Shades of Blue (Part Two of The Loudest Silence)

by Olivia Janae

  She turned her grin on Andrea, happy to receive one back.

  “Thank you,” the man in the audience said blankly, popping Kate’s bubble a bit.

  She sighed and shook Andrea’s hand.

  Kate considered simply leaving as she reentered the green room, that drink she had been waiting for was calling her name, but it was earlier than expected and John would only just be beginning WCCE rehearsal.

  So, she paced. She paced for a full hour never stopping, never dropping her nervous fingers from her pockets. As she paced she began to pick out who she thought had won. A man across the room was sitting back, his legs crossed, his arms flopped over the back of each chair beside him. He gave off a distinctly douchey this-is-no-big-deal vibe. She hated guys like him. They were always tools, and yet they always won everything.

  A few feet away from him, a woman was spreading on a thick layer of nude lipstick, so thick it no longer looked “nude.” Her clothing was tight, her hair perfectly styled, and Kate wondered if she should have dressed up, too.

  She supposed that in the end, she still would have fucked up those notes.

  Kate didn’t feel nauseous for the first time in twenty-four hours when the personnel manager entered the room again. There was no reason to be nervous. She was still trying to remind herself that she had done something really commendable by advancing this far. She knew it was true, but, at the moment, she wasn’t sure she cared.

  “Again, we want to thank you for spending your day with us at Lyric. I know you are all very anxious, so I will get right down to it. The runner-up today is Mr. Matthew Vargas. Matthew?”

  The douchey man’s leg uncrossed and fell to the floor with a smack, face set, doing a poor job of hiding his outrage.

  Kate felt her heart sink. She had thought he would be the winner.

  It was a huge honor to win runner-up at an audition like this one. It opened so many professional doors. Of course, runner-up was not the winner, but she was surprised by the dejection she felt as she clapped politely. She had hoped that by some miracle she would at least be runner-up. If the runner up was in town then they would more than likely get called at least once to sub for someone who was out sick. No such luck.

  She slung her packed cello over her shoulder, hovering by the door. She pulled her phone out of her tight back pocket and sent a text to John, letting him know that she would be able to make it for the second half of rehearsal if Mary wanted her to.

  “And the winner of today’s audition is” – three of the four people still waiting held their breath in sync – “Ms. Katelyn Flynn.”

  Kate’s phone hit the floor with a crunch that reverberated through the silent room.

  She wasn’t sure, but she thought that was her name. It sounded strangely familiar.

  The people around her clapped politely for a second, a few slapping her companionably on the back, but Kate just stared around.

  “Me?”

  “Number forty-eight. The woman who vomits.”

  “Holy fucking shit.”

  13

  Kate entered the stage door for her usual evening rehearsal, her heart still pounding in her ears. She was pretty sure it was never going to rest again.

  Would they know? How quickly did word travel? She had heard back from John with a smile emoji and simple “ok,” so they didn’t know... probably... right? What were the odds that the gossip mill worked that quickly?

  She could hear the players rehearsing on stage as she pulled out her cello, unsure if her nerves would allow her to play anything but disjointed scratches. She still owed it to WCCE to be there, to do her job.

  The moment she stepped onstage, the room exploded.

  “Shit!” she cried, startled by the sudden noise.

  Someone took her cello from her, carrying it to safety, while arms wrapped around her from every side, one hug covering another, people clapping and cheering.

  “You did it! You did it! I knew you would do it!” She heard John yelling from the back of the crowd. His head, grinning face and all, kept bobbing over the others, disappearing and reappearing again as he jumped up and down. Finally, with a huff of annoyance, he pushed forward, plowing through the players in order to get to her. “Friend here! Actual friend here!”

  She had kept all her energy inside since the moment her name had been called, refusing to do the yelling, singing, shouting that her body wanted to do. Now, here in front of the guy who had become her best friend, she did exactly that, jumping up and down for a moment before launching herself into his arms. He laughed, spinning her in the air. “I’m so proud of you! Congratulations!”

