Impostor

by Susanne Winnacker

  After just a few minutes we pulled onto a street with the same sort of two-story houses that filled the rest of town, only these were much newer versions. Ronald stopped the car in the driveway. As we piled out, I could feel their eyes on me, waiting for a reaction, a sign of recognition.

  I’d seen the house in photos but, of course, they hadn’t given me a sense of home the way it would have meant to Madison. The red flowers in the flower beds lining the front walkway were withered, and from the looks of it, the grass in the front yard hadn’t been mowed in a couple of weeks.

  “Do you remember?” Linda asked, her voice hesitant. Ronald played with the keys in his hands as he stared anywhere but at me.

  I nodded slowly. “It’s all a bit hazy but it’s coming back.”

  This wasn’t what they’d wanted to hear. I knew this wouldn’t be the last time I said something they hadn’t expected. The front door of the neighboring house opened and a middle-aged man with a paunch stepped out, holding a garbage bag. The old I-have-to-bring-out-the-garbage-but-really-I’m-snooping trick.

  He strolled toward his trash can, only to stop with badly played surprise when he spotted us. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. He dropped the bag into the trash can before ambling over to us. He looked at me with barely disguised curiosity.

  “How are you? I didn’t know you’d come home today,” he said. I could see the curtains shifting in a few of the other houses.

  “She’s fine but she’s tired,” Ronald said curtly. He squeezed my shoulder and gave Linda a meaningful look. She took my hand and, after shooting a tight smile at the neighbor, dragged me toward the front door.

  “Looks like your lawn could use a trimming, my friend,” was the last I heard from the neighbor before Ronald stepped into the hall and closed the door.

  Inside, the house oozed comfort and love. Everything was colored in warm beige and yellow tones, and family photos covered almost every surface. Light streamed through the huge, arched windows. The overstuffed sofas were beige, too, and looked comfortable enough to sleep on.

  “Do you want to go up to your room?” Ronald asked.

  They probably hoped I’d know where to find Madison’s room. Major had said I shouldn’t push the amnesia too far or it would hinder me from investigating, but how far was too far? I tried to recall the floor plan of the house that Kate had drawn after she’d raided Linda’s mind, but it was one thing to see it on a piece of paper and another thing to actually be inside the house.

  Tentatively, I ascended the staircase. The fluffy carpet softened my steps and I noted it would make sneaking out of the house to meet Summers or Alec easier. With Linda and Ronald keeping such a close watch while I was in hospital, I hadn’t gotten the chance to communicate with either of them.

  At the top of the stairs I was greeted by a long corridor with three doors on either side. Madison’s door was on the right, but which door? Devon’s room was beside mine, that much I could remember. I glanced over my shoulder at Ronald and Linda, who followed on my heels. They watched me like I was a toddler about to take her first steps. I was touched by their constant monitoring, but it opened endless possibilities for me to slip up.

  Thankfully, Ronald chose that moment to take pity on me—or maybe he just couldn’t stand the waiting anymore—and opened the door in the middle. The room was much bigger than any of the ones I’d had back with my mother, and it was spotlessly clean and smelled fresh and faintly flowery.

  A vase with white roses waited on the desk beside the bed, the same white roses that decorated the pattern of the blankets and the two large photos hanging on either side of the bed. They must have been Madison’s favorite flower. A huge black and white cat lay curled on the pillow—Fluffy. His eyes opened to watch me warily. I walked over to him but as I got close enough to touch him, he jumped off the bed with a hiss, bristling. He scuttled out of the room as if the devil was after him.

  A tingling started in my toes and traveled up my ankles. I pressed my legs together, turning away, hoping they hadn’t seen the panic on my face. The tingling disappeared as fast as it had come.

  Ronald and Linda hovered in the doorway, watching me anxiously. Would Fluffy’s reaction make them suspicious? Linda let out a nervous laugh. “He hasn’t been himself since you left. I bet if you open his can tonight, you’ll be his favorite person again.”

