by Kate Gavin
“What the hell is going on, Riley?”
With a slight hint of fear in her voice, she replied, “I think someone saw us yesterday after school.”
Cam covered her mouth with her hand as she whispered, “How do you know?”
Riley averted her gaze. “That’s not important. But if—”
“How, Riley?”
“I found a note in my locker. It’s not a big deal.”
“What did it say?”
“It’s not important, Cam.”
“Tell me,” Cam replied even louder.
Sighing, she looked at the ground and said quietly, “It just said, ‘We don’t want you here dyke—go back to Illinois.’”
Closing her eyes, Cam took a deep breath and wrapped Riley in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, Riley,” she whispered as she lightly pressed her lips to Riley’s neck.
“You’re sorry? Cam, I’m sorry for you. I know how private you are and how you don’t like any unwanted attention.” Reluctantly, she broke away from Cam’s embrace as she continued in a pained voice. “I’ll understand if you want to distance yourself from me, especially while we’re at school. But please don’t tell me I’ll lose you completely.”
“Whoa, whoa,” Cam replied quickly as she grasped Riley’s hands in hers. “I’m not letting that happen. If people want to think we’re together, whatever. My family and Claire already know about us, and they were the only ones I was scared to tell. I’ll be honest, though. I’m not going to offer up any information to anyone, but I can’t help what others think. We’ll just have to ignore it all. Okay?”
Riley faintly nodded but her eyes were locked on the ground. Cam placed two fingers underneath her chin, lifted her face, and gently kissed her. She looked Riley in the eyes and whispered, “I love you. This doesn’t change anything.”
“I love you too.” Straightening, Riley said, “We should get back to class. You go first. I’ll leave in a couple minutes.”
“Okay.” Cam gave a final squeeze as she said, “I’ll see you later.” She walked back to class in a slight daze. Well so much for being just another face in the crowd.
Knowing why she was being stared at earlier in the day made Cam feel slightly less self-conscious. She tried to ignore the looks and the whispers, but she couldn’t shut them all out. She knew it was inevitable that someone would find out about her and Riley. She had just hoped it would’ve been closer to the end of the school year. Aside from one or two whispered slurs as she walked in the crowded hallways between classes, she mostly got curious stares throughout the day. She wasn’t so naïve to think she would never face any hatred or discrimination for being with another girl, but it was still painful to hear, especially from kids in her own school. As she reached her locker after the last bell, she took a deep breath, relieved the day was over.
She closed her locker and was surprised to see Bri standing a few feet away, seemingly waiting for her.
“Hey, Cam.”
“Hi,” Cam replied, hesitant and unsure of what Bri was about to say.
“I’ve heard the talk going around school. I’m sorry people are being jerks. I’ve heard the rumors about me before so I know a little of what you’re feeling. So if you need someone to vent to, let me know.”
“Wow, thanks. That means a lot.”
“No problem. I should get going.” She took a step back and stopped, saying with a big smile. “Oh, and you and Riley are really cute together.”
Blushing, Cam replied, “Thanks. I’m sorry you guys didn’t work.”
She waved her off. “Nah, no big deal. She’s a good friend. See ya.”
Cam turned and walked down the hallway toward the exit when she heard loud voices coming from a side hallway. She came upon Claire yelling at Jenny and Britt—the two “mean girls” on the soccer team and the only ones Claire, Riley, and Cam had tried to distance themselves from during the season.
“Grow the fuck up, Jenny. Cam and Riley don’t deserve you spreading rumors around about them.”
Jenny fired back, “But we had to change in front of them. We should have known that they were dykes.”
As soon as that was out of Jenny’s mouth, Claire closed the distance until her face was only an inch away from Jenny’s and she pressed two fingers against Jenny’s sternum. “Shut your mouth. If I hear you or anyone else say something bad about Cam, you will regret it. Don’t think I won’t hurt you, because I will. Got it?”
