Memories Revised

by Cricket Starr

  “Not to your family?”

  “Perhaps I could go there,” he admitted. “But there might be another place I’d rather be. A village that could use a carpenter and where a woman waited for me to return.”

  Talia’s heart sped up and she wondered how he could miss hearing its frantic beat. “You’d return here?”

  “If there was a reason to, I would.” He must have sensed how much she wanted to say yes because a small smile softened his lips. “If there was a lady who would have me as her husband.”

  Talia opened her mouth, ready to give her answer.

  But before she could, the candle in the room flickered and went out. The room and all in it faded to black. Talia could no longer see—the rest of her senses failed as well. Smell, taste and hearing were gone, but even worse Talia could no longer feel Remak’s arms around her.

  He’d asked her if he could return to her, but the dream was over and she hadn’t given him the answer on the tip of her tongue.

  Yes, yes, oh yes…

  Chapter Five

  Talia woke and it was as dark in the room as it had been at the end of her dream. She knew she was awake though, because of the early morning sounds that carried in through the window, the birds in the trees, the hens clucking in the pen outside her kitchen. She was in her small narrow bed and it was cold…very cold. She huddled for warmth under the covers.

  Already she missed Remak. His kindness, his humor and the way he’d touched her even when not making love. Over the course of the night he’d become so familiar to her…

  Which was strange because she knew it had all been a dream. He hadn’t really been with her, hadn’t really made love to her. She was even still a virgin, and while she remembered what it felt like to be in his arms, her body was yet untried. The sweet ache between her legs that she’d felt toward the end of the dream was gone.

  All she’d experienced had been an illusion, brought on by the goddess…but the message wasn’t lost on Talia. She knew what she was supposed to have learned—that a life spent without love, without passion, was no life at all. Remak’s kiss, his touch and his cock had driven that lesson home.

  Somehow she would have to find him again, and this time she’d do it right. Thank him for saving her and not run away. Take him to her bed. Take him into her heart.

  It might be of no use. Several years had passed and he might have found love in the arms of someone else. Or he might have sworn off ever taking a woman to be his wife. He’d been a professional soldier and he’d told her that they didn’t have families.

  Of course it was even likely that the real Remak, the one who’d only seen her that once so long ago, wouldn’t even remember her. It didn’t matter what arguments she gave herself though—she had no choice but to find out the truth.

  She was in love with him.

  The goddess had said that passion should be what counted when it came to choosing a mate, but even beyond passion came love. She knew she might find another man who would move her sexually the way Remak did.

  But would she know love like what she felt right now?

  Suddenly Talia knew just what to do. Even though the sun wouldn’t be up for at least another half hour, she rose and dressed quickly in the chill room. She had to talk to the goddess before another moment passed.

  In the small temple, the smoke from her candles wafted into her face and she couldn’t help a cough as she finished the last wave over them, completing the summoning ritual. The statue remained still and she wondered if she’d messed up, but then the eyes glowed icy green and it looked like the wooden lips curved. In her head came the goddess’s voice.

  “Did you dream well, little human?”

  Talia coughed out the last of the smoke. “Very well, goddess. Too well. I know what you mean now about not settling for a man without passion. But more…”

  “More?” The goddess’s eyes blazed to life and again it seemed like the shadowed figure moved.

  “More, gentle goddess. I would like to find the soldier Remak. Tell him myself that I still think of him. Who knows, perhaps he still thinks of me?”

  “Who knows?” The goddess seemed to laugh. “Well, I know for one.”

  Sudden hope bloomed in Talia. “You mean he does remember me?”

  “Perhaps.” The goddess sounded amused, but there was grimness about her as well. In her heart Talia sensed something was wrong.

  “Could you tell me where he is?”

  Now the goddess seemed hesitant. “I could show you his location…but you would not like what you see.”

  An image filled Talia’s mind, of Remak loving another woman the way he’d never in reality loved her. For a moment she thought to refuse. But if Remak did love another then it would be over and at least she would know for sure.

  Talia tossed away her timidity. “I would still like to see him, goddess. I want to know what has become of him.”

  “Very well.” Again the wooden figure of the goddess seemed to come to life, wood becoming flesh, the surface of it still showing the grain of its construction. In a gesture similar to that Talia had used in her prayer, she waved her hands over the lit candles. “Breathe deep, Talia, and see what you must.”

  Again smoke filled Talia’s face, but this time instead of choking her it seemed to slip into her nose and mouth like sweetened air. Her vision clouded and senses whirled, and she felt like she was falling. But when the sensation cleared she seemed to be standing in a stone cell. Even without a body to feel it she sensed the cold of the place, and there was the stench of death.

  Chained to a wall, dressed in mere rags, leaned a man with his head hanging, his muscular bulk shrunk by deprivation. Talia almost didn’t recognize him until he raised his head and she saw his eyes, brown with golden lights. It was Remak, with a two-week growth of beard on his cheeks and whose ravaged body still lived in spite of his circumstances. Horror gripped her as he slunk back against the wall, a hoarse cough shaking his shoulders.

  He was alone, chained and sick. He looked like he might die at any moment. She knew that only his superior strength had allowed him to last this long.

