A_Shadow_in_the_Ember_Amazon

by Armentrout, Jennifer L.

  Nyktos studied me closely, his gaze tracking over my face as if he were searching for answers. “And the bleeding when you brush your teeth?”

  “Infrequent,” I told him. “Do you think it’s something to do with a tooth? My stepfather once—”

  “It’s not a tooth infection,” Nektas cut in.

  “Can you also smell infections?” I retorted.

  “Actually, yes, I can,” he said.

  “Oh.” I sank a little deeper into the pillows. “That sounds kind of gross.”

  “It can be,” the draken confirmed.

  “Whether or not an infection smells poorly isn’t important,” Nyktos said, and I narrowed my eyes. “What you’re experiencing also isn’t a migraine.”

  “I didn’t realize the Primal of Death was also a Healer,” I muttered.

  He shot me a bland look. “You’re already feeling better, aren’t you? Truly, this time.”

  “I am.”

  “That’s it then.” He glanced at Nektas, and the draken nodded. “I think what you’re experiencing is a symptom of the Culling.”

  “What?” I jerked upright, wincing as the throbbing intensified for a moment and then faded. “That’s impossible. Both my parents are mortal. I’m not a godling—”

  “I’m not suggesting that you are,” Nyktos cut in, a grin appearing and then disappearing. “I think the ember of life that was placed in you is giving you similar side effects as the Culling. You’re the right age for it.”

  “A bit of a late bloomer,” Nektas added.

  I frowned at the draken. “I don’t understand.”

  “Godlings go through the Culling because they have eather in their blood. The ember that my father placed in you is eather. That’s what fuels your gift, and it would be powerful enough to evoke symptoms—ones that can be debilitating without the right combination of herbs that was discovered ages ago by a god who had a knack for mixing potions. Took hundreds of years, or at least that’s what my father told me. A potion born of necessity since no other known medicine worked to ease the headaches and other symptoms that came with the Culling,” Nyktos explained. “It’s given to every god when they begin to go through the Culling, and to every godling we’re aware of.” The corners of his lips pulled down. “Which is why I would love to know how a mortal knew of this potion.”

  So would I. But there were way more important things I wanted to know. “Does this mean I’m going to go through the Ascension?”

  “It shouldn’t,” Nyktos advised. “It is only an ember of life—an ember of eather. More powerful than what would be found in a godling, but you’re not a descendant of the gods. It is not a part of you. You’ll probably have a couple more weeks or months at most of these symptoms, and then they will go away. You’ll be fine.”

  I was relieved, especially after what I had learned from Aios about the Culling. Toying with the edges of my hair, I looked over at Nyktos. As the aching continued to fade with each passing moment, it was replaced by many questions and words I wanted to speak.

  Nektas cleared his throat. “If you’ll excuse me.”

  The draken didn’t wait for a response, leaving the chamber—leaving Nyktos and me alone. The Primal watched me like he always did, but there was a guarded quality that had never been there before.

  “If you start to feel the headache again or any other symptom that doesn’t feel normal, the tea will stop you from experiencing more severe symptoms,” he said. “So don’t wait.”

  “I won’t.” I twisted a curl around my finger.

  He sat there for a moment and then started to rise. “You should get some rest. I know the tea can make you tired.”

  “I know, but…”

  Nyktos arched a brow, waiting.

  I drew in a deep breath. “I want to talk to you about—”

  “About last night?”

  “Well, no, but I suppose that’s part of it.”

  “What happened last night won’t ever happen again,” Nyktos stated, and my fingers stilled in my hair. The finality of his words fell like a sword. “You will be safe here. You will be my Consort as planned.”

  My hands slipped from my hair. “You still want me as your Consort?”

  A tight smile twisted his lips. “This has never been about what either of us wants. It has only ever been about what must be done. And if we do not proceed, that alone will arouse too much suspicion.”

  My heart started thumping. “I will be your Consort in title only?”

  His head tilted. “Do you expect anything else? Do you think my interest in you overrides my common sense? Especially after learning of your treachery?”

