Full of Promise

by Kate Gavin

  Her dad turned into his driveway and shut off the car. Reluctantly, she pulled out her earbuds and stashed them in her pocket.

  As she reached for the door handle, he said, “I was thinking we could get pizza for dinner. That sound good?”

  “Sure,” she mumbled as she grabbed her stuff and headed for his front door. As soon as they were inside, she started up the stairs. “I’m going to unpack.”

  Letting out a sigh, he replied, “Okay. Let me know if you need anything.”

  She walked into her room, threw her bag on the floor, and flopped onto the bed as she started to wonder how long this week would feel. She knew her dad wouldn’t necessarily pressure her to talk to him, but he would still ask questions. She just needed to find the strength to answer them. With one arm resting above her head and her fingers twirling strands of hair, she texted Riley, who was spending spring break visiting family and friends in Illinois.

  Well I’m here…

  She stared at the ceiling and waited for Riley to reply.

  Can’t be that bad.

  Most awkward car ride ever.

  Just talk to him. Make him understand.

  Easier said than done.

  I know. Sorry. I have to head out and meet some friends so ttyl. Love you!

  Love u too

  Dropping her phone to the bed, she curled up on her side, thinking about what she wanted to say to her dad…

  Cam awoke to a knock on her door, as her dad opened it slightly and poked his head inside.

  “Cam, the pizza’s here. Come on down.”

  Turning on her back, she rubbed her eyes and said, “Be right there.”

  He left and she heard the stairs creaking as he went downstairs. She sat up and ran her hands through her hair. After giving herself a few minutes to wake up, she joined him in the kitchen. She grabbed a plate and a couple slices of pizza and sat across from him.

  “All unpacked?” he asked.

  “No, I fell asleep right away. I’ll do it after I eat.”

  “No rush. Tomorrow I have to go into work in the morning for a couple hours, but then I’m free the rest of the week.”

  “Okay,” she muttered as she continued to eat.

  After several minutes of awkward silence, he mused, “You must get that from me.”

  “What?” she asked.

  Pointing to the way she was eating her pizza, he said, “Taking off the pepperoni and eating that first before the rest.” He held up a slice of pizza that was already missing its pepperoni. “Guess that’s one of many things we have in common.”

  Meeting his gaze and letting a small smile take hold, she replied, “Guess so, Dad.” Maybe this would be as good a time as any to tell him. Not that this was something she’d have in common with him. Just that maybe he’d still think of those positive aspects even after she told him. Shut up brain and just do it.

  She tossed the crust in her hand onto her plate and slid the plate to the side. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Looking up to meet her dad’s eyes. “I think I’m ready to tell you now.”

  He wiped his mouth with a napkin, pushed his plate away, and folded his hands on the table. With an encouraging smile, he replied, “Okay. Go for it.”

  Her hands trembled slightly so she moved them to her lap. Making eye contact was difficult so she stared at the table as she spoke. “Mom sent me here because I told her something about myself that she doesn’t like. I-I’m bisexual. And Riley’s my girlfriend.” She flicked her eyes up but quickly returned them to look at the table.

  Her dad sat in silence before calmly asking, “And how long have you two been together?”

  “A few months, I guess.”

  “How long have you thought that you’re, um, bi?”

  “I didn’t really know the term until after being with Riley. But I think I’ve always known that I was attracted to more than just guys.” She looked up to see her dad nodding his head as if he were trying to process the information.

  “I see. Does this have anything to do with your breakup with Danny? I know that was probably hard.”

  “God, why does everyone think that? No, he has absolutely nothing to do with this,” she replied as she sat back with her arms folded.

  “I’m sorry. This is just new for me. And your mom. You’ve never even hinted before about liking girls or anything like that. I mean…I know there are more gay characters on TV and issues about it in the news. It’s the popular trend nowadays. I don’t know if that has—”

  “A trend? It’s called visibility, Dad. It makes people, like your daughter, for instance, feel less alone. You have no idea how hard all of this has been for me. To have Claire, Mom, and now you make me feel less because I’m in love with another girl. Why can’t you guys just be happy for me?” She wiped a tear from her cheek.

