Hearing Cyan chuckle, he opened his eyes and put the cup on the table. “Don’t stop on my account. There’s something about that freshly made coffee scent. God, I love it.”
Alex nodded. “Me, too.”
“So, what’s Mom shown you around here?”
Alex blinked and pursed his lips. “Here?”
“Just here?” Alex nodded. “Well, I’ll be speaking to her later. I can’t believe she hasn’t taken you to Tiff’s place.”
“Tiff?”
“Yeah, she’s like our chocolate connoisseur. Her shop is called All Things Sweet. She makes the most incredible chocolate.” Cyan licked his lips, and Alex chuckled again. “Oh my god, her chocolate is amazing. She does this chocolate bunny.” Cyan moaned, and Alex’s eyes widened.
If he sounded like this over chocolate, how would he sound while having sex? And why the fuck was he thinking about Cyan and sex?
“You sure like your chocolate,” he mumbled, trying to get his mind off the sounds Cyan was making.
“You don’t?” Cyan asked aghast. “Say it’s not true. I thought you liked chocolate.”
“I do, but not to the extent you clearly do.”
Cyan laughed. “Just wait till you’ve met Deacon. He’s a wolf shifter. You would have to be brave or stupid to get between him and his chocolate. Mom made some chocolate cake the other night, and I’m not joking when I say he had half of it, and it was this big!” Cyan held his hands out as wide as he could, with his mouth dropping open, causing Alex to chuckle again.
“That’s a lot.”
“It is! Greedy wolf.” Cyan shook his head sadly. “I got a teeny tiny piece. Look at me, Alex; I need more than that, don’t I?”
Alex gulped and nodded. Oh, he was looking all right, and he didn’t like the way he was reacting. He had sworn off men for life, yet here was Cyan making him reassess that decision. No, he was right. He was so much more than just a hole to fuck. No one was using him again.
“Hey. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Cyan frowned, and Alex shook his head. Stupid scent thing. “Okay. I was thinking about the past, and no, I’m not going to talk about it.”
Cyan shrugged. “That’s up to you. I’m not gonna push you into doing something you don’t want to.”
“Really?”
“Nothing worse than people thinking they know what’s best for you. I agree that it is good to talk, but forcing someone to do so isn’t gonna help. When you’re ready, I’m here if you need me, and if that’s never, then so be it.”
Alex smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”
Their cake arrived, and Cyan pushed his plate over. “Eat up, Alex. I want to show you Tiff’s place.”
By the time they made it back to his apartment, Alex was tired but felt so much better than he had before. Cyan had been right about getting out of his apartment, and Tiff’s place had been amazing. Alex had stood transfixed by the chocolate fountain until Cyan had given him some chocolate covered strawberries. They tasted like heaven, and he couldn’t wait to eat them again.
He liked Cyan. The guy made him laugh and didn’t put any pressure on him. He listened when Alex spoke and told him stories of his family and growing up in Salutem. This place sounded wonderful, but it wasn’t a place that Alex was going to stay and make his home.
He knew his time here was coming to an end, and even though a part of him would be sad to leave, he was ready to go. It was leaving Cyan that left him feeling achy and confused. He didn’t know him, not really, but something about him made him want to stay.
They stood outside his apartment door, and Alex avoided looking at Cyan. He felt too awkward.
“So, um, thanks.”
“My pleasure. Here,” Cyan gave him a piece of paper. “That’s got my cell phone number on it in case you need anything.”
Alex took it and shoved it in his pocket. “Thanks.”
“I had fun. Let me know if you want to do this again.” Cyan smiled then gave him a small wave and jogged down the stairs.
Alex let himself in, shutting the door behind him, before leaning back against it and closing his eyes. “Cyan,” he whispered.
What was it about Cyan that made Alex feel the way he did?
