Broomed For Success

by Morgana Best

  Broomed For Success

  Cozy Mystery

  Morgana Best

  Broomed For Success

  Sea Witch Cozy Mysteries, Book 4

  Copyright © 2019 by Morgana Best

  All Rights Reserved

  ISBN 9780648660101

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The personal names have been invented by the author, and any likeness to the name of any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  This book may contain references to specific commercial products, process or service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, specific brand-name products and/or trade names of products, which are trademarks or registered trademarks and/or trade names, and these are property of their respective owners. Morgana Best or her associates, have no association with any specific commercial products, process, or service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, specific brand-name products and / or trade names of products.

  Contents

  Glossary

  Broomed for Success

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Connect with Morgana

  Next Book In This Series

  Also by Morgana Best

  About Morgana Best

  Glossary

  Some Australian spellings and expressions are entirely different from US spellings and expressions. Below are just a few examples. It would take an entire book to list all the differences.

  The author has used Australian spelling in this series. Here are a few examples: Mum instead of the US spelling Mom, neighbour instead of the US spelling neighbor, realise instead of the US spelling realize. It is Ms, Mr and Mrs in Australia, not Ms., Mr. and Mrs.; defence not defense; judgement not judgment; cosy and not cozy; 1930s not 1930’s; offence not offense; centre not center; towards not toward; jewellery not jewelry; favour not favor; mould not mold; two storey house not two story house; practise (verb) not practice (verb); odour not odor; smelt not smelled; travelling not traveling; liquorice not licorice; cheque not check; leant not leaned; have concussion not have a concussion; anti clockwise not counterclockwise; go to hospital not go to the hospital; sceptic not skeptic; aluminium not aluminum; learnt not learned. We have fancy dress parties not costume parties. We don’t say gotten. We say car crash (or accident) not car wreck. We say a herb not an herb as we produce the ‘h.’

  The above are just a few examples.

  It’s not just different words; Aussies sometimes use different expressions in sentence structure. We might eat a curry not eat curry. We might say in the main street not on the main street. Someone might be going well instead of doing well. We might say without drawing breath not without drawing a breath.

  These are just some of the differences.

  Please note that these are not mistakes or typos, but correct, normal Aussie spelling, terms, and syntax.

  * * *

  AUSTRALIAN SLANG AND TERMS

  Benchtops - counter tops (kitchen)

  Big Smoke - a city

  Blighter - infuriating or good-for-nothing person

  Blimey! - an expression of surprise

  Bloke - a man (usually used in nice sense, “a good bloke”)

  Blue (noun) - an argument (“to have a blue”)

  Bluestone - copper sulphate (copper sulfate in US spelling)

  Bluo - a blue laundry additive, an optical brightener

  Boot (car) - trunk (car)

  Bonnet (car) - hood (car)

  Bore - a drilled water well

  Budgie smugglers (variant: budgy smugglers) - named after the Aussie native bird, the budgerigar. A slang term for brief and tight-fitting men’s swimwear

  Bugger! - as an expression of surprise, not a swear word

  Bugger - as in “the poor bugger” - refers to an unfortunate person (not a swear word)

  Bunging it on - faking something, pretending

  Bush telegraph - the grapevine, the way news spreads by word of mouth in the country

  Car park - parking lot

  Cark it - die

  Chooks - chickens

  Come good - turn out okay

  Copper, cop - police officer

  Coot - silly or annoying person

  Cream bun - a sweet bread roll with copious amounts of cream, plus jam (= jelly in US) in the centre

  Crook - 1. “Go crook (on someone)” - to berate them. 2. (someone is) crook - (someone is) ill. 3. Crook (noun) - a criminal

  Demister (in car) - defroster

  Drongo - an idiot

  Dunny - an outhouse, a toilet, often ramshackle

  Fair crack of the whip - a request to be fair, reasonable, just

  Flannelette (fabric) - cotton, wool, or synthetic fabric, one side of which has a soft finish.

  Flat out like a lizard drinking water - very busy

  Galah - an idiot

  Garbage - trash

  G’day - Hello

  Give a lift (to someone) - give a ride (to someone)

  Goosebumps - goose pimples

  Gumboots - rubber boots, wellingtons

  Knickers - women’s underwear

  Laundry (referring to the room) - laundry room

  Lamingtons - iconic Aussie cakes, square, sponge, chocolate-dipped, and coated with desiccated coconut. Some have a layer of cream and strawberry jam (= jelly in US) between the two halves.

  Lift - elevator

  Like a stunned mullet - very surprised

  Mad as a cut snake - either insane or very angry

  Mallee bull (as fit as, as mad as) - angry and/or fit, robust, super strong.

  Miles - while Australians have kilometres these days, it is common to use expressions such as, “The road stretched for miles,” “It was miles away.”

