by Clare Lydon
Octavia left an hour later, after inspecting the space fully and making suggestions that none of us had considered. She wanted to knock down a couple of walls and open the whole space up more, which we were on board with. Plus, she had ideas about moving the kitchen, which we had to mull over. I was glad Maddie had invited herself along as she’d been particularly helpful when it came to knowing about worktops, flooring, and lighting.
I could see Gemma was impressed. My best friend kept trying to catch my eye, but I was sticking steadfastly to the script. I was determined that being in the same room as Maddie wasn’t going to throw me off what needed to be done today.
However, as soon as Octavia left, something changed. Was it me? I wasn’t sure. But suddenly, the day was shaded differently. Gemma was walking around the space unaware.
But I knew.
When Gemma disappeared into the back kitchen with her tape measure, I stared into Maddie’s dark eyes, smoky and full of heat.
She looked away. Right then, I knew she felt it too. This thing between us that had ballooned in size as soon as it was just us in the room. As if when it was only Maddie and I, nothing else existed. Just the two of us, with whatever it was between us filling the space, squeezing itself into every nook and crevice.
I let my gaze slide down her flushed cheeks, careful not to flick to her eyes again. It was too risky. Then, there would be too many questions to be answered, too much to say. We’d said we didn’t want anything between us. If Gemma left, I doubted there would be.
If Maddie spoke, I’d be drawn to her lips. And if I was drawn to her lips, it wouldn’t be her words I’d be thinking about. It would be the weight of her lips. The feel of her lips. How I so wanted them to bruise mine.
Fuck.
Where the hell was Gemma?
I was trying to work out my emotions, but there were too many inside me jostling for attention, conflicted, strained. My heartbeat rose in my chest and lodged in my throat, so much so that when Gemma asked me a question from the back kitchen, I couldn’t process her words.
“So what did you think of her plans for this bit?” There was a wall separating Gemma from us. With just Maddie in the same space, I was finding it hard to even blink.
There was a low ambient noise playing in my head. I focused on the door to the back kitchen. Gemma’s footsteps sounded, and then she appeared in the doorway, still oblivious, and walked towards me. “I mean, I know we agreed, but was it okay? She said she’d draw up a plan with or without, so I guess we can have a think about it.”
Gemma paused in front of me, checking her phone, before looking up.
I nodded. “We’ve got time. We can talk about it tomorrow at work.”
She narrowed her eyes, glancing from me to Maddie, who’d suddenly found the back wall endlessly fascinating. “Okay.” She shot me a look, which I ignored. She mouthed something at me, but I couldn’t understand it, so I just shook my head.
Not now, Gemma. Not now.
She glanced over at Maddie, checked her phone and stuffed it into her pocket. “Anyway, I’ve got some shopping to do now the workday is done, so I’m going to leave you two to it.” The arch in Gemma’s brow was so tall, it could have been installed at Wembley Stadium. She put a hand on her hip and stared at me. “Call me later, okay?”
I barely registered her words, but I nodded. “Will do.”
Gemma turned. “See you later, Maddie. Thanks for everything today.”
Maddie spun round. “No problem.” She watched Gemma walk out, and we both kept our eye on her as she walked along the front of the building.
Then she was gone, and there was nothing to distract us from each other. It was just us. An us that was threatening to engulf us whole.
“Good meeting today.” Maddie walked towards me, her every footstep making me shake. I had to concentrate on my breathing. It was something I did every day, every hour, every minute, every second. And yet, with Maddie around, its repetition was in doubt. “It was. Thanks for bringing Octavia. She was brilliant.”
“Good name too, right?” She gave me a slow grin, gaining confidence.
She was so fucking beautiful.
“The best. I can tick that off my bucket list. Meet an Octavia. Tick.” I took a deep breath. I could totally do this. Have a quick chat, get rid of Maddie, and then have a breakdown. That was totally the way this was going to go. “And your ideas about the flooring and worktops were good, too.” I caught her gaze and it was so heated, it almost took my breath away. “Thanks for coming. I didn’t know we needed you, but we did.” It was almost prophetic.
