Travels With a Fairytale Monster

by Elizabeth Gannon

The-human-who-may-or-not-be-named-something-like-Buggen stepped closer to the cart. “Easy, monster…”

  He tried to keep from rolling his eyes. Humans had two ways of dealing with people who were different than them: treat them like idiots or start stabbing them. Frequently, one had a habit of switching to the other fairly quickly.

  Baggen hopped up onto the cart. “Good news!” He enthused, his voice sounding strangely hollow. “It turns out that Taylor was able to convince the rest of us to let you out of the cage for a while.”

  “Did she now.” He deadpanned. It wasn’t a question, as he didn’t believe the human’s bullshit for one second. “How remarkably quickly too.”

  Buggen’s creepy smile never wavered. “Oh, she’s always been special.”

  Ah.

  He nodded. Here was the behavior he expected. The world once more made sense.

  This Buggen person wanted Taylor as his mate and took offense at all of the time she was spending with another male, especially since said male was obviously superior.

  Buggen was here to kill him.

  Truth be told, he almost respected that. Had the situations been reversed, he wouldn’t have thought twice about gleefully slaughtering this sad puny little excuse of a man, if it meant getting that redhead.

  Gaining her happiness—and to a lesser but still critical extent, access to her body—was his only moral imperative. His mate stood above everything. That was one of the central tenants of the Old Ways.

  Buggen reached into his pocket and pulled out the key to the cage, his hand shaking from mania, excitement, or alcohol. Knowing humanity, probably all three at once. He removed the lock and let the door quietly fall free.

  But no one moved.

  The man stared into the cage expectantly.

  At this point, there were four options: 1. He could kill the human before the other man had the chance to kill him, which would be difficult to explain to the other humans. 2. He could call Taylor to the scene to chase the human away, but that would just be exposing her to danger and this obviously violent sex-crazed male. 3. He could cautiously go with the human, and then merely stop him when he moved in for the kill. 4. He could remain where he was inside the cage, which wasn’t the best idea since it made him vulnerable and disobeying an order would anger the human even further than he already was.

  If there was one thing life had taught him, it was how to keep a silly human from flying off the handle and attacking him.

  He slowly made his way from the cage and stepped down onto the road next to the human, waiting for him to make his move.

  “Come on.” The human gestured with his head back the way he had come. “The others are over here.”

  The direction he indicated was not the direction in which Taylor had run.

  But on the other hand, if the human took him over there, it would be so much simpler to kill the man and then act surprised when he was found missing the next day. Just step on Buggen, throw his body into the river, lock the cage up again and plead complete innocence. Just a big dumb ogre, who saw nothing. “What? Buggen’s missing, you say? Who’s ‘Buggen,’ human?”

  He smiled in amusement.

  The choice was made.

  He’d kill the man before Buggen killed him. It was simple survival. Of course, some of that decision was undoubtedly also because the man was a rival for Taylor’s attentions. A big part of that decision, in fact. Buggen had threatened her earlier in the human’s little yard area and that wasn’t something which could be forgotten.

  His ways were the Old Ways and such an affront required combat. There was no walking away from it. It was simply unforgivable to any honorable ogre and was a direct insult to the will of the Sacred Mountain. Challenging his mate was challenging him. In fact, it was so very much worse.

  There needed to be blood.

  It was the only option.

  The thought of this man’s tiny human body squished flat beneath a rock made him quite happy though. In fact, if he found a big enough boulder, he wouldn’t even need to throw the human’s remains into the river, he could just carefully put the rock back into place and hide the human male’s body beneath it. And the other humans would never know, because they were all too miniscule to lift the rock up again to check!

  He nodded at the human, trying to hide his growing smile of anticipation. “Yes, sir.”

