Searching for Home

by Megan Linden

  Ollie tried to imagine that, having a voice inside his head that hated him, and it made him sick.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, reaching out again, this time covering Patrick’s hand with his own.

  “Don’t be.” Patrick shook his head. “This is still my responsibility at the end of the day. That’s why I’m apologizing. Having my father’s voice in my head is why I did what I did, but it doesn’t change the fact that I did it.”

  Ollie nodded. “You’re right. But you’re owning up to it and apologizing, and your explanation is important to me.” He tightened his grip on Patrick’s hand. “Do you… Is there some kind of logic about when those thoughts show up? Like, are there any signs or something?” If there were, maybe Ollie could prepare himself or maybe help in any way.

  Patrick was silent for a while before sighing. “I wish there was some kind of logic. Sometimes it shows up when I feel good, as if it was waiting for me to let my guard down. Almost anything can set me off. But there’s one thing I identified and it’s… Well, there’s no good way to say it,” he muttered as if to himself. “It’s Taylor.”

  “What—?” Ollie started, but then it hit him. Taylor was the Alpha’s Son. Damn, that had to be hard on Patrick.

  “I see him and it’s like I’m either comparing myself to him, comparing my father with Alpha Harrington or not even comparing anyone but just feeling sorry for myself.” Patrick was obviously trying for a flippant tone, but he didn’t quite hit the mark. “I thought I had it under control, but I don’t. That talk I had with him at the Alpha’s house two weeks ago, the one I told you about? Taylor called me on my behavior, gave me a warning.” He shook his head. “Or more like a reality check. And he’s been really understanding about all of this, which on one hand is great, but on the other…”

  Ollie nodded. He got it. He could also see even more clearly why Patrick hadn’t wanted to talk then.

  Meanwhile, Patrick snorted. “I swear, before I came to Hills, I thought my biggest issue would be with the Alpha. I didn’t expect this. Then, half an hour into my arrival here, I get into a fight with Bill and the next second Taylor’s there, introducing himself as the Alpha’s Son, and I almost went off on him.” He glanced up at Ollie. “I’ve been working on it and it did get better, but sometimes it catches me off-guard.”

  “Like it caught you on Sunday?” Because Ollie felt for Patrick, he really did, but he could still remember that moment in the car in startling detail. Patrick had pulled away from him like he’d been burned.

  “Yes. He just… I noticed him there and my first thought was ‘Alpha can’t know’, even though I know this Alpha doesn’t care—or even if she did, it wouldn’t matter. My instincts are all over the place.” Patrick turned his hand that he’d kept under Ollie’s and tangled their fingers together. “But once my conscious brain kicks in, I swear to you that none of this bullshit is what I really think.”

  “I believe you,” Ollie told him after a long moment of silence where they just stared at each other. Because really, what else was there to say? He’d wanted to believe Patrick hadn’t meant what he’d done and now, faced with convincing evidence, Ollie would be stupid not to take what he’d been given.

  “I know—” Patrick started, then shook his head. “Well, I can imagine how hard it must’ve been for you sometimes, growing up in a werewolf pack.” He squeezed their fingers together. “I didn’t ever want to make you feel like you’re not good enough, either for me or just in general. I’ll try my best not to do anything like that ever again. If you give me another chance—”

  “You have it,” Ollie cut in. He leaned in, grabbed the back of Patrick’s neck and pulled him in for a hard kiss. “You have it.”

  He didn’t want to talk any longer. When he heard Patrick’s muffled growl, he crawled over onto Patrick’s lap and continued to kiss him—once, twice, again and again. Patrick opened up with ease, letting him take control and putting his hands on Ollie’s hips without pulling or pushing him in any direction. Ollie relaxed a fraction, impatient fever replaced with slow, careful exploration of Patrick’s mouth. He’d thought he might never get to do that again. He’d thought he’d never get to kiss Patrick or hold him like this, or, damn, actually have a real chance at…whatever this was.

