Travels With a Fairytale Monster

by Elizabeth Gannon

  She snorted in indifference as if surprised that he’d even care about striking some random woman, then shrugged. “Meh.” She felt around the floor until finding the bodies, then started to roughly search through the unconscious woman’s pockets looking for the key, her face filled with contempt for their victim. “Fuck Pixies.” She casually helped herself to the woman’s necklace.

  “Because I have never hurt a woman in my life.” He continued, then paused. He pursed his lips in thought. “Which would undoubtedly sound more sincere and convincing if that young lady wasn’t currently sprawled lifeless at my feet.”

  “Probably.” Ransom agreed seriously after a moment, as if having given the matter some thought.

  “But aside from her, I’ve never physically harmed any woman, for any reason. Ever.” He cleared his throat, gently reaching down to turn Ransom’s face towards him, pulling back the hood of her poncho. His finger gently traced one of the scars which crossed her cheek. “I just want to make sure you know that I would never…”

  “I know.” She turned her face away from him, pulling away from his hand and shifting so that the hood of her poncho fell back into place and blocked her face from view. “Drop it.”

  “Just so you know, that you…”

  “Drop it.” She bit out, interrupting him again, her normal whisper rising several octaves. “Just… don’t. Please don’t.”

  He looked down at the floor. “Of course.” He cleared his throat, trying to deal with the latest crushing defeat he’d suffered in his life. Of all of them, the fact that she simply didn’t want him hurt the most. “As ever, you are correct.”

  And she was. He had nothing to really offer her and they both apparently knew it. He was a bad person. He was a cheat and a liar, and had grown up in the world’s most savage destitute kingdom. No girl in their right mind would ever go anywhere near a man from the Grizzwood. Hell, it was just asking to be robbed, raped, and eaten. Not necessarily in that order.

  Simply being from that place tainted you. Marked you forever as trash. Savage, untrustworthy trash, that no woman could ever love. And he’d always known that. Always seen the way people associated “Grizzwood” with “poor, stupid and violent.” The place was somber, dirty, and tortuous. And the people who lived there were the same; living out their lives in a culture of crime, promiscuity and vicious brutal confrontation. There was an ancient darkness hidden in those forests and bogs; monsters, madness, and magic. The residents lived among those humongous trees in fear and licentiousness, taking what they could and killing what they couldn’t. There was no law there. No faith. No rest. In order to survive, it had to be every man for himself at all times in those stinking, gloomy woods.

  Those damnable woods.

  The Grizzwood folk were criminal pollution of the highest order and no other kingdom wanted them within their borders. So, he shouldn’t be surprised that Ransom apparently didn’t want to get too close to one either. Especially since he had already showed himself to be a total and unmitigated failure. When it mattered, he couldn’t be depended on. He’d let you down.

  He’d proven that.

  But none of that foreknowledge made this moment any less painful. Luckily, life had prepared him for pain. Readied him for crushing disappointment and disastrous failure by giving him a never-ending hoard of both.

  All those nights sleeping in the cold rain and mud as a child.

  Days spent scavenging for anything he could use to feed his siblings.

  Being beaten.

  Being afraid.

  He thought he’d escaped that place long ago, but the truth was, he’d simply taken it with him. He could try to hide it with new clothes and speech patterns, but it existed inside him and always would. Ransom certainly felt it and so did he.

  Oh, yes. Life had prepared him for this type of pain.

  He cleared his throat again. “My apologies for rambling on about an issue which you already consider settled.” He tried to return his voice to normal, but it still sounded strained even to himself. “Consider the subject eternally dropped and don’t let it trouble you for another second. I’m sorry.”

  She stopped what she was doing and was still for a long moment, as if thinking about something. “Uriah… it’s not that I…” She trailed off, her voice breaking. “I can’t…” She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling. “I just... just, no. Please don’t.”

  He didn’t need to be told twice. Or three times, as it were.

  In fact, he didn’t even want to be told once. Because he already knew what she was going to say.

  He had heard the words his entire life. They were what kept him from ever gaining the things he needed for happiness. They were the words which reminded him of who he was and what he could never have. What he could never escape.

  And he didn’t need to hear them from her too.

  “’Rai, you know that I…” She began again softly.

  “Should we assist our former clients in escaping their looming execution and finishing their revolution?” He asked quickly, cutting her off and changing the subject, not wanting to hear what she was going to say because it would break him. He used the key in the guard’s pocket to unlock their bindings and the door to the cell itself. “Or should we make a hasty exit from this kingdom and leave them all to their pathetic fates?”

  Ransom made her way into the hall beside him, obviously also glad for the subject change. She thought the matter over, trying to decide whether or not to save their ex-clients from their own stupidity.

  The doors at the entrance to the prison area burst open unexpectedly and a group of soldiers appeared. The men looked up the stairs at them, immediately recognizing that there was an escape in progress and pulling their weapons.

  “Dove, it appears that we are no longer alone.” He informed her calmly.

  “Count?”

