Make a Circle
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By Elliot Joyce
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Make a Circle
By Elliot Joyce
Pagan punk musician Lucas is fully prepared to spend this Yule with the rest of the band and his beautiful bass guitar when Oliver, his boyfriend of almost a year, asks if he wants to join the rest of the Han family for their annual winter celebration. It comes as a shock since Ollie has gone to great lengths to keep the two apart, and Lucas always assumed he was the reason. Since they’re planning to be together long-term, Lucas can’t say no to meeting Ollie’s parents, but he better brush up on his manners and his Mandarin because this is going to be a holiday season like no other—and it has some surprises in store for both of them.
“DON-ZUH. DONG-ZEE-UH. Dung-zoo.”
“What are you doing?”
Lucas yanked his earbuds out as he looked away from his phone, heart beating furiously. He let out a nervous chuckle, closing the YouTube video and sitting up. “Nothing much. You look great,” he said, reaching out and making grabbing motions at his boyfriend.
Oliver grinned, shaking his head but stepping closer and letting himself get pulled into Lucas’s lap. Lucas kissed Oliver on the nose before squeezing him tight, only to get an elbow in the side for his troubles. If Oliver was at all sorry, he didn’t look like it, though he didn’t get up from Lucas’s lap, so Lucas wasn’t complaining.
“Flatterer. You know we aren’t meeting my family until tomorrow,” Oliver pointed out. His leather jacket squeaked as he shifted to get more comfortable. Lucas shrugged and rested his chin on Oliver’s shoulder.
“So? I can still compliment my boyfriend. I’ll just be sure to compliment you extra hard tomorrow.” Lucas knocked heads with Oliver. “But seriously, you look good. Are you going out?” He paused. “Are we going out, because I forgot—”
A laugh escaped Oliver. His chest shook and he scrunched up his nose in a way that made Lucas’s heart skip a beat. The only bad part about Oliver’s laugh was that he closed his eyes, and every second Lucas wasn’t looking at Oliver’s brown eyes was a second wasted.
A lock of hair fell into Lucas’s face, and he blew it away, making a mental note to remember his hair gel for the trip. Without it, his hair flopped around like a dead fish. Lucas had redyed his hair a vibrant red, taking Oliver’s suggestion in mind since red was a lucky color in Chinese culture. Lucas felt like he’d need all the luck he could get before, during, and after meeting Oliver’s family.
Oliver sighed. “No, we didn’t have plans. I just realized I forgot about my cousin’s kids, so I need to get cards for them.” Oliver leaned back and pushed the two of them into the couch.
“Oof.”
“Sorry.” Oliver didn’t sound sorry. “I don’t want to go out. It’s cold and windy and dark, and Target is ten minutes away.”
“Oh no, a ten-minute drive. What a tragedy.” Lucas went over his mental picture of Oliver’s family tree. He had made Oliver explain it enough times that he should have it memorized, but the names blurred together and the branches spread too far. Which cousin was married? How many cousins did Oliver have again? Was it Uncle Yun or Uncle Andy who had three kids, and which kid did no one talk about because he had stolen his mother’s jewelry and sold it for drug money? Lucas didn’t realize Oliver was watching him until his boyfriend nudged him, sliding off his lap.
“You there?” Oliver asked, eyebrows furrowed. He sat next to Lucas, one hand on Lucas’s knee.
“Yeah, sorry. Just trying to recreate the Han family tree in my head,” Lucas admitted. He squeezed Oliver’s hand. “Are you sure it’s okay that I’m coming to your thing?”
“To our Dōngzhì celebration? Yeah, of course. They want to meet you.” Oliver made the Mandarin roll off his tongue like… well, like he was born saying it. Which, considering he grew up speaking Mandarin at home, wasn’t surprising.
“Oh.” Lucas frowned, his stomach twisting. Oliver mirrored his expression.
“Something’s obviously bothering you. Spill.”