  The breath I took scorched my insides. “I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect your forgiveness or understanding. I just want a chance to—”

  “To do what? Explain yourself? It is unnecessary. I know all that I need to. You were willing to do anything to save your people. I can respect that.” His features were as hard as the walls closing in around me. “I can also…respect how far you were willing to go to fulfill this duty of yours. But for what purpose? Love has never been on the table.”

  I knew that. Gods I knew that after everything he’d gone through. I just hadn’t been willing to fully admit it to myself. It wasn’t love I sought. It was never that. Still, it was hard to speak what I wanted to. The words were so simple, taken for granted by many. “Friendship,” I whispered as heat swamped my throat. “There’s friendship.”

  “Friendship? Even if I considered such a thing, I would never think of you. There is no way I could ever trust you. That I would not doubt or question every thought or action. Not when you were shaped and groomed to be whatever it is you believed I wanted. Not when you are just a vessel that would be empty if not for the ember of life you carry within you.”

  I jerked back, my skin, body—everything—going numb.

  Nyktos’ eyes flared bright, and then he turned from me. “As I said, you will be safe here. You will be my Consort in title only as we figure out exactly what my father planned for you. But this is all. There’s nothing else to discuss. Nothing else to be said.”

  Chapter 41

  I sat by the unlit fireplace the following morning, staring at the burnt kindling that remained. I idly rubbed my palms over my knees. The breeches had been laundered and returned earlier, along with breakfast. It had been Davina who arrived, and the draken hadn’t said much. I wasn’t sure if that was normal or if she had heard the truth despite Nyktos’ warnings to keep it quiet.

  The one good thing that had come from the mostly untouched food was the butter knife that had been brought with it. The knife wouldn’t do any damage to a god, but I was sure I could make it hurt when it came to a mortal, so I swiped it, slipping it into my boot.

  I hadn’t slept well the night before, even after the potion. The thought of eating anything didn’t rouse interest.

  I remembered the last time I’d felt this hollow. It was when I’d taken that sleeping draft. It wasn’t just Nyktos. It was the truth about Kolis. It was the threat I posed to the Shadowlands. It was me. It was Tavius and Nor and Lord Claus and all the others. It was how much I missed Ezra and Sir Holland. It was how I wanted to tell my mother that I was never the cause of the Rot. And it was…it was how badly I wanted Nyktos to be Ash.

  Weary, I toyed with the edges of my braid. It was also the knowledge that the past could never be undone. It couldn’t be forgiven. It couldn’t be forgotten.

  A knock on the door dragged me from my thoughts. I rose. “Yes?”

  “It’s Aios.”

  Surprised, I stepped around the chaise. “You can come in.”

  The door opened, and she wasn’t the only one who entered the chamber. Bele, who had been in the hall when Davina had arrived earlier, walked in, too. Apparently, she was on guard duty, and I wasn’t entirely sure if she was there to keep me safe or to keep others safe.

  “I need you to come with me,” Aios announced.

 
I tensed, suspicion rising. “To where?”

  “Should be nowhere.” Behind her, Bele stood with her arms crossed over her chest. My gaze snagged on her weapons—all far better than a paltry butter knife. “I told her Nyktos wanted you to remain in your chambers, but as always, Aios doesn’t listen.”

  The redheaded goddess wasn’t listening now. “Gemma is awake.”

  “Oh.” I glanced between the two. “That’s good news, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Aios answered while Bele shrugged.

  “Did she say why she went into the woods?”

  “She’d spotted a god who had been at the Court of Dalos and feared she’d be recognized. So she panicked, ran into the Dying Woods, quickly got lost in them, and then saw the Shades. She hid from them for a bit until they found her, but that’s not why I’m here,” Aios said. “She claims that she has no knowledge of what happened afterward—of what you did.”

  “That’s also good…” I trailed off as Aios’s jaw hardened. “Or not?”