  “I wanna date you,” he whispered against Patrick’s lips when he pulled back for breath.

  “Fuck, yes.” Patrick tightened his grip on Ollie for a split second before relaxing it. “Let’s date.”

  “I’m not going to break. You can grab me harder.” Ollie rolled his hips down before kissing Patrick again and moaning into it when Patrick did what he’d asked.

  Ollie bit Patrick’s lower lip and grabbed his hair. They’d never kissed like this, hungry and urgent. Ollie had never demanded anything. But here, now, he wanted—needed—Patrick closer. Not caring about the rest of their clothes and glad Trevor wouldn’t be coming back tonight, he went straight to Patrick’s zipper.

  “Don’t you wanna slow—” Patrick started, but his words turned into a low growl when Ollie pulled out his cock.

  “No.” Ollie ran his thumb over the head. “You?”

  “Fuck, no.” Patrick reached down to Ollie’s zipper and soon he was joining their hands around both of their cocks. Ollie swallowed a whimper when Patrick licked the side of his neck and sucked low on his throat, none too gently.

  Nothing they did was gentle right now. It was fast and hard, pleasure bordering on pain. Ollie wanted to drag the orgasm out of Patrick as quickly as possible and the feeling seemed to be mutual. Ollie’s blood hummed under his skin and he wondered if Patrick could somehow hear it, feel it right there. Bite me, Ollie wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut. Not here, not now. Besides, the idea alone brought him close to the edge, and he panted into Patrick’s shoulder as he felt the tension rising, hiking up and up until it erupted between them. Ollie’s orgasm lasted forever, leaving him spent as he fell against Patrick, who murmured filthy words of encouragement in his ear.

  Once Ollie recovered enough to move, he pulled back a bit to fall to his knees. It wasn’t graceful, more like stumbling, but Patrick didn’t seem to care, especially after Ollie took his cock into his mouth and pushed down until the head of it hit the back of his throat. He loved it—the weight of Patrick on his tongue, the taste, the way Patrick was staring down at him. At some point, he would love to do it slow and drive Patrick out of his mind, but not today. Today he wanted it fast and dirty, and he didn’t care about anything else. He moaned around the head and Patrick bucked his hips, which, if his mouth weren’t full, would have made Ollie smirk, but as it was, he just doubled down on his efforts. Soon enough, he had to draw back to swallow every last drop as Patrick was coming with his head thrown back and hands tightened in the couch cushions.

  Ollie stared up at him, at his flushed skin and prickly, exposed neck, and he thought that he’d do anything he could to keep Patrick in his life for as long as possible.

  And when Patrick reached down and dragged him back onto his lap for a kiss, it felt like sealing a promise between them. Like they were both ready to do whatever it took to make them work.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Patrick kept his gaze on Ollie as the man rummaged through Trevor’s fridge to find them something to eat. Even after spending the entire evening staring, Patrick wasn’t tired of the sight. How could he be, really? Ollie had something that made it hard to look away in the first place, but half-naked Ollie still in the haze of the afterglow? That was something else—even before Patrick took into consideration his wolf’s contentment over the fact that Ollie had been thoroughly marked and now smelled like Patrick.

  “Trevor ordered pork dumplings earlier, since he knows I’m always starving after the shift. You want to share with me?” Ollie threw him a look over his shoulder. “There’s not much else in here.”

  “Dumplings are fine.” Patrick lifted his arms and stretched, sighing in relief as a tense muscle unlocked in his back.
>
  He grinned when he caught Ollie staring. He wasn’t half-naked like Ollie, but he was sitting here in his undershirt, which was pretty tight.

  “Oh, shut up,” Ollie told him, rolling his eyes but trying to hide his smile at the same time.

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “I don’t need to be a werewolf to know you’re feeling smug.”

  “Hey, I’m staring too, so we’re even.”

  Ollie shook his head but didn’t say anything until the dumplings were in the microwave.

  “What’s the plan now?” he asked as he leaned against the counter.