  Her dad held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Honey, we do love you and that will never change. This is just something we never expected of you. But I just want you to make sure you think carefully about this. I want you to be safe. Choosing to live this way will be difficult and we don’t want—”

  “Jesus, Dad, it’s not a choice! Do you think I want my best friend to hate me? Or for you and Mom to look at me differently now? Do you think I like worrying about who might see me if I hold Riley’s hand for too long or I give her a kiss? All I want is to love any person I want, and for everyone else, especially those who supposedly love me, to be okay with that.”

  “Cam, that’s not what I meant. Your safety—”

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She quickly stood, almost knocking her chair over in the process. Rushing upstairs, she heard her dad calling for her to come back and talk, but she ignored him until she was again lying on her bed and wishing the week could just be over.

  Only a few minutes later, her dad knocked on the door but didn’t open it. “Cam, please open up so we can talk.”

  “I can’t. Not right now. Just let me be. Please.”

  He stayed quiet for several seconds. “I don’t like it, but okay. I do love you, Cam. Never doubt that.”

  She didn’t reply, but after a moment she heard him walk down the hallway. Eventually, she got ready for bed, even though it was barely past eight. She tried to call Riley, but it went straight to voice mail. She decided not to leave a message because she didn’t want Riley to hear how upset she was and feel guilty for missing her call. Curling on her side, she looked at a picture on her phone of them and whispered, “I miss you, Riley.” Closing her eyes, she let the tears fall onto her pillow until she fell asleep.

  As Riley drove to the bowling alley to meet her friends, she couldn’t help but feel badly about having fun when Cam was having such a rough time. She would take away all of Cam’s pain and troubles in an instant if she could. She knew Cam wouldn’t want her to feel guilty, so she was trying to focus on her night with her friends.

  Riley was also meeting Abby’s new girlfriend, Sara. Riley hadn’t talked to Abby that often over the past few months, but she didn’t feel slighted. They were both busy with school, friends, and their girlfriends.

  The bowling alley was surprisingly full, so it took her a little while to find her friends at the last lane. Mike, tall and solidly built from football, was the first one to see her and he immediately wrapped her in a crushing bear hug. Next, Brian stepped up and she saw how happy he was by his bright blue eyes and wide smile. Katie had always been the quiet one of the group so she hugged Riley tightly and whispered that it was good to see her. Finally, she stood in front of Abby and was struck by how much she missed her. She gave her a hug before Abby stepped aside and motioned toward a seemingly shy, but gorgeous girl with black hair, dark brown eyes, and light brown skin.

  “Riley, this is Sara. Sara, this is Riley.”

  Riley extended her hand and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Sara. Sorry you have to deal with this one.”

  “Hey!” Abby said as she playfully shoved Riley’s shou
lder.

  “Okay, okay,” Mike said. “Let’s start. Riley, want to team up with me?”

  “Sure, let’s do this.”

  As they started the first game, they quickly got into a rhythm of bowling, chatting, and general razzing on each other. Talking in person seemed to get her more details about their lives than when they talked on the phone or online. She was able to catch up with all the big events she had missed, and she was thankful to have small one-on-one chats with each of them, especially Sara. It didn’t take long for her to see how well she and Abby were suited for each other.

  When the first game was over, Abby sat down next to Riley. “So, still liking Indy?”

  “I am. It’s a really great city.”

  “How’s Cam?”

  Riley replied with a shrug.

  “What’s wrong?” Abby asked.

  “She’s just having a really hard time at home right now.”

  “How about we go get some snacks for everyone?”

  “Sure.”

  They collected everyone’s order and Abby whispered in Sara’s ear and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Once their order was placed, they grabbed a table to wait for it.

  “So, now do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Cam came out to her mom, and she’s not taking it well. She’s also staying with her dad this week and plans to come out to him too.”

