Scorn of Secrets

by B Truly

  Justin waits on my answer, continuing to act as if Sean isn’t standing right here. My eyebrow rises.

  “I’ll catch you later, Madison.” Sean frowns, mumbling under his breath as he retreats.

  “You wanna piss around me while you’re at it?”

  Justin’s eyes grow wide, and then his lips curve sideways. “Madi, you’re too much. I don’t even have a comeback.”

  Seeing him grin is contagious. Darn it. A huge smile spreads across my face. “And I have no clue what to do with you.” Our eyes lock for a moment, like our emotions are sharing secrets.

  His shoulders slouch. “That guy was trying to stake a claim.”

  Justin is diving right in—a total gear shift.

  I feel special he would fuss over me. Problem is, I’m so out of control whenever I’m around him. I don’t know if that is good or bad. Justin brings out such strong emotions, which I haven’t an inkling of how to filter through. I think I fear the outcome. I’d rather stay his friend versus being at odds because we took it to the next level, and it didn’t work out. One thing’s for sure, we can’t keep up this song and dance. My feelings are tangled in a typhoon.

  “Sean was asking to meet me at the game, but you put a stop to that.”

  “Do you like him?”

  “I barely know the guy.”

  “I’m not trying to sound chauvinistic and tell you who you can hang out with…. I just don’t want guys hitting on you. It drives me up the wall. I’m man enough to admit it.” Creases line his forehead. “Whatever’s going on between us is taking me on a roller coaster.”

  We’re on the same page regarding that note. People start to gather, hanging on our every word. They aren’t even playing it off—just blatantly staring at us. “We’re drawing attention.”

  Justin shakes his head. “Nosy bastards. Come on, I’ll give you a lift.”

  This morning I rode with Justin’s other half and my sister, but I’m more than happy to ride with him. Justin walks close to me as we go to the parking lot. I tune out the crowd or try to.

  What is it with these kids?

  I don’t recall folks being so engaged in other people’s lives back in Baton Rouge. Maybe I feel like I’m in the limelight because I am connected to guys with such a popular status.

  Justin opens the passenger door for me. After he starts his truck, he asks, “Would you like to go to the Starbucks drive thru? You seem to enjoy those lattes from our machine at home.”

  My lips curl up, sheepishly—he grins bashfully. “Sounds great.” Yeah, we need to hash out whatever is going on between us. He’s right. This back and forth is driving both of us crazy.

  Justin places our order. You can tell when it gets cooler in Houston. Starbucks is normally busy, but the line is extra-long today—so worth it when I sip my chestnut praline latte. Justin has been fairly quiet. Wanting to clear the air and any awkwardness between us, I blurt out, “I want to go with you.”

  His hazel eyes dilate. “What do you mean?”

  “To the game this Friday.”

  He tries to fight his grin. “I’d like that … I don’t want to put you on the spot, but I need to know where we stand. My heart can’t keep hoping, only to get crushed.”

  “I never meant to send you mixed signals. It’s just....”

  “Tell me, Madi, or we’ll never get over this hump. Is it the fact about us living together and our parents dating that bothers you?”

  “Part of it.” Screw it. “If things stay as they are, at least I know we’ll always have our friendship.”

  “I’m not sure I’m following you.”

  “If we date and it ends badly, we might not remain friends. Worse, we live together and that may become permanent. We’d still have the rest of our junior and senior year to be under the same roof.”

  “I’ve thought about that, too. To me, the answer’s easy. Being with you is worth the risk. I don’t believe it will end horribly.”

  He makes it sound so simple. Maybe my father recently passing, moving to another city, and all these changes in my life are making me feel anxious.

  “I care a lot about you. I’ve never felt this way before,” Justin confesses. “How do you feel about me?”

  “I feel happy whenever I’m with you and safe.”

  “I would never do anything to hurt you. My pride is getting trampled on, though.”

  “Why?”

  “I never thought I’d pour my heart out to someone. I’m not used to rejection and I’ve never even had to pursue a girl before.”

