Scorn of Secrets

by B Truly

  My chest heaves as red invades my vision. Tanya is on my hate list now. How can she say these things to me?

  Tanya tries to push me out of her way. “I’m done with this conversation.”

  I’m not having it. My sense of thinking vanishes. “You’re not going anywhere!”

  “Move outta my way!”

  “Make me!” I shove her hard and she tumbles into her armoire, the force knocking her to the floor.

  Enraged, Tanya jumps up quickly, coming after me. “Slut, you’ve lost your mind! Now you’re going to regret it.”

  Our yelling must have gotten loud. The door flies open. Regan rushes in, coming between us before she can retaliate. Tanya’s trying to get to me but is unable to get around Regan. We both have our claws out, ready to throw down.

  “Ladies, calm down! Why are you guys arguing?” Regan asks.

  Tanya simmers down a spell. “Madison was telling me about a problem. When I gave her my opinion, that I didn’t think she was being honest, she lost it and attacked me.”

  “Why would I lie about that!” Livid, I charge her. Raising my fist, I swing. Regan stays frozen. Before I can hit her, I’m lifted from my waist. My feet come off the ground, and I’m hauled from her room. I struggle but stop when I realize it’s Justin. He pulls me to the hallway.

  “What was that about?” Justin asks, letting go of my waist.

  “It’s … nothing.”

  His eyebrow arches. “It sure didn’t look like nothing.”

  Biting my lip, I meet his gaze briefly. My chest constricts, so my eyes dart back to the hardwood floor. “Tanya’s a piece of work.” I use her same words.

  “Ain’t that the truth? You okay? I mean … it looked like you were holding your own in there, physically. I meant emotionally.”

  My emotions are so unraveled they aren’t even in this time zone. It won’t do any good to express that fact. Instead, I say, “I’ll be fine.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Not really.”

  “Figured as much.”

  “I didn’t mean to cause problems. Your dad looked frantic. I thought he might expire on the spot.”

  Justin rubs his temple. “He hasn’t had to break up a fight in years. Probably since Jay and I were young.”

  I sigh. “I’m sure Mama’s gonna be pissed.”

  “I know you, Madison. You wouldn’t have tried to fight your sister without a good reason. Tanya has a foul mouth. Whatever she said, I’m pretty sure she deserved it.”

  “Thanks for saying that.”

  “I’m here if you change your mind about talking.”

  I nod, knowing that won’t happen. I wish more than anything we could go back to how things were. It’s obvious nothing will ever be the same again. I confided in my sister, hoping this one time, Tanya would have my back. Confessing to her backfired. I end up feeling worse than I did before. The weight of my burden feels overwhelming. I don’t think I’ll ever gain enough strength to tell another soul, so I will have to find a way to cope with it.

  When Mama arrives, I get an earful. “What were you and Tanya arguing about that you came to blows over?”

  I mumble, “It involved drama at school.”

  “Well, you owe your sister an apology. She told me how you pushed her first.”

  My jaw drops at her playing the innocent victim. “I’m not telling her sorry. I refuse.”

  “It’s the courteous thing to do when you attack someone for no reason.”

  Crossing my arms, I reply, “It wasn’t for no reason. I confided in Tanya and she refused to even hear me out.”

  “Your sister has a right to her own opinion. Maybe she feels that you are in the wrong.”

  “You don’t even know the half of it.”

  “I don’t need to know the fine details. Regan’s all worked up. He said if Justin hadn’t pulled you back that you would have punched your sister. That is unacceptable. Whatever this is about, you’ve taken it too far.”

  “I guess it’s okay for Tanya to call me a slut and was more than willing to fight me back.”

  “Enough, young lady!”

  I sigh, exasperated. I wish I could blurt out the truth. My reservations of rejection stop me. If I couldn’t confide in Tanya, then I doubt it will go over well with my mom. She is engaged to Jackson’s dad. My senses scream that she would resent me, thinking I’m making stuff up to try to break up her happy home. Realizing this is a lost cause, I say, “Fine, I’ll apologize.”

