Miss Ryder's Memoirs

by Laura Matthews

  Today it was still and breathless. Sir John stood me at arm's length and studied me, his blue eyes searching for some sort of answer to a question he did not bother to frame in words. Satisfied, I suppose, with what he saw, his arms came around me and drew me to him. And his lips were so terribly sweet that I had a difficult time pulling myself away from them, but pull away I did.

  “Really, Sir John,” I said, straightening and patting down my disordered hair. “It's quite ungentlemanlike of you to handle a poor young lady in such a fashion. Quite improper, as Amanda would be happy to tell you."

  “No doubt. But it is a sure way to get your attention, and I want your attention. There are several matters we have to discuss. Such as your cousin's assumption that your mother is the highwayman."

  By the close way he surveyed me I knew that he was trying to analyze what effect this statement had on me, but I managed to drop down to dust off my shoe at just the right moment.

  “Cousin Bret has never been able to get things quite straight,” I assured him. “But you will have to excuse me. I really must get back to the stables and check that Lofty has settled down. She was badly frightened last night."

  “Strange. One would have thought she would be used to the dark by this time, with all your nighttime activity.” His brows were raised in the most abominably quizzing way.

  I hastened to add to my tale. “Sometimes I ride Mama's horse. Antelope is extraordinarily brave. She's the kind of animal who doesn't seem to notice if it's day or night."

  “I see.” It didn't really look as if he saw at all.

  “Have you anything further to say?” I asked. “If not, I shall be about my business.''

  He shook his head, not unhappily, but with a measure of frustration. “Catherine, you simply must learn to confide in me. Have I not laid to rest any suspicions you may have entertained when I first arrived?"

  My suspicions had long since been lulled by his kisses and his confessions. But I felt I had to keep him from finding out about Mama. Which would be easy enough, if I could only keep her from riding out at night again, and if I could get her to tell me where she had hidden her ill-gotten gains.

  “There's nothing to confide to you,” I assured him. The question that had bothered me before I fell asleep occurred to me, and I thought it would serve as a good distraction. “How did you get out of your room last night?"

  His mouth broke into a wide grin. “I liked that,'’ he admitted. “I especially enjoyed the performance with the dog after everything had quieted down."

  “It took excellent timing to manage it.” I had put on my haughtiest air, but just to heighten his amusement. “Dutch is not trained to take part in that kind of project and it was hard to keep him at my side. He kept wandering off."

  The baronet laughed and declared that he would have liked to see it. I prolonged the telling about the meat and the turning of the key in the lock for as long as I could, and then I pressed him to tell his side of the story.

  “I'm afraid it's nowhere near as exciting as yours. When I came into my room I discovered that the key was missing and I went down to the housekeeper's room and asked for a duplicate."

  I must have looked crestfallen, for he asked, “Did you think I had climbed out the window and risked my neck slithering down a vine?"

  “Well, I thought it would be a little more exciting than getting a key from the housekeeper,” I sighed. “After all the work I went to."

  And to make up for my disappointment, he kissed me. I liked his kissing me, but I couldn't help wondering if it was leading anywhere. By our country standards what had passed between us was a great deal more than flirtation, but it seemed less than a courtship—more like the prelude to a proposition that someone of my standing would surely not receive. From Lady Sutton's letter I could imagine Sir John behaving in this fashion with some lady in London whose reputation was not at all what it should have been.

  He put me from him gently and said, “I think it's time we contacted Robert. He'll have more success in determining what is really going on here."

  That would never do! “You would just upset him. There's no need for him to know because I won't ride out again. I promise you I will never rob anyone again. Besides, Robert couldn't possibly leave London."

  “Oh, I think he could manage to come. Robert is much freer than you all seem to believe. True, his uncle has hog-tied him in some ways, but he has a few escape routes that he has yet to employ. For your own sakes, he had best be informed."

