How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny

by Joyce Meyer

  Another time I recall a woman giving me a fur coat, and I felt the same way. It was something I had secretly desired, and I believed God was blessing me by giving it to me, but I hardly ever wore it at first because I felt that people might judge me or think things about me that were not true. I was young in the ministry, and I wanted people to trust me and relate to me. I did not want them to think I was becoming a person with a “big shot” attitude who was flaunting expensive things.

  Dave finally got strong with me and said something along these lines, “Listen, Joyce, you work hard, you make a lot of sacrifices to minister to people, and if you cannot receive a blessing from God without being afraid of what people will think, then you will be in some kind of emotional prison all of your life.” He further instructed me to wear the coat and enjoy it. What he said didn’t immediately change the way I felt, but it did cause me to realize that I needed to change my way of thinking or Satan would use it to make sure I never had anything I wanted.

  We do, of course, want to use wisdom in this area. For example, I don’t think we necessarily need to wear our very best things when going to minister to the poor and needy or to people in a third-world country like India where poverty is so rampant. Doing so might offend them or make them feel even worse about their situation. It could cause them to feel inferior, which would not be helping them at all. Our purpose in going to minister to others must always be to lift them up and encourage them, not to make them feel inferior and discouraged.

  We want to be sensitive to how others feel, but if taken out of balance, our sensitivity can open a door for people to control us. As we all know, no matter what we do, there will usually be somebody who does not approve. The bottom line is, we must each know our own heart and follow what we really believe Jesus would have us do in specific situations.

  Some people are so fearful that even if God did radically bless them, they could not stand it. To walk in the blessings of God, we must be bold. We cannot fear the judgment and criticism of other people. Jealousy and envy are spirits that love to operate through family and friends to steal the joy of our prosperity and success. Remember, we war not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers. (Ephesians 6:12.)

  Don’t get angry at people, but don’t bow down to the wrong spirits (attitudes) trying to control you either.

  Prosperity is God’s will for you. Psalm 1 promises prosperity to those who delight in His law (His precepts and instructions) and who meditate on them day and night. In other words, those who give God and His Word first place in their lives can expect to prosper.

  The Bible is filled with Scriptures that promise blessing and prosperity to those who love God and obey Him. Therefore those who do that should expect to be blessed. They should not be so insecure they cannot receive blessings when they come.

  God does not want us to walk with a haughty, I-am-better-than-you attitude. But He does want us to receive graciously and thankfully what He chooses to give us.

  Somebody recently reminded me of Joseph’s coat, a special gift from his loving father, Israel. (Genesis 37:3,4.) It was apparently very beautiful, because his brothers were all jealous of it. As a matter of fact, they hated Joseph because of it — but their hatred did not keep him from wearing it.

  We must enjoy what God gives us and listen to Him, not all the people around us who should be happy for us, but who are not spiritually mature enough to do so.

  BOLD ENOUGH TO BE LED BY THE SPIRIT__________________

  The wicked flee when no man pursues them, but the [uncompromisingly] righteous are bold as a lion.

  Proverbs 28:1

  If we intend to succeed at being ourselves, we must reach a point where we can be led by the Holy Spirit. Only God, through His Spirit, will lead us to succeed and be all we can be. Other people usually won’t, the devil certainly won’t and we are not able to do it ourselves without God.

  Being led by the Spirit does not mean that we never make mistakes. The Holy Spirit doesn’t make mistakes, but we do. Following the Spirit’s leading is a process which can only be learned by doing. We start by stepping out into things we believe God is putting on our hearts, and we learn by wisdom and experience how to hear more clearly and definitely.

  I say that boldness is required to be led by the Spirit because 1) only boldness steps out, and 2) only boldness can survive making mistakes. When insecure people make mistakes, they often will never try again. Bold people make many mistakes, but their attitude is, “I’m going to keep trying until I learn to do this right.”

  Those who suffer from condemnation usually don’t believe they can hear from God. Even if they think they may have heard from God and do step out, a minor failure is a major setback to them. Each time they make a mistake, they come under a new load of guilt and condemnation. They end up spending all their time in the cycle. They make a mistake, feel condemned, make another mistake, feel condemned, and on and on.

  This book was written to encourage you to step out in faith and to be all that God has called you to be. But what if you read this book, step out and two weeks later discover you made a mistake? Are you going to be bold enough to pray, wise enough to learn from your mistakes, and determined enough to go on — or are you going to feel condemned and go back to wasting your life?

  There is no point in learning to be led by the Holy Spirit if we don’t understand that we will make some mistakes while on the journey.

  You will make mistakes! Just don’t make the mistake of thinking you will never make mistakes. This is an unrealistic expectation that will set you up for devastation.

  I don’t go around all the time expecting to make mistakes, but I have mentally dealt with the fact that I do make mistakes sometimes. I am prepared mentally and emotionally not to be defeated by mistakes and problems when they do come.

