Yon Ill Wind

by Anthony, Piers

  They took places at a huge table. Dad, Mom, and Sean were absorbed in deep discussion with the King and Queen, not paying attention to anything else, which was a good sign. They didn’t notice when a maid brought chocolate pies and chocolate milk for Karen and David, and dishes of dog, cat, and bird treats for the pets. Jenny Elf joined them, having some pie herself. And her cat, Sammy, joined the pets, seeming to get along well enough with Midrange.

  Soon they were full to bursting with pie. Boredom was hovering like a specter. The adults remained oblivious. “What’s there to do around this joint?” David asked in his crude boyish way.

  “Joint?” Jenny Elf asked, perplexed. “Joy’nt Bones is not here.”

  “A Mundane term for a lovely castle,” Karen said quickly, shooting a dark look at her half brother. Sometimes she wished he were a quarter brother, or eighth brother.

  “Would you like to meet the children?” Jenny asked.

  “No!” David said. He was Being Difficult.

  “No, he would rather see the Magic Tapestry,” Karen clarified. “But I would love to meet the children.”

  “Right this way,” Jenny said. She set off across the hall, and they followed her, and the four animals followed them, and the adults never noticed their departure.

  Jenny showed them upstairs to a pleasant room. There on the wall was a huge Tapestry, depicting endless scenes of Xanth. “It will show anything you want,” she explained. “Just concentrate.”

  David concentrated. Suddenly the entire Tapestry went dark and stormy, with angry flickers of lightning. There was the odor of burning hemp, and a faint fuzzy image of a pair of scorched panties.

  “Except Adult Conspiracy stuff,” Jenny added.

  “Oh.” David did not look pleased. It was all Karen could do to keep from giggling. Served him right!

  Midrange looked at the Tapestry. It clarified into a picture of the cat-a-pult, a monstrous cat with a basket on its tail. Then Woofer looked at it, and a pack of wolves appeared, turning human as they came upon a human village. Then Tweeter looked, and the Tapestry sky filled with great birds, orienting on some hapless land-bound creature below.

  Jenny drew Karen away. “That will amuse them for some time,” she whispered. “Sammy will find more interesting things for them, if they don’t. He can find anything but home.”

  But Tweeter saw them going, and flew to rejoin Karen. That pleased her.

  They went to another room, and received a cheery “Come in!” in response. They went in, and there was Princess Electra braiding the hair of two sweet little girls not a whole lot younger than Karen herself. One had golden light hair, and the other had shadowy dark hair.

  “These are Electra’s children, Dawn and Eve,” Jenny said. “Dawn can tell anything about any living thing, and Eve can tell anything about any inanimate thing. They are both Sorceresses.”

  “Hi Dawn; Hi Eve,” Karen said. She was amazed that they could be Electra’s, because Electra seemed so young and carefree.

  The two little girls turned suddenly shy, letting half a titter escape. Electra smiled. “They don’t see many little girls here. Ask them to tell you about something animate or inanimate.”

  “What about my bird?” Karen asked.

  Dawn smiled and lifted her hand. Tweeter flew to it. “Oh! You are from beyond Xanth,” the girl said. “You were hatched from the third egg in your mother’s nest and taken to a nasty cage, where Karen rescued you, two years ago.” It was clear by the bird’s reaction that this was accurate. “Since then you have been happy, except that she goes away every day and leaves you in a cage.”

  “I have to go to school,” Karen protested. “I’d rather take Tweeter with me, but the school won’t let me.”

  Tweeter nodded, forgiving her, and flew back to her hair. Now Karen dug into her pocket and brought out her nylon comb. She passed it to Eve.

  The girl focused on the comb. “You are strange,” she said. “You started as a blob of goo buried deep in the ground, until a big pipe sucked you up, and you got run through something like a dragon’s gut and then got squeezed out into the form you have now. Karen found you in a drawer with many other combs just like you, but now you are the only one for her. Once she lost you under the—under a moving house—but found you the next morning. You have combed out forty-one snarls, a hundred and forty-two tangles, and several thousand curls, but are ready for more. None of them lived, for some reason.”

