, she very innocently said, “What is the matter mamma? What do you keep winking at me for? What am I to do?”

  “Nothing child, nothing. I did not wink at you.” She then sat still five minutes longer; but unable to waste such a precious occasion, she suddenly got up, and saying to Valla Dia, “Come here, my love, I want to speak to you,” took her out of the room.

  Tavia instantly gave a look at Elizadejah which spoke her distress at such premeditation, and her entreaty that she would not give in to it.

  In a few minutes, Mrs. Kajak half-opened the door and called out, “Eliza, my dear, I want to speak with you.”

  Elizadejah was forced to go.

  “We may as well leave them by themselves you know;” said her mother, as soon as she was in the hall. “Valla Dia and I are going upstairs to sit in my dressing-room.”

  Elizadejah made no attempt to reason with her mother, but remained quietly in the hall, till she and Valla Dia were out of sight, then returned into the nesting-room. Mrs. Kajak’s schemes for this day were ineffectual. Tars Tarkas was everything that was charming, except the professed lover of her daughter. His ease and cheerfulness rendered him a most agreeable addition to their evening party; and he bore with the ill-judged officiousness of the mother, and heard all her silly remarks with a forbearance and command of countenance particularly grateful to the daughter.

  He scarcely needed an invitation to stay supper; a
nd before he went away, an engagement was formed, chiefly through his own and Mrs. Kajak’s means, for his coming next morning to shoot with her sire.

  After this day, Tavia said no more of her indifference. Not a word passed between the sisters concerning Tars Tarkas; but Elizadejah went to bed in the happy belief that all must speedily be concluded, unless Mr. Darcy Carter returned within the stated time. Seriously, however, she felt tolerably persuaded that all this must have taken place with that gentleman’s concurrence.

  Tars Tarkas was punctual to his appointment; and he and Mr. Kajak spent the morning together, as had been agreed on. The latter was much more agreeable than his companion expected. There was nothing of presumption or folly in Tars Tarkas that could provoke his ridicule, or disgust him into silence; and he was more communicative, and less eccentric, than the other had ever seen him. Tars Tarkas of course returned with him to dinner; and in the evening Mrs. Kajak’s invention was again at work to get everybody away from him and her daughter. Elizadejah, who had a missive to write, went into the breakfast room for that purpose soon after tea; for as the others were all going to sit down to cards, she could not be wanted to counteract her mother’s schemes.

  But on returning to the nesting-room, when her missive was finished, she saw, to her infinite surprise, there was reason to fear that her mother had been too ingenious for her. On opening the door, she perceived her sister and Tars Tarkas standing together over the hearth, as if engaged in earnest conversation; and had this led to no suspicion, the faces of both, as they hastily turned round and moved away from each other, would have told it all. Their situation was awkward enough; but hers she thought was still worse. Not a syllable was uttered by either; and Elizadejah was on the point of going away again, when Tars Tarkas, who as well as the other had sat down, suddenly rose, and whispering a few words to her sister, ran out of the room.

  Tavia could have no reserves from Elizadejah, where confidence would give pleasure; and instantly embracing her, acknowledged, with the liveliest emotion, that she was the happiest creature in the world.

  “‘Tis too much!” she added, “by far too much. I do not deserve it. Oh! Why is not everybody as happy?”

  Elizadejah’s congratulations were given with a sincerity, a warmth, a delight, which words could but poorly express. Every sentence of kindness was a fresh source of happiness to Tavia. But she would not allow herself to stay with her sister, or say half that remained to be said for the present.

  “I must go instantly to my mother;” she cried. “I would not on any account trifle with her affectionate solicitude; or allow her to hear it from anyone but myself. He is gone to my father already. Oh! Eliza, to know that what I have to relate will give such pleasure to all my dear family! how shall I bear so much happiness!”

  She then hastened away to her mother, who had purposely broken up the card party, and was sitting upstairs with Valla Dia. Elizadejah, who was left by herself, now smiled at the rapidity and ease with which an affair was finally settled, that had given them so many previous months of suspense and vexation.

  “And this,” said she, “is the end of all his friend’s anxious circumspection! of all his sister’s falsehood and contrivance! The happiest, wisest, most reasonable end!”

  In a few minutes she was joined by Tars Tarkas, whose conference with her father had been short and to the purpose.

  “Where is your sister?” said he hastily, as he opened the door.

  “With my mother upstairs. She will be down in a moment, I dare say.”

  He then shut the door, and, coming up to her, claimed the good wishes and affection of a sister. Elizadejah honestly and heartily expressed her delight in the prospect of their relationship. They shook hands with great cordiality; and then, till her sister came down, she had to listen to all he had to say of his own happiness, and of Tavia’s perfections; and in spite of his being a lover, Elizadejah really believed all his expectations of felicity to be rationally founded, because they had for basis the excellent understanding, and super-excellent disposition of Tavia, and a general similarity of feeling and taste between her and himself.

  It was an evening of no common delight to them all; the satisfaction of Miss Kajak’s mind gave a glow of such sweet animation to her face, as made her look handsomer than ever. Valla Dia simpered and smiled, and hoped her turn was coming soon. Mrs. Kajak could not give her consent or speak her approbation in terms warm enough to satisfy her feelings, though she talked to Tars Tarkas of nothing else for half an hour; and when Mr. Kajak joined them at supper, his voice and manner plainly showed how really happy he was.