  My eyebrows lift. “Really? No girl has ever told you the word no?” He shakes his head. I can’t say I’m surprised. Justin probably doesn’t even have to ask. He just looks at a girl and they fall into his lap.

  “It’s exhausting, trying to fight my feelings for you. Now it’s all on the table.”

  I reach over, squeezing his hand. “I care about you, too.” Justin couldn’t have said it better. People have to take chances in life—take the plunge. I can’t keep hiding or always being timid. Justin Jenkins is a good place to start—worth any risks. He makes me happy—like everything will be all right. “Okay. Let’s see where this leads.” His entire face lights up, causing me to melt.

  “You mean it?”

  I’m certain my face matches his expression. He intertwines our fingers, then kisses the top of my hand. At the next stoplight, Justin leans into me, capturing my lips in smoking kiss. So into him, I forget where we are, until someone behind us lays on their horn.

  Both of us pull away, winded. Feeling like we’ve been caught red-handed, I start laughing. Justin bursts into hysterics, too. Lina hit the nail on the head. This is going to be interesting. A relationship with Justin won’t be hard. The factoring variables surrounding it will be. My new motto is just go with it. An inner voice tells me we’re in for a wild ride.

  19

  Cruel Intentions

  When we arrive at school the following day, Justin lets it be known we’re an item. He intertwines our fingers as he walks me to first period. I spy Jennifer in my peripheral vision. Justin pulls me to him for a tight hug. It feels nice. Leaning down, he kisses my forehead.

  “I’ll meet you by your locker so we can walk to Spanish together,” Justin says.

  I nod, grinning like a fool. He disappears down the hall. I turn to where Jen’s standing with her mouth hanging open.

  By now, you’d think I would be used to the attention. Maybe it will never float my boat. All day students look at us like we’re Beyoncé and Jay Z when we walk down the halls. If one more person asks if Justin and I are together I think I may scream. I suck it up, all smiles, telling them that we are and cringing when the girls ask for details.

  A couple of boys even want the scoop. At least Lina and Cara only glance at me curiously with burning eyes during lunch. I can’t help but laugh, putting them out of their misery. Being good friends, they tell me they’re happy for me, but they don’t gossip, asking me private details like is Justin good in bed. Yeah, I’ve gotten asked that question twice already.

  Before the day is over, Justin and I run into my lovely sister. Her face drops to our joined hands, and then her honey-brown irises pop from their sockets.

  I’m not surprised when later that evening Tanya knocks on my door. She places her hands on her hips.

  “Madison, what the hell are you thinking messing around with Justin?”

  I bite my nails, not meeting her eyes. “It’s not like we’re blood related.”

  “So that makes it okay to roll around in the sheets with him.”

  I feel my eyes growing wide. “I haven’t slept with him.”

  “You’re unbelievable.” She shakes her head.

  “We’ve tried to fight our feelings for each other but it’s pointless.”

  “Is that your excuse?”

  “Look, I don’t expect you to understand, but Justin and I have a connection.”

  “No, I don’t get it. You’re playing with
fire.”

  I wonder if Tanya doesn’t approve because she thinks it’s disgusting to be dating my potential stepbrother. Or maybe she just doesn’t want me to be happy. Justin makes me more than content. I’ve never felt this way before. I’m not about to let her or anyone else get in the way of my happiness. People will always have something negative to say. Opinions are like buttholes, and I’m over it.

  “I’m sorry you don’t approve, but we really care about each other.”

  “You’re so naive, Madison. It’s your funeral.”

  My chest contracts. “Are you going to tell Mama?”

  “Nope. I’m going to sit back and watch this backfire in your face.”

  Tanya has said her piece and I’ve made my peace. I’m not as naive as she thinks. One day, our parents will find out. When the time comes, I hope they can accept it, because I believe that Justin and I are a sure thing.