  “Six.” He told her seriously. “There are six of them; all my size and blocking the exterior door. Four sabers, a mace and a broadsword.” He looked down at her for a ruling. “Our best course of action?”

  “This is a battle situation.” She reminded him.

  He stared at her blankly.

  “As in: the time when the captain is supposed to be the one making the command decisions rather than the quartermaster.”

  “Ah.” He nodded in understanding. “Obviously. Obviously, I knew that.” He cleared his throat. “Of course.” He was silent for a beat. “So… our best course of action, then?”

  “Take them.” She declared simply. “I’ll find the swab.” She made her way down the corridor, running her hand along the row of cells to keep her bearings while searching for the Ryle boy.

  “Not to question your leadership, Dove,” he called after her, “but how exactly do you plan on finding him, given your handicap?”

  “You’re kidding, right?” She picked up the cage containing Dinner and continued down the row of cells. “It’s Ryle. I’ll just listen for the weeping.” She paused a moment later. “Uriah?” She asked softly.

  “Yes?”

  “Did… did you really kill someone over a fruit basket?”

  Yes.

  “Of course not.” He scoffed. “That was just something I told her.” He lied smoothly, trying his best to sound appalled at the suggestion. “What kind of man would that make me?”

  She nodded and silently started back down the hall to search for Ryle.

  Uriah immediately grabbed both of his swords from off of the table and focused on the guards, who were stalking up the stairway towards him. “You heard the lady!” He pointed at them with one of the blades. “Which of you wants to die first!?! Come now, show of hands, gentlemen! Don’t be shy.”

  Six was going to be no problem. He could deal with six, particularly since he was now in a very bad mood. He would slaughter these men and then go help Ransom to…

  As if on cue, another squad of soldiers showed up behind the first.

  Twelve? He considered that for a second.
He could probably deal with twelve. An unfortunate setback which would delay him a few moments, but still not a huge problem. Certainly nothing he couldn’t handle.

  Then another squad arrived. And a fourth. And so on. Soon, the small entryway was crowded with so many soldiers that they didn’t all fit in the room and filled the entire space in front of the building.

  He stared out at the army arrayed against him. “Well, crap.” He said simply.

  The soldiers charged forward…

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Let me out of here!” Taylor yelled for the millionth time since she’d woken up an hour ago. Like all her previous demands, this one was ignored.

  She made a face and went back to trying to pick the lock.

  Unfortunately, Taylor had no idea how to do that.

  At all.

  So, she just randomly jabbed a thin piece of metal she’d found into the keyhole on her manacles and hoped for the best.

  She cursed herself, wishing she’d become a locksmith rather than a tailor.

  If she’d known that this was going to happen, she sure would have. The ability to sew clothes rarely had any practical “prison escape” uses.

  She made an annoyed sound as the metal once again jammed into her wrist and cut her.

  It looked so easy! Why couldn’t she do it!?!

  She needed to get out of here so that she could go rescue Dom and her brother! They were counting on her to save them!

  She had gotten them all into this. It had been her decision to come to the capital in the first place. If it wasn’t for her, they could all be in Yorgo or Lapland or some other place, far from this cell and the unknown fate which awaited them.

  All of this was on her.

  The door to the room opened unexpectedly and Buggane strolled in, looking far too pleased with himself.

  She frowned slightly at his attire. He was dressed too nicely, bedecked in jewels.

  He nodded, noticing her confusion. “You like?” He readjusted the tiara on his head. “I’m finding that I enjoy all the trappings which come with power.” He pursed his lips in thought, standing in front of her cell, brimming over with self-satisfaction. “Life in my new kingdom… is good.” He let out a creepy laugh. “Well, for me anyway, which is all that matters, obviously.”

  “Where are we, Buggane?” She asked, looking around. “This is the capital, right?”

  He nodded. “Oh, yes. I’m thinking of renaming my new city ‘Buggania,’ but I’m waiting until after I expel the Baselanders for that announcement. It will all be in my big victory speech though.”

  “The king won’t stand for this.” She declared, shaking her head. “His forces will retake the capital and…”

  “The king is fucking dead, Taylor.” He told her like she was deeply stupid and only fooling herself. “He was caught last week trying to escape across the border into Nodachi, if you can believe that. I mean, the Nodachii? They’ve gone through four of their own kings since the start of the war, just dragged them out and executed them because they were bored, so why did he think he’d be safe there?” He scoffed in disgust. “Coward. I would never leave my city like a thief in the night, that’s for sure.”

  She shook her head. “He wouldn’t have done that.” She declared with far more confidence than she actually felt. “He wouldn’t have left without at least warning his soldiers and citizens that defeat was at hand.”

  “Oh, he would do that. He did do that. He had no issue with leaving us all out there at the fort to die in a war which was already lost, just so he had more time to gather up his treasure and escape.” He leaned against the wall next to her cell. “But, traitors die traitors’ deaths, I suppose.” He absently examined the tip of his shoe, as if looking for scuffs. “They strung him up right there, kicking and screaming.” He laughed as if that image was delightful. “The queen too. And aaaaall the little princesses.” He chuckled again. “Gods, I wish I could have seen that.” He turned to look at her again. “I mean, can you imagine all those little nooses in a row like that? All those pretty little legs kicking desperately?” He laughed again. “What a sight!” His laughter faded. “I understand that their deaths were… not pleasant though.” He met her eyes meaningfully. “I wish I could have been there for that too.”