  Moleskins - woven heavy cotton fabric with suede-like finish, commonly used as working wear, or as town clothes

  Mow (grass / lawn) - cut (grass / lawn)

  Neenish tarts - Aussie tart. Pastry base. Filling is based on sweetened condensed milk mixture or mock cream. Some have layer of raspberry jam (jam = jelly in US). Topping is in two equal halves: icing (= frosting in US), usually chocolate on one side, and either lemon or pink or the other.

  Pub - The pub at the south of a small town is often referred to as the ‘bottom pub’ and the pub at the north end of town, the ‘top pub.’ The size of a small town is often judged by the number of pubs - i.e. “It’s a three pub town.”

  Red cattle dog - (variant: blue cattle dog usually known as a ‘blue dog’) - referring to the breed of Australian Cattle Dog. However, a ‘red dog’ is usually a red kelpie (another breed of dog)

  Shoot through - leave

  Shout (a drink) - to buy a drink for someone

  Skull (a drink) - drink a whole drink without stopping

  Stone the crows! - an expression of surprise

  Takeaway (food) - Take Out (food)

  Toilet - also refers to the room if it is separate from the bathroom

  Torch - fl
ashlight

  Tuck in (to food) - to eat food hungrily

  Ute /Utility - pickup truck

  Vegemite - Australian food spread, thick, dark brown

  Wardrobe - closet

  Windscreen - windshield

  * * *

  Indigenous References

  Bush tucker - food that occurs in the Australian bush

  Koori - the original inhabitants/traditional custodians of the land of Australia in the part of NSW in which this book is set. Murri are the people just to the north. White European culture often uses the term, Aboriginal people.

  Broomed for Success

  Sea Witch Cozy Mysteries, Book 4

  Chapter 1

  “Persnickle, you have to be on your best behaviour today.”

  The wombat, who also happened to be my familiar, fixed me with a frown. It was his usual expression. His face only lit up when I gave him a carrot treat or when he saw the colour orange. He loved one and hated the other. The fact carrots were orange in colour appeared to be lost on him.

  Today was Oleander Blanch’s surprise birthday, and I didn’t want Persnickle to ruin the party. There were plenty of ways he could. The possibilities were endless.

  I was waiting in the car for the East Bucklebury Retirement Home gates to open, while Persnickle sat in the back seat. The complex had been locked ever since a murder had been committed just after I moved to town. The security guard waved to me and opened the gate just as Athanasius arrived.

  Athanasius opened the door and hopped in the car. “I’ll ride with you,” he said. “This is going to be an unmitigated disaster!”

  Athanasius Chadwicke-Pryor, Oleander’s best friend, was not given to exaggeration, so his words sent a chill through my body. “Why? What’s happened?”

  “Nothing yet,” he said. “You will note I used the future tense. Lemon tart?” He pulled a lemon tart from his pocket.

  “No thanks,” I said as Persnickle shoved his head into the front seat and snatched the lemon tart. Athanasius only just managed to snatch away his fingers before they too became a wombat treat.

  “Harriet Hemsworth has organised the whole birthday party.”

  I shuddered. “Yes, I know that, but what can possibly go wrong? I mean, you don’t think she’ll show us that dreadful folder with images of horrible illnesses again, do you? If I’ve seen it once, I’ve seen it a hundred times and I really don’t want to see it again. Surely she wouldn’t pull it out at a birthday party and show everyone?”

  Athanasius shuddered as Persnickle chomped happily away in the back seat. “I have no idea what that woman would do. I wanted to organise the party for Oleander, but Harriet wouldn’t hear a word of it. I tried to insist, but then I felt sorry for her.”

  “Because she hasn’t procured any recent pictures of festering warts or gangrenous wounds for her folder?” I guessed.

  He shook his head. “I feel sorry for her because she used to be a naturopath and now she’s living in the retirement home and isn’t able to treat anyone anymore. That used to be her whole life.”

  I pulled into a parking spot and cut the engine. “Yes, I suppose so.” I was only half listening by now. I concentrated on clipping the leash onto Persnickle’s harness, which sat over his therapy wombat coat.

  “I have a feeling of doom,” Athanasius said once more.

  I pulled a face. “I hope nobody’s going to die. Three people have died since I moved here.”

  Athanasius shrugged. “It’s not as if you murdered them. You can’t hold yourself responsible.”

  “Of course I don’t hold myself responsible. I just don’t want another murder to happen.”

  “Who does want a murder to happen?” Athanasius said. “Only murderers, I expect.”

  “How’s this going to work?” I asked him.

  “One of the residents is in Oleander’s apartment now. She’s pretending to tell her some problems, even though she doesn’t have any. I’m going to text her when everything’s ready and then she’ll ask Oleander to accompany her back to her room.”

  Oleander’s apartment was on the east side of the retirement home with all the other independent living apartments, but Athanasius had bought a former staff member’s apartment, which was in the same complex as the assisted living section. I figured the resident’s room was in the assisted living section which also housed the reception rooms, so it seemed the plan was good. In theory, anyway.