  She wanted to speak to him but couldn’t find the words…besides he clearly couldn’t see her. Instead he whispered two words in a broken voice, “Goddess, please.”

  “How did he get here?” she said, hoping the goddess would at least answer her.

  He was captured, came the goddess’s voice in her head. Captured and left to die by those he fought.

  “What of the rest of the army?”

  The goddess did not answer. Remak was so close—Talia reached to touch his face but discovered she couldn’t move…then she was moving but up, past him and through the stone roof as if it wasn’t there, until she was hovering over the stone building that held her not-quite-lover. Talia stared at it, a broken ruin of what must have once been a fortress but was deserted now. The area around was deserted as well, although Talia saw the remnants of battle on the empty plain, a dead horse here and a broken cart there.

  In the distance was the encampment of an army, colorful banners flying overhead. Banners bearing the same insignia that Remak’s armor had held.

  Talia could have wept if she’d had physical form. They were so close, close enough to save his life, but they had no idea where he was.

  Still floating in midair, Talia wished she could go to them and tell them, but instead she picked up speed as she moved over them, along a road that led vaguely north. Talia watched, wondering where she was heading until she suddenly realized that the fields looked familiar and then there was her village and the small shrine to Gillian.

  Again she passed through the roof as if it weren’t solid…or as if she were the insubstantial one. She blinked and felt the soft sand of the temple floor beneath her knees. Opening her eyes, she found that she was back in the temple, kneeling before the goddess’s statue.

  Talia jumped to her feet. “I have to go tell them where he is. He’ll die if I don’t.”

/>   The goddess was once again just a simple wooden statue, but Talia still heard her voice in her mind. It is more than a two days’ ride from here, plus you’ve never before left this village. How will you find your way?

  Talia blew out the candles and headed for the door. She paused and turned to the goddess’s statue, which still seemed to gaze at her with those eerie ice-green eyes.

  “Thanks to you I know the way there. I’ll make it before he dies. As for the rest, my never having gone anywhere? Truth is, I’ve never had a good reason to leave my village before, goddess. Now I do.”

  She left, leaving nothing but wisps of aromatic candle smoke in her wake.

  And a ghostly whisper—Good girl!

  * * * * *

  Talia stopped her wagon as the guard on duty stepped into the road in front of her. He looked her over suspiciously, as had many people in the past two days. How often did someone see a woman alone on the road? Obviously she must be up to something.

  She was, but it was a rescue, not anything nefarious. As she had in all the previous times she’d been stopped, she smiled, praying inwardly that the goddess would somehow protect her. Feigning bravery she didn’t feel, Talia held out a small flask of wine from the basket under her seat. She’d traded two looms of weaving to the wine merchant for them but so far these bribes had managed to hold off any less acceptable interest from the men she’d encountered.

  “I’m looking for your captain,” she said as he took the flask from her, some of his suspicion melting away.

  “Captain Albinan? What do you want with him?”

  “I’m delivering this wine for a friend. And there is a soldier I need to speak to.”

  For a moment she thought he’d refuse but then he shrugged, pocketed the flask and called over another man to take his place. Talia directed the horse pulling her cart to follow the man as he led her through the camp to a tall tent in the center.

  She tried to conceal her shaking as she lifted the half-filled basket of wine flasks and trailed behind her escort into the antechamber of the tent. She waited as he went into the main chamber. Her eyes had barely adjusted to the dim interior when a tall man came through the curtains and gestured for her to enter the rest of the tent.

  Talia looked him over, the captain that Remak had told her about. He would have been handsome without the long, defacing scar on his cheek.

  “I’m Albinan. What friend would send me wine?”

  Talia put down the basket, afraid in her nervousness she might drop it. “Well, sir. I’m from a village up north…”

  He came closer. “I can see where you are from. The color of your skin and hair is unique to your part of Gal. But again, what friend would send me wine…when I don’t drink alcohol in any form?”

  Talia was caught at a loss. No man of her acquaintance refused wine when it was offered. “I’m sorry…I meant no harm.”

  “And no harm is done.” He reached out and grabbed her arm, drawing her closer. “Just because I do not thirst does not mean I don’t hunger…for other things.”

  Talia struggled against his hold. “Please, sir. I’m looking for a man.”

  “And you’ve found one.”

  “But…but I seek the soldier Remak!”

  “Remak?” Albinan stared at her and stepped back. “Then you’ve journeyed a long way for no reason.” Releasing her, he stepped to a long table and poured a glass of water, offering it to her. She took it gratefully as he watched her. “I’m afraid Remak was lost a couple of weeks ago along with the rest of his patrol. They were taken by the Tarlons.”

  “I know,” she said. “I saw him.”

  Albinan loomed over her and Talia shrunk back. “What do you mean you saw him?”

  “In a dream…no, actually, a vision. The goddess Gillian showed me. He’s nearby.” Talia made a guess, pointing in the general direction where she remembered the ruined fortress had been. “Over there.”

  Now Albinan looked perplexed. “We just came from that direction a few days ago.”

  “He’s in the fortress. Chained in a cell.”

