Flock

by Stewart , Kate

  “That’s not your job.”

  “I know.”

  He gently nudges me. “Doesn’t make it any easier though, does it?”

  “No.”

  He doesn’t offer me anything more. He just sits there with me, letting me grieve, his touch reassuring as he squeezes my hand.

  “So, besides your parents, who is your hero?” I ask, taking another sip of my drink.

  “If I had to name one, Dave Chappelle.”

  I rack my brain. “The comedian?”

  “Yep.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he’s fucking brilliant and real. He uses his platform in an incredible way, and his genius shines through. He says the shit many are too afraid to say and then tosses in some insight here and there that will stun you, make you think. He walked away from fifty million dollars, refusing to sell his soul in a way so many others would.”

  “That’s so far from any answer I thought you would give.”

  “Yeah, well, he’s flawed too, and he makes no apologies about it.”

  My phone buzzes with an incoming message from Christy and Sean nods toward it. “Look up some of his stand-up on your little computer when you get home.”

  “Maybe I will.”

  “But do yourself a favor, never research your heroes.”

  “Why?”

  He tips his beer. “Because you’ll find out they’re human.”

  He takes my phone away when I lift it to check the message.

  “New rule. No phones with me.”

  “What?” I jerk my head back. “Not ever?”

  “Never. Not in my car, not in my house, not in the garage. When you’re with me, you leave your phone at home.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “It’s all I ask. But I am seriously asking you for this.” His tone is severe, leaving little room for negotiation.

  “Why?”

  “A few reasons, one of them being this is my time. I’m choosing to spend it with you, and I want the same from you.”

  “It sounds controlling to me.”

  He leans in. “Hand to the Messiah, I promise you, baby, the last thing I want to do is control you.”

  “Then what’s with the rule?”

  “If I asked you to please trust me enough and that an explanation will come later, would you?”

  Jade eyes prompt mine. He’s serious, so much so that I can’t look away.

  “Why can’t I get an explanation now?”

  “We aren’t there yet.”

  “You’re talking in riddles again.”

  “I know, but it’s a dealbreaker for me.”

  I gape at him. Never in our time together has he taken such an air of authority. It irks me to no end, but is it really too much to ask?

  “It’s a slippery slope. If I give you this, the explanation damn well better be worth it.”

  “It will be.”

  “Okay. Fine, for now, no phone.”

  “Good,” he leans in. “Two words to describe you…” he chucks the underside of my chin, “beautiful and buzzing.”

  I give him a begrudging grin. “Nah, not yet.”

  “Sure.” He puts his beer down and grips my hand, pulling me from my chair just as “So What’Cha Want” by the Beastie Boys starts to play. “Good one.”

  “There are perks to being raised by Generation X,” I follow his lead. My eyes drink him in.

  “What’s that?”

  “The music, of course.”

  “Can’t argue with that.”

  “I learned how to dance to this song. But I didn’t think this would be your thing.”

  “What do you know about my thing?” He taunts me, pulling me onto the sad patch of a dance space.

  “I know a thing or two about your thing, baby,” I quip just as he starts swaying his hips, his upper body relaxed. He’s good, better than good. Stunned by the sight of him moving with such ease, I hesitate, just watching until he pulls me closer to him, urging me with the gentle thrust of his hips. Cheeks heating, I size up the bar to make sure no one’s watching. There are only a few others in the pub that time forgot, and it’s apparent none of them give a shit. And with the warm buzz flowing through me, I decide I don’t either. I follow Sean’s lead and start rocking my hips because this girl has a little rhythm. Sean’s eyes light up with delighted surprise as we dance through the song, and the next, and the next.

  I drink another Coke splashed whiskey.

  We dance.

  I grip his T-shirt as he hitches my leg on his hip, slowly hiking my shorts up my thigh.

  We grind.

  He leisurely sips droplets of sweat from my neck and blows the rest dry with his lush lips.

  We dance.

