Gabe and I were opposite in many ways too and I hoped the example my parents set for me would help me to accommodate Gabe’s needs and personality rather than stifle it. Factoring what I had learned about his need to please from his mother, I knew I’d have to work harder to be his ray of sunshine and not a soul-sucking tornado that would take everything he wanted to give and leave emptiness behind. Later that night, I brought it up when we returned to our beach–as I’d come to think of it.
At first, Gabe laughed at my analogy, but then he stopped when he realized I was serious. “I would never describe you as a soul-sucking tornado, Josh. You’re definitely a ray of sunshine and sometimes I need to wear sunglasses because you burn so bright.”
I stopped and looked at him. “I don’t think I can properly express just how much it means to me that you don’t ever try to change me–not the way I talk, dress, or sashay my happy ass down the street. You’re not only a blue sky, Gabe, you’re one that’s so vivid and striking that there are no clouds marring its perfection. Those days are so rare, but then again, I think you are too.” I think it was a tossup as to who was more surprised by my words.
“I can think of a way you can attempt to express your feelings for me if words have failed you, Sunshine.”
From that moment on, Gabe swapped out his nickname for me and started calling me Sunshine instead of babe. Gabe got a kick out of spending time with my parents too and I don’t think I ever saw him laugh so hard when I told him about my “coming out” party. I told him it made his “welcome party” look tame in comparison. It was both a humiliating and heartwarming experience, one that I’d never forget for the rest of my life.
On our last night in Florida, we had dinner with both sets of parents. We were practically ignored as our folks got to know one another and talked about us like we weren’t in the same room. We just sat there and watched it all unfold as we enjoyed a lovely dinner while Al and my father discussed who should pay for it. Gabe snatched up the bill while those two argued good naturedly, then we quietly snuck away so we could enjoy our last night of vacation before we had to return home.
It was obvious he needed my warmth and radiance even more when we returned to Ohio to temperatures that barely broke the freezing mark after an amazing week in the sun. Neither of us had been eager to return, but we couldn’t stay gone forever. I had a business to run and Gabe needed to look like he wasn’t guilty of whatever crimes IA thought he committed.
We had so much to do that Sunday when we returned home. The first thing we did on our way home from the airport was stop by the grocery store to get emergency staples. I had planned to do the real shopping the following day, but there wasn’t going to be a damn thing in that house to eat, and I was staying home once I got there. I picked up ingredients for a tossed salad and homemade pizza. Gabe added cupcakes from the bakery.
Gabe helped me carry the luggage and groceries upstairs then left to pick up Buddy from Adrian and Sally Ann’s house. I spent a good amount of time fussing over my own feather and fur babies who were happy to see me even though I knew that Meredith and Chaz took good care of them in my absence. I let Jazzy out of her cage to run and play while Diva weaved in and out of my legs.
Savage squawked happily, “Fucknugget! Fucknugget!” I had worried that Savage would revert back to his destructive habits while I was gone, but Meredith assured me that she would keep a close eye on him and even stay over if he looked to be freaking out over being left alone at night. The way he bopped his head and moved from side to side told me that he had done just fine.
As much as I enjoyed our trip, it was good to be home among my familiar things and my babies. I looked forward to spending some quiet time in my salon the following day and getting back into my normal routine, but until then, I had a lot of laundry and things to do. I knew that Gabe would do his part and help, but it didn’t take more than one person to load the washing machine.
I sorted the dirty laundry into piles on the washroom floor and returned the luggage to the walk-in closet in my bedroom. When I exited the closet, I realized that there was something on my perfectly made bed that didn’t belong. A bouquet of decaying red roses and an envelope was placed in the center of my pillows. I knew in my heart that the gift wasn’t left there by one of my friends to welcome me home. My first thought was to remove the offending items from my bed, but I knew I wasn’t allowed to touch it. I just stood there staring.
In fact, I was in the same spot when Gabe and Buddy returned. “Sunshine,” Gabe called out.
“In here.”
Buddy bounded in and made a beeline right for me. It was the jolt back to reality that I needed and not even the ominous gift could stop me from dropping to my knees to give Buddy the hug and ear scratching he needed.
“What the fuck is that?” Gabe asked when he walked into the room. He went over to the bed and leaned over to get a closer look without touching the evidence left behind. “Goddamn it.” He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and called the police station.
Next thing I knew, my home was filled with officers–twice the amount that showed up for the tire slashing. I’m telling you I saw people I didn’t even know lived in our town or worked on the force. My house was dusted for fingerprints, photos were taken, the offending items were handled with latex gloves, and Gabe had Meredith and Chaz come over to speak with the police so they could try and figure out when the items were left behind. I wasn’t included in any of it; Gabe sat me on the couch and I was left there until the last person left my home.
The quiet night at home I had planned with Gabe was shot to hell. I watched as his body got tighter and his face grew more tense as the minutes ticked away. Gabe had read whatever was in the envelope and I could feel him trying to build a wall between us. I wasn’t about to let that happen.
Gabe stood with his back to me for a long time as he ran his hand through his hair. I figured he was searching for the right words to say, but that gave me time to prepare some of my own. Gabe dropped his hand then turned to face me. The devastated look in his eyes shredded me. Whatever he was thinking was hurting him so bad and I was certain I didn’t want to hear his thoughts spoken out loud.
