This Stolen Life

by This Stolen Life (retail) (epub)

  Cara threw her hands up. ‘It’s not like anyone even knows about what happened. And even if they did, no one would care.’

  Saliva rushed inside his cheek and he felt hot, but he didn’t feel as nauseous as he normally did. Sahan swallowed. ‘I know. I care.’ He sighed. ‘You must think I’m a huge drama queen.’

  There was a pause. Cara sighed too and rubbed her eyes. ‘No. No, you’re not,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry.’

  Nate slid down to sit on the floor beside him. ‘Everyone’s different. You were brought up with your dad’s weird Victorian values and you’ve never been alone with a girl before. I’m not surprised it scared the crap out of you when she grabbed you.’

  Sahan shuddered and crossed his legs. ‘Yes, but compared to some of—’

  ‘You can’t compare trauma. What happened to you is a big deal to you,’ said Cara.

  ‘I thought you were past this, though. What’s happened to make you think about it again?’ Nate peered at him. ‘Are you okay? You haven’t been yourself lately. You’ve been disappearing off at random times in the afternoon. When you’re here you’re away with the fairies. What’s going on?’

  Sahan studied Nate. They had been friends since freshers’ week. Cara had come on scene a couple of weeks later and now Nate and Cara were a unit. He trusted them like he trusted the members of his own family. He thought about how little he revealed to his parents nowadays. Okay, he trusted them more than his own family. When the Tamsin debacle happened it was Cara who helped him work out that independence meant testing the values his parents had given him and not adhering to them slavishly; it was Nate who had helped him come up with a plan to get him back on an even keel.

  Keeping Soma a secret was difficult. He wasn’t made for deception. Could he share his secret with them? Would sharing it make it more real?

  ‘Sahan? Is it the stress of exams? I know it takes different people in different ways. Do you want me to find out about counselling? I know you didn’t want to before, but if it’s affecting your studies…?’

  Cara’s concern touched him.

  ‘I have been moving on,’ he said. ‘Sort of.’

  Cara and Nate exchanged worried glances.

  Yes, Sahan decided, he could tell them. He could guess Nate’s response. It made him smile. ‘I think … I think I’ve met someone.’

  Nate’s face was a picture. ‘Really? Wow.’ He leaned forward and slapped Sahan on the back. ‘You kept that quiet, you dark horse.’

  Cara joined them on the floor. ‘That’s brilliant. Who is she? Where did you meet her?’

  The last traces of Tamsin-induced discomfort vanished. His smile widened. ‘She’s called Soma. She’s… amazing.’ Even talking about her made him fizz inside. Nothing he’d felt before came even close to this.

  ‘That’s awesome,’ said Nate. ‘Totally amazing. So, when do we get to meet this wonder girl? Why don’t you guys come out with us on Friday?’

  ‘Um… I don’t think that would be possible. I could see if she can come meet you lot around lunchtime on a Saturday.’ Yamuna would expect Soma to be home of an evening. He knew his cousin. She wouldn’t let a young girl living in her house go out at night without knowing who she was going with. And he wasn’t ready to tell her about Soma yet.

  ‘It’d be better to meet for drinks. It’s less pressure that way,’ said Cara.

  ‘No she… er… works on Friday nights. Most nights, in fact.’

  ‘Oh yeah? What does she do?’ said Nate.

  Sahan didn’t answer. Now that he had let his secret out of its cocoon, he was starting to see the flaws in it. Like a precious painting held under glass for years that he’d suddenly noticed was disintegrating at the edges. ‘She uh… she looks after someone’s baby.’

  Nate’s laughter buffeted around the room. ‘Classic! You’ve fallen for an au pair.’

  Au pair was a fancy word and conjured up images of European girls with bright eyes and lip gloss. Soma was nothing like that. Back home she wouldn’t have been called an au pair or a nanny. She would have been called a servant. An ayah, closer to the family than most, but still a servant. Sahan stared at the book on his lap, not really seeing it. Now that he’d articulated it, it was clear that there could be no future for him with Soma. There were strata upon strata between her social situation and his.

  His parents would disown him. His heart constricted at the thought. Was she worth that? Surely, nothing was worth that. Nothing and… no one.