  Shamelessly wrapped around him, I lick the divot in his throat.

  We grind.

  He takes a shot of tequila before licking the salt from my wrist, never once taking his eyes off mine.

  We dance.

  I tease, pressing my ass into his erection, lacing my hands around his neck as he snakes a possessive arm around my waist.

  We grind.

  Back on the floor, he watches me intently as I taunt him to Ciara’s “Oh” with a circle eight movement of my hips.

  We drink some more.

  Mid-song and covered in sweat, our pores seeping with alcohol, he stops my movement, cups the back of my neck, and yanks me to him, boldly kissing me like a man possessed.

  We leave.

  And race to his car as it starts to rain.

  Doors closed, we collide, tongues dueling for dominance.

  He rips at the straps of my halter as I lift, unbutton, and toss my shorts.

  I straddle him.

  His groan vibrates my tongue as I latch my lips to his neck.

  He frees his cock from his jeans, rolls on a condom, shoves my panties to the side, impaling me in one sure thrust.

  Right there in the crowded parking lot, feet away from the bar…

  We fuck.

  ROUSING IN PURPLE HUE, I go from a blackout sleep to a pounding head, slightly disoriented until I feel the warmth of the body wrapped around me. I’ve damn near forgotten what it was like to be cocooned in masculine arms, and last night was the first time Sean brought me home with him.

  Something unspoken happened between us yesterday.

  The feel of Sean surrounding me is everything this morning, despite the riot in my head.

  These past weeks I’ve spent with him have been some of the best of my life.

  It’s just…Sean.

  He’s everything I didn’t know I wanted in a man and so much more than I ever hoped to have. He’s considerate, thoughtful, and ridiculously smart, and my attraction to him is boundless on so many levels. With him, I feel lucky, like I won some sort of man lottery. And in a way, that makes me fearful.

  My heart is no longer hiding in the shadows, it’s dancing in the open now, much like we were in the bar last night.

  And the sex, I’ve never had it so good. His brand of fucking is both blissful and tortuous. We’d spent our time diving into each other with heated whispers. It had been a marathon of moans and groans, and I’d never wanted it to end. We’d had drunken sex, which was a first for me. I’d let my inhibitions go and it had paid off in spades.

  I damn near moan as I recall him driving into me from behind, his hands covering me, spreading me to take him deeper as he spoke filthy words at my back.

  When he came, raking his nails on my scalp, I surprised myself by going with him without the help of a hand between my legs—another first.

  We slowed down, unable to stop, reaching for the other minutes later. I called his name repeatedly out of fear of the chest he was cracking wide open, of what he was able to see. His kiss, his touch, the slow thrust of his hips soothing me with soft words of “I know, baby, I’m with you.”

  With me. And he was. For so long, I’ve been in hiding, and in a month of knowing him, it’s like he’s freed me.

>   He surrounds me with his embrace. The deep exhale of his breath lulling me back into a peaceful state even as that voice in my head screams, ‘what in the actual fuck, Cecelia?’

  I burrow into his hold, enjoying the warmth coupled with the sting between my legs as more of last night’s memories envelop me.

  Spending a few silent minutes in his arms, my body reminds me of why I woke, the strain in my bladder commanding me to break away from him. Lifting his inked arm, I slither out of bed before staring down at him as he sleeps, his spiky hair thoroughly disheveled from my fingers, his golden body encased by his faded denim comforter. Ogling my new man, I give myself another second to appreciate him, softly shutting his door before padding down the hall to his bathroom. Tyler and Dominic have the bedrooms with bathrooms. Sean had given his away freely.

  Of course, he had. He’s selfless.

  Another reason to want to trust him.

  His needs are so basic, and yet I feel like I’m starting to become one of them. He’s making me believe it.

  Once I relieve myself, wincing the entire time, I wash my hands and study my reflection, noticing the faint bite marks on my neck. Anxious for a painkiller for the budding migraine, but more anxious to get back to Sean, I open the door and am met with the sight of Dominic in the bedroom on the opposite side of the hall.