  Now I was thoroughly alarmed. I grasped his hand and pressed it hard, trying to impress him with the enormity of my plea. “Oh, please don't. I should hate for him to know of anything so ... so unappetizing about his family. Nothing of this is going to leak out. It's over, and you won't have a worry about it anymore. Wait a few days and see if things don't adjust as perfectly as you could wish."

  He stared at me until I could feel the flush rising into my neck and cheeks. Really, he is the most unaccountable man. Those eyes, blazing down at me, seeming to see right into my mind and perhaps even into my heart. I returned his gaze as steadily as I was able, but it was tremendously difficult.

  After a minute or two he released his hand from mine and shook his head. “I'm sorry, Catherine, but I really have to write to him. He has a right to know what's going on at his home, within the bosom of his family."

  His long perusal of me had told him something, though I was not quite sure what. He had made up his mind, and I knew, deep inside me, that he wouldn't change it. I could wheedle or plead and he would feel drawn to me, wishing to please, but he was determined that he had the right of it, and he wouldn't change his mind for me or anyone else.

  Though I wanted to cry with frustration, I refused to let him see it. “Very well, I'll just be off to the stables, then."

  “I'll come with you."

  “Thank you, no. I would prefer being by myself for a while."

  “As you wish."

  When I walked away from him, he remained in the shrubbery and I didn't see him again until dinner. Which suited me just fine.

  * * * *

  The next afternoon there was a violent thunderstorm and none of us was able to go outdoors. Amanda was practicing the pianoforte and I was wandering around the house, wishing that there was something interesting for me to do. I thought that Sir John had gone off in his carriage and would not be back for some time because he would get caught at the local public house, where he had gone to have a game of darts or some such evidence of manly camaraderie. But suddenly there he was, stomping in the back door, raindrops running down his driving coat and plopping off his curled beaver hat. He looked wonderful, so unaffected and almost naughty.

  In the very instant that he looked up to catch my gaze on him, he winked at me. Imagine! A man of his finesse, and he winked at me, just as though I were a parlor maid. Well, I was offended. And I let him know it. My chin went up and my brows rose to their haughtiest level. “I am not accustomed to being treated with such a cavalier want of courtesy,” I informed him.

  “Aren't you? How very strange. I should have thought everyone would have treated you that way, considering your hurly-burly ways. My dear Miss Ryder, I could think of a more courteous greeting, but then you would not have spoken to me at all. You would have darted off like a deer, as you've been doing for the last day or two. Avoiding me at all costs, and I have discovered the reason!"

  “And what is that?"

  “Because you have not yet delivered on your promise to come up with the spoils of your robberies."

  He said this in a perfectly normal voice, and I looked all around the area, frantic that one of the servants might have heard him. I put my finger to my lips, saying, “Shush, shush. Lower your voice, for pity's sake. Do you want all the world to know?"

  “Do you mean they don't? That, too, is a rarity around Hastings, if I may make so bold as to say so. The servants and the family are ordinarily a surprisingly curious bunch."

  It se
emed safer to change the subject. “You're dripping wet, Sir John. I'll ring for your valet to help you out of those damp clothes and into something dry and warm. Perhaps you would like an extra fire laid in your room. Or you will find one already burning in the library, where we tend to congregate on rainy, chill summer days. It's by far the coziest room on such a day."

  “Oh, I don't think I will need a fire in my room. But I'll change and be waiting for you there in half an hour. That will make a very private place for you to bring the money and purses you've stolen, where no one will see them or you."

  “But I can't very well come there,” I protested.

  “Why not? You've been there on several occasions. Stretch your principles, Miss Ryder. After all, if it is perfectly all right with your principles for you to steal so unmercifully, you should be able to convince your conscience that bringing the spoils to my room is a mere trifle."

