A Kind of Honesty

by Lane Hayes

  “Oh really?”

  “Yeah. I do. But you’re wrong. Listen to your younger, wiser, and better-looking friend… you deserve better. Be honest and be happy. The rest will come.”

  He hung up before I could respond. It was just as well. I didn’t have an argument. He was right. Unfortunately, life had gotten complicated, and I couldn’t help thinking the best recourse for the time being was to lie low. And hopefully get my groove back.

  Within a couple of days, I felt like I was well on my way to regaining my equilibrium. I loved being back in the city. Silly things, like walking to the corner market or hanging out with a few locals at the blues bar on Bowery were welcome changes to the fast-paced life on the road spent touring and making guest appearances. My neighbors might have known my profession, but they didn’t seem to care either way, which was fine by me. I wasn’t in danger of getting mobbed when I left my building by overzealous fans like Rand and Isaac were, and I could still take a cab anywhere without being bothered. We’d all been warned to be mindful of our surroundings, but I figured in New York City that was sound advice any day of the week. Even in SoHo, I mused as I glanced up and down Benny and Zeke’s quiet cobblestone street.

  There was a bite in the air that made me think the weatherman’s prediction for a late snowstorm could be a reality. I paid the taxi driver, then made a dash for their building. It was blessedly warm inside the modern lobby. I shook off the chill and smiled at the doorman.

  “Hi, Mr. Chalmers. I take it you’re here for Benny and Zeke,” the enthusiastic young man exclaimed.

  I nodded, not bothering to ask how he knew my name without me giving it. I’d learned not to question minor details nowadays. As long as he kept things light and friendly, it hardly mattered. He guided me toward the elevator and used his card key to access the roof.

  “The party’s on the roof?” My brow furrowed in dismay. It was fucking freezing outside.

  The doorman chuckled lightly as he held the elevator open. “Yes, but I’ve heard there’s a tent and a ton of outdoor space heaters. It should be comfortable.”

  “I’m sure you’re right. Thanks.” I stepped inside and waited for him to release his hold on the door.

  He inclined his head and blushed furiously before blurting, “Congratulations on your last album, by the way. I’m really looking forward to the next one.”

  “Thank—” The doors slid shut before I could reply.

  I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket and stared briefly at my reflection in the mirrored panels inside the elevator. I’d finally managed to get my hair cut, and at the last second, I decided to shave my beard. I looked more like myself, which according to my friends meant I resembled the average New York University grad student. A conservative guy who looked like he was modeling J.Crew menswear. Not that I was model handsome. I was good-looking enough, but I wasn’t special. My dark blond hair was cropped short now, and my green crew-neck sweater made my eyes pop. That was as much of a fashion statement anyone was getting from me, unless my Doc Martens counted.

  The heavy bass and synthesized rhythm of a Drake song vibrated through my body the moment the elevator doors opened onto the roof. I stopped to get my bearings before I sought out my friends. As promised, a gigantic party tent had been erected on the roof to shield partygoers from the elements. It must have helped with noise control too, because I hadn’t heard the music from the street. It wasn’t quite at club-level decibels, but it was loud.

  Everything looked fabulous. Fairy lights hung in a crisscross formation above the tent and from potted trees throughout the large space. I thought I spotted a disco ball and rainbow lights over the dance floor. This was pretty damn swanky for what Benny claimed was a “small gathering” of friends. There had to be fifty or more people here.

  “Ah! There you are! Looking good, man.” Cory smacked me upside the head, then gave me a bro fist bump.

  I kissed Holly’s cheek before retaliating. I threw in an elbow to his side for good measure and then swiped his glass from his hand.

  “Yuck.” I made a face and pushed it back at him before stepping toward the bar. “What is that?”

  “It’s a Benny special. Vodka, Sprite, cranberry juice, and lime and something sweet.”

  “Grenadine,” Holly said with a smile. “It’s like a Shirley Temple for grown-ups.”

  Cory put his arm around his girlfriend and squeezed her to his side. “Exactly. It’s not bad after the second or third.”

  “I’ll take your word for it. I’m going to settle for a boring vodka martini on the rocks.”

  “Isaac’s at the bar. Have him grab you one.” Cory yelled my order to Isaac, who gave me a giant grin and a thumbs-up sign.