  “How do you feel, Miss Newest-Member-of-Lyric?” Mary grinned from ear to ear as she gave her a small, kind pat on the shoulder.

  A thrill rocked through her at that. “Dizzy!” Kate admitted. “I can’t believe it. I keep waiting to wake up and realize that it was all a dream and I haven’t even done the audition yet.”

  “Oh, Flynn.” John clapped her hard enough on the shoulder to launch her a foot forward. “We are getting so, so, so drunk tonight.”

  Kate was so, so, so ready.

  “A shot of whiskey for the lady!” John bugled the moment they walked into the bar. They had dumped their instruments in their lockers after the shortened rehearsal and headed, arm in arm, to the bar they all frequented.

  The bartender just scowled at them, wiping clean a glass as he did so. Apparently, he hadn’t forgotten that they were the group that had been thrown out all those months ago.

  “We’re celebrating!” John tried as if that might make up for his boisterous voice.

  “Oh yeah? Celebrating what?” the bartender asked, looking no happier to see them.

  John told him, his arm clamped proudly around Kate’s shoulder.

  “No shit, huh?” The bartender looked slightly impressed as he poured a shot of what happened to be Kate’s favorite whiskey. “Here, this one is on the house, lady. My bar is in the arts district, so I know how big of a deal that is.”

  She thanked him, and together she and John took their first shots.

  Charlie announced herself a few minutes later by walking in the door and screeching like a banshee in excitement. All heads snapped toward her, startled, a barback dropped a glass and just beside the door a man choked on his drink, but Charlie didn’t notice. She was too busy wrapping herself around Kate like a sloth. “I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it! You’re staying! You’re staying forever and ever!” Charlie let out another loud squeal, making the bartender snort in a way that was very reminiscent of a bull about to charge.

  John was smiling guiltily at the man behind the counter, his finger tapping nervously on the counter. “Can I just tip you now so you don’t throw us out again tonight?” he asked.

  “I’ll pitch in for that,” Kate agreed, reaching for her wallet, but John slapped her hand away.

  “Your money is no good here tonight, Flynn! You can take us all out after your first big concert.”

  “Deal!”

  Shots and drinks seemed to appear from every direction, first from John and then Charlie, only to be followed by John again. After that a line of people pitched in, some strangers, some friends. Mary appeared at the bar with a shot for herself and Kate. “We’re sad to see you go!” she wailed after they took it, throats burning. After that, a stranger bought her a beer, insisting, “Congratulations, hear you got your dream job!” Even Ash stopped in for a minute with some diplomatic congratulations in the form of double shots.

  “I can buy a house!” Kate cried as the thought triumphantly occurred to her. “I should buy a house! Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted a house?”

  “How long?” Charlie asked, her tongue chasing the ever-moving straw around her cup.

  Kate held the straw for her, and Charlie grinned before slurping loudly. “Since I was six! Since I was six, I’ve wanted a house that stays put - in one place - in one city. I can give Max that!” The realization, though good,
was also heavy, and she slumped back into her seat, her hands on her temples. “Holy shit, I can give him that.”

  John sniggered, his eyes drooped. “As opposed to houses that don’t stay put?”

  “Wait.” Kate froze, looking between her friends. “Should I buy a house? Is that something people still do? Condos? Is it all about condos now? This is Chicago. I don’t want to live in Skokie.”

  “I don’t know, Flynn.” John shook his head in a huge sloppy wave. “You buy a house, then you might have to stay put.”

  “Hey! I can stay put with the best of them. Just you wait! I’ll get a house and a dog and a—”

  Kate gasped, throwing herself down in her seat as if someone had just lobbed something very heavy at her head.

  John straightened on his side of the circled booth, head jerking around looking for the danger. Charlie half-dived under the table, eyes poking out from just above the surface in alarm, her hand wrapped around Kate’s.