Chapter Eight
The pencil lay limp in his hand, forgotten, as Cyan stared out of the window and watched the world pass him by. The work he had to complete lay unfinished. He only had one thing on his mind. Well, one person really. His mate, Alex.
He’d snooped into Alex’s file and knew the physical abuse he’d suffered at the vampire’s hands. The cuts and bruises, the scars that littered his body, the condition they’d left his neck in after repeatedly biting him there.
Cyan knew he’d been raped repeatedly. Knew most of the men and women held captive by the vampires had. Knew from some of the statements he’d seen exactly what the vampires had been done to them. What had been done to Alex, too.
Funny how the former vampire council had hated gays but had no problem screwing a man who was their slave. If they weren’t already dead, Cyan would be hunting them down to do the job himself. Alex had suffered so much, and even though Cyan hadn’t known he’d existed at the time, it still made him feel like he was a poor excuse for a mate, not having been there to protect him.
He sighed and sat back in his chair, letting the pencil fall from his grasp as he rubbed a hand over his face. He was tired. He’d slept poorly, spending the night tossing and turning, going over everything he knew about Alex.
Normally, drawing and designing was enough to distract him from anything going on in his life, but today, it was doing a poor job. Nothing held his attention long enough to stop him from thinking about Alex. His wonderful, wounded mate.
What could he do to make life better for him? How could he protect him? Questions he didn’t know the answers to and wouldn’t until he knew his mate better than he did now. Slow steps but god, they were frustrating, and his mind kept going around and around in circles, trying to put all the pieces together.
You need to stop thinking about this. It won’t change anything.
Cyan winced. Sorry, Teal. Didn’t know I was broadcasting.
You’re not. It’s a twin thing. Going over the past won’t change the present. Being there for him now will. Listen to him, be there when he asks, and wait for him to make the first move.
Cyan’s eyebrows almost shot off his face. Holy shit. Where did my shithead of a brother go?
Fuck off, Cy. I’m only telling you what you already know.
Cyan sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. The waiting sucks.
Yeah, it does.
Cyan winced again. Sorry. Your mate will come to you. Just you wait.
He will, and I can’t wait to meet him. You’re the first one of us to find our mate. I’m really happy for you.
But jealous, too.
Yeah, I am. I’ll be home in an hour or so. What’s cooking?
Beef stew. Mom’s recipe before you ask.
Great! Speak later.
Cyan picked up his pencil and stared at the design in front of him. The town was looking into building more houses and apartments as more of their kind came to live there. Indigo had asked Cyan to come up with some ideas that would fit in with the architecture of the town.
He was lucky that he had plenty of work. Between Salutem and Morefield Village, he was kept busy, and he enjoyed his job. Listening to people describe what they wanted and being able to put pencil to paper and come up with a design they fell in love with was a wonderful experience. Maybe, one day, Alex would be here with him. Maybe, one day, Alex would have a job he loved.
Shaking his head, Cyan dropped the pencil. He wasn’t going to accomplish anything right then; he was too distracted. He walked out of his study and into the kitchen. He needed a drink. His mind was not on the job at hand. Only one person occupied his thoughts.
Grabbing a can of beer from the fridge, Cyan was about to open it when his cell rang. Picking it up
, he frowned when he didn’t recognize the number on the screen. Maybe it was a new client.
Answering, he said, “Hello.”
“Is this Cyan?” A timid voice asked, one that Cyan recognized instantly.
Smiling, he answered. “Alex. What’s up?”
“It’s stupid,” he whispered.
“Nah, it isn’t.”
“I locked myself out, and no one is answering their doors.”
“Okay. I’ll head over and help you get in. Just stay outside your apartment. I’ll be about ten minutes.”
“Okay. I’m sorry for bothering you.”
“Don’t apologize. I’ve done the same thing. I’m on my way now.”
Cyan grinned as he left his home and jumped into his truck. His mate had called him when he needed help, and Cyan was ecstatic. It meant Alex felt safe enough to reach out to him. Safe enough to contact him and ask for his help. Small steps, but all in the right direction.
