Shades of Blue (Part Two of The Loudest Silence)

by Olivia Janae

  Shades of Blue

  Olivia Janae

  Heartsome Publishing

  Published by Heartsome Publishing

  Staffordshire

  United Kingdom

  www.heartsomebooks.com

  Also available in paperback.

  ISBN: 9781999702984

  First Heartsome edition: December 2017

  This is a work of fiction. Names, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to action persons, living or dead (except for satirical purposes), is entirely coincidental.

  Olivia Janae asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  Copyright © 2017 Olivia Janae

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

  For Swen

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  About the Author

  Available Now from Heartsome

  Available Now from Heartsome

  Prologue

  Four-year-old Max Flynn looked at the turkey in the middle of the table with open skepticism. Unlike the photo of the turkey in the recipe his mother had been following, the skin of this bird was burned blackened on top, and smelled a little like charred rubber. Still, Kate excitedly smiled down at Max, waiting for him to say something. He gave her half a smile.

  “Oh, come on, kid,” Kate laughed. “You don’t need to look so scared.”

  His nose wrinkled as he reached out and poked the dried skin. “It’s burneded, Mommy. I don’t think you did it right. Did you do like Viv’n told you?”

  A bloom of rich, deep laughter began beside her, and Kate turned to scowl at her girlfriend. “Of course you get here in time to see him say that!”

  Vivian’s nose twitched with stifled laughter.

  “It’s supposed to look like that!” Kate cried, hoping no one had seen the picture on the recipe.

  Max’s face screwed up tighter in distaste, not fooled. “Nu-uh.”

  Kate couldn’t help but laugh, popping his little butt lightly with the wooden spoon she was still holding.

  He jumped and giggled, his eyes twinkling and his dimple sunken in. He was on cloud nine today, so happy to have Thanksgiving with both Kate and Vivian.

  Sticking out her tongue, she followed Vivian back through the kitchen door, and just because she could, she smacked Vivian’s butt with the same spoon.

  She jumped, too, but unlike the little giggle Max had let out, Vivian tossed Kate a look that sent tingles through her entire body. “Now that’s something we haven’t tried.”

  Kate tried to make a joke, but her words came out garbled, an after-effect of the look her luscious girlfriend had given her.

  Vivian picked up a basket of rolls and turned to leave, but Kate caught her by the arm, spinning her back into her. Vivian set the basket down and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her in a little closer.

  “Mm,” Vivian sighed as Kate kissed her, taking a moment of adult time while Max sat waiting in the dining room, probably sticking his finger into the yams or playing with the green beans.

  “Everything looks great, Ms. Flynn.” Vivian rolled her lips together as if to absorb the taste of Kate.

  Kate playfully rolled her eyes. Vivian only used the nickname when she was teasing, a gentle joke about the fact that she was technically still Kate’s boss.

  Kate hummed as Vivian kissed her again, hands hovering over her jaw, then her shoulders, before finally settling on Kate’s hips and pulling her even tighter.

  It was strange to think that a few weeks before, she and Vivian had been fighting, that they had even gone as far as to think they were broken up. Things were so good now that those days felt like a lifetime ago.

  One early morning text message from Vivian – that Kate had been right, it had seemed like a breakup – had ended their stubborn standoff. After that, it had only taken another two days of talking, fighting, and apologizing before Kate allowed Vivian to stay the night.

  The next morning Vivian had finally seen Max again. Their reunion had warmed Kate’s heart, making her sure that allowing Vivian back into their lives after that stupid deaf dinner had been the right thing to do. Vivian had scooped Max up and kissed his face while Max bellowed about how happy he was to see her, his voice screeching so high that it made Kate wince and the dog next door start to bark.

  After all of that, the admissions and the fights, it had only taken two days to fall right back into the place they were before the Gallaudet dinner. It had been easy to get back to that warm, languid place that filled Kate with an easy happiness. Both women had happily pushed the fight away, agreeing that it was best to pretend it had never happened.

  It was for the best, Kate was sure of it; though late at night, when she was being honest with herself, Kate worried about what the future would bring. Though both had given in to a lot of things, the one thing that Vivian hadn’t done was admit that perhaps Kate had a point, that Kate hadn’t been refusing to use Vivian’s mother tongue or that Vivian correcting her in that way had been humiliating.

  They had moved on, and yet Kate worried that next time she forgot a sign or got frustrated or shy, Vivian would snap. She worried about that a lot, so she had done her best to find a solution before it could happen. She had doubled her ASL lessons with Charlie, Vivian’s best friend and personal interpreter.

  It wasn’t a perfect solution, it didn’t fix the strange blush that formed every time she lifted her hands to sign, but she was working on it. She just couldn’t get the sound of being laughed at out of her mind, of the kind but strangely condescending way she had been corrected by Vivian, the one who was supposed to make her feel better about learning. It was making her a little gun shy.

  All in all, though, Kate had to admit that the fight that had nearly broken them up had been a stupid one, and she was relieved that it was behind them.

