From the Viscount With Love

by Bethany M. Sefchick

  Once inside, she thought he might immediately begin to berate her, much as her grandfather used to when he thought she had misbehaved. And she likely deserved it. In her foolish and bumbling attempts to avert disaster, she had caused him a great deal of pain and aggravation. And for that, she truly was sorry.

  "Frost, I..." she began but he cut off her words with a slash of his hands. This was the first time he had ever done so, a sure sign of how angry he truly was.

  "Damn it, Lavinia! Why did you not come to me the moment Balon accosted you this afternoon?" He began to pace while she stood still as a statue, her hands clasped in front of her.

  "So. You know about that." It was a statement and not a question.

  Frost stopped pacing long enough to glare at her before resuming his path across the carpet. "Hell, yes! Though not until this evening after you were nearly kidnapped! Blackmore informed me, though I should not have had to hear about that wretch's visit from one of Harry's men! I should have heard it directly from you!"

  Lavinia raised her hands in a helpless gesture. "What would you have me say? That the man who turned me into a whore was here in London and threatening me and your sisters if I did not go away with him?"

  "Yes!" Frost snarled, whirling around once more. "Did you honestly think I would allow you to face such a man alone? Did you think I cared so little for you that I would have thrown you to Balon and been done with you?" He was breathing hard and she could see the veins in his neck bulging. "Damn it, Lea, don't you trust me enough by now to tell me the truth! All of it? Including that you are the granddaughter of a duke?"

  So. He knew. She should have figured out long ago that he did or would soon enough. All of the times he attempted to speak with her that day when they returned from the shopping expedition. All the odd questions in the carriage on the way to the theater. It all made sense now in hindsight, though it hadn't at the time. She had been, she thought, too worried over Balon's appearance to think clearly.

  "I wanted to." Lavinia's voice was barely a whisper, a stark contrast to Frost's raging. "Truly, I did. But what was I to say? I wanted to admit the truth, all of it, but I was afraid..." She did not continue that thought but instead picked up another, one that had been bothering her since that afternoon. "Especially after Sarah told me that if I could not see myself with you forever then I should let you go. I didn't want for you and your family to become entangled in my mess. In my past. I was trying to do what was best! What was right! Please! You must believe me!" Her own voice was rising now, much to her dismay.

  Frost stopped his pacing and crossed his arms over his chest, much as Sarah had earlier in the day. "My sister should learn to keep her nose out of places it has no need to be." He was angry but he wasn't shouting now. That was something at least, Lavinia thought. "So you do not see yourself with me forever?" He cocked his head to the side, clearly waiting.

  Lavinia's first instinct was to lie or at least deflect, to hide the truth. But, no. Hiding the truth was what had led to this disaster in the first place. She needed to be honest. If not tonight, here in this room with the man she loved, when would there be a better time? None. And she knew that now.

  "I wished to remain with you," she confessed softly, her hands fisted in the folds of her skirt, "but as what? Your mistress? For we both know that is all I could ever be to you. I could never be your wife. What if someone recognized me and revealed my past? And," she sighed, closing her eyes, "I could not lower myself in that manner. I would rather leave you than become your kept woman. Such an arrangement would have destroyed me in ways that you cannot even imagine."

  Frost shook his head and snorted in disgust. "And I meant so little to you that you never once considered telling me the truth? Never once thought to admit that you are the granddaughter of a duke and that you are truly a lady? Never once imagined that little tidbit of information might have a significant impact upon your place in Society?" Then it was his turn to close his eyes for a moment. "Again, did you trust me so little? Did I mean that little to you?" His voice was full of hurt, so much that it nearly broke her heart.

  "Would it have changed anything?" Lavinia asked, wanting to reach for him but not daring to be so bold. "If you know about my grandfather? My mother? Balon? What would that knowledge have changed? Nothing. My past is my past, Robert. It is set and cannot be undone."

