Losing Everything to Gain You

by Vina Fenty

  After all these years, my feelings for Tejiri hadn't diminished in any way. She was still the most beautiful woman in any room, and she didn't even have to try. Her face was bare of makeup, and as she bent to peruse the menu, her eyelashes looked longer than ever. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to remember how to breathe.

  "Amara, it's the menu you should be looking at, not me," she said with her head still down.

  I wondered how she had known. I smiled and sat up to finally look at the menu.

  A smartly dressed waiter came in with a bottle of wine in a bucket of ice some minutes later.

  "Good evening Miss Akpore, I thought to bring you your favorite wine."

  Tejiri didn't look up as she kept checking out the menu.

  "No, Ochuko, today is special, so I would have something from the 'Aloha cellar 'please, and tell Jose that I am tired of going through my menu, tell him to surprise me. What would you have, Amara?"

  I looked up to see the waiter bow and smile warmly at me. I returned his enthusiasm and decided that I didn't know half the foods on the menu, so as always, I would let Tejiri guide me.

  "Same as you. I would have whatever you're having, please. Thank you," I said, returning the menu to the waiter. He left, and that left us alone again. She bit her lower lips as she watched me, and it was sexy as hell.

  "How did you look at your wedding? I can just imagine it, you in a white gown, looking angelic and beautiful. I am a sucker for pain, so tell me," she said dreamily with a smile that, for some reason, was getting on my bad nerves.

  How was she going to have me in this beautiful place and have the guts to talk about my wedding to some guy. I chastised myself again, he was my husband, and I had said a vow.

  I pulled out my phone and scrolled to my wedding folder and then handed it to her.

  I smiled internally, knowing what she would see as she started to go through the pictures, and her smile turned from sad to angry and then sad again. Looked angelic, my ass! It had been the day I had looked the worst in my entire life, let her chew on that.

  "Wow! I have never seen a bride so sad in all my life. What is wrong with your parents?"

  She was starting to get angry, and I was immediately grateful for the waiter. He brought our wine in a bucket of ice. He poured it neatly and left. She quickly shook off the anger as the appetizers came, and Tejiri taught me patiently how to go about tackling the complicated dish in front of me. It was delightful at the end, and I politely asked for another plate.

  "You're going to get full before the main course if you eat another. Don't be a glutton."

  "Says the person that finished hers and ate half of mine. Tejiri, you're still as gluttony as the first time I met you."

  She laughed hard at that.

  "To think I only ate half. Humans!"

  I chuckled as I decided against having another. We continued with our wine, and soon another waiter came and cleared our table as platters upon platters were brought and set down.

  I watched the commotion with a doubtful eye. Who was going to eat all these? I asked myself as I looked over at Tejiri, who was rubbing her palms together and licking her lips.

  "I am drooling already, it smells so great. Jose is almost as good as you," she said as she opened the covered platter in front of her. A waft of sweet aroma rose in the air, and she turned to me.

  "Keep sweet talking me, it would take you everywhere," I said, and she laughed.

  "Well, Hello! If it isn't my boss with, wow, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes, Mon Cheri."

  I looked up to a middle-aged European man with piercing green eyes. I grabbed his hand in a handshake that he'd offered.

  "Jose Meet Amara, Amara, this is Jose," Tejiri said, giving Jose the stink eye, and I caught her at it. She quickly turned away to hide whatever signal she had been giving Jose.

  "Oh, Tej, please let me speak my mind. I have been dying to meet you, Amara. I thought to myself, what kind of woman inspires so much devotion and worship from someone like Tejiri? You know we own a restaurant in Paris that is named Amara, right? Then one day, she calls me and says there is a job in Nigeria, and she wanted me here. Of course, I am her puppy, and I pick my bags and land in yet another Amy. Standing here, looking at you, it all makes perfect sense and..."

  "Uhm, Jose, don't you have a gazillion customers to attend to?" Tejiri cut in to stop the talkative Jose, who was making me blush so hard that I felt my skin on fire.