  Karen was impressed. She hadn’t counted the snarls and tangles, but the numbers sounded right. And she had indeed once lost the comb under the RV, and found it by chance in the morning. Eve had gotten all that just from holding the comb for a moment. “The snarls and tangles didn’t live because they weren’t in Xanth,” she explained. “In Mundania, they are just pulled hair.”

  “Oooo,” both twins said with big-eyed horror.

  “Why don’t you girls go see the triplets?” Electra suggested. “I have to get princessly.”

  “Sure!” the twins said together, and dashed for the door. All their shyness had vanished after they demonstrated their talents. Jenny and Karen followed.

  They went to another room. There was a big basket swinging gently from a tripod. In it were three little babies. “These are Melody, Harmony, and Rhythm,” Jenny said. “They are too young to show their talents, but we found out anyway. Whatever they sing and play together will become real. When they are separate, their individual talents will be less. But since they’ll mostly be together, it’s a very strong talent. The centaur tutors will have a time making them behave!”

  “That’s a lot of magic,” Karen said, impressed.

  “Hello.” It was an adult woman whose waist-length hair was light and very faintly green.

  “Oh, hi, Princess Ivy,” Jenny said. “We were just admiring the triplets the stork brought you. This is Karen Mundane.”

  “So I gathered,” Ivy said. “With a bird.”

  “He’s Tweeter,” Karen explained shyly. “My brothers have a dog named Woofer and a cat named Midrange, so—” But she saw that the woman didn’t understand. “They’re Mundane words.”

  “I can see why the dog and cat would be named as you have them,” Ivy said. “But shouldn’t the cat be Meower?”

  Karen tried again. “In Mundania, a speaker system—that is, something that makes sounds—has a big cone called a woofer, and a small cone called a tweeter, and a middle cone called a midrange. So—”

  “Oh, I see!” Ivy exclaimed. “Midrange. How clever.” But she seemed a bit uncertain.

  “Let’s go see Demonica,” Dawn said brightly.

  “Yes, she’s more fun,” Eve said darkly.

  They headed for another room. Karen paused. “’Bye, Mrs. Ivy,” she said politely.

  “You’re welcome,” the Princess said with an obscure smile as they left.

  “When it’s the wrong time of the month, we call her Poison Ivy,” Jenny confided in a whisper. Karen would have laughed, but she wasn’t sure it was funny. What did the time of the month have to do with anything, unless it meant a holiday?

  Demonica turned out to be the half-demon daughter of Prince Demon Vore, whom they had seen downstairs, and Princess Nada Naga, a woman who would have popped Sean’s eyes right out of their smoking sockets. She was rocking her baby as they entered, but was willing to let Karen hold her. “But aren’t you afraid I’ll drop her?” Karen asked.

  “No, she would just bounce back up,” Nada said.

  Karen was set back. “Is that a joke?”

  Nada smiled. “No. Demonica’s demon heritage prevents her from being physically harmed by such things. She can become tenuous or solid, as she chooses. She can’t do it as rapidly as her father can, of course, but it does protect her. However, I agree; it is better not to drop her.”

  “She’s cute,” Karen said, taking the baby. Already Demonica was changing shape, in the way Karen was coming to understand. Her face was growing larger and her body smaller, until finally she was no
thing but a head. Then she became light, and floated out of Karen’s arms.

  Dawn caught her. “I told you she was fun,” she said. “I could tell you everything about her, but everyone already knows. She’ll be even more fun when she’s old enough to play.” She rocked the baby in her arms.

  “I don’t want to ask something stupid,” Karen said. “But—”

  “Stupid things are the most fun,” Eve said.

  That emboldened her. “There seem to be a lot of Princes and Princesses and little girls here. Is it always this way?”

  “That is not a stupid question,” Nada said, laughing. “No, it is unusual. When we received news of the developing storm, we all felt that the children and babies should be brought to the safest place in Xanth. So we all came to Castle Roogna, which is enchanted to protect its occupants, especially royal ones. So Grey and Ivy came from the Good Magician’s castle, and Vore and I came from my father, Nabob’s, cave, and of course, Electra and the twins were here to begin with. This is really our first reunion since the deliveries. Ivy, Electra, and I have been great friends since we were girls.”

