by Claire Ayres
I throw the paper down on the bed and storm to the shower pulling the last of my clothes off I get in and try to mentally prepare myself for seeing the woman who is haunting every waking moment of my life.
◆◆◆
“Blair, it’s good to see you, come in,” Jess pulls away and my breath stops when I see her. Despite everything she still has the ability to bring my whole body to a standstill. To make me feel like the world has stopped turning.
“Hi, Luka” A smile. Then her eyes land on me and I swear a spark flies between us. “Mark.”
“Here, sit down.” Says Luka, “do you want a drink?”
“Dinner is almost ready,” Jess says rushing into the kitchen.
“Some juice would be nice, thanks.” Luka goes to get her a juice and the two of us are left alone.
“Mark, we need to talk.”
“I really don’t think we do,” I say, cold, I know my eyes are betraying me, yet I have to remain neutral or I have no idea what I will do.
“Mark, things are complicated, and I needed to talk anyway before they got complicated.”
“I don’t think they’re complicated, you got yourself a nice rich boyfriend, of course, you didn’t need me.”
“Shit. It’s not what you think.”
“You’ve no idea what I think, love,” I say, I know I sound bitter, I am bitter.
“Here you go.” Luka places a juice down next to Blair’s laptop.
“Thanks, Luka, I’m bringing the images up then we can go through the process of picking.”
“Do I need to be here?” I pipe up.
“Yes,” Luka and Jess both throw in.
I stand up and walk over to the drinks cabinet and top up my drink. Leaning against the counter and watching Blair and Luka talking.
“The only way you get to the bottom of things is by talking,” Jess says next to me in a hushed voice.
“She’s fucking someone else, and publicly, I’m not sure we get past that,” I respond, equally hushed.
“Maybe you start with the conversation which will help her understand what happened between the two of you,” Jess says holding my arm.
“Does she deserve it?” I ask, Jess shrugs and looks at Luka.
“Look at all the miscommunication we had. If we hadn’t talked in the end I wouldn’t be happy now.” She says and I nod knowing she makes a good point.
“OK, I’ll keep it in mind.”
I return to the table and Blair smiles at me briefly while continuing her conversation with Luka.
She goes through the images with Luka and Jess, who pick their favourites, in awe of the photographs she captured at their engagement party. They immediately ask her to shoot their wedding and a small part of me sinks knowing I will have to be around her the whole day.
She puts her laptop away and Jess serves dinner. Never one to be subtle Jess jumps straight in with her fix it mode.
“Blair, I said we would have a specific conversation with these two lumps tonight, do you want to tell them what you want to know?”
Blair swallows her food slowly, eyes wide, clearly feeling put on the spot. Then she turns and looks me in the eye.
“At the party, before I disappeared. Someone told me something about you. I’ve realised I should have asked you about it, instead I freaked out, tarred you with a very big generic brush and it’s why I wouldn’t see you anymore. Jess convinced me I should hear you out, and doing it with Luka was the best way to hear it.” She glances at Luka.
I shake my head, putting my knife and fork down.
“What the fuck does it matter now? You’ve moved on anyway. What does it matter if you finally want to listen to me?” I throw down my napkin and stand up. “I’m sorry guys. I’ve heard what you have to say except this is bullshit.”
I walk out of the apartment towards mine, as I open my apartment door I hear Luka’s door open.
“Mark!” I turn and our eyes lock “I need to talk to you, there are things you need to know.”
“No, I really don’t.” I walk into my apartment and as I try to close the door her arm and foot block me. She pushes her way in then closing the door she leans against the inside staring up at me.
“I know you’re angry Mark, I would be too. I really need you need to hear me out.”
“I don’t need to hear anything Blair, you dumped me for no good reason, then you shacked up with some rock star and I’ve had to read all about it in the papers. You can’t even begin to understand what that has been like for me, how much pain I’ve been in.”
I cage her into where she is standing against the door, my arms either side of her head, leaning down until my face is level with hers. Her breathing is laboured and her eyes are wide, she licks her lips and I know she still wants me possibly more than I want her which makes her actions even harder to understand.
“You still want me, Blair, you might have found a new man, but your body says you are still mine. I don’t know what is going on in your head, whatever it is you need to figure it out.” I don’t touch her, I do breathe a trail of hot breath down her neck and she moans a low and erotic. She places a hand on my shoulder, another on my cheek.
“Please let me explain it to you, Mark.”
“There’s nothing to explain Blair. I will tell you something though, the thing you were told about me, let me tell you the facts. I cheated on my best friend. I did it once, and he caught me. I lost Luka for a really long time and it tore my life apart. It was the worst decision I have ever made. He was in an unhappy relationship which is no excuse. I was an asshole and I deserved to lose him. I certainly didn’t deserve his forgiveness and I don’t deserve what I have with him now. I do have it and I’m a better person for it. I would never do that to someone again. And as much as I want you now or that I can see you want me now. Not being that person again, and never hurting someone the way I hurt Luka again includes that douchebag you’re with now, so you need to leave.”