  Be bold. Be determined that you are going to be all God wants you to be. Don’t hide behind fears and insecurities any longer. If you have already made major blunders in your life and have been living under condemnation because of them, this is the time to press on! You are reading this book for a reason. As a matter of fact, you are the very person I was led to write this book for. Take it personally, just as though God were talking directly to you through it. Be determined to press on toward victory.

  When we make mistakes, often it embarrasses us. We feel stupid, and we wonder what in the world people will think of us. Actually there are various types of emotional responses to failure. We should remember that is exactly what they are — “emotional responses” — and not be controlled by them.

  We cannot always control our emotions, but we don’t have to be controlled by them!

  I don’t believe anyone has failed until that individual has stopped trying.

  Don’t look at mistakes as failures, look at them as learning tools. We learn more from our mistakes than any other thing in life. I can read the Bible and see plainly that it tells me not to disobey God, and I may know mentally what it says, but I really learn not to disobey God after I have done it and experienced the consequences.

  Some say, “Well, I would rather be safe than sorry.” But to them I say, “You may end up safe, but you will also be sorry.”

  I want to encourage you that you can be all God ever planned for you, in Christ. Don’t be half of it or three quarters of it, but be all that God designed you to be. Do all He wants you to do, and have all He wants you to have. You will never enjoy God’s fullness without His boldness. Condemnation destroys boldness, so don’t stay under condemnation.

  Proverbs 28:1 says that the wicked flee when no one is even pursuing them. The wicked are running all the time. They run from everything. But the uncompromisingly righteous are as bold as a lion. And whether you feel like it or not, you are righteous!

  TWO KINDS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS__________________

  For He… [God] …made Him… [ Jesus] …who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

  2
Corinthians 5:21 NKJV

  It is impossible to avoid a life of condemnation without truly understanding biblical righteousness. Remember that condemnation destroys confidence; therefore, we must press on and gain understanding in these areas so we can be assured of freedom.

  There are two kinds of righteousness we need to discuss: self-righteousness and God’s righteousness. Self-righteousness is earned through right actions, whereas God’s righteousness is given by grace through faith in Jesus Christ.

  Self-righteousness leaves no room for human error. We can only have it if we do everything perfectly. As soon as we make a mistake, we no longer have it and feel bad because we have lost it.

  God’s righteousness, however, is quite the opposite. It has been provided for those of us who, even though we would like to be perfect, have faced the fact that we cannot be perfect (except in heart). We have tried living with our faith in ourselves and found that it does not work. We have now placed our faith in Jesus and have believed that He became our righteousness. As we put on Christ, we put on righteousness like a robe and learn to wear it boldly in our earthly walk:

  For as many [of you] as were baptized into Christ [into a spiritual union and communion with Christ, the Anointed One, the Messiah] have put on (clothed yourselves with) Christ.

  Galatians 3:27

  I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness….

  Isaiah 61:10

  You and I must face reality. We cannot even hope to spend the rest of our earthly lives without losing our temper. We cannot be perfectly patient in every situation. We cannot be perfectly obedient and always hear perfectly from God.

  Jesus did not come for those who are well, but those who need a physician. (Matthew 9:11,12.) He came for “imperfect me” and “imperfect you.” He came so we can succeed at being ourselves, even if it does mean making some mistakes while we are becoming ourselves.

  We certainly improve as we continue our faith walk, but if we ever attain to self-righteousness, then we really won’t need a Savior.

  Personally, I would rather need Jesus. I have become extremely attached to Him and don’t care to even think of trying to live without Him. I don’t even strive for self-righteousness anymore. Of course, I try to do the best I can, but I have accepted my state as a human being. I am letting God be God, but I am also letting myself be human.

  Sometimes we put too much on ourselves. We try to do the impossible and, as a result, spend our lives frustrated and condemned. If we are going to beat up on ourselves every time we make a mistake, we are going to get a beating every day. Living under condemnation is like getting a beating. At least that is the way I feel when I am under it.

  Just think about that phrase, “I am under condemnation.” That is something we say real often, and the very phrase itself tells us that we are under something. Jesus died so we could be lifted, not so we could go on living under things.

  CONDEMNATION AND LEGALISM VERSUS FREEDOM AND LIFE__________________

  The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

  John 10:10

  Those who have a legalistic approach to life will always experience a lot of condemnation. Legalists see only one way to do things; it is usually a very narrow way with no room for mistakes and certainly no room for individual creativity.

  For example, legalistic people may think there is only one way to pray. They may be assured that they must be in a certain posture, perhaps with eyes closed. They may falsify their voice to make it sound very religious and use lots of fancy words to impress God. For them, prayer must be a certain length. They may feel they have to pray thirty minutes or an hour or whatever their particular standard may be. Anytime they do not follow the rules, condemnation results.