“No, Gabe.” I shook my head. “You don’t get to make me fall in love with you then crush my heart. You’re not allowed to say things like your world revolves around me then walk away. You don’t get to call me your Sunshine then end us.”
“It would only be until this guy is caught,” Gabe said.
“No,” I said in my most resolute voice.
“You don’t even know what was inside the envelope,” Gabe told me.
“I don’t care.” Well, I did care, but I knew that we were stronger together than apart. “This sick fuck just wants to drive a wedge between us and you’re letting them win.”
“It said: ‘If you cared about him then you would’ve heeded the warning. He will die for your mistake.’ I’m already responsible for…”
“Do not say that you’re responsible for Nate Turner’s death. I’m still not convinced this has anything to do with Nate’s death,” I told Gabe.
“I might’ve agreed if the bastard didn’t include a picture of a dead Nate Turner that was taken at the scene of his homicide. Whoever this person is means business and for whatever reason they’re targeting me. I will not–cannot–let you get hurt because of me. Josh, I would rather break your heart temporarily than see any harm come to you.”
“Bullshit!” I knew my heart didn’t work that way and I wasn’t so sure that I’d forgive him once the threat to me was gone. “Listen very carefully to what I have to say, Gabe, because I’m not playing around here. I’ve been bullied my whole life and this right here is just a scarier, more intense form of bullying. I. Will. Not. Have. It.”
“Sunshine…”
“No! You don’t get to tell me you’re going to break my heart and in the very next breath use the cutesy name you have for me. We’re going to be a team and work through this like
the example our parents set for us.” I rose to my feet and went to him. “Gabe, I love you. Please don’t give up on us.”
Gabe closed his eyes and I had hope that maybe he was coming around. When he reopened them, I didn’t see the conviction I had hoped my words would stir inside him, but neither did I see desperation for me to understand him. I held my breath while I waited to hear what he had to say and he waited so long that I became dizzy.
“Things will need to change around here,” he said firmly.
“Okay,” I readily agreed, but then thought about it. “What kind of things?”
“You’re getting an alarm installed on all of the doors and windows. You will no longer allow the back door to remain unlocked during business hours. It stays shut and locked at all times. You have plenty of neighbors to the front of your house and business, but none in the back since no one has moved into Bianca’s house. You will have a door and a lock installed at the bottom of the stairs so that you can keep people from wandering upstairs while you’re busy in the salon.” Gabe had held up a finger with every demand that he made. “Those flowers weren’t there a few days ago when Meredith enticed a pouting Diva from beneath your bed with a treat. I think the flowers were already dead and were brought up during salon hours yesterday since Saturday is your busiest day. Someone probably came through the back door and headed right up the steps to your home.”
None of his demands were unreasonable or too intrusive and in fact made a lot of sense. Blissville wasn’t the same town that I grew up in and it was past time that I accepted it. Extra locks and security versus no Gabe. There really was no contest.
“Fine, but it’s going to be a snazzy door down there, Gabe. I won’t have the ambience and atmosphere ruined by an ill-matched door that sticks out like a sore thumb.”
Gabe pulled me to him, wrapped his arms around me, and held me tight. “God, I love you, Sunshine.”
I stayed up hours after Josh fell asleep against my chest. I worried that I let my heart make the wrong decision. I meant what I had said that I’d rather hurt him temporarily so that he stayed alive, but I saw in his eyes that forgiveness might not be forthcoming if I walked away from him, even if it was in his best interest. I caved because I wanted to and for no other reason. I could only hope my actions wouldn’t hurt him or do anything to dim his brightness.
Sleep, when it came, was fitful and filled with disturbing dreams. I saw Josh’s beautiful face marred with blood and a bullet wound instead of Nate’s. I saw Josh yelling my name and reaching for help that would never come in time to save him. I jerked awake at least ten times in the three hours of sleep I managed to get. Each time, Josh slept soundly nestled against me with his arm and leg thrown across my body to prevent me from leaving him.
God, the thought of breaking his heart killed me, but I wasn’t convinced I had been wrong. I was overcome with the need to get as close to him as I could. I needed his flesh against mine everywhere. No matter how scary life was in that moment, there was one constant: I was a man and I had morning wood. I knew I wasn’t going to fall asleep again so I rolled Josh to his back and woke him with kisses all over his face and neck until he was fully awake and as aroused as I was.
Josh rolled the condom down my dick after I prepared him then I slid inside him; it was as natural as breathing. I saw in his eyes just how uncertain he was about our relationship and I hated that I put that doubt in his eyes. He worried that I was telling him goodbye with my body before I said it with words. I had told Josh I was staying and I wouldn’t go back on my word. “No way I can live without my Sunshine,” I said. My words and the way my body moved were an affirmation of my commitment to him–to us; not a goodbye.
I was rewarded with a brilliant smile that banished the clouds of doubt from his pretty hazel eyes. How had I thought for a second that I could live without his smile every single day? I promised to kick my own ass if I allowed myself to think it ever again.