Lucas let out an exaggerated sigh. “It’s nothing, really. Just last-minute nerves.”
Oliver nodded and yawned, standing up. “It’ll be fine. I’ll go get this last card, you can go back to playing on your phone, and tomorrow we’ll drive down and you can meet my family.” He grinned, crossing his arms and looking down at Lucas, who was doing his best to sprawl across the couch in a casual manner and not show how nervous he was. “Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts?”
“What? About meeting your fifty family members during one of the most important holidays of the year? Of course not.”
LUCAS WAS absolutely having second thoughts to the point where he handed Oliver the keys to his car without a question, stomach rolling more than the Pacific Ocean. He hoped that his anxiety would die down as they got on the road and Lucas was able to listen to some music, but that was quickly dashed when they hit Los Angeles traffic not thirty minutes into the drive. Oliver was good behind the wheel, but even he swore when some jerk in an SUV swerved into their lane without so much as a honk.
“Maybe we should get some coffee,” Lucas suggested, as if they hadn’t both gulped down a mug before leaving the apartment.
“No, it’ll be better once we get out of the city,” Oliver pointed out.
“I guess.” Lucas slouched in his seat and played on his phone, as if not looking at the road would mean that they weren’t really traveling.
The problem wasn’t that Lucas didn’t want to meet Oliver’s family. He had been more than excited to meet the Han family during the Lunar New Year—except Oliver hadn’t gone home for it, despite several long phone calls with his parents about how he was betraying the tradition. And Lucas had prepared himself for the Mid-Autumn Festival, brushing up on his admittedly pathetic knowledge of Chinese, only to find out that Oliver wanted to go alone. Oliver’s parents had even come to the city at one point for a business trip, and Oliver had met them for tea—but without Lucas.
So no, the problem was not that Lucas didn’t want to meet Oliver’s family. The problem was that Oliver didn’t want Lucas to meet his family.
Lucas wasn’t sure what had changed, but he was less than thrilled to meet them now. Maybe he should be excited—this was hopefully the first of many holiday seasons he’d spend with Oliver and his family. He’d never gone to a Dōngzhì Festival before, though he supposed that this was more of an individual celebration rather than a full community. Then again, with the number of family members Oliver had, it could probably fill a community center.
Still, Lucas was very much aware that he’d be the only person there who couldn’t speak Mandarin and the new person on top of that, which made his stomach twist up and his mouth go dry.
What’s the worst that can happen? Lucas wondered. Oliver could end up hating you and breaking up with you after you offend his great-grandma.
His brain unhelpfully supplied a million more bad scenarios for the rest of the eight-hour car drive.
Lucas had wanted to take a flight, but Oliver had rightly pointed out that everyone and their three screaming kids would also be taking planes since it was almost Christmas. Furthermore, Oliver wasn’t a big fan of airport security—even more than the average person. He might be almost five years on T and with top surgery done with, but that didn’t make going through a security scanner or a pat-down any less stressful. And Lucas knew that Oliver was somehow even more anxious about all this than he was.
In fact, as they pulled into the Arizona suburb where Oliver’s parents had raised him and still lived even ten years after he left for college, Oliver s
topped the car. Lucas made to get out, but Oliver stopped him.
“Sorry, I just… I wanted to remind you that you don’t need to do this,” Oliver said. His eyes were glued to the pavement in front of the car, and his hands were white-knuckled against the steering wheel.
Lucas reached out and held hands with Oliver. Their eyes met as Lucas squeezed Oliver’s hands. “I know. I want to be here. I’m excited to meet your family. All thirty-eight of them.”