  He had a point, of course, and so I agreed. But I didn't really intend to keep to my end of the bargain. One doesn't have to bow to coercion, does one? I would search Mama's room, of course. As I had been unable to get her to speak on the matter of highway robbery, or the goods she had taken, I felt myself justified in searching her room, but I felt the chances of finding the booty were small. Since it was her room, she knew best where something could be spirited away without a servant or a family member happening on it by mistake.

  As I watched Sir John take the stairs two at a time, it occurred to me that Mama would not necessarily have hidden the booty in her own room. In fact, seeing that energetic male body bounding upward, I became positively convinced that she had hidden it in my brother's room, since he had not been home in such a long time and was not likely to arrive anytime soon. Unless Sir John was able to convince him to come for Public Day. When the baronet was out of sight, I followed more slowly and discreetly up the stairs.

  Robert's suite was in the same wing as Mama's, which would have made it very handy. And what was even more significant was that Robert, as a child, had devised any number of hiding places for his own treasures. I had managed, over time, to discover all of them. Or so I hoped. Mama would have known where they were, too, because Robert trusted her when he was very small and would have shown them to her, and forgotten later that any growing boy would have done anything so indiscreet.

  There was the false back to one of his dresser drawers. A carpenter had built it for him when he was very young. But the false compartment was empty, and I felt a great disappointment. Surely it would have been the simplest place for Mama to hide her stolen treasures. I had a moment's hesitation before I started methodically searching through the other locations.

  There was a space under one of the floorboards, which was in turn under the bed. I had to move the bed some distance to uncover it, and I became convinced in the process that this would indeed be the location of Mama's ill-gotten gains. But no. After all the struggle and the attempt to make no noise, all I found in the space was dust and cobwebs. Ah, well, that was only the second possibility.

  I proceeded to the deep caverns of the closet, well behind the hunting clothes that Robert had left here when he took most of his wardrobe up to London with him. Nothing. I searched in the dressing room, where there were storage boxes and even a locked cabinet, with no success. Surely Mama would have hidden it here. It was so much safer than her own room. But I could find nothing.

  I stood in the middle of the floor, looking about me, wondering if I had forgotten anything. Robert's room is spacious and light in sunny weather when the heavy draperies are pulled back from the windows. Because of the darkness of the rainy day, I had found it necessary to push back the draperies on the western set of windows. There was little point in opening the other set, as they faced north, with several large, leafy trees blocking any light from entering. When Robert was away we kept the draperies closed, to prevent the furniture and carpet from fading in the sun.

  The draperies were a royal-blue velvet, quite handsome. Robert had been quietly thrilled when Mama had the room done over many years ago, when he was still a boy. They made him feel grown-up, I think, and almost invulnerable. As I was about to close the western draperies, my mind locked suddenly on the other set of windows.

  Because of their placement, those window coverings were probably not touched from one month to the next. I went over to the draperies and began to shift them, reaching for the tie to secure them against the wall. My hand encountered something cold and hard. At first I thought it was merely a knob on which to hook the pull, but I was quite mistaken. When I pushed the folds of velvet out of the way, I found a small box resting at the corner of the windowsill, almost as if it belonged there. It might have contained a boy's treasures and been left there as a reminiscence. Even when the draperies were caught back against the wall, it was hidden from view by the folds.

  The lid wasn't even locked. I think perhaps the box itself had been one of the prizes Mama had gained on her adventures, for I did not recognize it. When I lifted the lid, my breath caught in my throat. There were jewels and coins and watches, all of them glittering wondrously in the wet afternoon light. But something else caught my eye. Hanging from the rod above, where it could only be seen from the back, which was against the wall at this point, were several very elegant and undoubtedly expensive necklaces. My eyes very nearly popped out of my head. How very risky for Mama to leave these things so much in the open. And yet, until now, they hadn't been discovered. Really, it was too much.

  “So that's where you keep them,” Sir John said, causing me to jump a good foot in the air. Really, the man had an absolute penchant for frightening people. And who would have believed that a man so large could be so quiet on his feet? I hadn't heard a sound. And yet it was obvious that he's been standing there for some time. No doubt the surprise of the find had entirely engrossed my attention.