  "It would have changed nothing," Frost admitted slowly. "Not to me, anyway, for nothing will ever change how I see you. But for you? To relieve yourself of that burden? It might have changed a great deal. It might have finally allowed you to trust someone. More importantly, to trust me. I can help you, Lavinia. You did not need to do this alone. You should not have had to deal with it alone!"

  Her knees no longer able to hold her, Lavinia sank into a chair, not bothering that she was crushing several of his discarded waistcoats in the process. "I do trust you! More than I have ever trusted anyone. But alone is all I have ever known," she confessed. "There has never been anyone to help me. When I was a child, all my grandfather was interested in was arguing with my mother and trying to control her. He might have helped me if he would have seen what was going on with Balon, but he was more concerned with keeping my mother under his thumb and away from my father. She had already made one disastrous choice in her life and he did not wish to see her make another." Lavinia picked at a small bead at the waist of her gown that had come loose during the scuffle. "I tried to speak with him once, right before Mama absconded with me, but he would not listen. Now? I am certain he never will again. Not after what I have done."

  "None of that was your fault," Frost snapped, his posture still rigid though some of the anger seemed to have drained away now that he had ranted and raved a bit. "And you were never a whore, Lavinia. Not to me and not to my friends or my family. I told you that. Many times over!"

  "Words are not actions," she ground out, more annoyed than she had been but a moment ago. Why was he being so thickheaded about this? She had been trying to save him and his family! "You might say all you like that my past does not matter, but what would happen the moment I was found out and then given the cut direct? What then, Robert? You would have a viscountess who could not show her face in Society. I would have been an embarrassment to you and I could not abide that!"

  Frost's posture relaxed just a smidgen more and light from the candles flickered over his face, casting odd shadows that made him seem darker somehow. More dangerous. "So you have no aversion, in general, to marrying me?"

  For the life of her, Lavinia could not understand why he would even ask such a foolish question. He had to know that she cared for him and would do anything to keep him safe. Why else would she have risked meeting with Balon if she did not love him to distraction?

  "In general, no," she snapped, though the fight was leaving her as well the longer she sat in the chair, "though if you keep this up, I might well change my mind."

  Tired now, Lavinia rested her head in her hands. "All I wanted, in fact all I have ever wanted since that first night at Lycosura, was to belong to you in some small way. It seems foolish, I know, but to me, you were and still are, larger than life. You are a paradox, a man who says one thing and then does another, such as your love of mistresses coupled with your love of Society's rules. You make no sense on the surface, but beneath? There is a reason for all that you do. And that reason is love, however much you might wish to deny that you are even capable of love." She sighed. "So no, I have no aversion to marrying you, but I am also intelligent enough to realize that it cannot be. I cannot drag you and your family down into the mud with me."

  Frost approached Lavinia slowly now, almost like a predator stalking its prey. His face was still an unreadable mask but the anger in his eyes had cooled so that they were once more the same shimmery silver she remembered so well. "And, why, again, can that not be?" he asked haughtily as only a peer of the Realm could do. "Have we not already established that you are a granddaughter of a duke? And that you have no real aversi
on to becoming my bride?"

  Lifting her head, Lavinia saw the predatory gleam in his eyes and pressed back against the chair involuntarily. "Because it would cause a scandal. That is why. My grandfather has likely already disowned me, and I have no idea if my mother is even still alive. My father is most likely dead as well. Those are facts that someone will certainly uncover in time. And I do not wish to hurt you, Frost. Your family is everything to you. More important than anyone or anything else. You said it yourself! And I love you far too much to allow my past to destroy you and those you love."

  In two steps, he would be close enough to pull Lavinia into his arms. If she would allow it. Frost prayed that she would, for he needed to hold her. He needed to assure himself once more that she was well and whole and unharmed. And that she did indeed love him as she claimed.