  “What? What?” she cried, her words falling in an awkward, drunken jumble.

  “It’s the Ice Queen!” Kate hissed, trying to steady herself as gravity pulled her toward the seat of the booth.

  “What?”

  Kate’s chin jerked toward Vivian and Julia ten feet away, settling into a table in the middle of the room.

  “Oooooh.” John nodded slowly, his head lolling.

  “Vivian!” Charlie cried, waving, habitually happy to see her best friend.

  “What? Dude! Don’t call her!” Kate hissed, coming up only to shove Charlie hard before diving back to her hiding place again. “Do you think she saw me?” She was so low in the booth that her legs were on the floor, her back pressed against the seat while her head was the only thing still propped up.

  “I don’t think so,” John hissed back.

  “Oh, right.” Charlie scowled. “I forgot that you two don’t like each other anymore. God, this is annoying! Can you just start dating again already?”

  “Hey!” Charlie didn’t respond, so Kate jabbed her in the ribs. “That is not up to me! Remember?”

  Kate watched as Vivian settled primly across from Julia. She hated the light smile on her ex’s face. She was sitting facing them, so Kate was going to have to keep looking at it.

  “This is clearly not a day all wishes are granted,” she grumbled, making both Charlie and John look at her in confusion. She turned to Charlie. “So does that mean you two aren’t fighting anymore?”

  Charlie’s face fell even more. “Oh yeah.” Her head fell to her arms on the table. According to Charlie it had been nothing but professional interactions between them since the dinner.

  Rubbing Charlie’s back, Kate watched Julia look around for a server while Vivian read the menu, and again Kate considered throwing something at the back of Julia’s head. She was just drunk enough that this sounded like a good idea, sure that no one would know it was her.

  She had a wadded ball of napkins in her hand, ready to hurl, but their server interrupted. “Can I get anything else for you guys?” He glared a fake smile down at them, the smile of anyone who had to deal with unruly groups of drunkards on a regular basis.

  Kate gulped, wondering if she had just been caught. “Oh!” She dropped the wad, a better idea popping instantly into her mind. She had to flail a little to sit up fully, but when she did she leaned in close. “Okay so, first, yeah, first, another round for us. Awesome. Okay and, and you see that stupid beautiful brunette over there?”

  “Uh, miss?” He looked around a little confused.

  “Yeah, that one with the face and the lips. Do me a favor and send her a very, very dirty vodka martini, please.”

  “That woman using her hands?”

  “Yes,” Kate bit out dryly. “That woman using her hands.”

  “Uh, okay, miss.”

  “Extra dirty. Like, make it the best drink the bartender has made all night.” She passed over a few extra dollars.

  “Sure, lady.”

  Charlie’s eyes were shining globes. “She’s going to be so pissed. You’re calling her out! Not while she’s on a date with Julia! She’ll kill you!”

  Kate felt pleasantly smug. She had loved getting under Vivian’s skin their entire relationship, and she wasn’t fully convinced that Vivian didn’t like it, too. She just… she needed to do something to make her pay attention to her, something to get her attention.

  “God, Kaaatiiieee,” John slurred, watching Vivian and Julia as they spoke about nothing important. “That language is scary. How did you ever learn it?”

  “I didn’t!” Kate cheered, perhaps a little too loudly and gave him a hard high-five. “Or at least I didn’t according to Vivian.” She sang her name in a drunken singsong. “That was the issue, right, Char? I’m the evil villain that tried to give her ears and wouldn’t talk to her in the way she wanted me to.”

  Charlie’s face contorted as she tried to think about that. “I don’t know. She’s had a different reason every time I ask her.”

  “For someone who didn’t learn it, I can sure speak a whole freaking lot of it.”

  “That’s right, you can! So why don’t you show her?” Charlie cried in defense of her best friend, trying to smack Kate in the arm. She missed and instead slapped Kate hard in the temple.

  “Ow! No more for you, lady!”

  Charlie just giggled, her tongue between her teeth.