  * * *

  This is the last game before Thanksgiving. Justin and I file into the stands next to Lina and Cara. Jackson sits higher above us with his crew. Tanya rode with Amber, and they’re gathered with a group in another section. This is the first football game I’ve attended. The stands are packed and the crowd is rowdy. All in all, I’m excited to be here. Probably because my date is fun to hang with, not to mention extremely handsome.

  The Envy of Taylor has become my new last name. The rest of the week has followed the same trend—stares, glares, and bold questions from gossipers. My fingers are crossed that a fight or another interesting tidbit happens to take their mind away from Justin’s and my love affair, as it’s been called.

  I shrug off the hateful glares and envious stares I’ve gotten since I arrived. Tonight, I’m going to ignore negative energy, determined to have a swell time. A breeze whips through the air. I wrap my coat tighter around me. Justin scoots closer, pulling me into his arms.

  “Having a good time?”

  “I am.” I beam at him. His answering grin causes my heart to skip a beat. “I’m not used to this chilly air. It’s nice, though. Better than Houston’s humidity.”

  “That’s for sure.”

  Leaning over, Lina says, “I’m still psyched you came with Justin. Loving all these chicks who are hating.”

  “I wish they would give it a rest.”

  “Once they see that you guys are a sure thing, eventually, they’ll back off.”

  Whispering, I ask, “You think we got something good?”

  “Anyone with eyes can see that.” Lina’s expression fills with excitement.

  The play-off game against Jersey Village is competitive and keeps everyone on their toes. I’m not a football fan, but I can’t help but be engaged.

  Every day I’m getting to know him better. Justin hasn’t said a word, but during the first two quarters, he’d periodically glance above us. So, after half-time, I forced him to go with his friends.

  During fourth quarter, Justin comes back down. His brow is furrowed. There had been a boatload of laughter from the gang seated above us. I could only imagine what they were chuckling about.

  “Were your friends giving you a hard time?” I ask.

  A lopsided grin forms on his face. “Yeah, how’d you guess?”

  “Jackson was chuckling the loudest. Not to mention they kept looking at me.”

  “Those dick-wads can bite me.”

  We all laugh. “What did they say?” Cara chimes in.

  Justin doesn’t seem like he’s going to answer, until I arch my eyebrow.

  “Normal guy-teasing stuff.” He shrugs. “Madison’s got me whipped. She’s got me wrapped around her finger.”

  “Well, you know your homeboys like to joke around,” I offer. Justin is down to earth. I doubt he’s mad, more likely annoyed.

  “Oh, I’m gonna pay them back, sooner or later.”

  “That’s the spirit.”

  Taylor wins by a touchdown. The atmosphere is energetic afterward as everyone files to the parking lot. “I parked kinda far. Will you be okay waiting while I bring my truck up, mi amor?” Justin asks.

  I melt on the spot. It’s a Spanish word we learned today. Knowing what it means makes my heart flutter. “I’ll be fine. Lina has to wait for her ride.” We told Cara bye a minute ago. Her ride was already there.

  After Justin is out of earshot, Lina squeals. “Did he just call you, my love? You guys are too cute.”

  I can feel my cheeks flame scarlet. The lot is so congested—it makes the flow of clearing out slow. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving break?” I ask Lina, not commenting on her remark.

  “Some family members are coming down? What about you? Are you going to Baton Rouge?”

  “Nah. I miss my grandma, but Mama wants to have a small Thanksgiving with just us this year.”

  “That’s cool. Maybe you can come over and hang out over the break.”

  “I’d like to. I’ll let you know.”

  Amber spots me through the bustle. She is with Tanya and some of their friends. Amber waves—I wave back.

  “Don’t look in the direction of two o’ clock,” Lina sighs.

  If it was a snake, it would’ve bitten me. It ends up being a viper, Jennifer Lovett. She inches her way closer, home-girls flanking her. “Great,” I mumble. That chick has given me murderous glares all week. I hope she continues to pass me. No such luck. I’ll just ignore her. I place my hand over my eyes, searching for Justin’s SUV.