  She took a step away from the bars. “You’ve lost your mind, Buggane.” She told him bluntly. “I don’t know what happened to you, but you need to really seriously think about what you’re doing here.”

  “Taylor, I’ve been thinking about what I’m about to do here for months now.” His voice was filled with desire. “Longer.”

  Her stomach churned, and she tried not to vomit.

  “The truth of the matter is that the Baselanders? They’re not going to be here for long.” He confided conversationally. “They’ll leave soon enough. Because the world is changing. We’ve all seen it. The Orphan’s War, The Kingdom of One butchering the Stheno like cattle, The Feast of Burning Kings…” he trailed off meaningfully, “the extermination of the Ogres… Things are changing now. The old powers are being replaced by the new. The future is happening around us. And that means that there’s an opportunity for a man of vision to take hold of his destiny and achieve his dreams. Do the things which people thought impossible. Rise above those who tried to put him down.” He began to pace back and forth in front of her cell. “The Baselanders are just a means to an end.” He pointed at himself. “I will win The War of Gold and Silver. I have taken over this kingdom and I’ll soon take over theirs as well.” He stopped in front of her. “And you’ll be there to see it all.” He smiled a not quite sane smile, which caused the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end. “At my feet, like a good little pet.”

  “Ummm... no.” She told him bluntly. “You make me physically ill.”

  He made a face. “You always were difficult.” He rolled his eyes. “My mistake all these years has been trying to be nice to you.”

  “You’ve always been an asshole!” She cried in indignation. “To everyone!”

  “As this land’s king, I’m allowed. That’s my right.”

  “You’re not the king.” She shook her head. “You’re just the traitor who handed the kingdom over to the Baselanders. And now that they’re done with you, they’re going to kill you too, moron!”

  “They need me!” He cried, looking insulted. “They respect my brilliance!”

  “Which is why they had to send that guy in the black hat to finish our capture, right!?! Because they respect you!?!”

  His eyes flashed dangerously. “Stendec has left. And he should be glad he did, because I almost had him executed.”

  “I’m sure he was terrified.” She bit out sarcastically. “Where is Dom?” She asked again. “What have you done with him?”

  “Who?” He looked confused for a moment, then disgust washed over his face. “You named it? That… thing?”

  “He’s…” She started to defend Dom, then stopped. “You know what? I’m just not even going to try to debate reality with you, because you’re obviously insane. And an idiot. So you go ahead and believe whatever completely ridiculous bullshit you want about him. It’ll make it even more satisfying when I get to watch him step on you like the bug you are.”

  His temper flared dangerously. “Don’t disrespect me.” He bit out through gritted teeth. “You’ve always done that and it’s always pissed me off!”

  “That’s kind of the point, you asshole!” She gestured towards the door. “So how about you take your tiara, which, incidentally belongs to an eight year old princess you helped murder, and go get me someone with actual authority here to talk to!”

  “I am KING!” He bellowed in fury. “And you will respect that! Respect me!”

  “Let. Me. Go.” She shook her head, her anger building. “I don’t have time to watch you play dress-up. I have to go save Dom.”

  “Your giant is probably already dead.” His hands fisted at his sides. “And even if he’s not, he soon will b
e.”

  “Where is he!?!” She demanded. “Don’t you touch him!”

  “I can honestly say that I have no intention of ever touching that creature.” He made a face of distaste. “In fact, I’m thinking of having you disinfected before allowing you into my harem.”

  That was meant as an insult, obviously, but for some reason Taylor snorted in amusement. “You have a harem now?” She arched an eyebrow. “Bullshit. How many women are in it?”

  He didn’t reply.

  “Yep.” She nodded. “What I thought. None.”

  “I have you, don’t I!?!” He shot back.

  “You’ll never have me.” She met his eyes. “I don’t plan on being here long.”

  “You’re mine until I say otherwise.” He put his hands on the bars, glaring in at her. “Until I’m done with you.” He produced the Magic Wand Thing from a bag at his feet. “And as long as I have this… I have the power to do whatever I want. Because according to my new friends, it can control your little pet. They think you’ve hidden it somewhere, which is why they haven’t killed you or your idiot brother yet. They want to torture that information out of you first.” He ran his hand across the Wand’s engraved surface. “But it’s mine now. And I can think of sooooo many good uses for my new toy.”

  “I’m getting Dom and my brother, and then I’m leaving.” She told him flatly, having complete confidence in that. “And if you try to stop me, I’ll end you.”

  “You don’t get the threaten me!” He cried, the mania in his voice building as the conversation didn’t go as he’d planned. “I’ll drag your little ogre monstrosity in here and force you to watch as I order him to flay off his own skin for my amusement!”