Maddie took a step closer. “I’ve helped on this sort of thing before, and I know my flooring. You need something warm, strong and flexible.”
I think she was still talking about the flooring. All I knew was her eyes were focused on me, her brows providing the perfect frame, her gaze piercing my skin in a tantalising way. I never thought it was possible to be pierced without pain. Maddie showed me it could be a pleasure.
She was still talking. “Something people will remember. Something that will make them rave about the place. It’s all in the detail, and you want to get it right first time.”
“You can’t always get it right first time, that’s the thing.” My tone was so scorched with want, it almost burned my throat.
She took another step towards me, not dropping my gaze. I was transfixed by the way the sunlight caught her hair. The way her mouth quirked up at the side, slightly hesitant. The way her jeans were rolled up just so. Precise. Because Maddie had always been that.
“If at first you don’t succeed, you can try again. There are no rules. Only the ones you set.”
“Or the ones you set?”
She was in front of me now, and I jumped as our hands touched, before she wrapped her fingers around mine.
Maddie shook her head. “I never set any rules. I fucked up. But like I told you last week, I want to make it up to you. I wanted to be your friend, to have you back in my life. But I’ve realised that I can’t be your friend.”
I gulped, but my throat was dry.
“When it comes to you, I always wanted to be so much more.” Maddie took a further micro-step to me, until her lips were inches from mine. They were hot and inviting, her breath kissing my face. “Tell me you don’t feel the same way. Hasn’t there always been something between us, something that could never be contained? Something I’ve spent years trying to put a name to, but I never could. But I think I might know now.” She brought my hand to her lips and kissed my knuckles.
The tingle that caused started in my hands, before zapping through my body, lighting it up until it hit somewhere below my navel.
“All I know is that being around you, staring into your beautiful hazel eyes, and not kissing you is getting harder and harder every time I see you.” She paused, moving herself right into my space, slicing through the air between us so our bodies were now touching. “It’s always been you, Jus.” She lowered her face to mine. “Every single person I’ve ever been out with has never measured up to you. Ever.”
She brought her hands up to my face and held it.
Was this the right thing to do? I had no idea. But right now, I couldn’t do anything else. In a flash, my flimsy resolve wobbled, then crumbled, like an abandoned sandcastle as the evening tide came in.
Before I knew it, her lips were on mine, and her mouth began to slowly seduce me.
If I’d been wondering how it would feel to kiss Maddie again, I had my answer. It felt achingly right. It felt like the first rays of sunshine in spring. Snow on Christmas Day. There was a lightness to it, and as I kissed her back, I swear I was smiling.
Her kisses were familiar, loaded, certain. I felt strangely vulnerable, but also that this was the right thing to do. This time, it really did feel like Maddie meant it. Her lips slipped over mine like they were made for me.
So many years of what-if, of where was she, of why hadn’t she wanted me? But those questions had
slowly melted into the background noise of my life, until they faded into bruises, then scars that had become part of my body. Part of my make-up. Part of my DNA.
As the memories of hurt faded, so had the memories of her kiss.
Her touch.
Her.
But now, with Maddie’s lips on mine, the memories were springing back to life. Maddie was kissing me and it was everything; her tongue making me melt, her lips making me quake. We kissed with undiluted, unashamed urgency. I completely forgot where we were and who I was. My arms brought her closer, and I wanted more. We were in a big space with massive windows. The whole city could see us if they wanted to. But to me, it was just us.
Cocooned.
Cut off.
Maddie and I.
Just like it should be.
My body flooded with a bright sensation and my muscles swooned. Without breaking the kiss, Maddie slipped her hands under my shirt and her touch was almost too much. I did the same, sliding my hands over her soft skin until I reached the waistband of her jeans. My hands brushed against her abdomen and she hissed into my mouth at my touch.
Maddie broke the kiss, her eyes laser focused on me. I gulped again, then stared out at the street, suddenly very aware of the large windows. They were great for baking, but not for privacy.