  Mama holds her shoulders high. “Very good. You need to learn how to have a conversation without letting your emotions take over. Flying off the handle won’t get you anywhere in life.”

  I remain silent, shaking my head as she leaves. I’ll apologize to Tanya when Hades freezes over. I only told Mama that to appease her. Trying to explain to her is like talking to a brick wall. It’s best to just let it go.

  * * *

  As I pass the media room, I hear a thumping sound followed by a feminine moan. Thinking maybe Mama or Tanya have injured themselves, I go to check it out.

  After I open the media door, I get an eye full. Tanya and Jackson are entangled in each other’s arms, lip-locked. Tanya is giving him back what she’s receiving, and it is a body full. She’s practically sitting in his lap, her leg thrown over him. He’s cupping her boob with one hand, rubbing her thigh with the other. She grinds her body into him.

  My startled gasp halts them in their tracks. My jaw drops in total shock about what I’ve walked in on. Understanding kicks in, spinning me into an alternate reality—one that slaps the heck out of me. Pieces of the puzzle are clicking into place. The reason Tanya refused to believe me and took Jackson’s side is now crystal clear.

  She is the one who has a thing for him. Realization of this makes my stomach churn—two factors coming into play. One, Tanya didn’t believe me and truly thought I wanted Jackson. In hindsight, she thought I was cock-blocking her. According to her, I’m only spreading horrible lies just to spite Jackson.

  Second, maybe she did believe me. This revelation rocks me to my core. I recall her expression when I’d first confessed. Tanya’s eyes had grown large, full of trepidation. I thought she was fearful for what I endured. Now I ponder that it might’ve been the total opposite—her consternation was for Jackson and what that meant for her. If that’s the case, then Tanya is so spellbound with Jackson, she’s willing to ignore what he’d done to me. I push the latter to the rear of my mind—it’s too painful and over the top to be true. Tanya can be cold and spiteful. There is just no way she’d want to be with a guy after her sister confessed, he’d manipulated and abused her.

  Either way, Tanya has chosen him over me, and that fact hurts worse.

  31

  Stuck in a Corner

  Tanya doesn’t even budge. She leaves her leg straddled over him. Jackson’s lips tug upward, wearing an expression of pure arrogance. He kisses Tanya on her forehead, and she snuggles against him. The seed he’s planted is in full blossom. My sister is now Team Jackson. He was right when he’d taunted that if I told, it wouldn’t work in my favor. If my own sister refused to believe me, then who would? Unable to stomach any more, I rush from the media room.

  * * *

  Tanya and I have been on the outs since I confided in her, only to have her call me a liar. What takes the cake was finding her entangled in Jackson’s arms. It isn’t the fact of them messing around, more power to them. I’d dated the other twin, and maybe they started fooling around before I confessed. That still doesn’t change the fact she messed with him after I told her about Jackson. I don’t think I can ever forgive her.

  Some days I hitch a ride with Justin. When he has morning practice, I’m stuck riding the yellow bus. I won’t dare ask Tanya for a ride—not that she’d even let me get in her car. The few times we’ve made eye contact, she’d given me death glares.

  * * *

  Lately, no matter what amount of sleep I get, I always feel exhausted. All week
, I’ve slept like the dead. Thankfully, no bad dreams, but I’m still tired.

  By 6th period, I conk out. A tickling-tingle moves across my ear. With my head lying on top of my history desk, drool and all, my eyes flutter open. Coach Schroder is ticking my earlobe to wake me up.

  “Rise and shine, sleepyhead. You must have stayed up late partying last night?” Coach jokes, cracking a smile.

  The entire class erupts in laughter. Lifting my head, I use my sleeve to wipe my mouth, blinking in a daze. Coach Schroder is the nicest teacher I’ve ever had. Caught napping in another class might’ve gotten me detention. Coach only gives hand taps in History. I hear he is a different character when it comes to coaching the team.

  I feel my cheeks flush. “Sorry.”

  “You okay?” he asks, his expression turning serious.

  “I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep well, definitely no parties.”

  “Yeah, because she thinks she’s a goodie-two shoes,” a chick shoots venom.