Oliver let out a weak laugh. “Twenty-eight, but close.” He bit his lip. “Just… they can be a lot. And my older relatives don’t speak much English, but I told everyone to try to stick to English because I don’t want you to feel left out, except they’ll probably forget. And it’s possible that they’re going to break out the Red Star—it’s a kind of alcohol like, uh, Chinese vodka—and then they’re definitely not going to use English, which means at least you won’t hear embarrassing stories about me as a kid—”
“Hey.” Lucas leaned over and kissed Oliver. “It’s okay. Seriously. You met my parents. They’re fucking crazy.” The comments managed to draw a shaky smile from Oliver, who looked a bit like how Lucas felt. Oliver’s hands were shaking a little and he still couldn’t look at Lucas, but at least his breathing seemed even and he wasn’t rambling.
“I just… I understand if you wish you were with your band.”
“Pfft. Are you joking? We were just gonna make a fire and drink some beer and play drunk Rock Band. This is way more fun,” Lucas said. “I haven’t celebrated Christmas since—well, since I was like fifteen, but I haven’t gone to a celebration since I graduated college. My pagan ass is missing out on nothing.”
“You can still get plenty drunk here,” Oliver admitted. Now it was Lucas’s turn to laugh.
“Oliver, I love you, and I’m sure your family is a delight, but I am not getting blackout drunk around my boyfriend’s entire family.” He squeezed Oliver’s hand once more and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Now let’s get to your parents’ house so we can unpack, and I can take a shower. I know this is my car and that we cleaned it out, but we’ve been sitting in here for eight hours, and if I have to sit in here for a ninth, I’m going to kill someone.”
Oliver mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like as long as you kill me, too, but he pulled the car back into the road and drove them the rest of the way.
Lucas wasn’t sure what he expected. Admittedly, he had heard stories about Oliver’s childhood. About how he went to Chinese school on weekends, about the time his older brother broke his dollhouse by throwing it out the second-story window, about how Oliver’s father never mowed the lawn because the fumes messed with his lungs, and so the kids had all taken turns until Oliver’s sister almost ran over the dog.
But the house looked like… well, it looked like every other house down the block. Two stories, a nice off-white with tan trim, an awning-covered porch with a rocking chair out front and wind chimes hanging up. There was a small poster or tapestry—Lucas couldn’t tell from far away—hanging on the door that was bright red with gold Chinese characters. Other than that and a large plant that looked half-dead on the porch, there really wasn’t much remarkable about it at all.
“Home sweet home,” Oliver mumbled, putting the car in park. He didn’t wait for Lucas as he got out. Lucas winced when Oliver slammed the door a little harder than usual before going to get their bags out of the trunk.
The two of them were just figuring out if they could carry four suitcases in one trip—Lucas was pretty sure they could, as long as they balanced the smaller one on top of the larger—when a woman came out of the house. She was shorter than Oliver by maybe three inches, which was saying something considering Oliver was already short. There was soapy water on the front of her shirt. Her hair was up in a tight bun, and she had wrinkles from smiling—which made sense if the wide, easy smile she gave Oliver was anything to go by.
“Oliver! You’re here. Your father and I were getting worried about you,” she called out, rushing over. She pulled Oliver into a hug, completely ignoring Lucas in a way that should have felt bad but ended up just being cute. Oliver looked a little chastised, and he hugged his mother back, mumbling apologies and talking about how traffic had been worse than they expected. “Are you eating enough? You look so skinny. I started cooking for tomorrow, but we’re going to have a nice big dinner tonight. Do you want pizza or burgers? Your father thinks he can grill, but I told him that he’s an idiot.”
Lucas stood and watched, a grin on his face as Oliver caught his eyes and mouthed help me dramatically. His mother smacked him on the shoulder.
“So rude! I can always tell your father that you want his famous jidan jiang—”
“Mom, the last time Dad cooked that, we all got food poisoning and you threatened to divorce him.”
“Exactly.” There was a gleam in her eyes that was all too similar to the look Oliver got when he was plotting something. Seeing Oliver next to his mother, Lucas could definitely see the family resemblance. Oliver was a bit more muscular and had a sharper jaw, but his eyes were the same as his mother’s. They also had the same laughter, Lucas realized, as Oliver’s mother chuckled at some comment she made.