Morning sex was usually pretty fast and hungry, and that morning was no different in that aspect, but we held each other tighter and kissed longer because I had almost done something stupid that would’ve compounded a bad situation. I had a feeling that Josh would get even with me for my flawed thoughts at a time and choosing at his convenience, but I had too much on my mind to worry about it. I’d pay the price and be glad for the opportunity.
I stayed in the shower after Josh got out and dried off, hoping to wake up. Josh surprised me by opening the door and handing me a cup of coffee. He was wearing a wide grin on his face and looked pretty pleased with himself to a level that said it had nothing to do with bringing me coffee.
“Check out the coffee mug. I ordered it while we were on vacation and it arrived already,” he said.
I looked down at the mug and it said: I enjoy movie nights, long walks on the beach, and cuddling. “Oh my god. Our vacation was a movie night away from a cliché,” I told him.
“I know!” He leaned his head in for a quick kiss. “It was absolutely perfect.”
It was too. I had never enjoyed myself more than I did with him that week. We laughed and had some great times, which made what happened yesterday so much harder to swallow. I got a glimpse of my future with Josh and I couldn’t let it get ripped away.
I stood beneath the hot spray enjoying my coffee until the water ran cold. Josh was already on the phone with an alarm company by the time I got out, dried, and dressed. “It must be my lucky day,” he said when I came to him for my goodbye kiss. “They had a cancellation and will be here to install the system today.”
Having someone threatening to kill him didn’t make him lucky, but it was fortunate that the appointment was open. “Keep the doors locked and text me your grocery demands,” I said then thought about it. “Better yet, I’ll be home at a decent time and we can go together.”
“You’ll protect me at all costs, even if someone tries to take the produce I want.” Josh held his hands in front of him to form a pistol and playfully hit a pose that made him look like a modern day Charlie’s Angels. It was exactly the lighthearted thing I needed to put a smile on my face and remind me just what I was fighting for.
Adrian arrived the same time as me and he pulled me to the side before we went into the station. “Damn, Gabe. I heard about the threat left at Josh’s house.”
Even though I hadn’t called him, it was possible someone else on the force did, but I was betting he heard about it at the diner. So help me God, nothing was a secret in Blissville. “What did you hear at the diner this morning?” I asked.
“That someone killed his cat and left it for dead for him to find on his bed,” Adrian said, confirming my suspicions were correct. “How come you didn’t say anything when you picked Buddy up last night?”
“First, it wasn’t a dead cat, it was a bouquet of decaying flowers, a note, and a picture of a dead Nate Turner,” I told Adrian. “Second, I didn’t know about it until after I got home. I made one call to dispatch, and next thing I knew, everybody and their brother–minus you–was in our home dusting for fingerprints and stuff.”
“Home,” Adrian said then smiled. “You said ‘home’ and not Josh’s house.”
It was the second time I said it that morning, but Adrian was the first to point it out. Either Josh didn’t hear it or he ignored me when I told him I’d return home from work early. I wasn’t sure how to respond to Adrian so I just shrugged my shoulders.
Another random thought occurred to me while I stood in the frigid temperature with Adrian. Josh was meticulous about his home and salon, particularly with cleanliness. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t have gone to bed until the last black smudge from the fingerprint dusting had been eliminated. It just showed how much I had upset him the night before that he ignored the mess. It was a mistake I wouldn’t make again and I wished I was home helping him clean.
“Adrian, something really bad is going on and I honestly can’t wrap my head around it.” I told my partner about the photo of Nate, the
note in the envelope, and the gut feeling that whoever killed Nate thought I knew a hell of a lot more than I did. But why?
“That’s a damn good question,” Adrian said. “Maybe Captain Reardon will get some answers for us. It would sure help to know what the hell Nate was caught up in.”
The captain wasn’t in yet, which was unusual, but not unheard of. We had some open cases to work, the largest being the cache of drugs found at the high school, so I tried to focus on them until Captain Reardon showed up. As the minutes ticked by, however, I found it harder to concentrate because the captain was never late to the station.
It was almost noon before he walked through the front doors of the station. A gust of wind caught the bottom of his long trench coat and parted the fabric to reveal the captain had worn his dress blues. He looked at Adrian and me and jerked his head toward his office. We rose to our feet and followed immediately.
“Have a seat,” he said firmly, hanging up his coat. I exchanged a look with Adrian while we waited for the captain to take his seat behind his large, mahogany desk. “I drove to Cincinnati this morning since I wasn’t having any success on the phone.” His choice of wardrobe finally made sense. Someone who looked as powerful and commanding as he did would be hard to ignore.
“What did you learn?” I asked, hopeful it was something that would bust our case wide open.
“I learned a lot of little things, but I’m not sure yet how they all tie together, if they even do,” the captain said. I could tell he didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I needed something to put my mind at ease. “Let’s start with the biggest piece of the puzzle, which is whatever Nate might’ve been tied up in that instigated this mess. Nate and his nightclub were being investigated for prostitution. I learned that CPD had undercover officers working inside the nightclub to try and bust him.” Reardon pointed his finger at both of us and said, “None of this leaves my office.”
Welcome to Blissville Page 40