  They made their way away from the camp towards the place Buggen had chosen to die. All told, he wasn’t overly worried about the fact that the man was planning on killing him momentarily. The man’s petite human arms were basically the size of a chicken leg. Buggen would be easily overpowered. In groups, humans were effective hunters, but on their own, they were easy prey for an ogre. Particularly if that ogre was already pissed off at the human because the human had touched his woman!

  They arrived in a small clearing and he could see immediately that this was to be their battleground.

  Not exactly the Canyon of Honor, but it would have to do. It was small and ugly, but almost everything was in the human’s lands. The humans seemed to prefer a landscape which matched themselves, after all.

  Unimpressive.

  He turned to face Buggen, preparing to smack the man’s weapon from his tiny fist and chuck the man as hard as he could over the treetops.

  To his surprise though, the man simply stood there. It was as if he was incapable of garnering even the masculinity it took to begin the Honor Duel. Probably because he wasn’t fighting a woman half his size this time.

  Buggen just stood there watching him and being watched in return.

  “Should we dispense with your lies now, human, and get down to seeing which of us will walk from this clearing?” He asked him, bracing his feet.

  Buggen smiled at that, his mouth curving into a smirk. “Well, I can tell you one thing, creature, it’s not going to be me.” He reached down and smashed himself in the head with a stone and fell to the ground.

  That was… strange.

  He looked at the small body in confusion. Was this how human’s handled these types of matters? Smashing pebbles into their foreheads?

  He rolled his eyes.

  What a backward people they were.

  Well, he could tell them one thing: HE sure wasn’t going to smash himself in the head just to appease whatever primitive cultural rite the human wanted him to go through. That was stupid. If Buggen wanted to prove that he was better at smashing rocks into his head, or whatever, then he could just go ahead and do it all he wanted. But he’d be doing it alone.

  Freak.

  He’d just kill him tomorrow rather than engage in this idiocy a moment longer.

  He began to walk back from the clearing towards the cage again, when he heard movement in the trees around him. To his surprise, he saw the other humans scattered around, weapons drawn.

  “Stop him…” Buggen croaked weakly. “He’s… he’s killed the Captain…”

  All eyes turned to the corner of the small glade, where the human known as “Gate” was crumpled in a heap.

  Buggen pointed at him. “The Captain tried to stop him from escaping and the monster killed him!” He rose to his feet. “He tried to kill me too, but I was able to sound the alarm.”

  It was a preposterous story.

  No sensible creature on this side of the Sacred Mountain or the other would ever believe such a lie. It was stupid for any number of reasons, not the least of which was the fact that the man couldn’t exactly raise an alarm back at the camp if he was semi-unconscious here in the glen.

  Predictably, the humans all believed it though.

  Fucking humans.

  They took to reason like a cat to water.

  They advanced on him.

  Buggen jumped to his feet. “I’m in charge now that Gate has fallen, which means that the kill is mine.” He reached down to pull out his sword. “You men hold the creature down.”

  There were currently nine human men in the clearing. He thought that over for a moment.<
br />
  He could take nine small humans. Before yesterday, it might have been a fight. But now The Pyra was flowing through his every vein, granting to him more power than he’d ever felt before. Power which he hadn’t even tapped the depths of yet.

  He braced himself, preparing to kill the first man who stepped forward.

  Unfortunately, another figure stepped from the woods. One tiny redheaded figure. “What’s going on?” She asked in her beautifully innocent voice. “What’s…” She trailed off, seeing the crumpled Gate man lying dead in the grass and giving a startled cry.

  Great.

  Now here would come the misunderstanding and the blame. Beautiful eyes filling with tears and recriminations as she accused him of being a monster and murdering her friend. Cursing herself for ever believing a thing like him could ever hope to be a man.

  He could kill nine men.

  Easily.

  But disappointing that woman would stop him cold. Kill him as surely as any hunter ever killed any ogre.

  But there was nothing he could do about it now. Except brace himself for the heartache and accept her wrath.

  “What did you do?” She breathed.

  He looked down at the ground, feeling oddly ashamed and so alone.