  My shoulders relaxed a bit. It was nice to be with friends and not worry about work stuff. I wondered idly if Benny invited a ton of people from the label. I doubted it. He was busy with his work as a costume designer in a new theater production he was involved in with Will. His gig with Spiral had always been more of a part-time job. Benny was one of those ultra-friendly types who inexplicably seemed to know everyone, though. Which was obvious when I looked toward the group of people dancing just beyond the bar area. It was packed.

  Isaac appeared with my drink a moment later. He gave me a hug and tapped his glass against mine. “To three months of freedom.”

  “Cheers.”

  “Don’t let Rand hear you say that. He sent me a recording on my cell this morning. I think he’s lobbying to practice next week,” Cory informed us with an eye roll. “And you know him… two hours becomes ten pretty damn fast and—”

  He stopped at the sound of a commotion near the elevators, then busted up laughing. There was no need to turn around. We all knew what that whoop of excitement meant. The man in question had arrived. And in typical fashion, Rand was incapable of walking into a room without making an entrance. Rand was a force all his own. He wasn’t easily ignored or dismissed. He wouldn’t allow it. Cory and I had known him long enough to know it was just who he was, and Isaac had quickly learned. Thank God for Will. He was the voice of sanity that kept our lead singer from living in the clouds for too long.

  I caught of glimpse of Will talking to Zeke as Rand twirled Benny in a circle and sang “Happy Birthday” at the top of his lungs. Zeke and Will seemed immune to their antics. Benny was nothing like Rand, but he was no wallflower. I shook the ice in my glass and took a sip. I needed to fortify myself to deal with all the energy I sensed coming our way.

  I glanced toward the bar and started to turn to Cory, then did a double take back to the bar. I squinted and craned my neck to get a better look at the tall, outrageously handsome man placing his order. My eyes had to be playing tricks on me. He looked familiar. Before I could check again, someone pulled me into a headlock from behind and planted a sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek.

  I swiped at my cheek before turning to punch Rand’s bicep. “Asshole.”

  He scowled as he rubbed at his arm and then wrapped it around my waist. “You love me. Admit it.”

  “Not that much.” I grinned at Will and gave him a big hug, partly in greeting and yeah… to get under Rand’s skin. I seemed to revert to the teenager I’d been when we met ten years ago at community college. And Will knew it. He chuckled softly and pushed me back. “Come on, Will. What do you see in this guy?”

  “Some days it’s a mystery. But he’s kinda cute,” Will replied with a nonchalant shrug. He pointed at the pink concoction in Holly’s and Cory’s glasses. “Is that Benny’s special cocktail? He claimed it was ‘divine.’ Should I believe him or go for wine?”

  “It looks… special,” Rand commented with a goofy grin. “Want one? I’ll get our drinks. Timmy, need a refill?”

  I glanced down at my half-empty glass and shook my head. “I’m good for now. And I’m not sure about the pink stuff anyway.”

  “Try it! You’ll love it!” Benny bounced into the middle of our impromptu gathering and soaked up a new round of bir
thday greetings before turning to me. He pushed his glass at me insistently.

  “I did, Benny. It’s a little—”

  “Fruity?” Zeke supplied.

  I laughed and held my hand out to greet Zeke. Talk about a case of opposites attract. Benny and Zeke seemingly had nothing in common. Benny was an Italian spitfire who loved all things outlandish. The wackier, the better. While Zeke was a tall, good-looking man with a palpable intensity that had to have something to do with his Wall Street job. I liked Zeke and he obviously adored Benny, which was all that really mattered. Being in a band was like being in a family. Benny might only be our part-time stylist, but he’d been with Spiral for a couple years now. We all considered him an honorary family band member.

  “I was going to say sweet, but fruity works,” I admitted, brushing back Benny’s blue-highlighted bangs so I could see his eyes. “How does it feel to be creeping up on thirty?”

  “Fuck you, Timothy. I’m over you.”

  “Why’d you invite me, then?” I asked, making sure my forehead creased with faux confusion.

  “I was hoping for a fabulous gift,” he retorted with a hand on his hip.

  “Yeah, well….”

