“I’m done wanting you.”
“No, you’re not. You’re not a quitter.” He leaned in as if he would kiss her, but she pushed him away, hard enough to send him staggering backward.
“There’s a difference between quitting and knowing when the prize isn’t worth the effort.”
She climbed into her car and drove back home. As she rounded the corner to her street, she found Merrick in her front yard with a shovel.
She pulled into her driveway and got out.
“What are you doing?”
Merrick walked up to her. “I’m being neighborly.”
“Are you insane?” She seemed to be asking that a lot lately. “Why are you in my yard?”
He looked over his shoulder, where several flower beds had been tilled and planted.
“I wanted you to have something you wanted.”
She glared at him. “You and I both know I can’t have what I want.” She marched past him and into the house.
As she closed the door, she heard his response. “Maybe you should stop wanting what you can’t have.”
She slammed the door the rest of the way, and for the next hour, she paced the floor, catching glimpses of Merrick as he prettied up her yard. Seeing him was like picking at a scab and then pouring salt on the wound.
Why couldn’t anyone love her the way she deserved to be loved? In her head, she heard Merrick tell her that she deserved more, and he was right.
She was done with men … all men.
Chapter Seventeen
Hot and sweaty and pissed off, Merrick trudged into his house.
“What the hell is her problem?” He headed straight to the shower to wash off the dirt and grime. “I was just being nice and giving her something beautiful to come home to.”
That was why staying single was wise. Women were trouble. He knew better than to believe he could find love. When something seemed too good to be true, it generally was. Once clean, he changed into jeans and walked to Bishop’s Brewhouse. All he wanted was to drown in beer. He didn’t need any more of Doc’s advice or that of his boss, Aiden. He needed about three rounds of beer to numb his agitation.
When he arrived, Doc was sitting at the bar, sipping his daily brew. If Merrick didn’t have bad luck, he wouldn’t have any. What were the chances of him coming at all different times of the day and finding Doc as if he were waiting for him?
He turned as Merrick walked inside the door.
“Uh-oh, you look like you could use a drink.” Doc knocked on the bar, which brought Cannon out from the back room.
“You look like shit, man. What happened to you?” Cannon asked.
Merrick’s palms came to his face to rub at his eyes. Not only did digging in Deanna’s garden give him blisters, but the damn weeds kicked up his allergies, making him want to claw out his own eyes.
“I’m fine.”
“No, he isn’t,” Doc said. “Have a seat, son.” He pointed to the stool next to him and then to the tap. “Cannon, pour the boy a beer.”
“I’ll need three,” Merrick added.
Doc shook his head and turned to face him. “He’ll take them one at a time.”
“I’m not in the mood for your sage advice today. No more talk about fishing lines and bait and rabbits and foxes. All I want is to drink until I’m numb and then go home and pass out.”
“What you want and what you’re getting are two vastly different things.” Doc picked up his beer and took a sip. “You came into my office, and that means you’ll listen to what I’ve got to say.”
“Your office? This is a damn bar.”
Doc lifted his hand and pretended to turn over his make-believe sign. “The doctor is in. Now tell me, what the hell has your knickers in a twist?”
“Women.”
“Women in general or a particular one?” Doc asked.
Cannon pulled the beer and set it on the bar in front of Merrick. “Oh, man. Can’t live with them and can’t live without them. Lord knows you can’t please them. Just this morning, Sage handed me a note outlining five things I wasn’t allowed to say right now.” He pulled the note from his pocket. “I kept it with me so I could memorize it.”
“Only five things,” Doc asked.
“Isn’t five enough? Listen to these. In no particular order they are:
It’s not so bad.
It feels like you’ve been pregnant forever.
Are you eating those candy bars again?
I know how you feel.
I’m in the mood.”