  Naked.

  Sleeping naked.

  The sight of him knocks the breath from me as I stand frozen, somewhere between in and out of the bathroom.

  He’s on his back, stretched out, his head tilted due to the propped position of his pillow, his muscular arm tucked beneath it.

  I. Can’t. Look. Away.

  His chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm as I stand immobile to the sight of him. One of his legs is drawn up and resting on the edge of his bed while the other lay straight out, the position itself like an offering. My eyes dip to where his cock rests between his muscular thighs.

  Jesus, he’s beautiful. I don’t know how long I stand, just watching him, drinking him in, I only know that when my eyes drift from his impressive cock back to his face, I’m met with a silver stare.

  My palms tingle while my face blanches with shame and humiliation, and I still can’t look away.

  Instead, I just stare…and he stares back at me. I know I should apologize and bolt, but I’m unable to form words, not even to offer the apology he rightfully deserves.

  Or does he?

  He had to have heard us last night. Did he leave his door open knowing I would see him?

  Caught in the moment, in my utter stupidity, the morning light in his bedroom lifts as he lowers his eyes. I follow his gaze and see he’s hard.

  Get out of here, Cecelia!

  “Sorry,” I whisper, barely audible.

  I don’t wait for a reply before I dash away back to the safety of Sean’s room, relieved to see him still sleeping soundly. Guilt eats me alive as he pulls me back into his hold once I hit the mattress. I lay next to him, staring through the inch view in his blinds, my heart pounding with fear and my body thrumming with exhilaration. I flip over in Sean’s arms and study him. He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever been with. Ever. Our courting has made me feel things I’ve only dreamed about.

  He’s been nothing short of incredible with me, to me.

  Riddled with shame, I run my fingers through Sean’s hair before pulling him closer.

  So what, I’m attracted to Dominic. Of course, I’m attracted to him. He’s got that beautiful asshole vibe thing that makes women stupid.

  And this morning, though thoroughly fucked and sated, I behaved like one of them.

  For the record, Dominic’s not attractive on any ordinary level. No, his looks demand attention, appreciation, much like Sean’s.

  Beautiful naked man.

  Of course, I’m going to look.

  Because he was naked.

  It means nothing.

  So, all I need to do is forget about those hostile steel eyes and the fact that just minutes ago, they weren’t hostile at all. Not in the slightest.

  That look was something else entirely.

  “So, do I tell him?”

  “That you stared at his roommate’s dick so long you got busted?”

  Christy laughs on the other side of the line, enjoying herself at my expense as I unpack the grocery bags, mostly trying to find a place for the guilt cloud I’ve been under all day.

  I’m completely inexperienced with the ‘I saw your roommate’s dick, and I liked it so much I gave you a guilty morning blow job’ confession. Christy is doing little to help me as I search the bachelors’ kitchen for what I need, having spent half a paycheck on a steak dinner while frosting the ‘I really only want you, but I couldn’t resist’ carrot cake I baked to make up for the lingering remorse. Because they, whoever the hell they are, say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I’m hoping it’s also the way to a sincere apology. One that I will give as soon as I can figure out how to explain myself.

  I don’t want to ruin any part of what we have going for being a peeping Thomasina.

  “Yeah, girl, tell him his roommate needs to cover his junk and make it sound convincing.”

  “That’s lying.”

  “That’s the truth. It’s not your fault you walked out of the bathroom and got eye fucked.”

  “Yeah, but I’m the one who—”

  “Babe. He doesn’t need to know that. I’ll be honest though, if you had spoken up this morning, it would have seemed a lot more convincing.”