  Coach wrinkles his nose at her. “That’s enough. Number one rule in my class is that we respect each other.”

  The chick shrinks in her chair, but not before shooting a glare in my direction. Coach Schroder continues our lesson. At least I hadn’t jolted awake screaming like I did some nights. That would’ve been more than embarrassing.

  * * *

  The talk of Taylor is the upcoming game tonight. Gathering my purse, I’m about to leave. Justin left me his keys. Frankly, I’m surprised he trusts me to drive his sleek Aviator. I’ve only driven it a time or two. Justin stayed after school in preparation for the game and let me drive his SUV home. Maybe he wants to ensure that I come. I’m his ride home. The thought makes me smile. He still cares. That fact causes warmth to fill me and tears at my heart simultaneously. I, too, still care for him deeply. My life has just changed dramatically—no longer the same person. I was never a social butterfly. I had started to bloom into my own, only to turn into a paranoid hermit. Sick of allowing fear to rule over me, this is the first step. Getting back out there, trying to gain some form of normalcy, and then maybe I can forget. Jackson hasn’t approached me in over a month. With Tanya as his new plaything, maybe he’ll leave me alone for good.

  My cell vibrates—a text from Amber. R u still going tonite?

  Yeah, about 2 leave in a minute.

  K. Text me when u arrive. I’ll save u a seat.

  Lately, Amber and I seem friendlier than her and Tanya. We chat often. Since Tanya started hooking up with Mr. Schizo, she’s tossed her friends to the side. All her attention is focused on him, and she hangs out with another crowd, the girlfriends of Jackson’s buddies. I’d gotten the info from Amber. I don’t know much about what’s happening in Tanya’s life. We haven’t spoken a word to each other since our showdown—doing our best to avoid one another.

  After I start the engine, my phone rings, lighting up Lina’s number on the screen. “Hi,” I answer. “I’m on my way to pick you up.”

  “Bad news. My mom’s tripping. She found my progress report and grounded me for my grades. Now she won’t let me go to the game.”

  “Yikes, Lina, sorry. That sucks.”

  Lina blows out her breath. “I wish my mom was laid-back like yours seems to be. I never hear you complaining about her.”

  That’s because she’s so into her new fiancé to even ask how I am, or what’s going on in my life. “Probably because she doesn’t care much.”

  “Huh? What makes you say that?”

  Definitely don’t want to get into Charlotte Guillory and her non-nurturing ways. “My Mama’s really self-absorbed. Always has been, let’s leave it at that.”

  “I had no clue.”

  “It is what it is.”

  “I was so psyched about you picking me up in Justin’s Aviator—looking forward to chicks being green with envy. Especially since you and your boy are patching things up.”

  She’s far off the mark—if Lina only had a clue. “We’re only friends.”

  “Yeah, sure. Must be the good kind. I seriously doubt Justin would let any girl drive his truck.” I don’t comment. “It’s probably better if you guys take it slow. You know, it seemed like y’all had a hard break-up. Keep playing the friend card, it’ll keep him in line.”

  Lina’s careful spirit reminds me of Dari. It makes me laugh. “Whatever you say, Lina.” No sense of arguing. Once she got something in her head, it stuck.

  “Will you be okay going alone?”

  “Amber’s still going. I’ll sit with her.”

  “Oh, okay.” Lina’s voice is filled with such disappointment. “Well, I better get off the phone before I get in more trouble.”

  “All right. See you tomorrow.”

  “Text me if any good gossip happens.”

  I can’t help rolling my eyes, grinning at the same time.

  The Taylor/Hastings game is more packed than the last one I attended. The crowd is rowdy. Justin, the varsity’s point guard, is already letting loose on the other team. Watching Justin play feels like watching a pro-basketball game. He’s that great. Cara and I text, hoping to find each other in the huge throng of folks. So far, no luck. Amber arrives shortly before me, right as the game begins. We barely snag a seat.

  The first two quarters fly by. For half time we’re both hungry, so we head to the concession stand. In the long line, I ask, “How are things with Santiago? I’ve seen you guys together a few times in school.”