  ‘Dude, what’s the matter? Was it something I said?’

  He looked up. ‘No. It’s… as you say, it’s a classic cliché. My parents would never approve.’

  Nate’s smile faded. ‘So?’

  Cara said, ‘Is that why you said you think you’ve met someone? Are you not sure how you feel? Or are you just worried about what your family will think?’

  ‘I can’t do that to them.’

  Nate settled down cross-legged on the floor, getting into full mentor mode. ‘First of all, from what I’ve seen, you guys are a tight family. Your parents will get over it, they love you. They can’t stay angry forever.’

  ‘They’ll be so disappointed in me. It’s not what they’d planned… they’ll be so… hurt.’

  ‘But they will still love you. Right?’ Cara said.

  If the press found out about Sahan and a servant girl, his father would be a laughing stock. His father would never forgive him. And worse, his parents would think that he didn’t care about it. They would think he didn’t love them. He couldn’t do that to them. He just couldn’t. He didn’t respond to Cara’s question.

  ‘Right?’ Nate prompted.

  ‘Yes. But things won’t be the same.’

  ‘Well that’s always going to be the case, isn’t it? You’re not going to stay the same guy all your life. They’ll have to adapt.’ He put a hand on Sahan’s shoulder. ‘We talked about this. Their value systems are based on where they are. You live in a different country now. You’re bound to see the world differently.’ He waved a hand. ‘Take your restaurant job. You were so sure that taking it would mean that people saw you as some sort of failure. No one has. In fact, no one gives a shit.’

  Sahan shrugged. ‘I suppose so.’ He hadn’t mentioned his job to his parents.

  Satisfied, Nate carried on with his argument. ‘Second of all, it’s probably not as serious as you think. I know you’re new to this dating stuff… so you’ll have to trust me on this. First love is… really powerful. But it’s often short-lived. You might think you’ve found The One, but really, not many people meet the right person right from the get-go. So maybe you should chill out about things a bit.’

  ‘Or,’ said Cara. ‘This might actually the The One. In which case you don’t want to let her slip through your fingers.’

  Sahan put his head in his hands. ‘Guys, this isn’t helping.’

  Nate said, ‘You’re overthinking this. You overthink everything. Relax. Go with the flow. You’re leaving this place to get a job soon enough anyway. Your parents need never know.’

  Sahan wondered again how he could be such good friends with someone when there was this huge gulf of understanding between them. Nate’s parents respected his right to choose his own path. Cara’s parents didn’t care what she did, so long as she was happy. Sahan’s choices were limited to the paths his parents deemed acceptable. How could he expect them to understand?

  Still, he had been rude to Bex and she was Cara’s friend. Even if Cara didn’t fully understand him, he knew enough about her to know that she was fiercely protective of her friends, himself included. He lifted his head. ‘I’m sorry I upset Bex,’ he said to Cara.

  Cara made a rueful face. ‘I should have warned her off. She can come on a bit strong, can Bex.’ Her hand twitched, as though she was going to pat his arm, but she caught herself in time and lowered it. ‘I genuinely thought you were ready to move on, Sahan. I didn’t realise that you already had.’ She smiled. ‘This girl you’re seeing. Does sh
e make you happy?’

  ‘She does.’

  ‘Then, enjoy it. See where it takes you.’

  He stared at her earnest face for a second. She genuinely wanted him to be happy. He smiled and nodded.

  Cara grinned back.

  ‘So,’ Sahan said. ‘Did you guys just come here to talk about my love life? Or did you want something else?’

  ‘Nah. Just wanted to interfere with your life,’ said Nate. ‘Thought you might appreciate the distraction.’

  Sahan laughed. ‘I should really get back to studying.’

  Nate rolled his eyes. ‘We know when we’re not wanted. Come on, Cara. Let’s go see if we’ve got any Pringles left.’

  Once they’d left, Sahan tried to concentrate on his books. Although it was a relief to talk to Nate and Cara about it, they hadn’t really helped him gain any clarity. Were his feelings for Soma born of homesickness and the fact that she was completely unlike Tamsin? Or was this the real thing? How could he tell?