  “Oh. I should have realized.”

  “You had no way to know, dear. Now, as to why all our offspring are female—that does seem curious. We think it is just coincidence, and that there will be males in due course. But we’re happy with what we have.”

  “So are we,” Dawn said. “Boys are a pain.”

  Karen laughed, agreeing. “I should know. I have two brothers.”

  There was a swirl of smoke. Two eyes appeared in it. “I resent that,” the smoke said.

  “Hi, Mentia,” one of the twins said. “You came in too late. We weren’t calling you a pain.”

  “We were calling boys a pain,” the other said.

  “That’s what I heard,” the smoke said, forming into a beautiful woman with her dress on sideways. Karen wasn’t sure how that was possible, but it was the case. “Seeing as how the stork brought my better half a boy.”

  “A boy?” Karen asked.

  The women looked at her. “You’re new here, aren’t you? So you don’t know how my better half, Metria, moved half of Xanth to get the attention of the stork last year, and finally served it with a magic summons, so it had to deliver. So now she has Ted, on whom she dotes. He will grow up to love children too. Disgusting.”

  Karen managed to put it together. Demon Mentia—dementia. She was a bit crazy, as her clothing indicated. Demon Ted—demented. Demon Vore—devour. She laughed. These demons had a certain sense of word, just as the imps did.

  “What brings you here, Mentia?” Nada inquired. “Were you curious about how the other half-demon baby was doing?”

  “That, too,” Mentia said. “They should be great playmates. Maybe they’ll grow up and marry one day. But I came here because I was summoned. It seems Xanth needs me.”

  “Xanth certainly needs something,” Nada agreed. “But I’m not sure it’s a crazy demoness. We already have too much madness stirring up.”

  “Madness? That’s it, then. The madder the environment, the saner I get.”

  Nada nodded. “So that’s it. Then you had better go see the King; they’ve been waiting for you.”

  “Pronto,” the demoness agreed, vanishing in another puff of smoke.

  “We had better go down too,” Jenny said. “That means the journey to Mount Rushmost is about to start.”

  They left the children and hurried into the hall. A regal young woman was approaching from the stairway. She was just about perfect in every way, but there was something odd about her. “Oh, hi, Princess Ida!” Jenny said. “This is Karen Mundane.”

  “Yes, I just met her family,” Ida said. “I was coming to fetch you down, Karen.”

  “But I don’t need a Princess to guide me,” Karen protested, embarrassed. The oddness was related to the woman’s head.

  Ida smiled. “Think nothing of it. Right now there are so many Princesses in the castle that we are having to find ways to make ourselves useful.”

  Karen finally identified the oddness. There was something moving around the Princess’s head. It looked like a Ping-Pong ball. “Princess, if you don’t mind my asking—”

  “You are curious about my moon,” Ida said, not at all offended. “It arrived last year, and I didn’t have the heart to send it away. It’s really no trouble, and it reflects my moods. You may look at it if you wish, but don’t try to touch it, for it will avoid you.” She angled her head so that the plane of the moon’s orbit swung down, and Karen got a good look. The surface was sunny, with little seas and land masses showing. There were islands and continents, and ice caps at the poles. A little cloud bank came into view as the moon turned, and there was a rainstorm over one section. It was a complete world in itself.

  “Oh, how cute!” Karen exclaimed—and the moon brightened. “What’s it called?”

  “Why, we don’t have a name for it,” Ida said, surprised. “What do you think it should be called?”

  “Gee, I don’t know,” Karen said, pondering. Then she had such a bright idea that a bulb flashed over her head, brightening the moon further. “Back in Mundania there’s an asteroid called Ida, and it has a little moon, and I learned in school how they named it Dactyl, which means something or other. But since this isn’t that, it needs another name. So let’s call it Ptero.”

  “Terra?” Jenny asked. “What a funny name!”

  “No, its got a funny spelling. Pee-tee-ee-rr-o. That’s why I like it. You see, there’s this sort of dragonlike flying reptile that used to exist, called a pterodactyl, and this is a flying moon, so—”

  “That’s a wonderful idea,” Ida said. “Moon, do you like that name?”