With anger in her eyes, Jenny nodded, and she pushed Claire out of the way. Then she and Britt left in the opposite direction. Cam didn’t want Claire to know she had overheard everything, but it was as if her feet were glued to the floor as she stared at Claire. Claire leaned her forehead against the wall and took several slow breaths.
As if she sensed she was being watched, Claire turned in Cam’s direction and was obviously startled to find her standing there. They both stared at each other in shock, mouths open and eyes wide. Finally, Claire slung her backpack over her shoulder and walked toward Cam on her way out of the building.
Cam lightly grasped her arm and looked into her eyes until she finally found enough strength to whisper, “Thanks.”
Cam thought she saw tears in Claire’s eyes, but Claire nodded imperceptibly as she moved out of Cam’s grasp and continued down the hallway. Finally, she had a sliver of hope to hold on to that she and Claire would work everything out.
When Cam got home that night after a short shift at the library, she found her mom in the kitchen putting a salad together for dinner. Even though her mom barely worked at the restaurant anymore, it still felt weird to come home and find her there, especially on a weeknight. She seemed less stressed in general, and she was able to spend more time with the boys and had even started going out with her friends again.
After today, Cam understood her parents’ fear after hearing some of the hateful comments from her fellow classmates. As her mom chopped cucumbers and tomatoes for the salad, she debated whether to tell her mom what happened at school. She didn’t want to add any more stress to her plate, but she also thought talking about it might help open the lines of communication between them.
“Hey, Mom. What’s for dinner?”
“Oh, hey there. We’re having lasagna and salad. That sound good?”
“Sounds delicious.” Cam and her mom awkwardly looked at each other for a moment before Cam took a seat at the kitchen table.
“How was your day?”
“Well, it wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t awful either.”
Her mom wiped her hands on a kitchen towel before taking a seat next to Cam. “Did something happen?”
Cam hesitated but decided she should try and be honest with her. “Not really. But, um, people found out that Riley and I are together.”
Her mom flinched as if she had been slapped. “Are you okay? Did anyone say anything?”
“I’m…I’m okay.” She could tell her mom was struggling with this information and she didn’t want to make anything worse, so she held back a bit of the truth. Her mom wasn’t the only one who wanted to shield others from pain. “People were okay. I got a few more stares throughout the day, but it wasn’t too bad.”
“That’s good.” Cam could tell her mom didn’t believe her. “I’m sorry things have been difficult for you, Cam. And I know I haven’t reacted the way you hoped. All I ask is that you be patient with me—that we be patient with each other. Think you can do that?”
“Sure.”
“Can you go tell your brothers it’s time for dinner?”
“Will do.”
Just before she hit the stairs, her mom called out, “I love you, Cam. I hope you know that.”
“I know. I love you too, Mom.” Her mom nodded and turned back to the salad.
While it wasn’t a warm and fuzzy moment, she was happy that it seemed like she had made a tiny bit of progress. Maybe dinners won’t be as awkward anymore. One can hope, right?
Later that night as Cam sat on her bed f
inishing up her homework, she heard a soft knock on the door.
“Come in.”
The door opened but Cam wanted to finish one last question. After writing her answer down, she looked up, her eyes widening in complete surprise. “Claire.”
Claire looked extremely uncomfortable as she stood in the doorway and dug her toes into the carpet. “Um, hey. Can I come in?”
“Y-yeah,” Cam replied as she gathered her books and papers spread across her bed. She placed the pile on the floor and sat back against the headboard, hugging her knees to her chest.
Claire closed the door softly before placing her purse on Cam’s desk.
“Can I sit down?”
“Oh yeah. Of course,” Cam replied quickly.
Claire gingerly sat near the foot of the bed, looking anxious as she wrung her hands together in her lap. They sat there in silence for several moments, neither making eye contact with the other.
“I’m sorry,” they said in unison. Looking at each other, they burst out laughing.