  "Oh, please! They can wait. I just wanted to talk a little about what I made, and I would be out of your hair."

  He did passionately talk about the food, listing the ingredients in case I was allergic to any which I wasn't, and he looked me up once more with a genuine smile and off he went.

  "I'm so sorry about that, I have a lot of staff who do not understand the word boundary. They cross it now and then."

  I waved it off and said, "it's fine, I already like him. I still can't believe you got him to move down here."

  "It wasn't hard, he was already bored, and it didn't take much to convince him. He loves it here, they love his food, and he gets to work with new ingredients and create new dishes. Amy, please let's just eat, I'm dying here."

  I laughed at her abrupt veer off our discussion. She served me first, putting a little bit of everything on my plate. At a second glance, the platters, though big, weren't filled with the foods as I had first thought.

  "Oh, my God! This is so good!" I moaned as I took my first spoon of rice.

  "Yeah. I'm glad you like it."

  I cleared my plate and started with the steak. I soon ate halfway through my steak before I saw Tejiri grab the rest, off my plate, and soon it was gone.

  I burst into laughter at her apparent childishness.

  "You have to grow up someday soon," I said in mock surprise, and she just shrugged.

  We had tiny desserts, and I felt like even if a fire broke out right there, I wouldn't be able to run to save my life.

  We continued with our wine as the table was cleared.

  The air was packed full with unspoken words, but I just said, "thank you for the meal, it was wonderful."

  She didn't say a thing, just nodded as she downed the last of her red wine.

  We sat for a while in silence before she stood up and reached for my hands. I gave it to her, and she pulled me up and said, "let's take a walk, and when we get back, you can ask me anything."

  It was fair, I decided as I let her lead me out the door of the VIP session. I even recognized a couple of actors and singers as we passed. This place was bourgeois, and I liked it.

  We padded out the gates into the streets, and I enjoyed the view, and most importantly, I loved that Tejiri held my hand all through the walk. We talked about the weather, Nigeria, and told me about the places she'd traveled to. When we got back to the hotel, I felt lighter and less full.

  We took our old table as Tejiri called on the mixologist from the bar.

  "Danny, please just make me my favorite and give my guest something yummy and creamy, she has a Sweet tooth."

  He smiled warmly as he sauntered off. Our drinks came, and when I tasted mine, I almost drank it in record time.

  "Easy, that thing might be sweet, but trust me, it's lethal. He named it Pamela after his ex-girlfriend who dumped him for someone else, so go figure."

  I giggled happily as the drink went down to my legs. Then I got serious and said, "tell me everything, Wolf, I want to know. What happened that day and after. I thought about it every day, I wasn't there, and they hurt you. I still blame myself," I said as tears streamed down my face.

  "It was never your fault. Luke didn't just know how to handle your rejection, and he was just a product of a dysfunctional society."

  "Don't you dare make excuses for him, he was a beast, and you know it. He put his hands on you."

  "Okay, calm down. You deserve to know what happened. So, I was there on the bed in the state that you had left me. My resolve was getting
weaker, and I wanted you more and more. I was giving myself a pep talk on the importance of abstinence when they burst into the room. They beat me, dragged me out, and took turns molesting me, but at the hospital, the doctor had said the bleeding wasn't as a result of my hymen breaking as it was still intact. It was an abrasion on my inner thigh. They had been too jittery to properly penetrate me and..."

  "Thank God. I thought you had been..."

  "Why does everyone always say thank God because even though they had beaten me, groped me, and tried to penetrate me, they had miraculously left my hymen. The glorious hymen. The hurt and pain didn't matter as long as I had my hymen. That is not fair," she said sadly.

  I opened my mouth and closed it before finally replying,

  "It's not so, it's just I am happy it didn't have to get to that."

  "Well! I don't understand what you mean, but none of the things I had gone through mattered, what hurt me the most was the fact that we had been separated again. I tried to run from the hospital twice, and my parents finally decided that there was no way I could stay in Nigeria. They bundled me like a parcel and sent me to America. I stayed with my aunt and her family, and went to school, finished, and well started my business. Here I am."