  “What are you doing in here?” I asked, defensive to the death.

  “Just trying to recover my losses. What are you up to? Looking for a necklace to wear this evening, perhaps?"

  “That's none of your business,” I told him. “Oh, I wish you would leave me alone. Take whatever is yours and be off, will you?"

  Sir John reached around me and lifted the box from the windowsill. His breath came in a sharp whistle. “Good Lord, how long have you been at this game? Do you go out every night?"

  “You know I don't. And I wish you would leave before I call one of the servants."

  “I think you would be ill-advised to call anyone. Except perhaps your mother."

  Had he started to suspect my mother again? Couldn't the man make up his mind? I wanted him to suspect no one but me. “Please don't tell Mama. I'll manage to get everything back to whoever it belongs to, but you mustn't let her know. It would devastate her."

  “Somehow I doubt that.” His voice was so dry with irony that he nearly coughed. “Catherine, isn't it time you told me the truth about what's going on? When are you going to trust me?"

  That was a question that I had come to want answered, too. In some ways I did trust him. As with my heart, I suppose. But did I dare trust him with the family honor, when Mama had actually robbed him? Robert was one of his friends, of course. That would count for something, but I could not tell how much.

  “Mama is still disturbed by my father's death,” I said. I was edging away from the window and the curtains. He might not have seen the hanging necklaces and I didn't wish to draw his attention to them.

  When I said nothing more, he looked inside the cache and fingered through the goods, presumably trying to find his own items. After a moment he drew a purse from the pile. As he lifted it, I could distinctly hear the jingling of many coins. He must have been carrying a great deal of money with him at the time. To entertain the young woman, I supposed, and in high style. Me he merely kissed on picnics and when I was out riding in the middle of the night.

  “So that's yours, is it? Well, then shut the box and put it back. I'm not going to have you fingering thr
ough all the rest of the booty."

  “Do you really call your haul booty?” He looked intrigued by this possibility. “Do you call yourself a highwayman, too?"

  “Certainly not. I'm an adventurer. Nothing so crass as a highwayman. Only dishonest people are highwaymen."

  “I hadn't thought of it that way. Do you consider it an honest activity, stealing watches and purses from your neighbors?"

  “I very seldom steal from my neighbors,” I insisted. “At least not the ones I like. Most of them have been strangers, or obviously wealthy enough to sustain a piddling loss."

  “Still, it's not for you to decide where their wealth is to go.” He said this sadly, as though the lesson were one he knew I could not understand or would not be able to grasp. Why, the poor man had begun to believe that I was totally immoral. And then I saw the lurking amusement in his eyes and realized that he thought to catch me out in my “confession.” I refused to be fooled by him.

  “Perhaps not. But I have decided to do it.” I swung away from him and motioned him to follow me. “I'm going to lock this door after you've left so that you can't come back in here and remove the purses. You don't, after all, have the first idea to whom they belong. You will have to trust me to return everything on my own."

  He eyed me closely for a moment but must have decided that I wasn't going to change my mind. So he left by the dressing-room door and I locked it after him, with a key from the inside of the door. The servants would be confused by finding the door locked, but it wouldn't last for long. I was determined to remove the evidence as quickly as possible from Robert's room and conceal it in my own. No one was likely to look for it there, except Sir John himself, and I planned to protect myself against him.

  Chapter 14

  As I let myself out of the room and was locking the door, Amanda appeared in the hall and wanted to know what I was doing. It's easy to fool Amanda when you tell her something she wants to hear, so I said, “Oh, I believe Cousin Bret is making a habit of coming into Robert's room and pretending that he's master of the house. I cannot bear to think of it. So I'll keep the doors locked for the time being. Will you tell Lucy? She won't be needing to clean in there for a few days, I should think."