  His plans had been so carefully thought out. He had never imagined that Balon might strike first, but in retrospect, it made perfect sense. The man could not have been certain that Lavinia would do as he demanded. So if he caught them all unaware, he could disappear with Lavinia into the crowd before anyone knew what he was about, and her ruin would be complete. For even if Frost had managed to locate them eventually, all of Society would know that Lavinia had been alone in a carriage with a man. Even time alone with a vagrant would have been enough to ruin her permanently. She would have never been accepted back into polite Society again, giving her no choice but to go with Balon unless she wished to return to the brothel.

  Thank goodness Harry had been suspicious enough to have more than enough men stationed around the theater. When the Runner had suggested that Balon might act first, Frost had dismissed it and Harry had not pushed this issue. At least not with Frost himself. Instead, in a very Harry-like manner, he had made the arrangements quietly, ensuring that no matter where Balon attempted to run if he was in the vicinity of the theater, he would be caught. Even though no one, not even the Runner, could have predicted the utter rashness of Balon's actions.

  "I though I would die when I saw Balon take you." Frost still found it difficult to speak the words, though they had been etched deeply into his very heart and soul. "Do you have any idea what it would have done to me if he had taken you? If I had never seen you again?"

  "Don't. Please. Frost, do not do this. I beg you." He could see the fear in her eyes and knew he would have to work very diligently to erase it. He did not want her to fear him. He wanted her love. She admitted that he had it, but he was still uncertain. With Lavinia, one never quite knew.

  Dropping to his knees in front of her, Frost took Lavinia's hands in his. "I thought we agreed you would call me Robert. Remember?"

  As he hoped, she laughed, giving him some small sign that not all was lost. It was only a small chuckle, but a welcome one nonetheless. "Very well. Robert. But surely you can see how this will not work."

  "Do you love me?" he asked rather matter of fact.

  "Yes. Very much." He could tell from her eyes that she was speaking the truth.

  "Well, since I love you as well, I do not think that there is much of a problem. Do you?" Earlier he might have argued that point, especially the love part. But when faced with the very real possibility of losing her, Frost found that his fears fell away, leaving him stronger than he had imagined possible. It simply took the fear of losing her to push the other, far smaller fears to the side.

  Lavinia twisted her lips in a grimace. That was not what he had hoped to see. "You cannot love me."

  "Who says?" he challenged. "And I must also confess that this is not the reaction a man hopes for when he declares his feelings to the woman he loves. I had rather hoped for a little bit more enthusiasm, to tell the truth." The old Frost would have simply walked away. But that was before Lavinia. Before he realized that he loved her to distraction, and that he both could not and would not walk away from her. Never again.

  "But the scandal..." She protested again but he could tell that she was weakening.

  Frost slowly drew Lavinia to her feet. "I think, my darling, that you overestimate your ability to cause scandal. Had you been in Society earlier this Season, you might have witnessed the broken not-quite-betrothal of Lord Hathaway to Lady Diana Saintwood. Or our friend Candlewood's fall into complete idiocy over Lady Eliza Deaver. Now, there was a relationship to set tongues wagging." He laughed. "Going back father, there was the courtship of Lady Amy Cheltenham and Dr. Gibson Blackwell, now Lord Ardenton. Now those events were true scandals of the highest order. Us?" He made a scoffing sound. "We are barely a drop in the Serpentine in comparison. And do not even get me started on Lady Caroline Turner and Viscount Breckenright."

  "But..." Lavinia tried again, her head swimming as she could not quite believe what was happening.

  "But what, sweet?" Frost asked as he pulled her close just before he kissed her so delightfully that Lavinia was utterly swept away with the feeling of his lips on hers. It was a feeling she had not thought she would savor again.

  When they finally broke apart, Lavinia was not completely surprised to note that they had moved from his sitting room into his bedchamber without her realizing it. "But you cannot truly mean to marry me."

  "Can and will," Frost replied gently as he eased her down onto the bed. "All you need to do, my darling, is have a little trust and a bit of faith. I have you now. I shall not let you fall. I promise." Then he was kissing her again, silencing her protests before they could even form. When he felt Lavinia relax beneath him, he had more hope that all might eventually work out as he planned.

  I promise.