  “He smells the hospital on you. He’ll come around soon,” Ronald added.

  I touched the soft rose petals. They felt like velvet. “They’re beautiful. Thank you,” I whispered. That raised a smile from both of them as though I’d given them a beautiful present just by acknowledging their gift.

  “We’re having chicken casserole for dinner,” Linda said. I could feel her and Ronald’s eyes on me, waiting for a reaction. What did they expect? Was chicken casserole a cue for something important? Their faces fell.

  “Your favorite food, remember?” Linda asked.

  “Sorry. Yes I remember. I’m just tired.” It wasn’t even a lie. Pretending to be someone else 24/7 was already more tiring than I’d expected. Linda came toward me and kissed my cheek. “Get some rest. We’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” With one last look, they closed the door.

  My legs quivered, forcing me to plop down on the bed. The mattress was much softer than the one I was used to at the FEA, and it smelled like roses. Linda probably bought rose-scented softener just for Madison—for me. I longed to change back to my own body, to feel the pressure lifted off my shoulders, but I knew that wasn’t an option.

  My eyes fell on a smattering of photos in a framed collage on the wall over the bed. I got on my knees to get a closer look. The photos showed Madison with her family, on the beach, with Devon on swings. Several of them showed Madison with another girl. Ana—her best friend.

  I dragged myself toward the desk and sank into the chair. Madison’s laptop looked brand new and took almost no time to load. After logging on to the FEA homepage, I clicked on the file to access my e-mails. Three were new. One from Holly with a smiley face and lots of exclamation points in the subject line, one from Major titled IMPORTANT, and the last from Alec, without any subject heading at all.

  I opened Alec’s first.

  Tess—Keep your guard up. Anyone could be the killer. See you tomorrow. Remember—we don’t know each other. Alec

  Jeez, couldn’t he have said a few nice words? So typical.

  I clicked on Major’s e-mail, which managed to be even shorter.

  Meeting @ Summers’s house. Tomorrow 11 P.M. sharp. Expect status update.

  Major never bothered with pleasantries. And what did he mean by “status update”? Did he think I’d found any clues already? I hadn’t even started searching—not really. Though I was already sure neither Devon nor Ronald had anything to do with the murders.

  I opened Holly’s e-mail last, but it was several pages long and I only skimmed through it.

  I miss you so much . . . How’s it going?? . . . Headquarters is boring without you . . . Everyone seems to be busy with something, except for me! . . . Louis is filling in for Summers but Variation training with him is even less fun . . . Kate is as mean as ever . . . Stay safe!

  I shut the window with the e-mail, logged out, and closed the laptop. I’d read her update in detail later. For now, I needed to gather information.

  Maybe Madison had kept a diary. That could give me hints about her reasons for breaking up with Ryan and tell me if she’d noticed anything strange. Pushing the chair away from the desk, I opened the only drawer. Rummaging through it uncovered nothing but two old pocket calendars, some blank writing pads, and a few faded movie tickets. Madison had been very tidy—unless Ronald and Linda had cleaned before I came home. Besides the vase of roses, the laptop and a stack of school books were the only items on the desk.

  Where would I keep a diary if I had one? I got down on my hands and knees and peeked under the bed, but apart from a forgotten sock and something that looked like a toy mou
se for Fluffy, there was nothing. I doubted Fluffy would come back to retrieve his toy. From the looks of him, he might never set foot in this room again.

  Sitting on my haunches, I looked around the rest of the room, trying to suppress my growing feelings of guilt. Madison was dead and here I was, completely invading her privacy.

  A few shoe boxes were piled up inside the open closet. I crawled over to them and opened the one on top. I was greeted with more photos of Madison with friends, particularly Ana. One of them showed Madison with the other cheerleaders, and I recognized one of them as Kristen Cynch, the killer’s second victim. Had she and Madison been friends?

  I set the box on the ground and opened the next one, which was filled with old picture books. I brushed my fingers over the cover of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. The pages were crinkled with use. Linda and Ronald must have read it often to Madison when she was a child. I hesitated for a moment before I finally put it away.

