My chest squeezes.
The choreography is simple. One step forward. Two steps back. It's the dance Walker and I have always done. Last night I slept in his bed, with him inside me. A few minutes ago, his mouth was on mine for all of Crescent Harbor to see. Now here we are, practically strangers again.
And I’m supposed to bet my future on him? My children’s futures? Yeah, I’m not so sure about that.
46
Walker
Penny is sitting in the passenger seat of my truck, arms folded, hugging the little lunch box she brought my sandwich in earlier. She won’t talk to me, and I feel like a jerk now.
This evening started out perfect, with her surprising me at the farmer’s market. And now I’ve made a mess of the whole thing.
The sun just dipped behind the horizon and the sky is in that odd place between day and twilight. Penny’s head is turned toward the window, and nothing I say seems to draw her attention back to me.
The tension is so thick in the cab of the truck that I have to roll down my window. Shit—I’m on the verge of suffocating. Maybe me keeling over would grab her attention. I don’t know though; she’s pretty stubborn.
“Want to stop and grab a strawberry shake or something?” I ask hopefully. “Or there’s a booth with fried pickles down by the water. Maybe we could take a stroll.”
Her head gives a brief shake, eyes not wavering from the scenery passing by.
That’s when I know I messed up. If she’s passing up on pickles, I’m definitely on her bad side.
Dammit—I’m trying to get her to take a chance on me. And what do I do? I let my temper get the best of me. Good going, Walker.
I tighten my hands on the steering wheel, frustration mounting. She’s a tough one; I’ll give her that.
“Okay. But what about those cinnamon rolls? I know you meant to grab a pan of them. I can turn back. See if they have any left?”
Let’s be honest—I’m willing to drive around all night if it’d just get her to start talking to me. This silent treatment is killing me.
She only shakes her head again. “I’m good.” She lets her skull fall back against the headrest. I focus my eyes on the road, occasionally glancing in her direction.
I see her eyelids fluttering. I can’t tell if she’s really falling asleep, or if she’s just shutting me out.
Like I did to her.
I empty my lungs on a heavy exhale. I know I fucked up. I do. I’m sure I looked like an absolute lunatic out there, screaming at that asshole at the top of my lungs with the whole town of Crescent Harbor watching. I can’t imagine how it all appeared to Penny, who had to stand right there and watch. To say I lost my cool is an understatement. I’m usually better than that, at least when Penn’s around. I’m sure I embarrassed the hell out of her. She hates a scene.
I feel like shit that she was there to witness it all, yet I was completely justified in what I did. Sure, maybe I shouldn’t have exploded like that, but I just lost it when I saw that asshole bothering Penny. I couldn’t let it go unchecked. Because I know how Bert Peters is. You give him an inch and then he mows you over for a mile.
The drive home takes forever. The silence lingers between us and a cloud of gravel and dust stretches behind us. When I park my truck in my yard, she flies into action, grabbing her stuff and marching into the cabin.
So she wasn’t sleeping. Good to know.
She’s in the kitchen when I catch up to her. “Penn, we really —”
“No,” she grinds out, stomping her foot as she pivots. It’d be cute if she didn’t look ready to murder me in my own house. “What is wrong with you?” She takes a step forward, poking me in the chest. “Normal people don’t act like that!”
My nostrils flare as I grit my teeth. “You don’t understand,” I growl back.
“You can’t understand being friendly to someone?!”
I throw my arms up, turning and pacing. “You can’t just be friends with every single asshole who approaches you!”
"You act like he was some kind of predator. I met him at the bar a few months ago. He was trying to get Aunt Lucille's attention. He's a lonely guy who was trying to be nice.”
“I’m just trying to protect you.”
Laughter escapes Penny’s lips, but it’s not a friendly sound. To be honest, it’s kind of scary. “You’re awfully protective for someone who spent a lifetime hiding behind the wall between us.”
I halt in my tracks. I don’t think I heard her correctly. Did Penny just call me a coward? A hypocrite? Fuck—that hits me in the chest.
“What did you say?” I question, the words coming out slowly.
Her eyes meet mine, flashing with something I don’t quite recognize. “Nothing. I said nothing,” she mutters before storming off to the bedroom, leaving me standing here like an idiot.
I shove my hand through my hair, yanking at the roots. I pace around the kitchen. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I can’t stand it when Penny’s mad at me.