I lean behind Blair, her heat and scent hitting every part of my body which is betraying my resolve as I open the door and shuffle her out before closing the door behind her. I punch
the doorframe before sinking onto the floor with my head in my hands I sit there wondering if I’ve done the right thing pushing her away.
Chapter Eighteen
Blair
Dean exits the elevator as Blair walks out of Luka and Jess’s apartment after picking up her bag. It took everything she had to stay composed while she said goodbye to them after the humiliation of Mark shutting her down without an explanation. Now as she walks towards Dean, the only person in her life who knows everything she starts to crumble and from the look on his face, he knows.
Pulling her into his arms he holds her not saying a word he lets her cry, Blair doesn’t let her guard down easily, and this mess she has got herself in is taking its toll.
“Come on, let’s get you home then we can talk.” Dean leads her out of the building, to his car and then drives her back to her studio.
Curled up on the couch with a cup of tea and a blanket, Dean sits in the comfy chair, his feet up on the coffee table.
“Are you going to tell me what happened tonight?” He asks “I mean do heads need to roll?”
She shakes her head, “this is all my fault, Dean. I should have listened to you in the first place.”
“I am full of good advice. Listened to me about what exactly?” He says
“About asking Mark about the cheating stuff I got myself all worked up about, which got all of this rolling.” She says tapping her mug with her nails.
“Has he told you now?” Dean asks
Blair nods, slowly, sadly.
“There is a tremendous amount of regret in his voice when he speaks about it, a lot of anger for the pain he caused. He did only do it once. One bad decision which almost destroyed his life. He isn’t a man who will ever knowingly do it again.” She says, knowing without a shadow of doubt it is true.
“You’re sure about
that?” Dean questions
“Absolutely, tonight, a spark lit between us again. Mark wouldn’t do anything, he kicked me out. It’s because he believes all of those stories about Heath.” She looks at Dean and puts her head in her hands. “He didn’t even give me a chance to explain.”
“Well, you’ve learned three things tonight. One he’s honourable. Two he still wants you. Three you’ve been a complete and utter idiot. I’ve already said this but what were you fucking thinking?”
“Heath is incredibly nice, he’s been a good friend, I wanted to help him out of a fix.”
“By pretending to be his girlfriend? I don’t even know how you fix this. And the longer this goes on the harder it’s going to be for you to fix things with Mark.”
“Shit, I know, what do I do?” Blair wrings her hands the tension visible throughout her face and body.
“Fake break up seems like a good idea to me,” Dean says.
“The papers figured out who I am today.” She says.
“What did they say.” Dean sits up, elbows resting on his knees.
“Nothing much, what if someone who knows about Scott talks to them?”
“Blair, nobody who knows what happened with Scott would talk to the papers. You’re OK.”
Blair looks at him and breathes slowly. She jumps when her phone rings.
“Hi, Heath.” She says.
“Hey, gorgeous. How did your meeting go?”
“Yeah, it went well. All sorted.”
“That’s brilliant. Any chance of you coming back to London tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? I was thinking more like Friday evening.”
“Hmmm OK, there’s this event I wanted to take you to tomorrow, I guess we’ll make do without my gorgeous girl there.”
“Do you want me to come on Friday then?” She asks, unsure what she even wants the answer to be at this juncture.
“Yes, definitely, as soon as possible, I miss you.”
“Heath!” She tries to make it clear in her voice it’s inappropriate. In true Heath style he either doesn’t pick up on her signals or chooses to ignore her.
“I do, it feels cold and lonely here without you.” He chuckles
“You’ll survive.”
“Hey, did you speak to your ex?” he asks referring to Mark, they had talked about the fact she needed to talk to Mark about the mess and their crossed wires.
“Kind of. It didn’t go particularly well.”
“I’m sorry. Well no I’m not, at least you tried right?”
“Yeah. Heath?”
“What is it.”
“The papers figuring out who I am, is that going to go badly for me?”
“I promise to look after you Blair, I said when we did this I would look out for you and I will. I promise.” He says “I’m going to head off now, I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Night gorgeous.”
“Night Heath.” She hangs up the phone and looks at Dean
“He says he will look after me.”
Dean scoffs “I’m sure he does.”
“I thought they were your favourite band?”
“Hell, they might be my favourite band, Heath Godfrey, however, is proving himself to be a pretentious prick.”
“Hey! I like him. He’s been a good friend since I met him.”
“Wake up Blair! He’s got you in a complete mess, you’re in a public relationship which is playing out in the papers. The best part is it’s not even real, you’re secretly in love with another man, and Heath seems quite happy for things to jog along like they are. Like I said he’s a pretentious prick.”
“I’m not in love with Mark.” Blair insists her face flushing.
“Yep, you keep telling yourself that.” Dean chuckles
“I’m going to bed. You can see yourself out.”
“Have nice little sex dreams about Mark while you’re there,” Dean calls after her, before leaving the flat.