  “Ah—that sucks.”

  “Yeah,” Riley said as she ran her hand through her hair. She explained everything that had happened since Claire caught them making out, and how it was affecting her and Cam. “Sometimes, I just don’t know what to do for her. We only see each other at school, except for when we try to sneak off for a few minutes while Cam is at work. I love her so much, but I hate to see her in so much pain.” Riley looked at Abby after she realized what she had just said. “I’m sorry if that’s weird for you to hear, Abby—that I’m in love.”

  Abby gently gripped Riley’s forearm. “It’s not weird at all. You’re still one of my best friends and I’m really happy for you. And, I’m kinda in the same boat.”

  That news brightened Riley considerably. “Oh yeah? You and Sara are pretty serious?”

  “Yeah,” Abby replied sheepishly. “She’s awesome.”

  “Well, I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to her much, but she seems great. I’m happy for you too, Abby.”

  “Thanks. Look, I know you’re unsure about how to handle everything with Cam, but all you can do right now is be there when she needs you and support her.”

  “I know. That’s my plan.”

  “Good.” Just then their order was called. “Let’s go.”

  Abby and Riley gathered all the snacks and drinks on trays and headed back to their lane.

  They bowled for a couple more hours and then hung out at Abby’s house for a while before Riley headed back to her grandparents’ house. After changing into her pajamas, she lay in her bed and pulled out her phone. She noticed she had a missed call from Cam, but there wasn’t a voice mail. She looked at the clock and realized it was close to midnight. She knew Cam hadn’t been sleeping well lately so she didn’t want to risk waking her. Instead she took one last look at a picture of the two of them on her home screen.

  “Love you, Cam.”

  The next morning, Cam woke up after a night of restless sleep. She had tossed and turned because her mind wouldn’t stop thinking about how messed up everything was with her mom, dad, and Claire. A call from Riley interrupted her thoughts.

  “Hello,” she answered a bit groggily.

  “Hey, Cam. Did I wake you?”

  “No, I woke up a few minutes ago. How was your night?”

  “It was a lot of fun. Hung out with a few friends from my old school. We went bowling and then went back to Abby’s house and mostly just talked. I was able to catch up with everybody and hear their plans for after graduation. I saw you called. Why didn’t you leave a voice mail? I would have loved to hear your voice.”

  Clenching her jaw and knowing about Riley and Abby’s past together, Cam tried to stay calm as she said, “Didn’t want to ruin your night. Seems you had fun. Glad you got to hang out with your ex-girlfriend while I had to come out to my dad.”

  Sighing, Riley replied, “Cam, don’t be jealous of Abby. We are friends and nothing more. I love you, I’m with you, and that’s not going to change. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah,” she muttered.

  “So…how’d everything go with your dad?”

  “Not great, although not as bad as it did with my mom. He didn’t yell at least. He told me that I need to think about what I’m doing. He made it sound like I’m with you because being gay is the trending thing right now. Like I would do this because I want to seem cool and want attention. What a bunch of bullshit.”

  “My parents said something similar to me. You have to give him time to understand. You need show him you’re the same person you always have been. He’s not going to change how he feels overnight. You and I both wish that were the case, but it doesn’t work like that.”

  “I know. I just wish he and Mom and Claire knew how much all of this sucks for me. I know it was a surprise to everyone, but I just want to be selfish right now and have everyone be okay with it.” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “Enough about me. What are you up to today?”

  “Oh, um, just going out to lunch with some people. I’m having dinner with my parents and grandparents tonight.”

  Cam could hear a slight hesitation when Riley mentioned her lunch plans, so she asked, “Who are you going to lunch with?”

  “Probably Mike, Brian, Katie, and Abby.”

  Under her breath, Cam mumbled, “Of course it’s Abby.”

  “Cameron, don’t be like that.”

  Indignantly, she said, “Like what?”