  Amber grins from ear-to-ear. “We’re kinda in the hang-out-still-getting-to-know-each-other stage. Santiago’s real shy. It took him forever to even ask me out on a first date.”

  “Well, there’s nothing wrong with taking things slow.”

  “Yeah, I really like him.”

  “He seems into you, too.”

  “I’m ready to at least make it to second base.”

  “Maybe you need to make it clear how you feel.” My advice is almost comical. In my current situation, who am I to be giving it? Amber has always been kind to me, though, so I want to offer any I can give.

  Amber smirks. “I might have to. I think a turtle moves faster than Santiago.” I burst out laughing. “Finally got a smile outta you. You’ve been down in the dumps lately.”

  I shift uncomfortably. “There’s been a lot going on.”

  “Figured as much. You wanna talk about it? I kinda got a feeling what it’s about.”

  Amber would piss her pants if she knew the gist of it. “Not at the moment,” I reply as politely as I can.

  “I wish this line would hurry up,” Amber complains. “I’m starving.”

  “Me, too. I’m going to go to the restroom. Do you mind getting me popcorn and a hotdog if you make it to the front before I return?”

  “Sure thing.”

  I hand her some money, then dart off toward the restroom. As I veer a corner, I see someone coming in through the glass doors from the parking lot. The person is about to head down another hall. My chest constricts at the second glance, realizing who it is. Just keep going, just keep going. My luck seems to get worse and worse. Jackson halts in his tracks, does a double-take, and then starts coming toward me.

  32

  Miserable Nights

  The restroom is right around another corner, so I quicken my pace. As usual, luck isn’t in my favor. He catches up to me fast, blocking me from going further.

  “Hey, sweet-cheeks.”

  The nerve of him to still call me that. “Get outta my way.”

  “I was only saying hi. You don’t gotta be pissy about it.”

  I refuse to meet his eyes, barely keeping a lid on my terror. Two girls prance around the corner. When they see Jackson, they expire on the spot. One smiles seductively. The other exclaims, “Hi, Jay!”

  “Ladies.” Jackson nods to them.

  They bat their lashes and hang around, hoping for more attention. Normally, this would irk me. This time, their fawning is a welcome distraction to get away from him. Unfortunately, Jackson catches on t
o my plan, moving in front of me.

  “Why don’t you two catch up with me after the game? I’m kinda in the middle of something right now.”

  The chick who’s all smiles says, “Okay.”

  The other girl shoots daggers in my direction, clearly disappointed Jackson has brushed her off. “What makes her so special?” she mumbles under her breath as they slowly walk away.

  “What do you want, Jackson?” I sigh.

  “We need to discuss a few things.”

  “We don’t need to hash out anything. Just stay away from me—simple as that.” I’m proud my voice sounds steady.

  “Why are you acting this way?”

  This guy really is delusional! “Are you serious? I can’t believe you’re standing there all innocent, like I have an attitude with you for no reason.”

  Jackson’s face contorts—I cower. “Look, I don’t want any problems out of you. Our parents are getting married soon, so we need to be able to be in the same room together.”

  His hostile demeanor is beyond intimidating. “Our parents getting married is out of my control.”

  “Well, you need to get over it. I’ve moved on, so should you.”

  How am I supposed to get over him stealing my virginity, sexually harassing, and threatening me? Not to mention, lying and manipulating my sister to get her on his side.

  I can only gape at him. He hasn’t even apologized. I guess in his head, he thinks I really want him and I’m only playing hard to get. I wonder what personality is surfacing. Mr. Arrogance, or maybe a combination of him with Mr. Wicked—because this dude clearly has a multiple personality disorder. Jackson is acting like I’m bitter because we’ve broken up. This guy turned my world upside down just when it was getting better. Thanks to him, my mind is constantly on guard. I can’t even look into the face of the boy I love because Mr. Schizo has taken away that trust, destroying it in the blink of an eye.

  Anger encompasses me, making me feel stronger. “By moving on, you mean screwing my sister?”

  He arches his eyebrow. “Are you jealous?”