by A L Williams
Sex had always been a means to an end. A way to relieve the daily stress of my day. With Izzy my favorite part had always been after when she would lie in my arms. Not Dex. I wanted my cock buried deep. It belonged there. I wanted to wake up with him at my side. I wanted it all.
The kiss continued as I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into my lap. Our cocks rubbed together hard and aching, but all I wanted was to be near him. To hold him and taste him. I squeezed him closer and he trembled in my arms. He pulled away, inhaling slowly. He pressed his forehead to mine. The silence was comforting.
Someone knocked, tearing us from the moment. Dex sighed and climbed off me as Izzy’s voice came through the door. “Some guy is here to see you!” she said, annoyance lacing her words. Her attitude was really getting on my nerves. Her and Dex had a fight. People fight. Did she really have to hold a grudge?
I grabbed clothes from my closet and dressed. When I turned back Dex was already fully clothed. He walked over, wincing.
I frowned, wondering if I’d been too rough.
As if he heard my thoughts he touched my shoulder. “I’m fine. Just a little sore.” He straightened my shirt, his lips curled into a smile, and then moved his hands down to my pecs. “There we go. Perfect.”
I leaned in and gave him a pecked on the lips. “Very.” His cheeks flushed.
When we entered the living room, Izzy was lounging on the couch with a magazine. She glanced up and if looks could kill Dex would have collapsed on the spot. I glared at her and she returned her attention to the magazine.
“Hey, sorry for showing up. I wanted to drop these off with you. I need your eye for…”
I whipped around, finding Larry walking into the room from the entry and I jumped away from Dex, putting as much space between us as I could. Larry paused and looked between me and Dex. “Did I interrupt something?”
My slammed against my chest. “No. He’s a friend. He just came by to talk sports. Come on, we’ll look in the kitchen.” I wasn’t looking at him, but I knew Dex’s eyes were on me. “Come on.”
Without looking back, I led Larry into the kitchen.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Dex
When the words left Ra’s mouth everything around me came to screeching halt.
No. He’s a friend. He just came by to talk sports.
He’s a friend.
Those words echoed in my head as my stomach churned. When Ra and his friend were out of the room, I looked around the room as bile rose in my throat. I was being ridiculous. He wasn’t ready yet. We obviously weren’t friends. My skin crawled.
“Ra has grown. Who would have thought he had it in him to fuck and run?”
I met her gaze as a smile curled her lips. Her breath stank of alcohol and I had never in my life wanted to punch a woman more than at that moment. She inched closer, cocking her head to the side. “Well, I think it’s time for you to go. You and him are obviously done talking about sports.” She spat the last word.
“Why are you being like this?” I whispered. My body was heavy and every passing second was sucking the life out of me.
He’s a friend.
I shook my head. “What did I ever do to you?”
She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “How does it feel to be little more than a fun distraction?”
I gaped at her. “What are you talking about?”
She turned away, glancing over her shoulder. She looked me up and down. “Just get out. He’s obviously done with you. I want my house back.” She made her way to the kitchen, leaving me standing there.
Alone.
My eyes burned as I closed them. The night drifted through my mind. How he had touched me. How he had loved me.
Love?
He’d said he would make love to me and he did. My body felt it. With every touch he curled tighter around my heart. With every touch I didn’t want to think about a life without him.
He’s a friend.
Rushing to the door, I yanked it open and hurried to my car. I hopped inside and I started the engine. What had I been thinking? I wasn’t a teenager. I wasn’t some virginal teenage girl losing my high school crush. Except that was the case. I had given him my virginity I had given him a part of my body no one else had touched. Along with it, I had handed him my vulnerability and my trust.
It was clear he refused to give in return. My chest tightened and I drove, functioning only on autopilot.
Storm clouds gathered and rain burst from the gray sky, mirroring my pain.
He’s a friend.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rashawn
“What was that?” Larry asked after the door slammed shut.
I heard a car start as Izzy sauntered into the kitchen. I turned to her and she kissed me on the cheek and then made her way to the refrigerator. She grabbed a bottle of water and then left the kitchen. I turned back to Larry. “I’ll be right back.” He nodded, taking a seat on the island stool.
When I exited the kitchen, I found Izzy back on the couch, drinking her water and scanning the magazine.
“Where did he go?”
“I don’t know.” She said without looking up.
I stalked over to her, yanking the magazine from her hands. She sighed and leaned on the back of the couch with her chin on her arm. “He didn’t say where he was going.”
“What did you say to him?”
“Who said I said anything?”
I glared. “You always say something.”
She shrugged. “I told him he could leave. It was obvious you weren’t going to be fucking him again.”
” Shh, keep it down.”
She rolled her eyes. “You can’t even be honest about sticking your cock in a man’s ass.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Just tell me what you said to him to make him leave.”
“It doesn't matter what I said. You’re the one that made him leave. Just a friend?”
“I—”
“Just go back in there before the old man starts thinking you’ve lost your mind. He’s gone now and I doubt he’s ever coming back.”
