Full of Promise

by Kate Gavin

  “Mom, we lost six seniors last year. If we don’t get enough new people, we may barely have enough to scrape together a team and they’re not gonna put a senior on JV. I think we’ll be fine.” At least I hope so.

  Cam knew she was an average soccer player. At their school she could easily make the team, but getting into the games was a completely different story, which was fine because she had no desire to be a star. She would rather play a supporting role on the team than feel the additional pressure of being a top performer. It was just another cause of conflict with her mother—the former star of her state championship soccer team.

  Her mom said, “Well, you better not get lazy, and make sure to give it your all these next couple days. You know you need to work hard out there. I’d like to see you start this year.”

  Holding her tongue, Cam said, “Well, we’re going to be late. See you tonight, Mom.” She held her bag in one hand and grabbed Claire’s hand with the other, pulling her out of the house.

  “So, another great pep talk from your ma, huh?” Claire asked as she started the car.

  “Oh yeah. Gotta love ’em. By the way, I need to get home as soon as tryouts are over. I need to take my brothers shopping for school supplies,” Cam explained, already sounding put out by the request.

  “No problem. Maybe I’ll join you. I still need to get a few things. So, how was your date with Danny last night?”

  “It was fine. We just went to see that new zombie movie,” she muttered.

  “Well, don’t sound so enthusiastic. So, did you make out the entire time? Get a little handsy?” she asked with a wink.

  “Ugh, no! Why would we waste money going to the movies to make out? We could just do that at his house for free,” she said. She tried to hide the discomfort she felt when Claire pestered her about anything Danny and she did or did not do on their dates. Even after all this time, Cam was still reserved when talking about sex. It didn’t help that when she thought about kissing someone, it wasn’t always Danny. The girl she used to see at the library had popped up in her dreams a couple times. That was new, but not completely unwelcome.

  Laughing and holding up her hands in surrender, Claire said. “Okay, got it.” They pulled into a parking spot next to the soccer field and grabbed their bags before making their way toward the benches on the sideline. “Wanna warm up?”

  Cam tied her cleats and grabbed a ball from the team bag as other girls trickled onto the field. “Sure. Let’s go.” They jogged a lap in relative silence and then passed the ball back and forth at midfield. With a quick look around, Cam noticed most of the girls had shown up and were warming up as well, and Coach Hawkins was holding a clipboard and chatting with her assistant coach and the junior varsity coach.

  With a few minutes left before tryouts began, they started a quick game of keep-away. As Cam made a breakaway toward the sideline, she glanced up to spot her position on the field, and saw a new girl. The girl from the library! Wearing green shorts and a gray T-shirt, she jogged in place before heading over to where Coach and several other girls had started to gather.

  Cam abruptly stopped, and Claire easily took possession of the ball and continued sprinting toward the sideline. Cam’s breath caught in her throat, her stomach muscles tightened, and her mouth went dry. She wanted to attribute the reaction to the heat of the summer morning or being winded from the warmup, but she knew differently. The source of so many confusing thoughts for the past month was standing twenty feet away. How was this possible?

  Her thoughts were interrupted by Claire yelling as she ran back to where Cam had stopped. “Sucker! Better not be lazy like that later. You heard your mom earlier. How’d you let me take that from you?”

  Cam’s eyes traveled up and down the girl once more until she turned to focus on Claire and said with as much bravado as she could, “Oh bullshit, I let you do that. Come on, you know I gotta try and make you look good in front of Coach.”

  “Yeah, right.” Claire gave her a little shove. Coach blew her whistle twice, signaling for everyone to gather around her. “Let’s go.”

  Coach Hawkins quickly gave a rundown of tryouts and went on a rambling speech about how this year was going to be the year they made it to the championship game. Cam struggled to keep a neutral expression and not look annoyed because in the past five years, the team hadn’t even made it to the playoffs.