“Sage is a wise woman to give you the information in the way a man needs it. Most women hint at things or expect us to know what they want, but the reality is, men are clueless. Sage did you a favor by spelling it out. You’ve been schooled and warned all at once. If you screw it up and break her rules, which seem reasonable, it’s your fault.”
Merrick took several gulps of his beer. “Wouldn’t it be nice if every woman came with a playbook?”
“What fun would that be?” Doc asked. “A relationship is like a present that gets delivered daily. Each morning you get up is like running to the Christmas tree to see what you got.”
Doc was confusing. “Didn’t you just tell Cannon that Sage did him a favor by giving him a list?”
“Cannon is hardheaded and needs a list. You, on the other hand, are good at reading people. The problem with Deanna is you’re not speaking her language.”
Cannon put a bowl of bar mix on the counter. “I’m not dense, and women aren’t presents. They are more like onions, and you have to peel back the layers and hope they don’t make you cry.”
“Not a fan of onions and I haven’t cried since I got my wisdom teeth removed. Hell, I got shot and never spilled a tear.” Merrick glanced at Doc, who seemed to stare off into space, and that suited him just fine because if Doc’s mind was elsewhere, he wouldn’t be handing out advice like the male version of Dear Abby.
For a moment, he breathed in the tranquility of silence. The only sound in the place was the hum of the ice machine.
“What did you do that set her off?” Doc was back to being his nosy, annoying self. Merrick could almost feel his mother’s hand, cuffing him upside the head and her voice telling him to respect his elders.
“I planted her a garden.”
Cannon walked into the back room while Doc rubbed at his mustache. It was straight out of an old western with its business. It was a cross between Magnum PI and Wyatt Earp from Tombstone.
“Did you ask her if you could plant her a garden?”
What the hell was he talking about? “No, I didn’t ask her. It was a surprise.”
Doc picked through the bar mix and pulled all the peanuts out, leaving only the crackers for Merrick.
He popped one of the spicy rice ones into his mouth.
“Maybe she had other plans for her garden.”
“I don’t think she snapped at me because of the garden. I told her I wanted her to have something she wanted, and she yelled at me.”
Doc lined up his peanuts in a row. “What did she say?” He tossed one in the air and caught it in his mouth.
“She said that we both knew she couldn’t have what she wanted, and then I yelled back that maybe she should stop wanting what she can’t have.”
“Hmm.” Doc tossed two more peanuts into the air and caught them both. “You think this is about her wanting Red?”
Merrick tossed his arms into the air. “What else could it be about?”
Doc took his time eating the rest of his peanuts and taking several long gulps of his beer.
“In my experience, a woman won’t put much effort toward a man she doesn’t feel something for, and that means she won’t put much emotion either. It seems to me Deanna is expending energy on you, and that doesn’t make sense if she feels nothing. Have you seen how she’s behaving around Red?”
He shook his head. The last thing he wanted to see was Deanna fawning over Red. “Maybe I’m wasting my energy worrying about
it.”
“Maybe, but perhaps you should put a little extra in to see where her passion lies. I mean, sit back and observe. It could be interesting.”
“Not interested.”
“Okay then,” Doc emptied his beer. “All I can do is advise. You’re the horse. I’ve led you to water. You can drink or not.” Doc stood. And as he usually did, he let his bones creep back into place before he started for the door. “I’m assuming you’re picking up the tab.”
Merrick couldn’t help but chuckle. “Do you ever pay for a beer in this place?”
Doc shook his head. “Not that often.” He shuffled toward the door. “I hear that Maisey made her famous cherry pie today.”
“And I want to know that because why?”
Doc made it to the door, then turned back. “First, it’s good. Second, it’s Deanna’s favorite. I’m sure there’s a third reason, but it escapes me.” He moved out of the door.
Cannon returned from the hallway leading to the back room. “Is the coast clear?” He looked around for Doc.
“Yep, the wise one has left.”
Cannon grabbed Doc’s mug and washed it before putting it back into the freezer.