It made Lucas wonder how much Oliver got from his dad and whether his siblings looked like him. Oliver hadn’t really shared a lot of family photos, not even in preparation for the Dōngzhì celebration. Admittedly, Lucas hadn’t pushed it—he figured that he’d be better meeting people face-to-face and remembering their names that way.
“But we’re being rude. You must be Lucas. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Really?” Lucas blinked and stuck out his hand, glancing at Oliver who was resolutely not looking back at him. “Uh, I’ve heard a lot about you too.” He hadn’t, but Oliver’s mother didn’t need to know that.
“You can call me Daphne. Oliver’s father is finishing the dishes now, or he would say hello. It is good to finally meet you. Oliver’s never dated anyone this long before—”
“Mom,” Oliver whined, finally looking between them. Daphne laughed and waved a hand in the air.
“Oh, I’m just joking. But really, he’s never brought anyone home yet! We were very excited.” She lowered her voice. “I convinced his father to put the family swords away. If you aren’t treating our son right, we can always break out the secret martial arts and kill you that way.”
It took Lucas an embarrassingly long time to realize she was joking, but by then she was back to fussing over Oliver and insisting that she take one of his bags. Together, the three made their way inside the house.
On the inside, it seemed much larger. There were family pictures everywhere—plenty of Oliver and his siblings, but others as well—and little plants on every other flat surface. Most of them seemed to be clinging to life, but if Oliver found them strange, he didn’t say anything. Considering he didn’t even look as he bumped into a table and almost knocked one to the ground, Lucas decided that maybe the plants weren’t all that important.
The front door led to a short hallway with its two doors open. One led into a front room with a couch and a Christmas tree. We technically celebrate Christmas, Oliver had explained a few weeks ago, but mostly because presents are fun and it’s an excuse to spend more time together. Like my family needs more of a reason to stay in a house and complain.
Another door revealed an office with bookshelves along the walls. Each shelf was stuffed to the brim with books in both Chinese and English, but Lucas didn’t get a good look as Daphne led the two through the hall.
The foyer itself was simple, a maroon carpet squishy under Lucas’s shoes. A small front table held a stack of mail, a small bowl with keys and spare change, and a little jade dragon. The potted bamboo was possibly the most alive plant in sight. There was also an old family photo—Oliver was still a baby while his sister was missing her front teeth. Still, everyone was clearly happy to be there, and Lucas wondered what the occasion was, to make it worth preserving.
“Eric! It’s Oliver and his boyfriend,” Daphne called out, wandering down the hall.
The hall quickly opened up into a wider layout: the kitchen and dining room table to the right and the living room and television to the left. There was a small room near the stairs—Lucas assumed it was a bathroom but didn’t ask.
Just like Daphne had said, a man was washing dishes in the kitchen. He had on a bright blue apron, and his short hair was definitely more salt than pepper, but when he turned around Lucas was hit with the realization that this was what Oliver could look like when he was older. Oliver’s father was taller, maybe Lucas’s height, and a bit pudgy. He had darker eyes and more wrinkles, but they were partially obscured by thick rimmed glasses.
“Hello there, young man. And this must be Rufus!” He walked over, still wearing his washing gloves. They were yellow with pink flowers on them and somehow made the hug he gave Lucas less awkward.
“This is Lucas, Dad.” Oliver waved slightly before his father embraced him, pinning his arms to his sides and talking about how nice Oliver looked. Lucas thought Oliver always looked good, but he was a bit biased. “Are we staying in my room?” Oliver asked. “We’re kind of tired from driving so….”
“Of course, of course. You have your room to yourself. Your uncle Yun and his family are taking Kyle’s room, and Alice and her fiancé are supposed to get here tonight. And yes, Lucas, how nice to finally meet you.” Oliver’s father extended a hand to shake—his grip was a little slippery, and Lucas casually dried his hands on his jeans afterward. “Sorry, sorry, these damn gloves—I used to just plunge my hands right in! But then Daphne yelled at me and—”