  I went through every single box, nook, and crevice but nothing gave me a hint about why Madison had broken up with Ryan, or about her relationship to any of the other victims. I felt slightly defeated, but what did I expect?

  • • •

  That evening I had my very first family meal. Dinner with Linda, Ronald, and Devon was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Everyone waited for the others to finish eating, shared the details of their days, laughed at one another’s jokes. I couldn’t believe I got to be a part of it.

  Ronald was a vet and I didn’t even have to pretend to be interested in his stories from work, which were truly hilarious. He took a gulp of his root beer. “Today a cat peed all over me.” Linda paused with her fork against her lips, eyebrows raised. A piece of chicken got stuck in my throat and I had to wash it down with water. “What happened?”

  “A monster of a Persian cat, that’s what happened. Hercules.” He snorted into his glass. “He isn’t one of my usual patients. His owner rented a vacation bungalow in Manlow.” He took another swallow of his root beer and relaxed into his chair. “Anyway, the cat’s fur was matted because he doesn’t like to be brushed, and unfortunately he had a serious case of diarrhea. And with all that fur?” Ronald chuckled. I put down my fork, trying not to giggle. I’d probably end up choking on the chicken.

  “Shitty work, I guess,” Devon said, with mock seriousness. He pushed another spoonful of casserole into his mouth. I wondered how he managed to chew with that big grin on his face.

  “You got it. So Sarah was holding the cat like she always does and everything was going fine until I started the clipper to get rid of the fur. Hercules didn’t like the sound, not one bit, and went berserk. Got his shit all over myself just trying to restrain him.” Another bite of chicken casserole disappeared into Devon’s mouth. Linda pushed her plate away; her eyes were narrowed but the corners of her lips trembled in an effort to hide a smile.

  “And then he started peeing everywhere! You’d think the cat consisted of nothing but urine judging by how much he got all over me.”

  I coughed between giggles.

  “You couldn’t wait with that story until we were done eating?” Linda asked with a shake of her head, but she was clearly amused.

  Ronald took her hand on the table top. “Sorry. Next time.”

  Linda sighed as if she’d heard those words before. She stood and began gathering up the plates from the dinner table. I rose to help her, but she shook her head. “Today’s my turn.”

  Devon slumped in his chair, his arms crossed over his stomach. Even with half the chicken casserole inside him, his abs still formed tight ripples beneath his shirt. I looked away.

  “Devon, how was school today?” Ronald asked, with a worried glance in my direction. I’d wondered when that question would come up. I knew Major expected me to gather as much local information as possible, but dinner had been too wonderful to ruin with practical questions.

  Devon straightened, the lightness slipping off his features. “It was okay. But everyone’s talking.”

  Ronald nodded as if he’d expected nothing else.

  “It’s the gossip of town.”

  “My recovery?” I asked, my hands curling around my knees beneath the table.

  “Yeah, they’re all talking about your miraculous recovery. You know how they are. They need their gossip. The entire school knows you’ll be back tomorrow.” Great, so I’d be the focus of everyone’s attention. Just what I needed.

  “Honey, you know you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I think it’s still too early anyway,” Linda said, returning to the table. Part of me wanted to give in and spend more time at home, in the presence of Linda’s kind smiles. But Major would rip my head off if I didn’t get my ass into gear soon. He wanted results, and judging by the nothing I’d found so far, I obviously wouldn’t get them by sitting in Madison’s room.

  “No, I’m ready to go back,” I said. “I really want to see Ana again.”

  “She called every day to ask about you. She even wanted to visit you today but I told her you needed time to settle in,” Ronald said.

  I smiled. “Thanks, Dad.” The word still sounded strange coming from my mouth. I’d never called anyone “Dad” before.

  Devon leaned forward. “Ryan asked about you today.” Ronald’s forehead furrowed and Linda froze in place.

  “What—what did he want?” I asked.