  But Thanksgiving wasn’t the time to dwell on the past. Breaking apart from their breathless kiss with a chuckle, Kate and Vivian grabbed the last of the things from the kitchen and plopped them down on the dining room table.

  “Ta-da!” Kate chimed, and both Max and Vivian applauded.

  “All right, who’s ready to eat?” Vivian was smiling as she asked, but Kate was sure she also saw her eyeing the burned turkey a little nervously.

  “Me! Me! Me!” Max bounced.

  The trio sat around the very full Thanksgiving table and enthusiastically loaded their plates before raising their glasses in a toast.

  “To Thanksgiving! May it be one of our best!” Kate said with a wink at Max.

  “What are you great-ful for?” her four-year-old chided his mother when she didn’t continue.

  “Oh! Um.” Kate’s cheeks warmed a little. “This year I’m thankful for, well, my life, where it is right here and now. I’m in the best playing shape of my career. I have a roof over my head, plenty of food, and wonderful people to share it with.”


  She cleared her throat, a little embarrassed as she tried to avoid the eyes around the table. She couldn’t, it seemed, and so she glanced up and caught Vivian’s gaze. Her girlfriend – how had she landed such a sexy girlfriend? – gave her one of those “just-for-them” smiles. The return grin that popped to Kate’s lips was automatic.

  “Anyway,” she said, taking a sip of wine. “What are you guys grateful for?”

  Max scratched his chin in thought, as he had seen Sherlock Holmes do on television. “Chocolate pie!” he finally cried.

  “Chocolate pie?” Vivian feigned shock, her eyebrows high and her mouth popping open in the overly animated way that she often spoke. “Not Mommy or your food or The Avengers or Supergirl? Chocolate pie?!”

  He giggled, falling sideways in his chair as she reached over to tickle him. “Yup! Chocolate pie! Now you!” He pointed at his tickle monster.

  “Me? Well, I…” Vivian looked around the table, laughter still shining in her beautiful eyes. Kate’s heart skipped lightly in her chest. “I suppose I am thankful for the turn my life has taken recently.”

  Kate nodded thoughtfully. “So, how recently, exactly? Are we talking since-I-moved-to-Chicago ‘recently,’ or like, did you meet a cute girl at the store, or—”

  “Oh hush, you!” Vivian said, not at all bothered by Kate’s teasing. “Let’s eat!”

  They happily dug in, Kate with a little more enthusiasm than she usually gave Thanksgiving dinner. She had never cooked so much in her life, and she was sure it would be amazing. She had a theory that if you added only good spices to a dish, then it had no choice but to come out well. But as she bit into the turkey, she learned she was very wrong. It didn’t taste burned exactly. Instead, the bird crumbled in her mouth, reducing itself to unpleasantly smoky and bland sawdust.

  Her lip twitched as she took another bite, avoiding the two pairs of eyes covertly slipping to her and away, to her and away. She chewed, looking around the quiet dining room, taking in the photo of Max Vivian had hung with pride, the window that led to the patio, the salt and pepper shakers. In short, she looked everywhere but at Vivian and Max.

  On her third bite she couldn’t take it anymore. “Also, I’m thankful that your mom will have leftovers at her house when we go later.” The other two burst into a clatter of laughter, Kate lamenting over them, “Why did anyone let me cook the turkey? Whose idea was that? What were you guys thinking?”

  “Try some gravy.” Vivian handed it to her when their laughter had settled, her face entirely too innocent for Kate to believe she wouldn’t be mocked for this later.

  The sauce turned the turkey into wet, smoky mush.

  “Well.” Kate sat back from her plate. “At least I never said I could cook.”

  “Oh, you lie!” Vivian cried.

  Kate made a face at her, and, in retaliation, Vivian grabbed a dinner roll and threw it at her.

  “Yeah! You lie!” Max bellowed, the confusion on his face suddenly lifting as he realized he had an excuse to throw something at his mom.

  “Hey! I didn’t say I could cook well!”

  Vivian rolled her eyes. “Someone’s pants are on fire, Ms. Flynn.”

  Kate stuck her tongue out, delighted as Vivian’s fingers intertwined with hers on top of the table and gave a small squeeze.

  Despite the state of the turkey, their bellies were filled, and they gathered on the couch to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and snooze their way through a food coma. Vivian flopped down first, kicking off her heels and groaning in a way that was unusual for someone who typically strived for physical and behavioral perfection.

  Kate liked it. She enjoyed the rare occasion when Vivian let go of her professional mask to just be herself. She dropped onto Vivian, making her groan at the pressure on her belly. Max, grinning wildly, climbed on top of the pile of women and settled in a ball like a cat on a perch.

  “Oh... so... full!” Vivian gasped, shoving Kate’s shoulder out of her gut, but also pointedly not pushing her off, Kate noticed.

  “That turkey really was gross,” Kate admitted, her chin tilted up so that Vivian could see her speak.