  Patrick leaned on his forearms. “‘Now’, as in when are we heading back or as in what are we doing once we’re back?”

  “Well, I meant the first, but we should probably talk about that other thing, too.”

  “We can head back right after we eat or wait until morning, but there’s no way we’d fit on that couch, so probably no sleep for us.”

  “Trevor told me he’d make himself scarce again, so we can take the bed.”

  Patrick grinned. “Well, in that case, I vote for a nap and taking off in the morning.”

  “That’s what I thought.” Ollie nodded, then busied himself with putting the dumplings onto the plates. He brought them to the table and handed one to Patrick before sitting on the opposite side.

  “Thanks.” Patrick stretched his leg to push his foot against Ollie, who chuckled but didn’t pull away. “As for the longer-term, I think I remember something about us dating. I still want to do that, if you do.”

  “I do. But, to be clear, dating as in ‘exclusive’? And no hiding from people?” Ollie asked before shoving a dumpling into his mouth.

  “Yeah. It’s not dating if it’s not exclusive, as far as I’m concerned.” Patrick shrugged. Most werewolves agreed on that, since their possessive instincts wouldn’t tolerate smelling another person on someone they dated. He still sometimes wondered how Bill and Rick were dealing with sharing Adrian. It seemed to work very well for them, but Patrick would never be able to do that.

  “Good.” Ollie’s shoulders dropped. “Me too.”

  “And yes to not hiding.” Patrick gave Ollie a small smile. “I was thinking dates in public and hanging out at the pack functions, unless you object.”

  Ollie grinned. “No objections.”

  With that settled, their conversation moved to Trevor and the bar, then to what each of them had been doing during the week—with both of them admitting it wasn’t much—and what they had in store for the next. Patrick needed to catch up on work and Ollie was preparing himself for the baby to come.

  “I wasn’t here when the twins were born,” he said, a hint of sadness in his voice. “It was too late to get out of the contract I had coming when they told me they were pregnant. I’m glad I can be here now.”

  “Out of all your siblings, you’re closest to Sylvia, right?”

  “Yeah.” Ollie nodded. “There wasn’t even a real competition. I mean, she risked not being fostered on the slim chance that Tomilsons would agree to take me, too. That’s hard to beat.”

  Patrick nodded.

  “Speaking of,” Ollie continued, putting his fork down. “In the interest of the full disclosure about our issues…” He hesitated. “I feel like after your story, you should hear about the skeletons in my closet.”

  “Only if you want to tell me,” Patrick said. Sure, he was curious, but Ollie didn’t owe him anything. They’d only just started dating, even counting that first date a week ago, so they had time.

  “Well, I think it can help both of us.” Ollie took a deep breath. “You know how you said you thought it had to be difficult growing up among werewolves? You were right. It was. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I finally had a home and a real family, so I’m not complaining, but the”—he waved his hand—“the werewolf versus human thing can be a sore point for me. That’s why I reacted so strongly on Sunday. The idea that you’d be ashamed because I’m human hit all my red-hot buttons.”

  Patrick reached out and circled his fingers around Ollie’s wrist. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know. You don’t need to apologize anymore, I swear.” Ollie shook his head. “I just wanted to warn you. As much as I’m going to try not to take it personally when the issues from your father come up, there’s also a big chance that I may read something innocent in a completely wrong way if I feel it even hints at me being human as a problem.” He grimaced. “You can ask my family. They will tell you some stories.”

  “How about we agree to call each other out if needed but give each other the benefit of the doubt?” Patrick suggested. “I mean, not when the emotions are flying high, but… Let’s not do a week-long sulking in separate corners thing again.”

  Ollie nodded. “Deal.” Then he chuckled. “Look at us, talking about things like emotionally stable adults.”

  “I’m not sure we should get used to it,” Patrick told him, only half-joking. He’d talked about his feelings and issues more in the last thirty-six hours than in the previous thirty-six months. “But we can give it a try.”