  “Actually, I heard I got it. A little bird told me you broke up with the barracuda—I mean bombshell. Is it true?”

  “It is.” I glanced back at the bar, wishing I didn’t have to do this every time I met with friends who hated my ex. It made me feel like an idiot. Everyone knew we were wrong for each other. Hell, even I knew it. I just couldn’t explain what the fuck took me so long to come to my senses.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Huh?”

  “I don’t like seeing you sad.” Benny’s tone was kind. There was no judgment in his expression. Just an honest acknowledgment that sometimes things don’t go as planned.

  “I’m okay.”

  “Good. I have someone who’s been looking forward to seeing you again. Come with me.”

  “Benny….”

  “It’s my birthday. Humor me.” He stood on his tiptoes as though it might help him see above the masses. “I don’t see her, but—oh wait. There she is. Come with me. Remember my cousin, Ella?”

  He grabbed my arm and propelled me through the crowd, pausing a couple times to wave a quick greeting before whistling to someone at the far end of the bar. I looked back to give Zeke a wide-eyed plea for help and turned just as Benny began a hurried round of introductions. A Justin Timberlake song was blasting over the sound system, making it difficult to hear in the cramped space. I leaned toward Benny and at the last second looked over to greet his cousin and—

  No fucking way.

  Suddenly the music faded, the crowd disappeared, and I was back in LA at a dive bar staring at a beautiful stranger. The ambient party lighting threw his chiseled features into shadow, then into stark relief, lending an aura of significance to the moment. I was mesmerized all over again. I felt the same intense stab of awareness I had almost a week ago, as though every detail was important, from his broad shoulders and tapered waist to the elegant arch of his brow and his sexy, full mouth. His hair looked darker and his eyes looked bluer, but there was no mistaking the visceral recognition in his gaze. And the humor.

  Someone bumped me from behind and threw their hand up for a high five by way of greeting. I absentmindedly obliged, though I wasn’t sure I knew the guy. It was a knee-jerk reaction that effectively broke the spell. Music and laughter flooded between us as Benny slung his arm around me to draw me closer to introduce me to his friend.

  “Tim, you’ve met Carter, right?”

  “Uh… no, I—”

  “Really? That’s funny. I would have thought you’d have bumped into each other at a party before this one. I’m sure you’ve heard me mention him. Carter is Zeke’s best friend, so I’ve decided to adopt him. He’s gorgeous and he doesn’t shed, so it’s working out well.” Benny turned theatrically to me and waved his hand like Vanna White presenting the prize behind door number two. “And this is Timmy. He’s the drummer for Spiral, which I suppose makes him one of my bosses. Be nice to him. I’ll keep an eye out for Ella. Be right back.”

  Benny was gone before either of us could utter a word. Not that it mattered. I was speechless.

  “Tim. Or Gary?” Carter asked with a mischievous grin.

  “Tim,” I confirmed.

  “Hmm. You look more like a Tim,” he replied.

  His eyes twinkled merrily as though he found this all very amusing. I supposed it might be on some level, but I couldn’t seem to swim above the haze to grasp the incredible irony of discovering my first one-night stand in ages was a friend of a friend. It was too fucking weird.

  “I’m not sure if you look like a James or a Carter. Or is James Carter your real name? Jimmy Carter,” I mulled thoughtfully. “Did your mom name you after the former president as a patriotic nod?”

  “No. I’m named after my great-grandfather.” He held out his right hand. “James Carter Hamilton-Temple the Fourth, at your service.”

  I reached for his hand automatically and damn… that initial jolt of awareness instantly became arousal at the first touch of skin. It was like last week in LA. If we’d never met before now, I was sure I would have felt it. I held on a moment too long. The hungry look in his eye told me he wasn’t immune either. I squeezed his hand before releasing it, then licked my lips and glanced distractedly toward the dancing revelers a few feet away.

  “So you’re the drummer?” he asked conversationally.

  “Yeah, I—” I was stopped again by an elbow in the side.

  It was Ella. She hugged me and then stepped back with a grin. She was a pretty, petite girl with long, dark hair and a beautiful smile. Benny caught us making out at a party after one of Spiral’s shows a year ago and decided we were perfect for each other. Ella was sweet, but there was no real spark. I didn’t think it was worthwhile to explain it was just one of those “in the heat of the moment” things. Then Miranda came along. She’d been a territorial girlfriend. The kind who wanted to know the name of every girl I’d ever been with. It was a good thing she hadn’t known about the men too, I mused.