  The moon did a little dance of pleasure. Karen hoped it didn’t shake its raincloud off.

  “So Ptero it is,” Ida said. “Thank you for the idea, Karen. I would not have been able to think of it myself.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you—” Karen started to protest. But Jenny jogged her elbow.

  “We must go on downstairs,” Jenny explained. “Before they miss us.”

  Oh. Of course. Karen had been so intrigued by Ida’s moon that she had forgotten that they were supposed to be going somewhere. They started walking.

  “You have a difficult mission ahead,” Jenny said. “Do you think you will be able to reach the top of Mount Rushmost and convince Fracto to help fight the ill wind?”

  “Oh, sure,” Karen said confidently. “Dad can do anything he puts his mind to. He’s a physics Professor.”

  “I’m sure he can,” Ida agreed. “I’m sure he will be able to convince Fracto.”

  Jenny seemed quite pleased about something, and so did Ptero Moon, though Karen couldn’t see what. They stepped downstairs. Sure enough, everyone was gathering there. Even David had been dragged from the Tapestry.

  “The demon guide has arrived,” King Dor announced.

  “Hear, hear!” a chair said.

  “The mission will be successful!” Jenny exclaimed. “Fracto will help.”

  “That is good to know,” the King said.

  “And Ida’s moon is called Ter—Pfter—”

  “Ptero,” Ida said firmly. “Karen named it.”

  “Ptero—as in feather or wing?” Dad asked.

  “No, as in Dactyl,” Karen said.

  He laughed. “Surely so. I see you hit it off well with the Princess.”

  “For sure!” a rug said.

  “That’s good,” the King agreed, nodding in a significant manner.

  “Yes,” Karen said, getting shy again. Had she been too familiar with Princess Ida?

  “Everything’s fine,” Ida said. “I’m so glad to have a name for my moon.”

  Karen was relieved that she had committed no offense. But she suspected that there was something important she was missing.

  11

  FRACTO

  Jim Baldwin saw his daughter’s cute confusion, and wished he could ease it, but this was not the occasion.
She had done far better work than she knew.

  “I think we must be on our way,” he said. “We thank you, King Dor, for your assistance.”

  “It is we who thank you for yours,” the King replied graciously, and his buxom green-haired wife smiled agreement. “You did not need to risk your family to help Xanth.”

  Jim glanced at Trenita Imp, who now sat on Queen Irene’s shoulder. “I think we did, after the hospitality of the imps, which presaged yours.” Trenita smiled.

  “It still will not be easy,” the King said. “Our best hopes go with you.”

  “Yeah, we don’t want to get blown away,” the King’s crown remarked.

  “Let’s go,” D. Mentia said, floating toward the exit. She had finally managed to get her clothing on straight, which was just as well; a demoness might not mind what she showed, as long as it wasn’t her underwear, but it could be distracting.

  They followed her out. The madness had intensified; Jim could feel its oppressive effect despite the protective ambiance of the castle. Indeed, this was unlikely to be easy, despite their seeming assurance that they would succeed. The King had made that plain. Ordinarily such a trip, with a demon guide, would be routine, but with the stirredup magic dust changing things, nothing was certain.

  That applied to Ida’s reassurance, too. Princess Ida’s Sorceress-class talent was the Idea; whatever she believed was true. But the Idea had to come from elsewhere—from someone who didn’t know Ida’s magic. That was what limited it. The elf girl Jenny had cleverly solicited Karen’s innocent endorsement of their mission, and Ida had agreed, which meant that they would indeed succeed—if the rising madness didn’t interfere. No one knew exactly how the madness might affect Ida’s talent. So the outcome was not, after all, sure. But he did not care to tell the children that. Mary and Sean knew, but they would keep silent too.

  They got into the RV, with the demoness taking the front passenger seat so she could show him the way, as Nimby had before. The sultry creature was now in a tight clingy sweater and a too short skirt. He wasn’t sure whether she was trying to flirt with him, or provoke Mary, or if this was her natural manner of appearance among humans. “South along the main enchanted path,” she said. “And move rapidly, because the dust is getting worse.”