  “How about we give the bed another try?” Ollie suggested with a wiggle of his eyebrows that should have been ridiculous, yet the way he licked his lower lip right after was anything but.

  Patrick got up so fast he almost pushed the plate onto the floor. “Perfect.”

  Ollie laughed, starting toward the bedroom, but Patrick caught him and pulled him in for a kiss. Then, remembering the last time they’d done this here, he reached down to grab Ollie’s legs and pulled him up until Ollie circled them around Patrick’s waist, laughing.

  “Seemed to work last time,” Patrick murmured with his lips pressed to Ollie’s jaw.

  “It works just fine now, too,” Ollie told him, tugging at the hair at the back of Patrick’s head until he tilted it up and accepted another kiss.

  When they got to the bedroom, they parted long enough to get naked, then fell onto the mattress in a tumble of limbs.

  “What do you want?” Patrick asked as he turned them so he was on top of Ollie, pressing the line of kisses down his neck.

  “You could fuck me,” Ollie told him, tilting his head to give him a better access. “Or—you could ride me.”

  Oh, wow. It had been years since Patrick had bottomed, but right now, he couldn’t figure out why, because his body was definitely interested.

  “You,” he said, going back to Ollie’s mouth, “have the best ideas.”

  Ollie grinned and moved his hands toward Patrick’s ass. “I know.”

  Patrick intended to stretch himself as quickly as possible to get on with things, but Ollie must have decided he was moving too fast and pushed him to lie down and spread his legs.

  “I think it’s time you got a little of your own medicine,” he told Patrick. Then he proceeded to stretch him slowly and play with his cock every once in a while.

  By the time Ollie considered himself done, they were both sweaty and close to the edge, but now Patrick wanted to torment Ollie for a little revenge, so he forced himself to move very, very slowly as he lowered himself down onto Ollie’s cock. It had been a long time since he’d done it like this, but apparently, it wasn’t something one just forgot. He rolled his hips before he could consciously decide to do so and the change of angle made Ollie’s cock press against his prostate.

  Patrick let out a breathless moan that made Ollie buck his hips, nailing the same spot again. They set the rhythm quickly after that and Patrick got lost in it, moving his body just right and watching Ollie under him, staring up with heat and something like wonder in his gaze.

  Fuck, what those eyes were doing to him.

  At some point, Ollie curled his fingers around Patrick’s cock and started jacking him off to the rhythm of their hips. Neither of them lasted long after that, with Patrick coming first and Ollie following soon after.

  Once the orgasm passed, Patrick was half-asleep, so he was glad Ollie took care of the condom and th
e lazy clean-up, before fitting himself against Patrick’s side.

  He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

  * * * *

  They got a late start in the morning, but after a shared shower and a quick breakfast, they hit the road back toward Hills. Patrick was in a great mood, humming to whatever song on the radio he recognized, but somewhere along the way, Ollie became quiet and pensive.

  “You okay?” Patrick asked when they were passing the ‘Welcome to Harrington Hills’ sign.

  Ollie shrugged. “I don’t know. We tend to do well outside of town, but—”

  “But not so well once we’re back?” Patrick finished when it didn’t seem like Ollie would.

  Ollie nodded, and Patrick tapped his fingers over his steering wheel for a moment, thinking.

  “How about we go grab an early lunch at the diner?” he suggested, hoping to appease Ollie’s nerves and take care of their official coming out as a couple in one swoop. He wouldn’t be surprised if some of the locals had already figured it out, especially those who came to the café, but he didn’t care. Both he and Ollie needed something else, something more, without screaming it from the rooftops.

  And Ollie’s smile told him it was the right move.

  Soon enough, they were parking close to the diner—at the same lot Adrian had parked in on their first day in Harrington Hills, Patrick realized—and he turned the engine off before glancing over at Ollie.

  “Ready?” he said, holding out his hand, palm up, across the seat.

  Ollie twined their fingers together and pulled their hands up to his lips to drop a quick kiss on Patrick’s knuckle. “Ready.”