  “Hi there, stranger. Benny told me to come find you.” Ella stepped back to greet Carter too. “Sorry to interrupt, but I haven’t seen this guy in forever! Are you in the city for a while, or are you jetting off again to relax in a tropical locale?”

  “It’s good to see you too. Feels good to be back.”

  Everything coming out of my mouth was pure lameness. No offense to Ella, but I wasn’t interested in idle chitchat. I wanted James or Carter or whoever the fuck he was all to myself. I had a million questions, and everything felt like a major distraction.

  We were drawn into an odd three-way conversation. The kind where you answer questions, nod politely, and really have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. I was tingling with a heady rush of awareness and a burst of intense desire. My last encounter with this guy was a wild one-nighter. Something I never dreamed I’d get a chance to repeat. But as Ella chattered about the cooler-than-normal weather, I had a notion the universe might be granting me a spectacular redo.

  I clandestinely adjusted my half-hard dick and studied Carter’s clean-shaven jaw, remembering that we’d both been slightly unkempt the other night. I’d liked the feel of his rough stubble against my thigh and—fuck. I gulped and looked away. I couldn’t stand here and act normal when everything in me screamed for me to do something—jump on him, push him into a corner, pull the buttons off his perfectly pressed shirt and run my fingers through that sexy patch of fine hair on his chest.

  “Are you guys playing tonight?” Ella asked as she gestured to get the bartender’s attention.

  “No. Benny gave us the night off,” I joked, nodding at another familiar face at the bar before stealing another glance at Carter.

  I wanted to know who he was and why this was happening. It had to mean something. I stared at him shamelessly, hoping he’d get the telepath
ic vibe. He angled his head to one side and gave me a meaningful look. The second Ella turned to place her order, Carter set his drink down and crooked his thumb toward the exit sign behind him, then disappeared without a word.

  I tipped my glass back and swallowed the last of my martini just as Ella turned around. “Want another?”

  “No, thanks. I need to… um, use the restroom.”

  “I’ll be here. Come find me,” she said with a sweet smile.

  I gave her an awkward one in return before following Carter.

  The side door led to a dim hallway with signage pointing toward a stairwell. It was blessedly quiet in the corridor. I wondered if I was alone until I heard a cough. I hooked my thumbs in my jeans pockets and sauntered toward Carter, who was leaning against the railing at the top of the stairs with his arms crossed. He looked highly amused.

  “You came,” he stated, straightening away from the railing.

  I looked down at my crotch, then up at him with a comedic shrug. “Not yet.”

  Carter laughed and moved down the stairs. “Follow me.”

  I hesitated for a half a beat and then hurried after him, quickly deciding there was no point trying to convince myself that I should think things through now. I’d crossed that line in LA. If nothing else, I should consider there might be some kind of damage control involved. The PR team would probably want to be notified about the sudden appearance of a gay lover.

  Carter waited for me at the bottom of the next landing. He opened the door with a flourish onto the fifth floor. The hallway had an industrial-chic feel that fit the modern vibe of the lobby and rooftop. He headed toward the nearest door and entered a code on the panel. A latch clicked a moment later. He turned with a smug grin and held the door to Zeke and Benny’s penthouse open for me.

  “This is as much quiet as we’ll get until someone comes looking for one of us.”

  I stole a quick glance around the enormous space before stepping inside. I loved Zeke and Benny’s place. It was divided into three distinct sections by structural pillars. There was a comfy-looking living area with a leather sofa, a coffee table, and a couple reading chairs near the floor-to-ceiling windows in the front. A pool table slash library with ample bookshelves anchored the middle section opposite the large dining table. The family-style kitchen was just beyond with a generous granite island and leather barstools. The loft was streamlined and contemporary with an unexpected twist of elegance in the form of old-world-style crystal chandeliers I knew came from Benny. He wasn’t a fan of modern design. The boy loved bling. The juxtaposition of sleek modernism with traditional elements worked well. Their home was gorgeous.