“You joke, but that man is the only reason I survived all these years. And because he works with Sage, he often gives me a heads up when I’m screwing something up.”
Merrick turned his beer around and watched the liquid and bubbles stay in place. That was something explained by science that he didn’t get. How could everything change, but what was on the inside remained the same?
“He said something to me about pie. I’m not sure how that’s going to solve my problem.”
Cannon shrugged. “Sweeten your disposition?”
“Me? Hell, I’m a regular sugar cube. Who needs pie?”
“Obviously, you do, or Doc wouldn’t have mentioned it.” Cannon swiped up Merrick’s nearly empty mug. “Beers on me, go get your pie. Doc may or may not be right, but you’ll never know unless you look.”
When Merrick tried to put a twenty on the table, Cannon shook his head. “This one is on me. Doc’s too. He already played me for his beer, and I lost.”
“How often do you lose?”
“Almost every time, but I figure all the years of wisdom he extolled on me are worth something, and beer is the way I repay him.”
Merrick nodded and rose from his seat. “Looks like I’m having some pie.”
Chapter Eighteen
Deanna was on her second piece of pie when Merrick passed by the window. She forked another bite and shoved it into her mouth as he entered the diner. There was no reason to be angry at him, but she was. Or maybe she was still mad at herself.
How many of the wrong men did she have to fall for before realizing that, if she liked them, they were terrible for her. This afternoon she decided to give up men and replace them with pie.
Merrick looked around the diner as he walked in. His gaze settled on her for a second. The entire place was empty, but he took the booth next to hers and sat, so he faced her.
She held up her half-empty plate to get Maisey’s attention. When the older woman walked over, Deanna said, “Maybe you should bring me the pie tin. I don’t see me leaving here without devouring another piece. If I do that, I’m already in for half a pie. Maybe I should get the whole thing.”
She looked between Merrick and Deanna. “I find that if I take a few minutes in between bites, I don’t hate myself by the fourth piece.”
“But this is only my second.”
Maisey smiled and held up three fingers.
“No,” Deanna said. “Seriously?”
Maisey nodded. “You still want the fourth?”
“No.” She already hated herself for so many reasons. Not fitting into her jeans tomorrow didn’t need to be another.
“I’ll bring you back a cup of coffee to help wash everything down. When it all settles in your stomach, you’ll feel that last piece. There’s no doubt you’ll feel the sugar rush.” She turned toward Merrick, who seemed to be ingesting their conversation like she did pie—in big bites.
“Is there any pie left for me?”
“Sugar … I’ve always got pie for the handsome ones.”
Deanna made a pffft sound and rolled her eyes.
“You have something to say to me?” Merrick asked.
“Nope, not a thing.”
He stared up at Maisey. “I’ll take a piece of your famous cherry pie and a cup of coffee.”
“Coming up.”
Once Maisey was gone, it felt like something heavy sat in the room. She wanted to blame it on everything she ate, but it wasn’t all internal. A proverbial white elephant was sitting between her and Merrick. It was hard to ignore.
He cleared his throat, which drew her attention from the last bite of pie on her plate.
“Did you need something?” she asked.
He shifted in the booth. Something told her he was ready to move, and she hoped it wasn’t to her table. He lifted from his seat and walked toward her.
His cologne arrived before he did. The spicy mix floated below her nose and brought her back to the night at his mother’s house. It was one of the best and worst nights of her life.
He plopped onto the bench across from her. “Yes, I need something. I need answers.”
She moved a gooey cherry around her plate. She figured if she didn’t look at him, she couldn’t be drawn in by his lush lips, those soulful eyes, and the neatly trimmed beard that she knew she could still feel on her thighs if she just imagined hard enough.
Slowly, she lifted her chin and glanced at him. “I’m sorry I was short with you today.”
“You call that short. You were like an atom bomb that detonated before you got there, and what I got was the fallout. All I was trying to do was something nice.” He sucked in a breath, which expanded his chest. “What? You don’t like daylilies and irises. Do you have something against sedum?”