She followed my gaze, gave me a slow, sexy look that almost made me drop to the floor, before taking my hand and pulling me through to the back kitchen. Once there, she pushed me back against the counter, pinning me there. Her arms were either side of me and I was grateful to be trapped between her and a solid surface because my legs didn’t seem to want to hold me up anymore.
She grappled with my shirt buttons, flicking them open and pushing it off. Then she snapped off my bra, her hungry mouth falling on my breasts like they were the first she’d seen in her life. As she sucked and nibbled at me, I threw my head back and gasped, feeling it everywhere. Her tongue and her hands were causing seismic shocks throughout my body, and I knew this was only the beginning. For Maddie and I, the road was wide open. Where we went from here was up to me. But I wasn’t looking that far down the road yet. For now, I was going to concentrate on the here and now. The present. On my Kind.
Maddie whipped her top over her head, ridding herself of her bra, too. I pulsed anew. I pulled her to me, kissing her skin, marvelling at how perfect she was.
But I wasn’t allowed to for long. Before I knew it, Maddie’s hands were on my crisp jeans, tearing open the zip, a zeal and urgency to her movements. Then her hands returned to my breasts, my back, before slipping inside my jeans, and then my pants. I swayed against her but she held me firm. Our gazes caught for a moment, as she yanked down my remaining clothes, and I stepped out of them. We were at the point of no return, and it hovered above us. My chest heaved as we paused.
Maddie’s fingers were so close to their target, her breath hot on my lips.
Now was not the time to stop and ask questions. Now was the time for action. For finishing what we’d started. For doing what had always come so naturally to us.
The talking could wait.
Maddie paused for another moment, getting the permission she needed from my heated stare. If she was in any doubt, I thrust my hips forward, forcing her fingers nearer. Then I moved my lips to her lobe.
“I want you,” I whispered, my voice barely crawling from my lips and into her ear.
She didn’t need telling twice. Maddie wasted no time pressing her lips to mine, her body following suit. Maddie’s finger slipped through my wetness, and I cried out. I couldn’t help it. Maddie was inside me and it felt like I’d won the jackpot. I shuddered.
She slipped another finger in, groaning into my mouth as she did, the vibration sending shockwaves spiralling through me.
“You feel so good.” She curled into me as I thrust forward.
We stopped then, revelling in this moment, one I never thought would grace my world again. It was one of those times you wish you could ink into your memory. Tattooed in place, time-stamped forever. One movement would mean this moment was gone. And I, of all people, knew you couldn’t hold on. You could pause and take it in, but then you had to move forward and live your life. Because the future held the promise of so many more moments, ones just like this, and those moments might be even better. That’s what I had to believe, especially with Maddie.
I couldn’t try to recapture our past. I didn’t want to. I had to let go and trust that what came next would be better. So in that moment, I relaxed my muscles and then my mind. I let go. I gave myself to Maddie.
She was all-consuming now, physically and mentally. Her free hand squeezed my nipple as her fingers skilfully worked me, slipping in and out, her thumb circling my clit. So much sensation, so much Maddie. It was overwhelming.
Her thrusts took me higher, her tongue on my neck. Syrupy pleasure heated low in my pelvis and spread through my limbs. I felt woozy with lust, high as a kite. We were lost in each other, insulated from the outside world. I gave a guttural moan as my orgasm began to roar within me, heat thrusting to all my nerve endings.
As muscles danced and my orgasm boomed, I clung to Maddie, remembering how steady she could be. At one time, she was my rock, my world. Right now, she was all that was in my sightline as I came all over her fingers, digging my nails into her back, groaning into the air. She thrust some more until I stopped her, and then I rode out some aftershocks, before coming back into the here and now.
My eyelids flickered open and I looked up into her smile.
I didn’t have to say anything. I knew what she was thinking. It was written in the upturn of her mouth, in the heat of her stare. Then her lips were on mine again, before she pulled back. “I’ve been wanting to do that ever since I saw your gorgeous face again.” She paused, and kissed me again.