❊❊❊
He felt so stupid! How on earth does a grown man lock himself out of his home? He was certain he’d picked up his keys before he’d left. He was only going for a walk around the block. He wasn’t up to doing more on his own. He was nowhere near ready to walk into town on his own and face god knows how many strangers looking at him.
He stared at the stubborn door that refused to open no matter how much he glared at it. He was really annoyed. At himself, at the door, at life in general.
His shoulders slumped, and he sighed deeply. Was this his life now? One mess after another? It felt that the door was some weird metaphor about what a mess he was, like the locked door was parts of his life he couldn’t access anymore. Like going out on his own or talking to strangers. He could do those things before, but now? No, now he could barely walk around the block.
He wanted to scream out his frustration at the world. Scream and scream until he couldn’t do it anymore, but if he did that, then people would witness his breakdown, and he didn’t want that either. God, he was a mess, but for some unknown reason Cyan helped. Or being around Cyan helped. He wasn’t sure which one it was—or if it was really both. There was something about that man that settled Alex. It confused and scared him.
He stared at the clock. Another five minutes and he would be here, and Alex would feel safe again. Another stupid reaction to a man he barely knew. Well, a shifter, to be precise. A man who could change in to an animal. A cat but Alex didn’t know which one. He’d thought he was a vampire at first, but it hadn’t taken him long to realize what this town really was.
He knew there was a village close by where wolf shifters lived and that they had close ties to Salutem. Made sense considering they hadn’t revealed their existence to the world and needed to protect their secrets. Alex didn’t know why. The vampires were out and integrated into human society, but the shifters had remained hidden.
Not that it mattered to him. He was barely managing to get through each day. Some days, just getting up out of bed was a struggle, but he knew Anna would come over and kick his butt if she caught him wallowing around.
She didn’t do pity and had told him bluntly to suck it up and start living life. He was lucky he’d survived what they’d done to him, because many hadn’t, and here he was, tarnishing them somehow by living like a hermit.
When she’d spoken to him about getting out there and living his life, he’d sat and stared at her wide eyed, slowly nodding as she’d finished. She was a force to be reckoned with that lady, but she loved her family fiercely and somehow, she had included him in her family too.
He heard the door to the street open and footsteps jog up the stairs. He turned to see Cyan coming toward him with a smile on his face, and Alex automatically took a step back and winced.
Cyan waved a key in his hand, then opened the door. “Ta da!”
Alex felt a smile tug at his lips. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“You are welcome.” Cyan bowed, causing Alex to chuckle.
“Do you want a drink?” It was the right thing to do considering Cyan had come over to help him.
“That would be great. Thanks, Alex, but only if you’re comfortable.”
“It’s okay.” Alex walked in, aware of Cyan following. He glanced over his shoulder at him then went into his small kitchen, watching as Cyan walked over to the window.
“Coffee?”
“Yes, please. Milk, no sugar please.”
“I remember.”
Cyan grinned, and Alex wanted to return it. What was it about Cyan that made him feel this way?
“Nice view.”
“Why do I feel like this?” Alex gasped and slapped his hand over his mouth. Shit, he hadn’t meant to voice his thoughts out loud like that.
Cyan grimaced as he looked at him and then sighed. “Let’s have our coffee, and then we can talk.”
“I think we should talk now.” The look on Cyan’s face scared Alex.
“Alex...”
Cyan looked uncomfortable, but Alex didn’t care; he needed to know what was on Cyan’s mind. Something was going on, and he needed to know right now. Cyan was going to tell him whether he wanted to or not.
“Tell me,” he demanded.
“I think we should wait until you’re ready.”
“I’m ready now. Tell me, Cyan. Why do I feel like this about you?”
Cyan faced him from across the room. “How do you feel?”
“Safe. Comfortable. You’re the first person I called.”