I realize now that I have to be vulnerable with Penn. She deserves to know my truth. I’m trying to win her over. If I want her to give her heart to me, there can’t be any secrets between us.
Minutes drag by before I finally make my way to the bedroom. I don’t want us to go to sleep angry. I need to talk to her. Tonight.
I poke my head through the half-open door. “Penn, can we talk?”
She shifts on the bed where she’s curled up with a pregnancy book. “Sure,” she answers, sounding reluctant. She seems to have cooled off a bit. Now, she looks more nervous than angry.
She slides a bookmark into the paperback and I step inside, dropping down at the foot of the bed. Her eyes focus on the quilt covering her lap and her thumb flicks aimlessly over the corner of the book.
“Penn.” I gently take the parenting manual from her fidgety hands and place it on the bedside table. “The guy who spoke to you at the farmer’s market?” I roughly scrub the back of my neck. “He’s my biological father.”
Her face snaps up to mine. She blinks hard. “What…?”
“He’s Bert Peters.”
“Oh my god, Walker…”
My fingernails grate the back of my neck again. I try to figure out the best place to start. “I was about five the first time he tried to tear my parents apart. He popped up out of nowhere. He showed up at the house one evening while we were getting ready for dinner. He rang the bell. I opened the door. He told me he was my father. I’ll never forget the stench of liquor on his breath. Or the glassy look in his eyes.”
“W-what happened?”
“Dad came out to see who was at the door. Obviously, he flew into a rage when he saw my mother’s ex-boyfriend crouched down in front of me on the front porch. Mom was a hysterical mess. It was never a secret between them that Bert was my biological father. They just never expected that they’d have to face him head-on. Thank god Eli and Cannon were too young to understand what was going on. Jude wasn’t born yet.”
I feel Penny crawling closer to me so her body is pressed up against mine. The heat of her skin is comforting. She leans her chin on my shoulder as I speak.
“It caused so much drama. It was so scary, P. I thought he was going to take me away. Bert said that he wanted to be with my mom. He said they belonged together and he was willing to fight for her, in the courts, in the streets, wherever. Until Dad pulled out his check book…Bert chose the money over me.”
“Fuck, Walker,” she breathes out. “I don’t even know what to say.”
I continue. “I know he may look harmless, but he’s not a good guy. He’s been trying to worm his way back into my life lately. That usually means he’s after money.” I sigh. “He’s an alcoholic but it’s usually his gambling that gets him in trouble. He comes sniffing around any time he needs money to pay off a new debt. That’s why I don’t want him near you. He’s a calculating bastard and I’m pretty sure his meeting you at the bar wasn’t a coincidence. I don’t know exactly what he’s up
to but I know he’s trying to get to me through you. I don’t trust the guy.”
“Oh my god.” She cringes. She grabs my hand. The touch is so soothing. She has no idea.
“He made my childhood a living hell. I lived in constant fear. I was always on edge, always afraid that Bert would come back and tear me away from my home. And he did come back, every few years, but never for me. Only for money. He’d threaten to go public about my paternity unless my parents paid. Mom wanted to let him go blabbing because she didn’t like giving him the power to hold a secret over the family. But Dad, he wanted to protect me at all costs. And it cost him a lot. He sacrificed so much for me. More than anyone ever realized. And because of that I felt like I had to keep the truth of my paternity locked up tight. My parents never asked me to but I always felt like I had to hide the truth so I wouldn’t break their picture-perfect image. I carried so much shame over it.” My eyes go to hers, searching for a trace of understanding. “I couldn’t let anyone know…Not even you.”
“I had no idea,” she whispers.
“I wanted to tell you, Princess. I wanted to share it with you. I hated letting my secret come between us. But I knew that if I let you inside, I’d eventually have to tell you about Bert and I was scared that it would change the way you saw me.” I hang my head, feeling like that scared little boy all over again.
“Your paternity does not change who you are as a person.” She nuzzles closer to me. “That asshole can’t hurt you.” Her soft lips fall to my cheek and her sweet vanilla scent invades my mind. She speaks with conviction. “You’re not that little boy anymore. You don’t have to be afraid of him exposing the truth. You are a grown man. A loyal, dependable, caring, strong man. You’re successful and kind and…” There are tears falling from her eyes as she rambles.
“I know that now. I know that because of you.” I push out a breath I didn’t notice I’d been holding.
“I would have never talked to him had I known.” She squeezes my hand. “I’m so sorry, Walker. I would have never talked to him. I’d never betray you like that.”