  He would get into serious trouble if his parents found out. She was completely unsuitable for him. If this was a passing infatuation, really, he should get out of this relationship, before he got in any deeper. But the thought of not seeing her again was painful. Just a few days of not seeing her was hard enough. This didn’t feel like a passing romance. It felt very real indeed.

  He groaned and leaned back against his bed. Why was nothing ever simple?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sahan escaped from the restaurant floor and ducked into the kitchen with relief. He’d been waiting on a group of young men who were too drunk and too loud to be good customers.

  ‘They’ve gone,’ he said. ‘Didn’t leave too much of a mess.’ He pulled a face. ‘Didn’t leave much of a tip either.’

  The cook was sitting in a corner, making use of a well earned break to check his messages. Through the open door to the pantry opposite, Sahan could see Deepthi was doing a stock check.

  The cook looked up from his phone. He had a plate of singed garlic naan beside him. ‘You eaten?’

  ‘No. I’m starving.’ Sahan grabbed a plate and started serving himself. ‘It’s quiet in there at the moment.’ He felt grumpy and on edge. Trying to keep calm whilst being heckled and messed around by drunk customers was one of the biggest downsides to the job. Most of the time, he reminded himself that being a waiter was a temporary thing. But tonight had been especially bad. If he got on the engineering grad scheme he was interviewing for next week, he could stop working here. Forever. It wouldn’t be a moment too soon.

  ‘Your friend was looking for you,’ said the cook.

  ‘What friend?’ Had Nate come to see him? Why would he?

  ‘The driver guy.’

  Sahan glowered. ‘That guy is not my friend. Just because we happen to come from the same country, doesn’t make us mates.’

  ‘He gives me the creeps,’ Deepthi observed. She came to the doorway of the pantry and leaned against the frame, clipboard by her side. ‘He’s always in here, trying to talk to me. He just can’t take a hint and go away.’

  ‘I think he’s lonely,’ Sahan said, feeling he should at least try to be sympathetic to the other man.

  ‘That’s no excuse,’ said Deepthi. ‘The way he looks at me… pretty much the same way you’re looking at your food.’ She gave a theatrical shudder. ‘Ugh.’

  ‘If it’s any consolation, he gives me the creeps too,’ said Sahan.

  The shift in the cook’s gaze alerted him before Kemasiri even made a noise. Sahan turned.

  ‘Look, it’s Mr Colombo Seven,’ said Kemasiri. His grin was not reflected in his eyes. ‘Hello, beautiful Deepthi. Stock take day, is it?’

  Deepthi gave Sahan a look that said ‘see what I mean’. ‘Yeah,’ she said weakly and went back to work, turning her back on them.

  Kemasiri looked at Sahan, gestured towards Deepthi and made an appreciative face. Sahan ignored him.

  Mr Ghosh came in from the main restaurant. ‘Sahan. Customers. Get in there.’

  Relieved to have an excuse to leave, Sahan put down the food and went back out again. He would eat later. He’d lost his appetite anyhow.

  * * *

  It was clearly the night for rowdy groups. Sahan ushered the last lot out of the restaurant and pulled the blinds down. It was past their normal closing time. Behind him, Mr Ghosh moved around gathering tablecloths for the linen hamper. Sahan grabbed a cloth and started to wipe down the chairs and stack them on the tables.

  ‘You get off, Sahan,’ said Mr Ghosh. ‘Tell Deepthi to get in here and help me with the hoovering.’

  He didn’t need telling twice. He finished the table he was doing and went into the back to grab his coat and the bag of food the cook would have left for him. It was quiet in the back. The cooks had left a while ago. Deepthi was probably still in the stockroom. Bags in hand, he went across. When he reached the door, he stopped dead.

  Kemasiri was in the stockroom. He had one arm up, leaning against the shelving in an exaggerated casual pose. Effectively trapped between him and the shelves behind her was Deepthi, chin up, eyes moving. When she spotted Sahan, a look of profound relief passed over her face.

  Sahan saw the look in Deepthi’s eyes and felt a surge of anger. ‘What’s going on?’ He stepped into the stockroom, ready to pull Kemasiri out by his greasy hair.

  Kemasiri didn’t move his arm, but looked over his shoulder. Deepthi took the opportunity to dodge past him.