  As Coach droned on, Cam’s eyes wandered around the rest of the team. It was a small group this year and everyone there was either on the JV or varsity team last year, except for several freshmen and the new girl. Her gaze switched between the new girl and Coach. At one point, the new girl looked up and gave Cam a lopsided grin and Cam knew she had been caught. She looked at the ground.

  Concentrating on Coach’s words was no longer possible. She rubbed the back of her neck hoping the newly acquired redness of embarrassment went away. Finally, Coach broke their huddle and tryouts started. The next two hours were tough and Cam mentally kicked herself for not working out harder during the summer. But with helping her mom with the boys and her job at the library, it had been hard to find time. At the end of tryouts, Coach called everyone together, reminded them to eat right, get some sleep, and to see the athletic trainer if they were hurt, as tomorrow morning would be yet another hard tryout.

  Once dismissed, Claire stopped to chat with a few of the juniors on the team while Cam headed toward the sideline to pack up and go home. As she gathered her things, a shadow blocked out the sun. She looked up and saw the new girl. Cam slowly stood and noticed the girl had eyes that almost matched her dark green shorts. She grinned again and raised her eyebrows.

  Cam realized she probably looked like a moron just standing there staring at her. She couldn’t believe it was the library girl standing in front of her. The girl who had been invading her thoughts for most of the summer. She shook her head, trying to find her voice. “So I guess you’re new here, huh?” Cam asked. Obviously, Cam. She tried not to roll her eyes at herself and rubbed the back of her neck instead.

  “Yeah, my family just moved here from Illinois at the end of June. I’m Riley Baker,” she said as she extended her hand with an almost shy smile.

  Cam shook her hand, feeling an unusual warmth move up her arm. “I’m Cameron Leoni. I usually go by Cam.” Before she could embarrass herself by holding on to Riley’s hand for too long, Claire came up behind her and put an arm around Cam’s shoulder.

  “Hey there, I’m Claire. Welcome to Indiana. Ready to go, Cam?”

  “Oh, yeah. Nice meeting you, Riley. See you around.”

  She smiled and said, “Hope so.”

  Claire and Cam headed to the parking lot. Cam snuck a quick glance back only to see Riley watching them walk off.

  “Man, she’s pretty. I bet all the guys will be hitting on her once school starts. Hope she’s not too much competition,” Claire said with mock seriousness.

  “S-sure, I guess she’s pretty.” Cam hoped her voice didn’t betray her actual thoughts. Her brain processed a constant loop of Riley’s smile and the weird reaction it was stirring inside her stomach. “Let’s go. I want to get this trip to the store over with.” They got in the car and drove home. As Claire turned on the radio, Cam stared out the passenger window and couldn’t help but picture Riley and her grin. What is wrong with me?

  When Riley walked through the door after practice, she smelled chocolate chip cookies—her favorite. She toed off her shoes and dropped her bag just inside the door before following her nose into the kitchen. Her mom was just taking the last batch out of the oven and she placed the cookies on a cooling rack. Riley quietly snuck up behind her, reaching around to grab one of the fresh cookies.

  “Hey, missy!” Her mom swatted Riley’s hand away.

  She passed one back and forth between her hands, until she sat down at the kitchen table and put it on a napkin.

  Her mom chuckled and poured them both a small glass of milk. Taking a cookie for herself, she turned to her and asked,
“How was soccer? Will you make the team?”

  “I think so. There wasn’t a huge turnout.”

  “What do you think of the coaches?”

  “Coach Hawkins is definitely tough, and she didn’t show any mercy for those who slacked off in training over the summer, but she seems fair.”

  “What about the girls on the team?”

  She sipped her milk because she could already feel the heat rising up her neck and face. “They seem nice. I only talked to a few people. We’ll see how the season goes.”

  “Nice, huh? Think any of them could become good friends?”

  “I hope so.” She cleared her throat. “I only introduced myself to Cam and Claire, but they seemed pretty close already, so maybe they won’t feel the need to make more friends.”

  “Well, I doubt that, sweetie.” Her mom finished her cookie. “So, Cam or Claire?”