  Her voice rose an octave. “What the hell did you do, Buggane!?!” She demanded, advancing on the other man. “You killed him!”

  She didn’t blame him. She blamed that tiny effeminate human instead.

  His heart soared in relief.

  Then his mood sunk again, as the woman in question kept advancing on the deranged male who wanted her at any cost, and who had already killed once tonight.

  Humans.

  He dashed forward, attempting to grab his mate before the crazy man attacked her again. The girl was like an Escarpment Sparrow, which lived on the Sacred Mountain. Utterly fearless, despite its small size. If you threatened it, it would attack you. Bigger or smaller, carnivore or herbivore, the bird didn’t care. It would charge into battle anyway, throwing itself at anything and everything.

  Most of those birds were dead now.

  They’d been eaten by the other animals, as it wasn’t really the most effective survival strategy for such a small little bird to have.

  He raced forward to get between them, as the girl’s brother appeared from the woods behind her.

  The soldiers advanced.

  Buggen stalked towards the girl, intent on stealing her for himself by force.

  The girl marched towards Buggen, intending to… well, it was often really rather difficult to tell just what was going through her head. Attacking the Buggen human was almost comically foolish and seemed to have no larger plan behind it. The girl was acting on pure fury, and she obviously had no experience with such matters without planning being involved.

  The various combatants ran towards the center of the clearing, preparing to destroy each other…

  And that’s when the first arrows fell from the skies. A cascade soon followed, showering the area with the tiny barbed sticks the humans loved so much. A new sound echoed through the woods behind him and he turned to see the Baseland army exiting their boats and climbing up the river bank towards them.

  Great.

  He did a quick headcount of the force assembled against him. When he reached fifty, he realized the fight was lost. Even with The Pyra, that was going to be too many, especially since his woman had to survive the fray as well.

  Swearing viciously in Ogreian, a language he hadn’t spoken since he was a boy, he raced forward to grab the girl and flee the scene.

  He stopped several steps later and ran back to retrieve Taylor’s very confused brother as he stood in the center of the clearing, then ran from the scene again.

  “Where are we going, Dom!?!” Taylor yelled, as he carried her over his shoulder. “Where are you taking us?”

  “Good question!” The girl’s brother agreed from the opposite shoulder. “And who the hell is ‘Dom’?”

  Chapter Six

  “There’s no such thing as giants.” The giant said.

  “I know that, Dom.” She told the giant proudly. “But Ryle keeps calling you that anyway, for some reason.”

  “So do you!” Ryle argued. “I’ve heard you call that man a giant at least three times today alone.”

  “He just doesn’t understand ogre culture like we do.” She confided. “Ignore him.”

  They had traveled through the night and most of the next day, and were currently resting beneath a tree at the base of the mountains.

  She added another log to the fire. “I think the point is that Ryle and I have no real experience with giants…”

  “Oh!” Ryle gasped excitedly and pointed at her, calling attention to her slip. “’Ogre!’”

  “…no experience with ogres,” she corrected, “so this is new for us too.”

  “I’ve never met anything that didn’t exist before.” Ryle agreed. “This is a big day for me. Now I’m hoping other make-believe creatures are real.” He crossed his fingers, as if making a wish. “Sexy mermaids, sexy mermaids, sexy mermaids.”

  “This is serious!” She snapped.

  “Okay, okay.” He made a face. “Jeez, you’d think he was the only ‘last of his kind’ there was or something.”

  Truth be told, lots of magical creatures were dying off. They were either getting killed by humans or simply had nowhere left to go thanks to the war reaching their doorstep. Dom’s plight was by no means an isolated incident. Beings of myth and magic were vanishing faster than anyone seemed to yet realize.

  He was one of many “last of his kinds.”

  She frowned slightly, realizing that sounded really, really weird.

  “Shouldn’t you be looking for more firewood?” She finally suggested to her brother, pointing off into the woods.