  She sipped more of her drink as I took in all the information.

  "So why didn't you ever come back? My life could have ended up better," I said, crying deeply because it seemed like she had just left and then forgotten about me.

  What I had said was right, I wouldn't be in this cage called marriage if she had come back for me. I wouldn't have laid there and watched Sam have his way with my body. I wouldn't have been cutting myself. All I ever needed was a call, a lousy letter, anything than this silence.

  "Amara, my parents seized my passport for the longest time. They told my aunt everything, and while my aunt had been sympathetic to me, she also was loyal to my parents. I didn't even have a phone for a long time. They made sure of it that I never contacted you. When I did decide to find you on Facebook, guess what I found."

  "That I was married," I replied sadly.

  "Yes, married. Do you know what that did to me? I broke every damned thing in my condo, I went into a rage, and I almost killed myself. I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't, so I tried to forget you by sleeping around, experimenting with drugs and partying. Each day was a different girl on my bed. I felt jilted because I had kept myself for you, my body, my soul, my heart, all untouched, I had kept it for you, but you had moved on with your life so easily after everything we've been through. It hurt like hell, and I found joy in the alcohol, the drugs, and the women. I am not proud of the things I did, Amara. It was a useless life, but through it all, I still couldn't bring myself to let anyone touch me, and I never could forget you no matter what I did."

  "I'm sorry," I said, still crying and dabbing my eyes with my handkerchief.

  "Stop apologizing. We all had a part in this. Well, my aunt and my cousins forced me into rehab. It was a long and arduous journey to recovery and staying clean, but I managed to go through it. I remember my therapist using my love for you to try to make me better. She would always ask me how you would react to me using, and when I did think of it, I was forced to start acting right. I didn't want to do anything to displease you even though you had betrayed me. I decided that I would feel better if I knew how you were doing, were you happy, were you pregnant, I needed closure, so I sent in Stacy."

  She waited for me to absorb the information, and to say that I was shocked was mildly putting it.

  "Wait! What! Stacy, you knew Stacy?"

  "Well yeah, she was going through a divorce and wanted to move back to Nigeria. I told her everything that happened between us and then begged her to watch you for me. I didn't expect that she would take it seriously and apply for a job there, but she did do a good job. She told me how you were a sad soul and how you lost it when she mentions starting a family, and she added pictures of you from time to time. Pictures of you working, headshots of two of you, and she immediately told me about the company's crisis and how, if nothing was done, you could go mad because you loved your job. It was the only thing that made you happy. So well, I dropped everything bought the company and came back home temporarily to make sure you were fine."

  I heard my jaw drop, and my tears dried instantly.

  "Stacy? You? I mean..."

  I couldn't get the words out.

  "Yes, Stacy and me, I'm sorry if you feel like I was stalking you."

  "No. I would have done the same thing if I was in your capacity or even more if I was honest, but why didn't you ever call me?" I asked, still wanting more explanations.

  "I wanted to let you be Amara, it had always ended badly in the past, I ought to let you go if I love you and let's not forget the husband, for all I knew he was your one true love."

  "No, he isn't! I had waited too, I have been waiting, and it's the thought that one day you will come back for me that has kept me going. I haven't been happy for a single day since you left," I said.

  "Why then did you agree to marry him?"

  I sighed sadly, as I thought it over.

  "They bullied me, they threatened me, I ran away from home, but they looked for me and took me for counseling. Then the emotional blackmail started, and I didn't give in at first, but I just got tired and finally gave in. The worst day of my life, the worst decision I ever took. Sometimes I like to think that I hate my parents. I haven't even called them in months."

  "I didn't know, I'm sorry that had to happen," she said.

  "I did blame you for a long time, but it's not your fault. Tejiri, I haven't stopped, and I will never stop loving you, and..."