  “I think she’s lying. I think she knows exactly what you did and said something to Hamid,” Aios explained. “I told her what Hamid had done, and she lost it, saying it was her fault. That’s why I’m here. I want you to tell her what you did.”

  “In case anyone wants to know, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Bele announced.

  “No one wants to know,” Aios replied. “I think if she is confronted with the fact that we know she died, she’ll tell us what she told Hamid.”

  I wasn’t sure if that would work, but I was willing to try. It would be nice to have an answer to something. However… “You trust me to leave the bedchamber?”

  Aios’s nose wrinkled. “What would you do that I should worry about? Are you planning something?”

  “Else,” Bele added.

  “I’m not,” I stated.

  “And you have no weapon, correct?” Aios asked.

  “No.” I really didn’t count my butter knife as a weapon.

  “Then why wouldn’t I trust you?”

  My brows lifted. “Besides the obvious?”

  “My question exactly,” Bele added.

  Aios sighed. “Look, it was clear—to me at least—that you didn’t want to do what you believed you had to. That doesn’t mean I agree with your actions or that I’m not disappointed. You seemed to make him…” Her chin lifted. “Anyway, it’s not like we don’t have explicit experience in carrying out terrible deeds because we believed we had no other choice.”

  For a moment, I couldn’t speak. “Have you ever plotted to kill someone who offered nothing but kindness and safety?”

  Aios’s stare met mine. “I have probably done worse. All of us have,” she stated flatly. “Now, will you come with me?”

  I blinked. “Yeah—Yes.”

  “Thank you.” Aios wheeled around, the skirt of her gray gown fluttering at her feet.

  Tugging down the sleeves of my sweater, I followed her out into the hall, my thoughts consumed by what Aios could’ve done that was worse. What Bele could’ve done. Because she hadn’t disagreed with that statement. It wasn’t until we reached the second floor that I asked, “Where is Nyktos? And how much trouble will you two get in for letting me out of my bedchambers?”

  “He’s in Lethe,” Bele answered as we walked the wide, quiet hall. “There was some kind of incident. Not sure what exactly. I don’t think it’s serious—” she said when I opened my mouth. “But I’m hoping he doesn’t find out about this little excursion.”

  “I won’t say anything,” I told them.

  “I’d hope not,” Bele remarked, stopping in front of a white door. She opened it without knocking, stalking in.

  Aios shook her head at the startled gasp that came from within the small chamber. I followed Aios in, getting my first real look at Gemma.

  Good gods…

  She was sitting up in bed, hands in her lap, and her injuries…they were gone completely. No deep cuts along her forehead or cheeks. The skin of her neck was unmarred, and I would bet her chest appeared the same.

  I never really got a chance to see what my touch did. Most animal wounds weren’t as noticeable, and I hadn’t seen the one that had ended Marisol’s life. This ember…gods, it was as miraculous as what my blood had done for Nyktos.

  Walking forward as Bele closed the door behind me, I saw that Gemma’s hair, free of blood, was a light shade of blonde, only a few tones darker than mine. And I’d been right. She couldn’t be much older than me, if that. Which meant she had lasted in the Dalos Court longer than most because she hadn’t been in the Shadowlands that long.

  Gemma looked at Aios first and then her gaze settled on me. Her entire body stiffened.

  “I brought someone I think you need to meet,” Aios said as she sat on the bed beside Gemma. “This is Sera.”

  The woman hadn’t taken her eyes off me. A tremor went through her. Her brown eyes were impossibly wide. I came to stand near the bed.

  “I don’t know if you recognize me,” I started. “But I—”

  “I recognize you,” she whispered. “I know what you did.”

  Aios sighed. “Well, that was far easier than I expected it to go.” She twisted toward Gemma. “You could’ve just told me the truth.”

  “I know. I know I should’ve, but I…I shouldn’t have said anything to Hamid. He’s dead because of me. That’s my fault. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything.” Tears tracked down Gemma’s cheeks as she shook. “I was just so caught off guard and wasn’t thinking—I know better. Gods, I know better than to say anything.”