  We walked into the main reception room with Persnickle padding behind us. For a tubby thing he could be light on his feet at times. Perhaps he could sense there was more food coming his way.

  “Wow, Harriet has done a really good job!” I exclaimed. A big banner proclaiming, “Happy birthday, Oleander,” was plastered across one wall and brightly coloured balloons bobbed across the ceiling. Assortments of cakes and other delicious food covered tables all over the room. I instinctively tightened my grip on Persnickle’s leash.

  Athanasius must have thought the same thing, as he at once offered Persnickle a lemon tart. “I’m sure he’ll be on his best behaviour, Goldie,” he said, although his tone was filled with doubt.

  Harriet Hemsworth hurried over to me, waving with both hands. “You’ve done a wonderful job,” I said sincerely. “Oleander will love this.”

  Harriet looked doubtful. “I know Oleander doesn’t like birthdays.”

  “Who does like birthdays?” Athanasius said. “Birthdays are a reminder that we are one year closer to death.”

  Harriet emitted a raucous laugh and slapped Athanasius hard on his back. He staggered forward and would have fallen had I not put out my hand to support him.

  “Wait until you see the cake!” she said. “I designed it and had my daughter make it.”

  Athanasius and I exchanged glances. “That’s nice,” I said, trying to picture what sort of cake Harriet would have designed.

  “My daughter is one of the best bakers in Logan,” Harriet said. “Lovely place, Logan. Full of talented bakers.”

  I forced a smile and cast a surreptitious glance around the beautifully decorated room for her dreadful folder. I had been sure I would need therapy after I first saw her folder. In fact, I often awoke at night with those images in my mind.

  “Goldie! Oh, and Athanasius.”

  I swung around to see Detective Max Grayson. He looked as good as ever, tall, broad-shouldered, with the most handsome face that had ever been seen. Today, he was wearing a suit. He usually wore casual clothes, given that he was on leave, so I did a double take.

  “I bought Oleander a gift,” he said. “I really could have done with some suggestions, though. Do you think she’ll like DVD sets of the last two seasons of Midsomer Murders?”

  “She’ll love them,” I said.

  “Shall I text now?” Athanasius asked Harriet.

  “Yes, we’re ready for Oleander.” Harriet clapped her hands. “Everybody, hide behind the tables.”

  The nurses helped some of the residents hide and helped those in wheelchairs move behind screens. It was a heart-warming sight, residents and staff alike going to so much trouble to make it a lovely day for Oleander.

  We all held our breaths. There was not a sound in the room apart from Persnickle’s occasional grunts. The door opened and Oleander stepped in. “Surprise!” everyone screamed.

  Oleander’s face turned white. I hoped she wouldn’t have a heart attack. Athanasius hurried over to her and took her arm. “Surprise! Happy birthday, Oleander.”

  Oleander forced a smile. “How lovely,” she said. “Thank you everyone. Who organised this birthday party?”

  Harriet Hemsworth stepped forward, still waving her arms in the air. “I did,” she said proudly.

  “Thanks ever so much, Harriet. That was kind of you.” Oleander smiled widely but looked daggers at Athanasius, who stepped backwards. “I told you I don’t like surprise birthdays,” she hissed in his ear.

  “It meant a lot to Harriet,” Athanasius whispered back.

&nb
sp; Oleander smiled again and stepped forward to give Harriet a hug. “This is the nicest birthday ever,” she said.

  “Wait until you see the cake!” Harriet said.

  One of the nurses handed Oleander a card. “This is from all of us at the retirement home, staff and residents.”

  Oleander opened the card. There was a piece of paper inside it. “It’s a gift voucher for Target!” she exclaimed. “Goodness me, I can’t believe the amount.”

  She showed it to me and I gasped. “That’s very kind of everybody.”

  Athanasius elbowed Oleander. “I’ll give you your gift later.”

  Oleander looked secretly pleased.

  Max handed her his gift box. She opened it and exclaimed aloud at the DVDs. “I love Midsomer Murders!” she said. She was also thrilled with my gift, a gift voucher to a day spa in Surfers Paradise.

  One of the nurses brought out champagne and everyone who was able to drink did so. I kept an eye on Persnickle, as he had been known to drink on occasion behind my back.

  Athanasius showed us to a big table with some of the residents. Oleander was beginning to relax and I was sure she was enjoying herself. “How’s your new real estate business going?” one of the residents asked me.

  “I haven’t sold anything yet,” I lamented.

  “Nonsense!” Oleander said. “You only just opened your business. It would be a miracle if you’d sold anything by now.”

  “I only have one listing,” I said. “It’s Doug Greer’s house.”

  The resident snorted rudely. “Not that old dump! It would be better to knock it down and sell it for the land value.”