  He stared at her for a long moment, but then Albinan called in an older man whom he introduced simply as Howel. The man’s forbidding face grew grimmer as he listened to Talia’s story.

  Finally he shook his head. “We checked the area and found the remains of some of our men. Hard to identify though—they’d been dead some time. We just gave them a common grave.”

  Talia shuddered and said a quick prayer that Remak would avoid that ignoble fate. By traveling day and night she’d managed to get here in less than two days. She was exhausted but hoped it was worth it. He’d been in bad shape when she’d seen him and she prayed he still lived to be rescued.

  “Please, sir,” Talia held her hand out to Albinan. “We must go soon. It might be too late otherwise.”

  Howel shook his head. “Not a good idea. It could be a trap.” He eyed her suspiciously. “How do you know so much?”

  “I told you…it was a vision.” For the first time since leaving her village she gave into despair. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I should have gone straight there. I was afraid I couldn’t help him by myself but I could have done something, given him water or food, even if I couldn’t get him free.”

  Howel seemed ready to say more but Albinan said, “You’d have gone there by yourself? Could you love this man so much that you’d risk your life for him?”

  “I’ve done that already, just coming here.”

  Howel and Albinan exchanged glances. “That’s true enough,” the older man said gruffly. “But we were only in your village a night…how could he mean that much to you?” Howel said.

  He peered at her. “What did he do…leave you pregnant?”

  Talia looked at her hands. “No. Actually he never touched me. We didn’t even kiss. But…” She didn’t want to tell them about her dream, about what Remak had taught her, the way he’d made her feel. “But he saved me that night from the other men. I owe him.”

  “You owe him. So even though you don’t know him, haven’t even kissed him, you risk your life for him?” Howel snorted but Albinan nodded slowly.

  “I think she might be telling the truth. It certainly is worth checking it out.” Howel looked inclined to argue but Albinan held up his hand. “Get a small group together. I will lead them personally.” His handsome face, marred by that terrible scar, held a small smile. “I would see if this woman’s dreams could be true about what happened to Remak.”

  A few hours later they were in the dungeon of the ruins Talia remembered. There was a strange smell about the place. “Tarlon stench,” one of the guards told Talia. “You never really get used to it.”

  The cold stone walls were just as forbidding now as they had been in her vision. Carefully Talia crept down the hallways, following Albinan. She thought they were too high, in a level above that where Remak’s cell was, but she couldn’t find a way leading lower.

  But just as she passed a partially blocked doorway she thought she heard a slight sound. The opening left in the rubble was small, but she managed to squeeze through it and on the other side found a staircase leading down.

  “This way!” she called to the others.

  “Talia, wait!” She heard Albinan’s voice, but a sense of urgency overtook her and Talia headed down as the captain directed his men in clearing the way behind her. At the base of the stairs there seemed to be a maze of corridors but something drew her along one, leading toward where she thought the outer wall of the ruin was. Remak’s cell had had a window, she remembered.

  She passed several quiet cells and looked through the barred doors but all she saw was dirty straw and, once, the horrifying remains of what had once been a man.

  Was Remak already like that, a shrunken carcass hanging in chains? A slight sound drew her on, perhaps a cough, but it was faint and she wondered if she should turn back and try another direction.

  But then she clearly heard a man’s voice cry hoarsely. “Pl
ease, goddess, come back!”

  Talia rushed to the cell it had come from and worked open the door. She stepped in and saw him, just as he’d been in her vision. For a moment she wondered if she was too late but he raised his head and his eyes lit up as she came through the door.

  “Goddess?” he whispered.

  Stumbling over the straw, Talia went to him and touched his face with her hand. His cheek was icy cold although she could see the fever raging in his eyes. “You’re alive. I was so afraid…”

  Remak seemed to lean into her hand as she called. “I’ve found him!”

  Albinan and the others entered, removed his chains and helped Remak sit on the straw. Talia pulled off her cloak and put it around his shoulders then took a water bottle and fed him small sips. The way he watched her made her uneasy…she wasn’t sure he remembered her, but he seemed far more familiar with her than she’d have expected. She focused on getting some water into him and easing the harshness of his dry throat. He seemed so ill…how hard it would be if she found him now only to lose him.

  Whatever it took, she had to get him well, even if she couldn’t make him want her the way she wanted him.

  But later, after she got him into the back of her wagon, he surprised her by giving her back her cloak so she wouldn’t be cold. He no longer seemed quite as ill, as if her presence was giving him strength.

  “How did you find me?” he asked.

  She could feel her blush. How was she ever going to explain it? “I had a dream…”

  “A dream of our making love?”

  How could he know that…unless. Suddenly Talia wondered if the goddess had given Remak dreams similar to hers. He confirmed that, kissing her hand. “I dreamed of you too.”

  “We met long ago. You helped me.”

  “I remember. My name is Remak.”

  “My name is Talia.”

  His lips moved as if trying out her name and then he smiled. Talia couldn’t help it. She leaned forward and captured his mouth with hers, putting into her kiss everything she didn’t know yet how to say. It was a sweet kiss and yet not, and somehow from far away she thought she heard the goddess laughing.