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
He’s never coming back.
I took a step back and spun around, returning to the kitchen, my stomach twisting. I walked past Larry and grabbed a bottle of water, chugging it all down. I tossed the bottle in the recycling bin and turned back to Larry. He watched me with furrowed brows. “You don’t look so hot. Did something happen? What did the girl do to the poor young man?”
I laughed bitterly. “Nothing. She didn’t do anything.”
He stared at me.
“Let’s just focus. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Larry’s gaze remained on me as if he were searching for something. He finally turned and the conversation shifted to the blueprint on the island. I did the best I could at focusing, but Izzy’s words echoed in my mind as the storm raged outside matching the one in me.
You’re the one that made him leave.
▽
I fell back onto my bed, covering my eyes with my arm. My body ached and I was exhausted from the long day. It had been over two weeks since that day when everything changed between Dex and I. He hadn’t returned my calls and whenever I went to his house, he wouldn't answer the door. I was at my wit’s end. What was I supposed to do?
All week I shifted between pissed off that he wouldn’t let me explain to guilt for hurting him. I wasn’t stupid. After what we did that kind of rejection would have hurt me too. How could I have been such an idiot? I groaned, rubbing my temple. If he would give me a chance to apologize…
You don’t deserve to.
You hurt him.
You left him there.
Alone.
My stomach churned.
You left him like you left her.
Bile rose in my throat and I sat up, looking around the room. I reached for my waste basket and vomited the contents of my stomach, the stench maki
ng me vomit again.
Once I was finished, I sat the basket down and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I walked over to my closet. I threw open the double doors and peeked inside. Once I spotted the cardboard box labelled Tanya I dragged it out and sat on the floor. I opened the box and pulled out a wooden box. Running my hands along the aged wood, the memory of the day Mom gave Tanya the music box rushed back, leaving me raw with pain I had pushed down for so many years.
▽
“What is it mom?” Tanya asked, dusting off her jeans at the knee. It didn’t help.
“It’s a music box.” Mommy replied, her head leaned back on the old recliner that had seen better days. Her eyes were tired, yet she wore a smile. She scooted closer to Tanya, who cradled the box in her arms. I watched her as she stared at it, her eyes twinkling with joy. She opened it and a ballerina in pink popped up, switching as a melody played.
I didn’t understand what was so great about it, but if it made Tanya happy then good. She turned to me and held it out. “Do you want to see?” she asked.
I shrugged and she giggled. “Stupid boys. All you care about is playing in the mud and cars.”
I narrowed my eyes, poking out my lip. “What's wrong with cars? All you girls care about is boys.”
She smirked. “You’re not wrong.”
She laughed at the face I made. She was fourteen and had just now started paying attention to boys. Her eyes would go all starry and she'd sometimes forget I was there when we were at the park. It was stupid.
“Give it a few years and you’ll see why.”
I rolled my eyes. “Girls are stupid.”
Mommy’s head shot up. “What have you been doing with boys, young lady?”
“Nothing momma. We just kissed on the lips.”
Mommy’s brows knitted. “Stay a child as long as you can. It’ll be gone before you know it.”
Tanya stared at mommy for a moment and then nodded. Mommy smiled and leaned back in the chair. “Go play. I’m taking a nap before I go to work.”
“You just got home?”
“Someone’s gotta keep the lights on girl, unless you want to go out and get a job.”
Tanya slumped. “No mom.”
“Get,” Mommy ordered and then closed her eyes.
▽
My vision blurred as tears fell from my eyes, sliding down the wood of the music box onto my lap. That had been the last normal day. After that mom had spiraled. I couldn’t blame her. She was a single mother in Detroit with two kids and no college education. She worked three jobs and barely slept. Anyone would crack under that kind of pressure. She was a statistic. We all were.
That was why I didn’t blame her. I had let it go years ago—at least I thought I had. What she did...what she did to Tanya stayed with me in the back of my mind. Over the years it had gotten easier to ignore it. I focused on Izzy and that helped. Dex’s presence reopened that wound.
Tears continued to fall as I put the music box away and returned it to its place in the dark depths of my closet. I only wish I could do the same with this pain. It was ridiculous. What did Tanya getting—getting… What did any of it have to do with being open about Dex and my relationship?
I wiped my eyes and returned to my bed, crawling onto it without removing my dirty clothes. I’d clean the bedding later. My eyes grew heavy as I curled into the fetal position, wrapping my arms around my knees. I was so tired. So tired of missing my sister. So tired of wanting Izzy to listen.
So tired.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Dex
“What the hell happened?” Ava asked, her hands on her hips. I looked up at her as she stood in front of me glaring daggers. I opened my mouth to respond, but my words were replaced by a yawn.
I rubbed my eyes. “I’m fine. I’m just a little tired.”
“A little? Dex you’ve been falling asleep in this chair for days. Your eyes are bloodshot and you’re always so far away. What happened?” She glanced over the counter and then kneeled at my feet, grabbing my hand. “I'm worried about you.”