  While those two words were not actions, they were nearly as good. In all of the time Lavinia had been with Frost, he had never once gone back on his promises to her. He did all that he said that he would and more.

  More than that, he loved her. Or he said that he did. There was still a part of her, the one so thoroughly beaten down by Balon, that refused to believe but she shushed it for the moment. When the dawn came, Frost might yet change his mind, for intense situations often made one lose perspective.

  For the moment, however, Lavinia would choose to believe his words. Especially since she was here in his bed, with him hovering above her. The very place she had feared she would never be again. Whatever tomorrow brought, she would deal with it. She was happy now, in this very moment. And for the first time since she had fled the musty little cottage in Derbyshire, she allowed herself to simply exist in this place and this time without questioning what came next.

  Frost must have sensed her surrender, for her began kissing his way across the line of her collarbone and then over her shoulders. "I would have killed him had I gotten my hands on him, you know," he murmured between caresses, his lips scorching a hot trail as he moved across her still-chilled flesh. Until he touched her, Lavinia had no idea she was so chilled, right down to her very bones.

  "I believe you," she sighed, not wanting to think of Balon while she was in Frost's arms. "Oh, my love. I feared I would never see you again." The words slipped out. She had not meant to say them, but once she did, she did not wish to call them back either.

  With nimble fingers Frost began peeling away her now-ruined dress. "I am here now, my darling, and I shall always be. It took almost losing you for me to realize that I could never let you go. That I love you."

  When he tore a bit of the pale blue silk in his haste to remove the gown, Lavinia shrugged the rest of the way out of the dress. There was a part of her that never wanted to see it again, fearful that she would always associate the frock with Balon. She did not want that. She wanted fresh and new, as Frost has promised. At least for tonight.

  "I thought I could walk away from you," she confessed as she undid the buttons on his waistcoat before starting to work on his evening shirt. "I was wrong. I don't know how I will ever find the strength to let you go." For there was a part of her that still believed she would have to - in the end.

  Instead of replying, Frost tossed her gown into a heap on the floor. It was quickly foll
owed by the rest of her underthings until she was naked beneath him, his fingers brushing her nether curls to test her readiness for him. "You are exquisite," he finally said and she could see the light of pure adoration shining in his eyes.

  "Only when I am with you." For in her mind, that was the truth. Lavinia was at her most beautiful when she was with Frost and surrounded by his love.

  "Then you shall find me frequently at your side," he teased as he rose up above her to pull away his remaining clothes, revealing the broad, tanned expanse of his chest. He was glorious, all sinew and muscle, and she could not help but trace a line of kisses down his abdomen, the soft brush of her lips over taut, warm flesh exciting her almost as much as it did him.

  Frost hissed when she slid her palms over his bare skin and then shuddered when her hands quested lower, down beneath the band of his breeches to cup him in her hands, the heavy weight of his sac like silk in her palm. "Let me please you, Robert," she whispered, gazing up at him in what she knew was pure adoration. She could not help herself. She loved this man to distraction, and he had saved her life tonight. He had banished her demons and chased away the darkness. For the first time since she had departed Castle Dunlein, Lavinia felt free to love.

  When Frost ran the palms of his hands over Lavinia's soft and lush breasts, he thought he might die with need. When she divested him of his breeches, he was certain that he would. He had been with women before, but never one that made him feel as much or as deeply as Lavinia Tremont did. With her, everything was new, even the very act of love itself. For the first time in his adult life, he was not afraid to love someone other than his family. Love could be good and kind. His family had taught him that, but it had taken Lavinia to truly open his eyes and allow him to see the truth in his heart. Love did not mean fear. Love meant trust and understanding and forgiveness. It was time, he thought, that Lavinia learned the same lesson she had taught him.

  Despite her pleas to offer him pleasure first, Frost made certain that Lavinia knew in this moment how much she was loved and desired. With every stroke of his fingers over her skin and every caress he lavished upon her, he showed her not just with words but with actions, how deeply he cared. And for Lavinia, he knew that actions were everything.