They wiped away the tears that were either from laughing or crying, Cam wasn’t sure, but they eventually composed themselves.
Taking a deep breath, Cam said, “Claire, I’m so sorry I kept things from you. I just had a hard time processing it all. I didn’t want to push you away or freak you out. Then when things with Riley started…I don’t know.” She looked down and shook her head. “I didn’t want to risk anything, risk losing her,” she said with a shrug and met Claire’s gaze again.
“I get that. But I’m not gonna lie; it really hurt, Cameron.” Claire looked away briefly and cleared her throat before continuing. “So, um, you’re a lesbian now? Was everything with Danny fake?”
“No, not at all. I did love him, but at some point, I realized it was love for a friend and nothing more. And I identify as bi. If I’m going to be honest with myself, there’s always been girls that I thought were cute or felt drawn to, but I thought it just meant that I wanted to be like them instead of wanting to be with them. And since I’m attracted to guys too, I thought that was enough and what I should do. I didn’t want to be different, and people’s expectations were for me to find a boyfriend. But when Riley came along, I don’t know…I just couldn’t help myself.”
“I get that. I really do. And I don’t even care about you being bi. Me getting upset never had anything to do with your sexuality and it’s not going to change anything between us. It just hurt so much that you hid it from me. You’re my best friend, practically my sister. I will always love and support you. You need to talk to me. I feel like you’ve been lying to me for months, maybe even years. How could you do that? I don’t know what’s going on with you and Riley, but—”
“I’m in love with her.”
“You’re what?”
“I’m in love with her,” she whispered as she stared at the floor, thinking Claire was mad at her for that confession. Before she could look up, Claire moved forward and wrapped her arms around Cam.
“I do want you to be happy. I hope you know that.”
Cam hugged Claire tighter and buried her face in Claire’s neck. “Thanks. I’m so sorry I lied and hid everything from you. I promise not to do that ever again.” She pulled away to look in Claire’s eyes. “Are we okay?”
“Definitely. I should probably apologize too. I feel like I should have seen something. Like I said, you’re my best friend. I think as time went on I got more and more embarrassed that I had no idea about any of this, never even had an inkling. How did I miss this?”
“It’s fine, Claire. I didn’t give you much to work with. We both know I don’t talk much about myself.”
“Yeah, no shit,” Claire responded with a laugh. “I do understand why you thought you needed to hide it. I’m not trying to belittle you at all. It’s a big and scary realization. But I still need to apologize. I’ve been so wrapped up in Luke since we started dating. I know I haven’t been as available to hang out and chat like I have been in the past. And that’s all on me. I should have realized I was spending so much time with him that it was hurting our friendship. Can you forgive me?”
“Of course. It’s all over and done with. Time to move on, okay?”
Claire grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her in for another hug. “Okay,” she whispered against Cam’s neck.
Cam sat back and brushed a lingering tear off her cheek. She cleared her throat and said, “I also need to thank you. It meant a lot to see you stand up for me and Riley.”
“I will always stand up for you, Cam. Jenny and Britt are bitches, plain and simple. There is nothing wrong with you or Riley. You got that?” Cam nodded. “You deserve love and happiness, and I will not let anyone get in your way of finding that.”
“Thanks.”
“Now, you need to tell me everything,” Claire said with a grin.
Cam let out a deep breath, and began. “Well, I first saw her at the library this summer…”
Chapter Twenty
By the end of the week, everyone seemed to have forgotten that Riley and Cam were together. They still received a few curious looks every now and then, but none of the looks held animosity behind them. Riley didn’t know if it was because everyone accepted them as a couple or if they had just moved on to the newer gossip about a football player getting caught selling pot. Either way, Riley was happy that things had returned to relative normalcy. Not happy the guy got in trouble. Just happy the spotlight wasn’t on her or Cam anymore.
“Hey, there,” Cam said as Riley was texting her from the parking lot.