I stared at our joined hands, my mind drifting to Ra’s much larger fingers entwined with mine. I swallowed. “I—” I looked out at the patients waiting.
She stood and dragged me with her, stopping inside Dr. Bennette’s office. “Can we take a quick break?” she asked.
“Ava—” I started.
“That’s fine,” Dr. Bennette said, looking at me with concern.
Was I that obvious?
Before I could answer myself, Ava dragged me into the utility room as Dr. Bennette went to our stations. She closed the door behind her. She turned and leaned against the door. I pushed aside some brooms and mop buckets, sitting on a chair against the wall.
She crossed her arms in front of her and waited. I looked down at my hands. “Did something happen with Rashawn?”
I flinched at the sound of his name.
“Tell me.”
“We just didn’t work. It was a stupid idea. Two straight guys trying to be bi? That’s ridiculous. It was just a fluke.”
She stared at me and shook her head. “It wasn’t a fluke. Have you seen your face whenever he’s mentioned? Before your eyes would twinkle like a lovesick puppy and now…” she paused and stepped forward. “When I say...Rashawn…”
I tensed. “See that. It’s like all the life has been drained from you. What did he do?”
“Who said he did anything?” I mumbled.
She arched a brow. “As much as you talk about how he won’t be open that’s enough context to tell me it’s him.”
I rubbed my hands together.
“You two seemed to be doing well. You were getting closer. You were even going to ask him...to take things further.” I caught a change in her wording. I must have been in bad shape if she was tailoring her words.
“We did,” I said, rubbing my shoulder.
She didn’t say a word and a moment later she was in front of me on her knees. “He didn’t hurt you, did he? If that bastard…”
“No. He didn’t hurt me. Calm down.”
“Then what did he do?”
“After we...after we had sex everything was fine until the next morning when his boss showed up. He asked who I was.” Ava remained silent as I forced the words out. I slumped. “He said I was just his friend.”
Her eyes widened and then flashed with anger. “That fucking bastard!”
She jumped to her feet. I followed her and grabbed her arm. “Wait! Where are you going?”
“I’m going to kick his chocolate ass.”
“Ava don't. It’s not a big deal. We never actually talked about—”
She yanked her arm free and I took a step back. “He took your virginity Dex. Being fucked makes a person vulnerable and that’s not easy. You gave yourself and the part of you that no one has ever touched to him and he took it willingly. He may not have hurt you physically, but he hurt you nonetheless and for that I’m going to throttle his ass. I don’t give a shit how much bigger than me he is.”
My eyes watered and my chest tightened at the determination in her words. “Are you trying to protect my innocence?”
“Damn straight!”
I burst out laughing then, overcome by so many emotions. After a few minutes of laughing I was wrapped in her arms, crying like a child. She cooed into my ear. I was a man. This was not how a man behaved.
Be a man
She’s gone.
Let it go.
My shoulders shook as I succumbed to the pain and let myself be washed away in despair. It had been days. Weeks of sleepless nights and thinking of everything other than him, but still thinking of him, nonetheless. I hadn’t spilled a single tear since that day until now and it felt like it would never stop.
Once I calmed, Ava moved back and wiped my face. “Everything will be all right.”
I smiled. “Don’t kick his ass. Just leave it alone. I need time. He’s not ready and I can handle waiting.”
She frowned but nodded. “You’re too good for him and that Izzy bitch was trouble anyway.”
I chuckled, wiping the rest of the tears from my face when my phone buzzed. I pulled it out and looked at the number. UW Medical Center flashed across the screen. “Hello?” I stood and Ava followed, watching me.
“Mr. Lennox?” said a woman.
“Yes, this is him.”
“Are you Dexter Lennox, Charles Lennox’s son?”
“Yes, what is this about?” My nerves were already shot. I didn’t need more.
“We found your father collapsed on the floor in his house.” I froze, glancing at Ava who was eyeing me curiously. “Mr. Lennox I’m sorry. Your father has passed.”
At that moment, the only thing left of my life shattered to pieces.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Rashawn
Barbara came out of her kitchen with two glasses filled with sweet tea. The wind was whistling loudly outside the window, branches hit the glass rapidly. When she sat down, I lifted my face from my hands. She smiled and handed me the glass. “Drink.”
I took it, drinking half of it in one gulp. “Thank you.”
“He’s still not answering,” she said.
“I’ve tried every day and now it just goes straight to voicemail. Maybe I should just leave him alone.”
“Perhaps.” She stared down at the glass in her hands, the ice catching a glint of the sun rays shining through the window. “Have I ever told you how Larry and I met?”
I shook my head.
She smiled with affection. “I hated the bastard at first. He was cocky. Most days I wanted to punch him in the face. Still he pursued me relentlessly.” She turned her body to face me. “I’m glad he didn’t give up. When I finally gave in and let him take me out, I was surprised at how much we had in common. I was an idiot for not looking below the surface.