  “It was.” Vivian laughed, running a finger down her jaw. “Next year I will cook the turkey.”

  Kate’s eyes had just settled comfortably closed, but they flew open again at Vivian’s pronouncement. She tried to meet her gaze, but Vivian had become distracted by Max, whose toes were far too close to her face.

  Had she really just said next year?

  Kate and Vivian’s relationship was still fairly new, Kate having only just moved to Chicago for her job at the Windy City Chamber Ensemble, and yet their it had been intense from the start. It was always intense when you were friends first, lovers second. Even more so when someone spent so long dating someone who was a bad choice, as Kate had done, while the other watched in frustrated agony. It was lover’s torture.

  Kate open her mouth, but she found she didn’t know what to say.

  It was true, there was something different between them now, a feeling that perhaps things could last. Kate knew that. Still, hearing Vivian make plans for something three hundred and sixty-five days away was equal parts thrilling and terrifying. She didn’t have the best dating record, but she liked Vivian. She liked her a lot. She...

  Kate bit her lip, cuddling in a little closer.

  Vivian gave a grunt, having finally gotten Max to turn around, his head resting on Kate’s shoulder.

  He gave a big sigh and melted in, purring happily. “Mommy, it’s almost Christmas!”

  Kate chuckled. Her eyes closed as Vivian softly ran her fingers down the side of her face. The sensation immediately sedated her, warmed her. “That’s right, buddy.”

  “Yeah!” He giggled, his legs jerking with happiness. Both women groaned.

  A few moments of silence passed, comfortable and easy. Kate smiled slowly as from behind her Max began to play with her hair, humming something slightly out of key that sounded like “Joy to The World.”

  She loved his little voice.

  Carefully, as not to disturb him, Kate lifted Vivian’s hand and placed it on Max’s back.

  Vivian’s eyes crinkled around the edges as she smiled. “Is he singing?” she asked, her free hand covertly signing her silent words.

  Kate nodded and let her head fall back to Vivian’s chest, her son cuddled in close on her back.

  Kate hadn’t had much luck in life, not as a child in the foster system and not as an adult. And yet, sitting here now sandwiched between Vivian and Max, she couldn’t help but think that somehow this move had changed the way the wind blew.

  Vivian shifted a little so her warm lips could press a kiss into Kate’s forehead. “He’s wonderful, you know.”

  Kate grinned up at her. “You’re wonderful.”

  Yes. Somehow, she had finally gotten lucky.

  They dozed through the thirty-minute special, no one minding that they weren’t really watching.

  When it was over, though their bellies still felt like they would explode, they pulled themselves up and changed into their more formal, going-to-the-Kensington-house clothes.

  Jacqueline Kensington, Vivian’s mother and head of the board of directors for the J.C. Kensington Foundation, had given them no choice about joining her for a “small get-together,” and none of them, from Max to Vivian, were happy about it.

  “Why does she want me to bring my cello?” Kate asked as she got ready in the bedroom.

  Vivian shrugged as she brushed her hair. “She always plays something after dinner for everyone. She’s probably planning on spontaneously asking you to play a piece with her,” she said, her fingers making air quotes around the word. “I’m sure she has some obscure arrangement for harp and cello that she’s been dying to try out.”

  “Oh god.” The blood dropped from Kate’s face, and, suddenly dizzy, she sat in the chair behind her with a thump.

  “Don’t worry about it. Really, Kate, it’s a compliment. C
ome on, get dressed. We cannot afford to be late.”

  “Okay,” she muttered.

  “Please don’t worry. We don’t even have to bring your cello if you would rather.”

  Kate looked into Vivian’s face and saw she was sincere. “You think so?”

  “If you would like.”

  Kate nodded. She knew that Vivian wasn’t telling the truth, that not obeying Jacqueline’s wishes would be problematic, but it made her feel better anyway.

  Kate stood and pulled on her shirt in front of the mirror. She was sure that the feeling that it was too tight around her stomach was only in her head. Still she groaned, the discomfort of getting dressed only heightening the discomfort of the thought of playing with Jacqueline.

  She puffed her stomach out as far as it would go and gave it an uncomfortable pat. “I’m so full, I feel like I did when I was pregnant with Max!” She rubbed the nonexistent bulge, groaning.

  Vivian cocked an eyebrow from where she was leaning over the bed to lace her tall, booted heels.

  “What?” Kate finally asked, a little uncomfortable after a moment or two of Vivian’s scrutinizing. She had just said it to get her mind off of performing with Vivian’s mother, but if Vivian was about to agree with her, then she would just throw on her pajamas and get into bed.

  Vivian pulled her over by the belt and kissed her stomach, her fingers teasing the back of her thighs. “You know, I have never seen pictures of you pregnant with him.”

  “You haven’t?”

  Vivian shook her head, propping her chin just over her belly button. “Don’t you have any?”

  “Yeah, of course.” Kate went to her dresser and took a photo from the top drawer under a pile of socks. “Okay, you have to promise not to make fun of me.”