She was still inside. I never wanted her to leave. “You said you didn’t want anything between us.” I dropped my gaze to her lips, and my eyelids fluttered shut briefly. “You got your wish.”
She smiled, squeezing my butt cheek with her free hand. “I got the first part, that’s true. But I want more. I don’t want this to be a one-off. I want to make everything up to you, Justine. All of it. I want to prove to you that I’m worthy of your time. Your attention. And if you’ll let me, your love.”
With my orgasm still booming in my ears, I stared at her. Fuck, she had a way with words, whereas I could hardly string a sentence together. Not right then.
The sound of a muffled phone ring broke the spell, and Maddie sighed, wincing. “That’s Ally’s ringtone, and she only uses it when she has to. She normally messages me.” She straightened up, taking her hand with her. I breathed out, putting my head on her shoulder.
For now, she stayed where she was.
The phone ringing stopped, and then began again. Maddie’s breathing stalled, and then she opened her eyes, her grey stare looking direct into mine. “Sorry, I can’t ignore her twice. That’s her code if it’s urgent, to call again right away.”
She squeezed my butt cheek with her hand, then slowly moved backwards and grabbed her T-shirt from the floor where it had been discarded. She shrugged it over her head before she returned the call. Before the material covered her stomach, I marvelled again at her flat abdomen, her firm muscles I’d recently run my fingers over. Physical work clearly suited Maddie and was what kept her in such great shape.
I heard the call connect, saw Maddie nod her head, and then she disappeared out the door and back into the main space.
I breathed out for what seemed like the first time in days. My blood was still sprinting around my body, and my thoughts were jumbled as I pulled myself upright. That’s when I realised I was quite naked. I glanced down to see my knickers on the floor. I took a moment to be amazed. Because this was amazing. Incredible. And also, highly improbable.
I’d been so sure nothing would happen, until the moment where it had become inevitable. When Gemma had left, the heat had risen and nothing else in the w
orld but Maddie’s hands on my body and Maddie’s lips covering mine would do. Nothing but that would calm the surging desire that stampeded through me, a desire that was still raging, if I was honest.
Next door, Maddie’s voice was stretched, pained. Whatever Ally wanted her for, it didn’t sound good. Somehow, I knew I wasn’t going to get my hands on Maddie now. If I was five, I would wail and gnash my teeth at the injustice, but I wasn’t. Despite all evidence to the contrary — and the fact I was standing naked in my new business premises — I was in fact an impressive business owner in her 30s.
I glanced down at myself, and then, feeling exposed, stepped into my knickers and pulled them up. Then I found my bra and shirt and dragged it on, my fingers still shaky and useless. Desire hummed in me like a car waiting at a kerb, its engine still on. Damn it, I wanted to kiss Maddie into next week, then fuck her until she got that look on her face, the one I still remembered. The one I’d love to see again in real life. And then I’d like Maddie to do exactly the same to me.
To what end, though? Where was this going? Maddie had said she wanted more, but could she be trusted? I pushed those thoughts aside. For the past hour, I’d decided to live in a fantasy land where actions had no consequences and no emotional ties. For now, I had to treat this as a promising start, and think about the rest later.
My head was heavy with whirling emotion as I pulled on my jeans. I couldn’t see properly through the tangle of my hair as I leaned over and I swept it away from my face.
Moments later, Maddie strode towards me with purpose. Her hands slid into my pants once again, squeezing my butt cheek, making me whimper. I was putty in her hands.
“Fuck, I want you.” Her eyes blazed as they focused on me, and I had no doubt her words were true. But then she withdrew her hand, zipped me up and fixed the buttons on my shirt. They were one out.
I grinned, aware I was still unsteady on my feet. “I want you, too.”
“But I’m afraid I’ve got to go.”
I let out an audible groan, reaching around and pulling her to me. “I don’t want you to leave.” I didn’t know much in that moment, but I knew that. I wanted to drown in Maddie, safely ensconced in my make-believe world.