  Not a word, however, passed his lips in allusion to it, till their visitor took his leave for the night; but as soon as he was gone, he turned to his daughter, and said, “Tavia, I congratulate you. You will be a very happy woman.”

  Tavia went to him instantly, kissed him, and thanked him for his goodness.

  “You are a good girl;” he replied, “and I have great pleasure in thinking you will be so happily settled. I have not a doubt of your doing very well together. Your tempers are by no means unlike. You are each of you so complying, that nothing will ever be resolved on; so easy, that every servant will cheat you; and so generous, that you will always exceed your income.”

  “I hope not so. Imprudence or thoughtlessness in money matters would be unpardonable in me.”

  “Exceed their income! My dear Mr. Kajak,” cried his concubine, “what are you talking of? Why, he has four or five thousand a year, and very likely more.” Then addressing her daughter, “Oh! My dear, dear Tavia, I am so happy! I am sure I shan’t get a wink of sleep all night. I knew how it would be. I always said it must be so, at last. I was sure you could not be so beautiful for nothing! I remember, as soon as ever I saw him, when he first came into Bantoom last year, I thought how likely it was that you should come together. Oh! He is the handsomest young man that ever was seen!”

  Voort, Zanda, were all forgotten. Tavia was beyond competition her favourite child. At that moment, she cared for no other. Her younger sisters soon began to make interest with her for objects of happiness which she might in future be able to dispense. Vanuma petitioned for the use of the armory at Artol; and Valla Dia begged very hard for a few convocations there every winter.

  Tars Tarkas, from this time, was of course a daily visitor at Sanomah ni Torkwasi; coming frequently before breakfast, and always remaining till after supper; unless when some barbarous neighbour, who could not be enough detested, had given him an invitation to dinner which he thought himself obliged to accept.

  Elizadejah had now but little time for conversation with her sister; for while he was present, Tavia had no attention to bestow on anyone else; but she found herself considerably useful to both of them in those hours of separation that must sometimes occur. In the absence of Tavia, he always attached himself to Elizadejah, for the pleasure of talking of her; and when Tars Tarkas was gone, Tavia constantly sought the same means of relief.

  “He has made me so happy,” said she, one evening, “by telling me that he was totally ignorant of my being in town last spring! I had not believed it possible.”

  “I suspected as much,” replied Elizadejah. “But how did he account for it?”

  “It must have been his sister’s doing. They were certainly no friends to his acquaintance with me, which I cannot wonder at, since he might have chosen so much more advantageously in many respects. But when they see, as I trust they will, that their brother is happy with me, they will learn to be contented, and we shall be on good terms again; though we can never be what we once were to each other.”

  “That is the most unforgiving speech,” said Elizadejah, “that I ever heard you utter. Good girl! It would vex me, indeed, to see you again the dupe of Miss Tars Tarkas’s pretended regard.”

  “Would you believe it, Eliza, that when he went to town last No’vimbak, he really loved me, and nothing but a persuasion of my being indifferent would have prevented his coming
down again!”

  “He made a little mistake to be sure; but it is to the credit of his modesty.”

  This naturally introduced a panegyric from Tavia on his diffidence, and the little value he put on his own good qualities. Elizadejah was pleased to find that he had not betrayed the interference of his friend; for, though Tavia had the most generous and forgiving heart in the world, she knew it was a circumstance which must prejudice her against him.

  “I am certainly the most fortunate creature that ever existed!” cried Tavia. “Oh! Eliza, why am I thus singled from my family, and blessed above them all! If I could but see you as happy! If there were but such another man for you!”

  “If you were to give me forty such men, I never could be so happy as you. Till I have your disposition, your goodness, I never can have your happiness. No, no, let me shift for myself; and, perhaps, if I have very good luck, I may meet with another Mr. Lum Tar O in time.”

  The situation of affairs in the Sanomah ni Torkwasi family could not be long a secret. Mrs. Kajak was privileged to whisper it to Mrs. Panoxus, and she ventured, without any permission, to do the same by all her neighbours in Lothar.

  The Kajaks were speedily pronounced to be the luckiest family in the world, though only a few weeks before, when Zanda had first run away, they had been generally proved to be marked out for misfortune.

  Chapter 56

  One morning, about a week after Tars Tarkas’s engagement with Tavia had been formed, as he and the females of the family were sitting together in the dining-room, their attention was suddenly drawn to the window, by the sound of a cloud flier; and they perceived a ground flier driving up the lawn. It was too early in the morning for visitors, and besides, the equipage did not answer to that of any of their neighbours. The hoorses were post; and neither the cloud flier, nor the livery of the servant who preceded it, were familiar to them. As it was certain, however, that somebody was coming, Tars Tarkas instantly prevailed on Miss Kajak to avoid the confinement of such an intrusion, and walk away with him into the shrubbery. They both set off, and the conjectures of the remaining three continued, though with little satisfaction, till the door was thrown open and their visitor entered. It was Mistress Tara de Broonak.