  Devon’s face was like stone. “Just wanted to know if it was true, if you were coming back, if you could remember everything and all that shit. I told him to stay the fu—”

  Linda interrupted Devon with a cough.

  “—to stay away from you,” Devon finished.

  “Why did you say that?” I asked.

  They exchanged glances.

  “You didn’t want anything to do with him after the breakup,” Devon said.

  Alarm bells went off in my head.

  “Are you sure it won’t all be too much? All the attention?” Linda asked.

  “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll keep an eye on her.” Devon flashed me that grin I’d been on the receiving end of so many times in the last few days. His eyes reminded me of a cloudless summer sky and I loved the deep dimples that appeared each and every time he smiled. Was it pretense or could he really switch his moods so quickly?

  “You’re not going to follow me around like a lost puppy, now are you?” I watched their faces for reactions, unsure if Madison had teased her brother like that. Acting out of character would be a dangerous thing, even with pretend amnesia. But they smiled.

  “If it annoys you, definitely,” Devon shot back.

  Maybe this was how it always used to be when Madison was still with them. She must’ve been so happy.

  Linda became serious. She pushed a cell phone over to me. “We bought you a new phone. Your old one was damaged . . .” She trailed off.

  “When you had your accident,” Ronald said. “But we were able to save your SIM-card so your messages and your contacts are still there.”

  “Thanks.” That would be useful. I’d have to take a closer look at it when I was back in my room, but the police had probably already checked the data, as was usual procedure.

  After dinner, I trudged up the stairs, exhausted. I felt as if I’d endured several workout sessions with Alec. Could being in a foreign body cause this kind of muscle ache? I’d never experienced anything like this before but I’d also never been someone else for so long. We hadn’t tested how many weeks or months I could hold the shape of another person’s body. My Variation had never wavered, had always been in my control from day one. To everyone at the FEA, my Variation was perfect. But I knew it wasn’t.

  I turned on the phone the moment I was alone. There were dozens of text messages and just as many missed calls from the last few days. I recognized most of the names from the FEA’s files as school mates or family members. But two names stood out: Ana and Ryan. While Ana’s texts could be summarized as well wishes and words of comfort, Ryan’s messages were of a diff
erent nature. He, too, said he hoped Madison would get well but he was also desperately trying to get her back. I miss you . . . I can’t stop thinking of you . . . You’re the most important person in my life . . . Give us another chance . . . I love you. Eventually, the tiny letters on the screen started blurring in front of my eyes. Getting this glimpse into Madison’s personal life was interesting, but it still left me without any real leads.

  As I undressed for bed, I couldn’t stop myself from checking my reflection in the mirror on the door. Back in the hospital I hadn’t gotten the chance to take a good look at this strange body. With shaky fingers I traced the red A under my bra. The skin was rough and tender. It didn’t exactly hurt but it was uncomfortable. The scar would never fully fade; the knife had cut too deep.

  Hesitantly, I raised my eyes to examine myself. Though I’d gained some weight over the last few days, Madison’s body was still frighteningly thin. But even pale and emaciated, Madison looked pretty with her blue eyes, high cheekbones, and long blond hair. I slipped a nightgown over my head and went to close the blinds, when sudden movement outside the window made me pause.

  A figure stood on the other side of the street, clearly watching my window. His hoodie hung low over his eyes and the evening fog obscured the rest of him. It was impossible to make out who he was. Spotting me, he turned and took off running down the street.

  It wasn’t Alec. Who was it? The killer? I doubted he had the audacity to show up in front of my house so soon after my return. It was probably just some curious snoop who wanted to have the rumors confirmed.

  I rubbed my arms and let down the blinds, double-checking that the window was locked before I finally crawled into bed.

  CHAPTER 10

  * * *

  I woke so early that the sun hadn’t even risen. I lay in bed for a while, my eyes taking in my surroundings, my body throbbing dully. I’d managed to keep Madison’s form overnight. That was probably why I felt so sore. I smiled. If I could keep it up during a full night of sleep, maybe the next few weeks wouldn’t be that difficult after all.