  “Jealous. It’s not a good look for you.” Cam sat on the other end of the phone in silence, so Riley continued. “I know you’re having a hard time right now, but you don’t need to take it out on me. You trust me, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Wow, way to sound convincing. Look, I need to go. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”

  Cam must have hesitated too long because she heard Riley sigh right before she hung up. Cam tried to call her back right away, but she didn’t answer so Cam texted her instead.

  I’m sorry. I was being an ass. I love u too. Please don’t forget that.

  She held her head in her hands with her fingers laced in her hair. She sat like that for a moment before she muttered, “Fuck.”

  After hanging up on Cam, Riley tossed her phone on the nightstand and lay back on her bed with a groan. What the hell is Cam’s problem? She couldn’t understand why Cam had been so bitter and jealous. It was so out of character. She got that things with her parents were shitty, but that wasn’t an excuse to act like a jerk. Looking at her watch, she saw she had two hours until Abby picked her up for lunch. So instead of sitting around on her ass and moping about how Cam was acting, she got dressed and headed outside for a long run to clear her head.

  As she rounded the first block, she focused on her breathing and her surroundings. Her grandparents lived close to a park that had a nice balance of paved paths and dirt trails, and it had always been one of her favorite places to run.

  She settled into a nice rhythm, but her focus shifted toward Cam instead of her breathing. Why did she react like that? She knew they would have arguments at some point in their relationship, but she had never given Cam any reason not to trust her.

  She made one lap on the two miles of paths that surrounded the park before heading inward and onto the trails. Her thoughts were turning negative, so she increased the intensity of her run, making her too tired to think at all.

  After three more miles, she made her way back to her grandparents’ house. As she turned onto their street, she slowed to a walk so she could catch her breath before heading inside. Checking the time, she realized she had
to hurry if she wanted to be ready by the time Abby was supposed to pick her up.

  She quickly rid herself of her sweaty running clothes and hopped in the shower. They planned on going to lunch at their favorite diner, so Riley didn’t feel any pressure to dress up. She put on jeans, a gray T-shirt, a maroon hoodie, and a pair of black Nikes. As she was tying the second shoe, she heard the doorbell ring, announcing Abby’s arrival. She grabbed her wallet, phone, and keys and yelled out a goodbye to her parents and grandparents and opened the door for Abby.

  Smiling, Abby said, “Hi. Were you running late? Your hair’s still wet.”

  “Not really. I ran a little longer than I wanted, but I also didn’t feel like drying my hair. Let’s go.”

  As soon as they got in the car, Abby asked, “Is everything okay?”

  Riley heard Abby’s tone and figured Abby knew she had been running for a reason and had something on her mind.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” Riley replied, looking out her window.

  “If you want to talk about anything, I’m always here for you.”

  Riley gave her a brief smile. “I know, Abby, and I appreciate it. I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

  “Okay.”

  “So, where’s Sara? I thought she would’ve come with you today.”

  “Oh, it’s her mom’s birthday. They have this whole mother-daughter birthday tradition. I’ll go over there later tonight for dinner.”

  “That sounds fun. I’m glad I got to meet her last night. She seems really good for you, Abby.”

  Smiling broadly, Abby replied, “Thanks. She really is. Sometimes I can’t even explain it. We both are super focused on school and have crazy goals we want to reach, but she still knows how to have fun. I feel pretty lucky that I met her.”

  Riley looked over at her ex-girlfriend and now friend, and she recognized the look on her face was the same look she got when she was thinking about Cam—dreamy, wistful, and deliriously happy. She was truly happy for Abby because she deserved the best.

  They pulled into the diner’s parking lot and could see Mike, Brian, and Katie waiting at a table for them. They used to frequent this diner at least once a week, so no one really needed to look at a menu anymore. As soon as the waitress came over, they all placed their orders. The guys started talking about a baseball tournament they had that coming weekend, and Katie and Abby discussed a history paper they had due the first week back from break. Everyone tried to bring Riley into the conversation, but she didn’t give them much more than one-word answers, so they didn’t try too hard for the rest of the meal.