  “It’s okay.” Aios went to place a hand on the woman’s arm, halting when Gemma flinched. “We’re not going to hurt you.” Behind me, Bele made a low sound of disagreement, and Aios shot the other goddess a look of warning. “None of us is going to hurt you.”

  “It’s not you all I’m afraid of.”

  “I know. It’s Kolis,” Aios said quietly, and my gaze shot to her. The empathy in her voice came from a place of knowledge, as did the haunted look I’d seen in her eyes.

  Gemma’s trembling ceased, but she paled even more. “I can’t go back there.”

  “You don’t have to,” Aios promised.

  “But it’s my fault that Hamid attacked her. There’s no way His Highness will let me stay here now.” Her grip on the blanket bleached her knuckles white.

  “Did you tell Hamid to attack me?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “Good gods, no.”

  “Then I doubt Nyktos will hold you accountable,” I told her, and her eyes shot to mine. The hope and the fear of believing in that hope was clear in her stare. “He won’t force you to go anywhere you don’t want to,” I said, and I knew without a doubt that was true. “You don’t have to be afraid of that either.”

  Aios nodded. “She speaks the truth.”

  An ache pierced my chest at how evident it was that she wanted so desperately to believe that. “Only time will prove my words right, and I hope you give it that time and don’t do anything…reckless again,” I said, fully acknowledging the irony of me suggesting against something irresponsible. “What did you tell Hamid?”

  Her chest rose with a deep breath as her stare dropped to her hands. “I…I knew I was dying,” she said softly. “When the other god found me? I knew I was dying, because I could barely feel his arms when he picked me up. And I…I know I died. I felt it—felt myself leaving my body. There was nothing for a couple of moments and then I saw two pillars—pillars as tall as the sky—with this bright, warm light between them.”

  Tension crept into me. She was speaking about the Pillars of Asphodel and the Vale. Had Marisol experienced the same? I knew her soul would not linger for long. And if so, did she realize that she had been brought back? I swallowed, hoping that Ezra had been able to steer her away from that belief or, at the very least, ensure that she never spoke of it. If she did, it could place both of them in danger, especially if it got back to a god who served Kolis.<
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  “I felt myself drifting toward it and then I was pulled back,” Gemma said. “I knew someone had brought me back.” Her head turned to me. “I knew it was you. I felt your touch. And when I looked at you, I just knew. I can’t explain it, but I did. It’s you he’s been looking for.”

  “Kolis?” Bele demanded, and Gemma flinched again at the sound of his name. The woman nodded. “How did you know?”

  “I was…” Gemma pulled the blanket closer to her waist. “I was his favorite for a bit. He kept me…” She swallowed, stretching her neck, and Aios closed her eyes. “He kept me close to him for a while. He said he liked my hair.” She reached up, absently touching one of the light strands. “He talked about this…power he felt. He spoke about it all the time. Obsessed over it and how he would do anything to find it. This presence. His graeca.”

  “Graeca?” I repeated.

  “It’s from the old language of the Primals,” Bele answered. “It means life, I believe.”

  “It also means love.” Aios’s eyes had opened. She frowned as she glanced at me. “The word is interchangeable.”

  “Like liessa?” I said, and she nodded. “Well, obviously, he is referencing life.” I imagined Kolis still believed that he was in love with Sotoria. “He felt the—the ripples of power I caused over the years. We know that.”

  “Well, we suspected that,” Bele corrected. “But we weren’t sure until the other night when the dakkais showed.”

  I shifted my weight. “And that is what you told Hamid?”

  Gemma blew out a ragged breath. “I never understood what he meant when he spoke of his graeca. Not until I saw you and realized that you had brought me back. I told Hamid that it must be you that Kolis was looking for. That you were the presence he felt, and that you were here, in the Shadowlands.” She shook her head as she swallowed again. “I knew what happened to Hamid’s mother. He shared that with me. I should’ve been thinking. Hamid…he hated Kolis, but he was also afraid of him. Terrified that he would come to the Shadowlands and hurt more people.”