  Riley choked on the piece of cookie still in her mouth. She coughed several times, took a drink of milk, and asked in a cracked voice, “What are you talking about?”

  “Oh, please. You should see your face right now. I’m your mother and I can read you like a book. That little smirk tells me you’re interested in one of them—so, which is it?”

  She felt her cheeks burn even more. Quietly, she replied, “Cam.”

  Her mom smiled as she playfully tapped Riley’s hand. “And, what was it about her?”

  She let out a deep breath, and said, “I don’t know, Mom. I just felt drawn to her, I guess. Every once in a while I would catch her looking at me, and she would immediately look at the ground. Her eyes are so pretty and she’s really, really cute. She’s actually the girl I told you about seeing at the library.” Riley immediately looked away from her mom, embarrassed by how much she was gushing about Cam.

  “Ohh, so she’s that one. Just be careful, sweetie. Don’t want you to end up heartbroken.”

  “I know. There’s probably zero chance that she’s gay, especially since I saw her with that guy the one time, but it’d still be nice if we could be friends.”

  “Just be your charming self and everyone will want to be friends with you.”

  Riley stood and kissed her mom on the cheek. “Thanks. Delicious cookies as always, but I need to go shower.”

  “Yeah, you do. I didn’t want to say anything, but damn,” she said as she scrunched her nose.

  Laughing, Riley playfully stuck her tongue out before heading upstairs. She thought about what her mom had said and she was right. She knew the pitfalls of falling for a straight girl. It seemed to happen to every queer girl at least once in their life.

  She couldn’t pinpoint an exact thing that intrigued her about Cam—it was just her. She knew the only option she had was to see how things played out for now. She should admit to herself that just being friends was the probable outcome since Cam had looked pretty cozy with the guy at the library. But, if by some miracle, it turned out Cam was gay, then Riley hoped she was Cam’s type.

  Luckily for Cam, the shopping trip with Josh, Ethan, and Claire was uneventful—no arguments, no whining. She could tell they were a little upset that she was the one taking them shopping instead of their mom, but Josh hid it well. He was about to start eighth grade and he was at that age where hanging out with your older sister (and your sister’s best friend who he obviously had a crush on) was slightly more acceptable than being seen in public with a parent. On the other hand, Cam could tell Ethan was sad that their mom was working again and missing out on yet another chance to spend time together.

  After Claire dropped them at home, Cam recruited her brothers for help with dinner, threatening them with other chores. While they set the table and dished out potato chips, she tried not to burn their burgers, a task which proved to be difficult since she couldn’t stop thinking about Riley.

  “Cam, when will Mom be home?” Ethan asked.

  “She’ll be back later tonight.”

  “Before I go to bed?” he asked with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

  “Probably not, bud. But how about we play some video games after dinner?” she asked, hoping that would cheer him up and offer a good distraction.

  “Yeah, sure,” he said unenthusiastically.

  “She’s never home,” Josh muttered as he left the room.

  “Josh, come on.” She sighed. “Okay, Ethan, these are ready,” she said as she placed their burgers on the table. “You can start. I’m gonna go talk to Josh.”

  Cam walked upstairs to his room and knocked on the door. Hearing no answer, she opened it and found him lying on his bed, listening to his iPod. She patted him on the knee and made a motion to take out his earbuds.

  “What’s wrong, Joshie?”

  “Nothing.”

  “I know that’s not true. Look, I know Mom works a lot, but it won’t be like that forever. I hate it too, but she’s trying.”

  “I guess. It’s just annoying that she isn’t the one taking us places, and she isn’t here when we get home. It’s bad enough that we only see Dad a couple times a month.”

  “Yeah, it sucks. But with school and football starting, you’ll be too busy to really think about it.”

  “Yeah, I know…but…”

  “What else is wrong?”

  He hesitated and eventually continued. “You graduate this year. What’s going to happen after that?” he asked as he looked down at his hands.