  “Well, look what the cat’s dragged in,” Jennifer sneers.

  Lina blows out her breath. My eyes reach the heavens.

  One of her friends’ giggles. “I think she’s waiting for someone.”

  I don’t respond.

  “She’s so naive,” Jennifer spits. “She believes Jenkins really wants her. Everyone with sense knows, unless you’re the real deal, like me, guys like him are only interested in one thing.”

  “It’ll be fun to watch,” her light-skinned friend adds.

  Lina’s eyes grow as big as golf balls, while I count to ten … twenty. I’m trying my best not to let them rile me up, but their tactics are starting to work.

  “Is she mute?” Jennifer’s other home-girl turns up her nose.

  “She’s just a cunt who’s outta her league,” Jennifer answers.

  Thirty! Loud noises ring through the air from the conversing of the crowd. That doesn’t stop the majority of them from looking in our direction and drawing nearer—no surprise there. I shoot daggers at her.

  “Cat’s got your tongue?” Jennifer raises her eyebrow.

  I spot Justin’s silver SUV in the distance. I only need to hold on a little longer.

  “I guess she’s scared of you,” one girl instigates.

  Forty!

  “She ain’t that stupid to cross me.”

  My eyes bulge. Lina cusses under her breath. The viper steps right in front of me, glowering.

  “Try me if you want. I’ll knock your ass into the middle of next week,” Jennifer threatens.

  Fifty! A huge grin spreads across my face—total opposite of how I feel. Screw this! I’m not sure what I am gonna say, but I’m going to stand my ground. The viper has succeeded in striking a nerve. Confrontation is my last option. Everyone around has heard how she’s degraded me. I need to let her know I’m not about to just let her run over me.

  My smile throws her off. Jennifer wrinkles her nose. An idea sparks to life. Definitely out of my character, but I’m going to grow a pair. Fumes feel like they are seeping out of my ears. Tired of comparing whose stuff owns the best gold, it’s time to put this chick in her place.

  “Justin doesn’t want me, huh?” I gloat at her.

  “I’ll give it a week before he dumps you,” The viper states proudly.

  Pulling up, Justin gets wind of her. He keeps the car running but gets out. We aren’t far from the curb. Justin walks over to us briskly with his forehead wrinkled.

  “Everything okay, Madi?” he asks, not taking his eyes off of Jennifer.

  �
��Couldn’t be better, babe.” He stares down at me, curiously. I lean closer to him, wrapping my arm around his waist. Jennifer scowls. “Hum, I was wondering though. I’m not sure that you really want me.”

  Justin frowns, trying to decipher what I mean. His nostrils flare, and then he takes a deep breath. “That’s definitely not the case.”

  Soon, he’ll figure out my approach. I’m about to give him a full introduction of my ploy. Standing on my tiptoes, I reach up, and then capture his mouth—my tongue demanding entry. His lips part for me, taken by surprise at first. A moment later, he buries his hands in my hair, deepening our kiss. Audible gasps are heard over the noise. Among them are sounds of disgust and others of amusement.

  Making a spectacle of myself is my intention. The viper started a scene—I’ll finish it. Grandma Thibodeaux is a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. So, I’m giving Jennifer an eyeful, showing her exactly what Justin and I have going on. Letting her and anyone else with a problem know, I’m not going to cower or just take it. It’s time to put my foot down. Finally, we pull back, winded.

  “I think he just got her pregnant!” a chick shouts.

  “It might’ve been the other way around with how she kissed him,” a dude counters.

  An array of expressions circulate from our audience. Some people’s mouths drop, and others are at a loss for words. Tanya’s eyes are as big as saucers. Amber and Lina wear huge grins. Jen’s face is pure loathing.

  “I’m betting you’re wrong on that note, Jennifer,” I speak up, loud and clear. “I’m pretty sure I am the real deal, as you put it.” Her eyes form into narrow slits.

  “Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Justin exclaims. “You ready, mi amor?” He leans down, planting a kiss on my forehead.