  Legalistic people are also usually very judgmental. Not only do they have rules for themselves, they also want and expect others to follow their rules.

  I remember when I was very legalistic and had my own certain way to pray. My husband, of course, prayed differently than I did, and I felt he was doing it all wrong. I walked and prayed, while he sat and looked out the window and prayed. I remember thinking that he could not possibly be “in the Spirit” if he was looking out the window. I might have wanted to look out the window also, but that would not have been a “religious posture”; therefore, I would not allow myself that enjoyment. If I had sat by the window, looked out with my eyes open while talking to God, and tried to call it prayer, I would have felt condemned. I found that I resented Dave’s freedom, which is another trait of legalistic people.

  Legalism and joy don’t go together. In John 10:10 Jesus said He came so we could have and enjoy our lives. Prior to that statement He said that the thief comes only to kill, steal and destroy. The thief He was talking about was actually a religious attitude that was common among the people of His day. These were people who sought after self-righteousness and knew nothing of the God-kind of righteousness. Jesus came to bring light into the darkness, hope to the hopeless, rest to the weary and joy to the world. But that could not happen unless people gave up their own righteousness and received His.

  I heard one man say that there is one sure way to tell when you are beginning to experience freedom: there will always be someone around with a religious spirit to judge and criticize you for your freedom and to try to bring you under condemnation and make you feel guilty. Yes, legalism and condemnation do go together like hand and glove.

  If we truly desire to be free from condemnation, we must give up legalistic attitudes and mindsets. The Bible teaches us to stay on the narrow path; it does not teach us to be narrow-minded. Our way is not the only way, and someone else’s way is not the only way.

  In Christ there is room for creativity and freedom. He may lead one person to pray while walking, another to pray while lying flat on the floor with face buried in a pillow, and yet another to kneel by the bed with folded hands, head tilted up to heaven and eyes closed. A truly spiritual person knows it is not posture that impresses God, but heart attitude.

  One thing legalists have problems with is right standing with God through Christ and not as a result of works. They want to be righteous, but it is self-righteousness they seek. Legalism and pride go together, and pride always needs something to be proud about. Since pride needs something to be proud of, proud people feel they must always be “working” at something.

  Of course, God wants us to work, but spiritual works are different from fleshly works. We do God’s work in obedience to Him, but our own works are most often the result of a fleshly plan that is intended to gain us something in ourselves. It is not something God has directed. We have directed it and expect God to reward us for it. We must learn that God is not for sale. We cannot buy His favor, His blessings or His approval with our good works.

  The Apostle Paul said true Christians pride themselves in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh. (Philippians 3:3.) This is the proper attitude we are to have. Whatever we do right is due to God’s goodness, not ours. We have no room to boast, no room at all. We have no room to judge others after we have properly assessed ourselves. We can only receive the free gift of God’s love and grace, love Him in return and let His love overflow to others through us.

  Once our confidence is no longer in the flesh, but in Christ, we are ready to seriously press on toward being all we can be. It might be said that we are “marked for success.”

  Sad to say, many Christians never get to the place of freedom from self-righteousness and condemnation. They always remain on the low level of struggling for self-righteousness, trying, failing and feeling condemned. There is a higher place for God’s children: the heights of freedom from condemnation. You and I can enjoy high levels of confidence that fuel us to succeed at being ourselves.

  Always remember
that religious people don’t approve of freedom, prosperity, righteousness or confidence. They are into bondage, burdens, poverty, condemnation and guilt.

  I lived that way most of my life, and I am not going to do it any longer. Jesus died to set you and me free, but we must take a bold stand and receive all that He died to give us. We must flatly refuse to live under condemnation. When we sin, we must be quick to repent, then receive forgiveness and press on!

  I have been judged critically for teaching people to like themselves and to live free from condemnation. Legalistic people live in fear that this kind of liberated teaching will open a door to evil. They say, “Joyce, you are giving people a license to sin.”

  For a while I backed off because I thought they might be right. “After all, they know more than I do,” was what my mind said. “They have all the education and degrees.”

  But God began to show me that those who really love Him are certainly not looking for an excuse to sin; they are doing everything they can to stay out of sin. Anyone who really wants to sin will find a way to do it no matter what we teach.

  People don’t experience freedom when we teach legalism. They do experience it when we teach righteousness and freedom from condemnation. Legalism never brings people closer to God. It gets them all tied up in rules and regulations and leaves them no time to fellowship with the Lord. They are afraid of Him most of the time and have no interest in coming nearer to Him because they have failed in some way and are now in the guilt cycle.

  Condemnation destroys personal relationship with God. It steals the enjoyment of fellowship with Him. It destroys confidence, prayer, joy, peace and righteousness.

  Condemnation steals, kills and destroys! But the righteousness that is found in Jesus Christ brings freedom, joy and life in all its abundance!