“No, it’s not that. Look, I had a bad day at work. People are always pushing me in directions I don’t want to go, and yes, I detonated before I got home.” She rubbed at her temples where an ache was forming. “I have some questions too.”
Maisey breezed by and dropped off Merrick’s pie and poured them both a cup of coffee. “Nice to see you two chatting. Nothing can solve a problem better than conversation and pie.”
“We don’t have a problem,” Deanna said. Her voice was louder and stronger than she expected, but it didn’t send Maisey running.
She merely lifted a brow and smiled. “Well, that’s your first problem. You’re lying to yourself.” She spun on her shoes, which made an annoying squeak, and she walked away, grumbling something about youth and waste.
“What did she do to deserve that?” Merrick asked.
“Nothing. Okay? She did nothing, but you … you broke my heart.”
His mouth dropped open like a hinge had broken and let his jaw loose. “Me? What the hell did I do to you? I planted you a garden which you still haven’t thanked me for.”
Her whole body vibrated from the inside out. Was it anger? Sugar?
“Fine. Thank you. I love the garden. Was it your way of saying sorry for being such an asshole?”
She slapped her hand on the table so hard his pie plate jumped several inches. “Asshole? I wasn’t an asshole. You’re the one breaking hearts.”
“What?” she yelled.
Maisey peeked her head out the swinging kitchen doors. “Do I need to hide the knives?”
They both waved her off like they’d practiced the hand gesture together.
“I knew I shouldn’t have slept with you. It was a bad idea, but things were going so well. I asked you to be sure, and you said you wanted me, but you didn’t.”
“Are you serious? What part of that night told you I didn’t want you? It was you who didn’t want me.” He shoved a huge bite of pie into his mouth.
“Are you crazy? You’re the one who ran away in the morning.” She looked around
the empty diner and was grateful that it wasn’t filled with prying eyes and listening ears. “I woke up to an empty bed. Imagine what that does to a girl’s ego.” The only people who could hear them were Maisey and Ben, who stared out the pass-through window and watched Armageddon unfold.
“You want to talk about ego?” He ran his hand through his hair. “Imagine how I felt when I’d just made love to you for the first time, and all you said was, ‘At least our story is solid. No one would believe we’re not the real thing now.’” He shoved his pie away. “Well, the joke is on me because I thought we were the real thing. I got up early and left you in bed because if I stayed, I would have wanted more of the fantasy, and what good would that have done either of us?”
The world slipped from under her, and she sank into a bottomless pit. “You thought we were real?”
“You’re right. I’m an asshole because, for the first time in a long time, I believed there was a chance for someone to love me. You were perfect for me, but then again, we weren’t real. You’re one hell of an actress. Maybe you should take the stage instead of Samantha.” He pulled a ten from his wallet and slapped it on the table. “Good luck with Red. At least he’s transparent … there’s no hiding what an idiot he is.” Merrick stood and walked away.
Deanna’s whole world toppled. What the hell just happened? All she wanted was for someone to love her, and in her quest to find that, she couldn’t see that someone did. Merrick said he made love to her. It had felt like love, but she was so caught up in everything else that she couldn’t see what was truly happening. While she was trying to get Red to fall for her, she was falling for Merrick.
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid
“Everything okay?” Maisey snuck up on her, causing her to jump a few inches off the red pleather bench.
“No. It’s not.” The sting in her eyes turned to tears that spilled down her cheeks. “I screwed it all up.”
Maisey moved into the booth beside her and wrapped her in a hug. “Oh, darlin’, one mistake doesn’t end a life.” She pulled back. “Well, unless you take a turn off a cliff or don’t pull the ripcord when you’re skydiving, but generally, relationships can withstand a few of them.”
One Hundred Mistakes: An Aspen Cove Romance Book 16 Page 11