  Hearing fear and sadness in his question just about broke her heart, but she tried not to let it show. “That’s almost an entire year away. Plus, I’m sure by that time you’ll be happy to get rid of me,” she said lightly. “Let’s not worry about that right now. If Mom continues to work this much, I’ll help you talk with her about it before I leave. How about that?”

  “Sure, whatever.”

  “Okay, now get your butt downstairs and eat dinner. Letting it get cold isn’t going to improve the taste,” she joked.

  “Yeah, no shit.”

  “Watch it, young man,” she replied with as much seriousness as she could while playfully pushing him out of his room.

  Later that night, after she made sure the boys were in bed, she headed upstairs to her room to call Claire.

  “Hey there! How was the rest of your night?” Claire asked.

  “Oh, no big deal. Made Josh and Ethan dinner and then we played some video games. Turns out Josh is more upset about my mom working all the time than I thought. He seems to be freaking out about me graduating. I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “That sucks, dude. I’m sorry. Does your mom know?”

  “No, but I told him we should talk to her if she keeps working all the time. How was your night?”

  “Okay. I didn’t do much. Had dinner with my parents. And I just got done talking with Luke actually,” she said quietly. Luke was also a senior who ran on the cross-country team with Danny, and they were pretty good friends. He and Claire had been exchanging texts after talking at a party a few weeks before.

  “Oh yeah? How’d that go? You guys gonna go out sometime?”

  “I hope so. I know we’ve all hung out before, but I think we might go to the party this weekend together. That okay? You and Danny gonna come with us?”

  “Probably. We haven’t really talked about it. I think we’re supposed to go out Friday night. I’ll talk to him about it then. So, how do you think the team will be this year?”

  “I don’t know. You know we usually suck so I’m just expecting that to continue. The only girl we haven’t seen play is the new girl. Riley, right?”

  “Um, yeah, that’s it. She seemed pretty fast so maybe she’ll be able to create some scoring opportunities.”

  “Yeah, hopefully. Jesus, it’d be nice to win more than half our games for our senior year. Ah shit, it’s late and practice is going to come early. I’m going to miss my routine of waking up at ten.”

  “Well, it’s just gonna get worse once school starts.”

  After saying goodbye, Cam decided to get ready for bed and
not wait up for her mom to get home, because she didn’t want her to ask about how the night was or the boys. She was not ready to have that conversation just yet. Avoidance seemed like an easier option for the time being.

  She went through her usual nighttime routine and then lay on her bed and reached for the current book she was reading. After glancing at her clock, she realized ten minutes had passed and she hadn’t even turned a page. She thought about Josh and then surprisingly her thoughts turned to Riley and that grin of hers.

  Why does she keep popping up in my brain? Her mind raced with thoughts and confusion. She thought Riley was pretty and she wouldn’t be opposed to seeing that smile of hers again, but she knew she needed to stop thinking this way. Riley wouldn’t be the first girl she’d had a crush on. She tried to tell herself it was more about wanting to be them than be with them, but in the back of her mind she knew it was more than that.

  But now she didn’t know why she couldn’t ignore her feelings like she had always done before. It wasn’t like she was going to do anything about it and she was not going to tell anyone. She was with Danny and everyone around them thought they were a great couple. She loved him, even though she was questioning if that really meant anything anymore.

  “Ugh, I cannot think about that right now,” she muttered as she shut off the light and got under the covers. But she knew sleep would probably be elusive.

  After eating dinner and watching a movie with her parents, Riley went upstairs to her bedroom for a video chat with her ex-girlfriend, Abby. They had only broken up a couple months before Riley left Illinois. For the first month after the move, they sporadically communicated with each other, which consisted of a few random texts every week or so. It felt as if they had had an unspoken agreement to take a little time away from each other in hopes that it would make the breakup easier. They could individually focus on how their days would go without seeing each other all the time. The second month brought more communication through phone calls and more texts. So, when Abby texted earlier that day asking to chat, Riley said yes immediately because she truly missed seeing her friend.