  ‘You okay?’ Sahan said, as she ducked past him.

  She nodded tersely. ‘Thank you.’ She turned and shot a furious look at Kemasiri.

  Kemasiri spread his hands. ‘What?’ he said. ‘We were having a friendly chat, weren’t we? What’s wrong with that?’

  Deepthi’s face told Sahan everything he needed to know. He turned back to Kemasiri.

  ‘Don’t you dare come near her again, understand?’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Don’t bullshit me, Kemasiri. You stay away from Deepthi, or I’ll tell her father. Trust me. You do not want to upset Mr G.’

  ‘No,’ said Deepthi, from behind him. ‘You don’t.’

  Kemasiri narrowed his eyes. ‘You should be careful going around accusing innocent people of things.’ He looked at his watch. ‘Anyway, my shift is over. Get out of my way so that I can ask Ghosh for my money.’

  Sahan backed out of the stock room and let Kemasiri pass. As soon as the other man had disappeared into the main restaurant, Sahan turned to Deepthi. ‘You’re sure you’re okay? He didn’t try anything?’

  She nodded. She was still clutching her clipboard to her. She looked down at it and lowered her arms. ‘No. He didn’t. Although, if you hadn’t showed up…’ She looked up again. ‘Thanks Sahan.’ She reached out and put a hand on his arm.

  The contact made him flinch. ‘I wouldn’t like to see my sister being intimidated like that,’ he said, moving his arm out of the way.

  ‘Right.’ Deepthi’s brow furrowed. ‘Don’t tell my father,’ she said. ‘He’s so overprotective, if he hears…’

  ‘I won’t tell him,’ said Sahan. ‘But maybe you should. That guy might try it again.’

  ‘You think?’ Her frown deepened.

  ‘I do.’

  ‘Deepthi. Where are you?’ Mr Ghosh marched in from the restaurant. His eyes darted from Deepthi to Sahan and back again. ‘What is going on here? You.’ He pointed at Sahan. ‘Why haven’t you left?’

  ‘I’m just going.’ Sahan caught Deepthi’s eye and nodded towards Mr Ghosh.

  She sighed. ‘Tha,’ she said. ‘There’s something I have to tell you.’

  Sahan left them to it and left the shop through the back door.

  * * *

  Soma hurried, not wanting to be late. Louie, now fully recovered and delighted to be out and about, waved his arms around and giggled as the pram bounced. Madam had adjusted the pram so that Louie now sat semi upright. He seemed to prefer that to lying down. It was
the first time they’d been out since Louie fell ill and Soma half expected to get to the park and find that Sahan hadn’t come. She hadn’t dared answer the phone during the week, and then it was the weekend. What if he thought she was staying away on purpose? What if he had given up waiting for her?

  When she saw him standing by their usual park bench, doing something on his phone, her knees nearly dissolved with relief. He looked up as she approached and the look on his face told her that she needn’t have worried. He had turned up for her every day and would carry on doing so.

  ‘You came,’ he said, grinning at her. No one had ever looked so pleased to see her before. She felt warm. The tension that had gripped her for the past few days finally started to unravel.

  ‘I’m so sorry. Louie was ill. That time when you called—’

  He raised a hand. ‘I know. I realised when Yamuna answered the phone. I know you weren’t avoiding me.’ He lowered his hand, slowly.

  ‘I wouldn’t do that.’ She wondered if it would be okay to take his hand. They had met so often, and sat together, walked together, but they had never touched. It seemed… too presumptuous. Too much. ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ she repeated.

  They stared at each other. And something changed. A barrier she hadn’t even been aware of dissolved.

  ‘I will always come to the park,’ he said, slowly. ‘If I possibly can, I will always come.’ His gaze was intense, as though he wanted to be sure she understood him. ‘Always.’

  She knew what he was telling her. Happiness flooded through her, worries washed away. This was something real. He felt the same way about her as she did about him. For the first time in years, here was something that could genuinely make her happy. Something right. Oh, she knew it couldn’t last. He would tire of her soon enough, because he was a man. Men were unpredictable. Even her stepfather, always a little frightening, had seemed like a good husband for her mother until he’d started drinking in earnest.