“There is a reason for it, but we should wait—”
“No, now,” Alex demanded. “I want to know now.”
Cyan stepped closer, his eyes watching Alex. “We’re mates.”
Alex gasped and backed away until his back hit the wall behind him. “Mates?”
“You’ve heard of mates? You know what they are to each other?” Alex nodded. “Well, you and I have that connection. The reason you feel the way you do around me is because we’re mates. You and me.”
Alex shook his head vigorously, ignoring the pained look that crossed Cyan’s face. “No,” he whispered.
“This is why I wanted to wait. You’re not ready—”
“I’ll never be ready!” Alex shouted. “I don’t want a mate! I don’t want anyone. Never again.”
“Alex,” Cyan pleaded. “Come and sit down, and we can talk. I know you’re upset, but we need to talk about this.”
“No. You need to go.”
“Please, Alex. This is a shock to you. After everything you’ve been through, this is probably the last thing you expected.”
“I think you should go.”
“If we could just talk... sort this out. Please, Alex. I only have one mate, and you’re him.”
“I said no! And I told you to get out.”
“Alex—”
“Get out! Get out!” Alex screamed the words, ignoring the look on Cyan’s face. No, never again. Never again would he allow someone to touch him.
Chapter Nine
Cyan stepped back as Alex lurched forward. He raised his hands to cover his face when Alex grabbed a frying pan and hurled it at him. Tears ran down Alex’s face, and Cyan’s heart broke. He held his hands up, palms toward Alex, hoping he could calm him down.
Alex kept screaming, but Cyan couldn’t understand a word he was shouting, his words becoming garbled nonsense as fear took over. Cyan could see Alex physically shake, his body shuddering violently, and he couldn’t do anything to help.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Alex barged past him and fell to the floor. He just crumbled like he had no more strength in his body. Cyan got down on the floor with him and crawled closer.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, afraid to speak louder than that.
“No,” Alex muttered, shaking his head.
“I don’t know—”
“I’m never letting anyone touch me again.”
Cyan swallowed and blinked back tears stinging his eyes. “Let’s talk—”
Alex
glared at him. “Are you fucking deaf?”
Cyan sucked in a breath. “Alex, please—”
“Which part of no touching don’t you understand?”
Cyan bit his lip and remained silent. Maybe if he didn’t say anything, Alex would calm down, and they could talk.
Viridian! He reached out to his brother.
What’s up? I can feel how tense you are.
It’s Alex. I told him we’re mates.
Well, that was a stupid thing to do.
He asked, Cyan snapped back. I’m not lying to my mate.
And now your mate is freaking out. Sometimes telling a white lie is better than being honest, especially when the person is in no position to face the truth.
Okay, we can discuss it later, but how do I get him to calm down? He’s all over the place.
Stay still and keep your fucking mouth shut. Let him work his way through his.
Okay, I can do that.
Don’t speak, Cyan. Zip those lips.
Cyan nodded and watched Alex rock back and forth, tears streaming down his face. He kept shaking his head and mumbling no, over and over again. Cyan wasn’t sure how much more he could take.
This was his mate in front of him, falling apart, and Cyan felt helpless.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered again.
“I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a mate.”
Cyan stayed where he was, waiting for Alex to work through the tumult of emotions Cyan could feel rushing through his body. They were so strong, Cyan thought he could reach out and touch them. They almost felt like waves pulsing around Alex’s body.
Cyan closed his eyes, his head dropping. There was nothing he could do to help Alex, and it was killing him inside to witness his mate suffering like this. He was a fucking idiot. Viridian was right. He should have kept his big fat mouth shut.
He’d caused this; he’d made Alex feel this way. Of course, Alex wasn’t ready. It wasn’t too long ago he’d been a prisoner who had been abused constantly. He needed to work through that before he could even begin to contemplate a life with someone, let alone a mate.
What He Needs (Salutem Book 1) Page 5