“Hey,” Riley replied in surprise. “I thought you had a meeting.”
“I was supposed to, but I stopped by Mrs. Quinn’s room to talk about the paper, but she had to pick up her kids, so she asked to reschedule.”
“That sucks. Do you need any help with it?”
“No, I should be okay. It’s not due for another couple weeks.”
Riley nodded and said, “We should get going. You have to work.”
Instead of answering, Cam sweetly kissed her. “Would you like to get dinner tonight?”
Riley furrowed her brows in confusion. “I thought you had to work tonight.”
“I do, but they said they only needed me for about two to three hours, so I should be done by six-ish.”
“What about your mom? I don’t want you to get into any trouble.”
Shrugging, Cam replied, “She won’t know. I didn’t tell her they shortened my shift, so she still thinks it ends at eight.”
Still concerned, Riley asked, “Are you sure?”
“Positive. Plus, I told her I would probably just spend the night at Claire’s, so I thought…”
Riley realized what Cam was hinting at and she cracked a grin. “Would you like to spend the night?”
Cam gave her a wink. “Well, that’s a great idea. Why didn’t I think of that? And yes. Yes, I would.” She took Riley’s hand in hers and said, “Let me walk you to your car.”
As they walked through the parking lot, Riley thought about how far Cam had come with her comfort level about publicly showing affection since they were outed at the beginning of the week. Sure, it helped that most of the students and teachers had quickly left once the bell rang since it was Friday, but Riley cherished these little victories in the progress of Cam’s comfort with their relationship.
Suddenly Claire appeared, heading toward them. Riley started to pull her hand away from Cam, but Cam gripped it tighter.
“Hey, guys,” Claire said hesitantly.
Cam replied with a cheerful greeting, while Riley’s more closely mirrored Claire’s. Cam had filled Riley in on her reconciliation with Claire, but Riley had yet to talk to Claire since she caught them that fateful day in Cam’s bedroom.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Riley?”
“Sure,” Riley replied as she gave Cam a brief glance, one that was full of uncertainty. Cam quietly stepped back a few feet to give them privacy.
Riley nervously t
oyed with her necklace as Claire stepped closer.
“I’m sorry, Riley. I never gave either of you a chance to explain everything that was going on. I’m really sorry I shut you out all this time. I hope you can forgive me.”
“Of course,” Riley replied as she let go of the breath she had been holding. “I should have reached out to you after the fact too. I just didn’t want to get between you two,” she said with a slight nod toward Cam. “You’re like a sister to her, ya know?”
Claire nodded solemnly. “I know. I feel the same way about her.” She gave Riley a hug and whispered in her ear, “She deserves all the happiness in the world. And, while I like you and you’re a great friend—you hurt her, I hurt you.” Claire pulled back and cupped Riley’s face in her hands. “Got it?”
“I got it,” Riley replied, trying not to smile. She wanted Claire to think she had scared her at least a little.
“Good. I have to head home to have dinner with my family. You’re spending the night, right Cam?” She emphasized the question with an over-exaggerated wink.
Laughing, Cam stepped closer to the duo and replied, “I am. So nice of you to let me stay over.”
Claire let out a loud chuckle. “Right. I’ll see you guys later,” she said as she walked away.
“I can’t help but notice that you seem to be at ease with people seeing us together. How are you okay with all this?”
Cam shrugged. “I don’t know.” She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around Riley’s waist. “All I know is that I love you, Riley, and I’m not going to let anyone push you away. I’ve also realized that I can be protective of those I love when someone or something is threatening them. Now that people know, I don’t want to hide. You’re my girlfriend and I’m not ashamed of that. I’m still nervous about whether my mom will ever fully come around, but I’m okay with people seeing us as long as you are.”
“I’m definitely okay with it, Cam. I’m not gonna lie. It’s going to be nice to openly date you now. I can take you out, hold your hand, and show you off if I want to.”