  “You crazy?” Ryle asked in amazement. “It’s dark as hell out there and there’s an evil army chasing us.” He snorted. “Thanks, but I think I’ll stick close to the fire and the huge fucking giant.”

  Her eyes narrowed at him dangerously.

  He got the message, immediately jumping to his feet. “After I gather more firewood.” He started to trudge through the tangled underbrush. “Obviously. I mean, if I die out here in the dark, at least I know it’ll be for a good cause.”

  She watched him go, making sure he was really leaving her alone, then refocused on Dom. “I’m sorry about him.”

  “I forgive you.” He told her.

  “So, what do ogres… you know… do?” She asked in curiosity.

  “Get exterminated?” He guessed. “I do not understand the question.”

  “Well, I told you all about Ryle and me. More than you ever wanted to know, probably.”

  “Certainly more than I ever wanted to know about Rai-El, yes.” He agreed.

  “But don’t you think you should tell me about you?” She absently poked at the fire with a stick. “What your story is?”

  “Ogres do not really believe in individual stories, they believe in the narrative of the group.”

  “Aren’t you the entire group now?” She asked him seriously. “So isn’t that ‘group narrative’ just like… your biography?”

  He paused to consider that, then nodded. “I suppose you’re right, yes.” He pointed at her. “You’re a very clever human woman, Tay-Lore.”

  “That’d be sweet, if I didn’t hear that small ‘for a human’ qualification in there.” She laughed. “Kinda takes away the point.”

  “I… I do not understand humans.” He confided. “I haven’t had the best of experiences with them in the past, so sometimes, I have a habit of speaking out against them. Please, do not assume I am including you with them, if and when I do.”

  “Ah.” She nodded. “Well, that’s kinda sweet. Thank you.” She tried to suppress her smile, oddly happy about being informed that he didn’t consider her human. “We’re not that hard to figure out. What are you having difficulty understanding?”

&n
bsp; He stared at her for a long moment. “Clothes.” He said hoarsely. “At the moment, I do not understand clothes.”

  “Clothes?” She repeated. “I’m a tailor!” Her smile grew wider. “I know all about clothes!”

  “Yes, of course you do.” He said, sounding unhappy for some reason.

  “I mean, I make people clothes as a profession.”

  “People come to you to cover themselves in more fabric?” He looked both shocked and appalled. “And they’re… happy about this?”

  “Absolutely.” She nodded. “Everyone deserves a new suit. It completely changes your whole outlook on life.” She pointed at herself. “And I am the best tailor in the kingdom. My dad taught me everything he knew.” A new idea suddenly occurred to her. “Hey, I know!” She pointed at his loincloth. “I can make you a suit!” She beamed, utterly thrilled with this idea. “I mean, sure, it’ll take a lot of fabric, and yes, we’re kinda on the run for our lives at the moment, but you’d look so good in it!”

  He blinked at her for a moment. “You wish to… cover my body in human fabric?”

  “Absolutely.” She shook her head. “And don’t worry about the cost or anything like that, because you deserve it.”

  He watched her silently for another moment. “If you wish to cover my body from your view, you may do so.”

  She frowned slightly at the odd phrasing, but let it go without question. “Excellent.” She pulled out her sketchbook and absently began jotting down a few ideas on what styles would look best on him. “So, continue.” She told him. “You were about to tell me your story.”

  He nodded, still looking kind of shell-shocked for some reason. “Well, for many years, the humans and the ogres warred, as you may recall.”

  “Nope.” She shook her head. “Way before my time.”

  “Oh…” He appeared to think about something for a minute, then continued. “…Epic battles of honor and destruction. And despite the crushing losses the ogres inflicted upon the human armies, there always seemed to be more of them every season. Filling the valleys. Damming the rivers. Chasing away the game, and…” He trailed off. “So, when you say it’s ‘before your time,’ how many years?”