◆◆◆
Blair departs the train on Friday and as she reaches the main concourse in the station she sees Heath waiting for her. He rushes forward and picks her up swinging her around bringing his lips down on hers. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him back, calming the thoughts in her head which argue he isn’t Mark and settling into the kiss.
As part of their agreement whenever they are in public, anywhere they could be caught on camera they act like a new couple in love. In truth it’s not a hardship, Heath is a lovely person, Blair loves spending time with him, he makes her laugh, he treats her well, the thing is … he isn’t Mark, and the longer she is separated from Mark the more her heart is aching for him.
He takes her case in one hand and her hand in the other. Leading her to the The Underground.
“It’s really good to have you back. I’ve genuinely missed you.” He says his grin overtaking his face.
“I’ll be honest, I’m glad to be back, I was feeling the pressure back there.” She says
“Why’s that?” He says
Blair looks around seeing how busy it is around them.
“I’ll tell you later.” She says
“OK,” He says leaning in to kiss her
After changing trains a girl comes up to her.
“I think you’re very brave, Blair. Incredibly brave, and it’s amazing you’ve found such a nice guy now.”
“Ummm thanks?” Blair responds and the girl goes to sit down. Looking at Heath “What just happened?” He shrugs.
“I don’t know.” Then seeing a paper unattended on a seat he leans forward and picks it up reading the front page story. “Oh fuck.”
“Heath?” Blair asks
“Wait ‘til we get home sweetheart.” He says, his face ashen. When they exit the The Underground and start walking her phone pings with a text message.
Mark: Blair, why did you never tell me? Where are you? Please tell me you aren’t alone?
“Heath, what the hell is happening?”
“We’re almost home then I’ll tell you everything. Shit.” He picks up his phone and speed dials someone. “Tell me you are dealing with this. I want it shut down now.”
There seem to be more paparazzi than usual outside of Heath’s building.
“I thought all of this was supposed to die down once we were a couple?” She said
“They’ve got a sniff of a story, they will back off soon, I promise.”
As they run into the story the paps go mad crowding around them shouting over each other pushing to get closer.
“Blair can you tell us what happened?”
“Is Heath you Knight in shining armour?”
“Are you still running?”
“When will you go back and face your demons?”
They arrive at his apartment and remove their coats, he makes her a cup of tea and then sits her down.
“Will you please tell me what is going on?” Blair looks at him her face full of fear.
He hands her the paper, not saying anything, there not being any words which can soften the blow she’s about to receive.
Blair Palmer’s Dirty Little Secret Revealed.
We’ve been speaking to sources close to Blair Palmer, 32, latest flame of Heath Godfrey, 31, and we’ve discovered the secret she doesn’t want getting out.
Once resident in Plymouth, Blair was engaged to Scott Croft, 33, happily planning their wedding when she jilted him at the altar. Scott now married with a three-year-old son says he was deeply heartbroken. “Blair was all I had ever wanted, we had been together since we finished Uni and I couldn’t have been happier than when I was in her presence. She made my world go around.”
An old friend of the couples who declined to be named though said the story was wrong and that actually. “Scott was cheating on Blair, she worshipped him and he betrayed her. His son was conceived before they split up. Blair was torn apart by what happened. She won’t speak about it, she won’t speak to anybody who even knew Scott. She left us all behind getting away from him.”
It s
eems our golden girl has a dark past. Can Heath be the one who reigns in her past and gives her that long overdue wedding?
“How?” One small word, quiet, shaken.
“I don’t know, they must have been digging.” His phone rings and he walks to the kitchen, angrily talking down the phone.
She looks at Mark’s text again before picking up her phone and calling him.
“Are you OK?” He says, no hello, no formalities.
“No, how did you know?” She asks
“Shit, Blair, ever since I accidentally saw the first paper, I’ve been buying them every day. I can’t let you go.” There’s no anger like there was a few days ago, only raw honesty.
“I’m scared, Mark.” She says, drawing her knees up to her chest.
“You’ve nothing to be scared of. You’ve done nothing wrong. You can talk to me though, tell me what happened.”
“Can I though? You were extremely angry.”
“You know why I was angry, I care about you, more than you realise. It’s killing me seeing you with someone else.”
“You really need to let me speak to you about it at some point. It’s not what it seems I promise.”
“OK, talk to me about this for now.” He says his voice soft.
“Scott and I got together when we were 23, we’d been to Uni together, been friends for years…” she continues telling Mark the whole story, leaving nothing out. When she finishes nothing is said for a few minutes.
“This is why you reacted the way you did when you were told about me cheating?” He says instantly understanding.
“Yes.” She doesn’t say anything.
“Sweetheart, I understand, I do. What I did was a stupid one time mistake. I would never do what Scott did to you, he was methodical, malicious. I don’t have that kind of animosity inside of me.” His voice is breaking, emotionally raw.
“I know, I know that now. After I saw you at the weekend I realised how wrong I’d been.” Her voice barely above a whisper “I miss you, Mark. I know we didn’t really get started, but I sit here every day and I really miss you.”