  She reached for my hands across the table and held it hers.

  "I tried too, but I can't stop, still Amara, marriage is sacred, and you need to keep your vows."

  "I don't give a rat's ass about a stupid vow I was made to say under duress and don't refer to my marriage as though it's normal, I was bullied into it. God, it makes me so mad!" I snarled as I withdrew my hands from hers.

  She watched me and waited until I calmed down.

  "Did you ever hear anything about Luke? I heard he got into a bad situation and he almost died. It's funny that they had asked me who hurt me, but I never did mention his name," she said, sensing a need to change topics.

  "That idiot didn't die? And you had the opportunity to put him behind bars, and you let him go? I should have waited and made sure he was dead," I said the last part under my breath, but she heard it, and her eyes turned darker.

  "You did that?"

  I wasn't so proud of myself seeing how she was looking at me now.

  "I was in a rage Tejiri, did you see yourself that day? I thought I had lost you, the only thing I am sorry about is not killing the bastard," I said in finality.

  "Amara, you cannot have blood on your hands. I never imagined this, but at the same time, I'm relieved that he didn't die."

  "I do not share in your excitement, Tejiri," I said.

  "Okay fine. Whatever you say, stubborn woman. I'm afraid we've used up all of our time, another customer has this table now. Let's sit with Danny, and you can try something new," she said, pulling me gently once more.

  I took a break to the bathroom to pee and repair my make up before we went to the bar. We climbed the bar stool, and the drinks kept coming, Danny was a brilliant mixologist who had a dozen of sweet but lethal exes that inspired half the drink I was now downing. I felt free, intoxicated a little, and maybe even happy. Tejiri drank along with me, and minutes later, we were laughing uncontrollably and reminiscing about the crazy old days.

  "Do you remember when you swore that you had heard Mrs. Koi-Koi?"

  I burst into a fresh bout of laughter as I remembered the story behind the ghost we had referred to as Mrs. Koi-koi. Koi-koi stood for the sounds her high heeled shoes made whenever she walked. According to stories passed down to us, Mrs. Koi-koi had been a beautiful young teacher who loved to wear high heeled sho
es. Her students had nicknamed her Mrs. koi-koi. As the stories had it, one day, a group of four students who she had disciplined had ganged up to beat her. She had died in the process after promising to terrorize all boarding students as a ghost forever. Since her death, students have claimed to hear the sounds of her shoes clanking on the floor at night before harming them.

  "Tejiri, I was telling the truth, ask Ruth, I did hear it. She is real, now you will deny that spider man didn't exist, so who else could steal provisions so well from our lockers without having to break the keys?" Again, I said of the mystical spider man who always came to raid our hostels, carting away all our stuff.

  Thinking about it now, it could easily have been the seniors.

  "Oh please, you always did have an overactive imagination. Anyone with a master key or who can pick locks can open a locker and clear it out," Tejiri said, rolling her eyes.

  "Says the person who ran from her lair once she heard that bushbabies were heard around that area, and you had the guts to lie that you suddenly liked the hostel better."

  We started to laugh as my drink almost flew out of my nose.

  "How about the time we heard those seniors having sex in the hall close to the lair?"

  I blushed at that memory. It had been hot listening and peeping through the cracks in the door to watch them have sex.

  "Remember when Mrs. Beans caught you chewing Garri in her class? God, my stomach hurts. She then made you carry it on your head." I said as I almost passed out with laughter.

  "Oh, that evil woman. You just had to bring that embarrassing one up. You don't fight fair," Tejiri said, laughing at the memory.

  "How about that time you got zero in a French test because you kept spelling everything I told you wrong. I can't believe you thought bonjour was spelled as 'born Jew.' Amara, you were just a silly girl."

  "Ugh! French! You did tell me to spell as pronounced, how should I have known? I always slept through French classes. Monsieur Paul was the most boring of them all. My God!"

  We laughed hard at that as we ordered more drinks. I got sober for a minute and looked at her as she looked at me at the same time.