  Kate watched as a server, with one uncertain glance at Kate, carried over one cool, dripping martini glass to the table ten feet away. Kate bit her lip, a grin already spreading on her face in anticipation. The server handed the drink to Vivian and didn’t bother to spare her a look before rushing off to the next task. Vivian tried to catch him, but in her stunned silence, she only opened and closed her mouth a few times like a confused fish.

  Even from her half-hidden spot Kate could easily read the conversation that ensued. Her lessons really had paid off.

  “When did you order?” Kate didn’t need to see Julia’s face to see that ordering without her had upset her. It was amazing how much ASL speakers could emote through their fingers and body language. “I wish you would have ordered for both of us; I can’t seem to get a server.”

  “I didn’t.” Vivian’s eyebrows pulled together, looking at the drink as though it might be poison.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I didn’t order yet.”

  “What is it?”

  Vivian took a sip, and her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Dirty martini.”

  “Vodka?”

  “Yes. My god, do I come here so often that they know my order by heart now?” Vivian grumbled with one hand and took a long pull from the drink. “It’s good.” She began to look around for the server. From across the room, Vivian did a double take, catching Kate’s eye as understanding flashed across her face. Vivian’s look grew murky, angry.

  Kate ignored the anger. Instead, she felt her bottom lip slide between her teeth, letting her eyes darken, intensifying into a knowing gaze. It was the look that had always been able to send her lover scrambling to unbutton Kate’s pants.

  With that, Vivian’s look changed. It was as though she couldn’t believe that Kate was doing it. She blinked, and the anger morphed into open and blatant shock.

  Kate held Vivian’s scandalized eyes for a moment and then purposely broke contact, turning back to John and leaving her stranded.

  “What’s she doing? What’s she doing?” she whispered frantically, barely moving her mouth.

  “I think she’s trying to decide if she should drink it or throw it in your face,” John whispered back, his entire body turning to wood, as though Vivian would know what he was saying if any part of him moved at all.

  Warm excitement wrapped around Kate’s insides; though she knew John was probably right, it felt so good to be flirting with Vivian again. It felt even better that Vivian was participating, not just walking away.

  “Oh shit, she’s getting up. Run, Katie, run!” John
hissed.

  “Look, Char, Charlie, Charlotte!” Kate jerked Charlie’s chin toward hers, her face a breath away. “Don’t let me get up. You hear me? Do not let me get up. I am drunk, and I will make bad decisions. Decisions that lead to public humiliation. Decisions that might lead to me throwing a salt shaker at Julia’s head. Got it?”

  Charlie’s face set in determination. “Gotcha, babes.” Her arms went tightly around Kate’s waist, clutching her to her side, and Kate gave her a quick peck of thanks.

  She could hear the slow, purposeful approach of the stilettos behind her, making her heart race with delight and making her wish she had never started this game all at once.

  “It seems you two are together every time I turn my back these days.” Vivian raised an eyebrow, but Kate simply looked up at her from under her lashes, silent.

  Vivian’s eyes danced, looking murderously at Charlie for a moment.

  Charlie scoffed in defeat and let her head fall to the table. “I hate this!” she cried, drawing out every word.

  “Ms. Flynn.”

  “Hmm?” Kate smiled politely up at Vivian, enjoying the fire she could see in Vivian’s face. She far preferred it to the blank nothing she had been getting.

  She was being inappropriate, she knew that. It was probably all of the alcohol, but she couldn’t make herself care all that much, despite her love’s new date watching them closely and frowning. “Ms. Kensington. How are you?” She blinked once, slowly, letting the look that Vivian used to love so much intensify.

  Vivian’s eyes narrowed, but Kate saw a flush start at her chest and work its way up her throat and into her cheeks. Kate knew, whether Vivian wanted her to know or not, that the flush meant Vivian’s panties were growing damp. She had become far too familiar with those flushes. That was the problem with exes like Kate. She didn’t just forget when broken up with.