  We were out of the house within minutes of waking up, and I was thankful because it meant escaping Dominic. After we picked up Sean’s car from the bar where Tyler retrieved us drunk last night, we went hiking. I bitched the first half-hour because of my pounding head but felt a lot better halfway in after a lot of hydrating. Sean hates being inside. Whether I stand by and talk to him while he’s screwing with his car, or we swim or hike, the outdoors is his happy place. He’s a restless man from what I can tell, definitely not a fan of Netflix and chill, and the chill part is never chill. The man is magic with his mouth, hands, and cock, and he would much rather bend me over a tree stump in the woods than take me on his living room couch.

  The upside to that is there’s never a dull moment. Even our earlier grocery trip was an adventure. He forced me to stand on the lip of the cart while he sped us down the aisles popping grapes into our mouths. Though he’s agreed to let me cook for him on our day off, I have zero doubt he will get us out of the house after. It’s as if he has to exhaust himself before he hits his pillow. Despite his warnings that he doesn’t do things in the traditional sense, this period in our new relationship feels a lot like nesting, which is why I’m playing house with him today, and I don’t want to screw it up. Finding a boyfriend after only a day in town was not at all what I expected, but finding Sean was a miracle.

  The fact that my feelings are getting involved has made this betrayal far worse in my mind. Especially after this morning.

  Sean doesn’t seem the jealous type, but if I’m wrong, my admission could be disastrous.

  “I need to get my ass up there if they’re as hot as you say.”

  “Focus,” I order, looking for a cutting board. “New man. Saw other man’s member.”

  “You said they share, right?”

  “It’s a rumor. Has to be.”

  “Why?”

  “Because…I don’t know. I just can’t picture it.”

  “Freaks hide in plain sight, baby. You’re living proof.”

  “Shut up. Shut up! I don’t know why I called you.”

  “Because you lurve me, and because you were dying to tell me you had multiples. Finally.”

  “Christy. Listen to me. I could fall for this man.”

  “Damn, already?”

  “I know, I know, it’s too soon and so stupid. But he’s incredible.”

  “I believe you from what you said. Just be careful, okay?”

  “How d
o you do that?”

  “I don’t know. That’s the advice I’m supposed to give you. Once you start falling it’s kind of impossible to stop, isn’t it?”

  “Exactly. This is a disaster.”

  “Don’t be so dramatic. Tell the man you saw his roommate naked and be done with it.”

  “Fine. I will.”

  “And take a fucking picture, for Christ’s sake, God invented camera phones specifically for shit like this.”

  “Sean doesn’t want me to have my phone when we’re together. I’m going to have to hide it before he gets back.” I wince, knowing how damning it sounds and I’m met by a moment of complete silence on the other end.

  “That’s a little controlling, don’t you think?”

  “He just hates the distraction of it. He wants me present when we’re together.”

  “That’s kind of hot.”

  “He’s different, I’m telling you.”

  “Well, just rip the Band-Aid off now. If he goes psycho, at least you find out now, rather than later.”

  “Good point. Christy, I’m in over my head already with this guy. He just makes me think…differently, makes me feel…gah, what the hell am I doing?”

  “I know you’re scared, but don’t let the past dictate what could be good for you. Lord knows I’ve been praying for this. Love you. Call me tomorrow.”

  “Love you.” After hanging up, I dash to my car and put my phone in the glove box resentful of the deal but opting to honor it after today. I have no doubts Sean meant what he said about it being a dealbreaker. After returning to the kitchen, I add a few spices to the salad mix and begin to chop up the tomatoes while trying to reason it out.

  Christy’s right. It’s not a big deal. I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.

  Dominic should not be sleeping naked if he doesn’t want to be seen, and I have to get over it. Sean will probably think it’s funny.

  Sure, he’ll think it’s as funny as you thought it was walking in on Jared mid-thrust.

  But Sean is not my ex, and I’m trying my best not to make him pay for a boy’s mistakes. Deciding to admit the truth before dinner, I chop up an onion on the plastic cutting board I found and grin when I hear the front door close. Sean had double backed to the store to grab the beer we forgot during our first trip.