“I know,” I say with a nod. “I shouldn’t have behaved like that at the farmer’s market. I just…I got carried away, and I shouldn’t have.” I gently kiss her palm. She means the whole fucking world to me. I can’t lose her now. “I’m really sorry. Tell me you forgive me.”
I meet her green-eyed stare, those eyes that always draw me in. I wonder if the babies will have those same emerald eyes.
“You always shut me out like that when things don’t go your way,” she finally speaks up. She’s not ready to let me off the hook. “It’s not fair to me.”
I squeeze her hand between us. “I know. I know. I was an idiot. I’m an idiot a lot,” I admit and I see a little smile on her face.
“So you’re going to try and stop doing that? Stop closing up on me and ignoring me when something’s wrong? All I want is for you to talk to me, Walker.”
I sit up straighter, holding three fingers in the air. “Scouts’ honor.”
She rolls her eyes.
I weave our fingers together again. “Seriously though, P. I’m going to do better.”
She studies me hard, like she’s contemplating whether to make me suffer some more. But then, she throws her arms around me. “I forgive you, but I’m holding you to that,” she whispers.
I squeeze her tight. I’m ready and willing to put in the work so we can have a life together.
“Thank you for trusting me with your secret.” She climbs into my lap and kisses me. I hope that means she’s willing to put in the work, too.
47
Penny
I step out of the bathroom and nearly trip over Iris and Jude, making out in a shadowy corner of the hallway.
“Oh, my god, you two. You almost gave me a heart attack.” I clutch my hands over my chest.
They grin amorously at each other as they untangle themselves.
“Sorry.” Iris snickers, looking anything but apologetic.
Jude puts another kiss on my cousin’s mouth then smirks at me. “You know I can’t keep my hands off this woman.” He playfully smacks her ass and she yelps.
“Just hurry up and go get the car.” She plants a kiss on his chin. “I’ll grab us some leftovers from the kitchen.”
“Then I can take you home and tie you to the bed?” He quirks a brow.
Her eyes storm over. She bites his bottom lip, seeming to have forgotten I’m standing right here. “Baby, as long as you get naked, you can tie me to anything you want…”
Well, this is getting…uncomfortable.
I clear my throat. “Um, I’m not sure I’m supposed to be witnessing this.”
Their heads snap to me in unison. They tear apart. Grinning, Jude says good night to me and staggers off toward the garage. He’s beaming like the world’s happiest man despite the slight limp in his gait tonight. Every now and then, his knee gives him trouble, but he’s working hard on his recovery for the sake of his football career and, overall, his healing is nothing short of miraculous.
Iris loops her arm through mine and I waddle alongside her toward the kitchen. My stomach feels enormous right now. I’m not sure how much of that is actually the babies and how much is thanks to Diana’s cooking. Tonight’s family dinner was delicious and I shamelessly helped myself to seconds and thirds.
“So, it looks like you two are keeping the fire alive…” I elbow my cousin in the ribs.
She blushes. “Girl, we’ve been burning up the bedsheets. Daily. I can’t get enough of that man.”
I find myself chuckling. I’ve never seen her this happy. After all she’s been through, she deserves every bit of it.
She turns her eyes to me. “And what about you? Walker looked like he was about to ignite the tablecloth with those heated looks he kept sending you over dinner. What’s up with that?”
Iris and I are alone in the hallway but I can hear chattering and laughter coming from the kitchen at the end of the hall.
With a hand on my cousin’s wrist, I stop her in her tracks and lower my voice. “He says he wants to be with me, Iris.” I feel my heart thudding. I brace my stomach. “He says he wants us to be a family.”
Her twinkling eyes bulge. She steps closer and whispers. “He wants to be with you?!”
I nod.
My cousin wears a perplexed expression. “That’s a good thing…right? Why the hell do you look downright terrified right now?”
How can I explain this in a way someone else would understand?
I love Walker. I always have. I always will. Past tense. Present tense. Future tense.
If he’d proclaimed his intentions six months ago—before I got pregnant—I would have thrown myself at him like a toddler throws spaghetti at the wall. But my priorities are different now. I’m going to be a mom. I have two babies to think about. And that makes my decision-making process more complicated. Because how am I supposed to know that he’s doing this for the right reasons?
I speak in a hushed voice. “Walker may have the purest of intentions. But from the outset, he made it clear that he’s not a family guy. He doesn’t want children. And now I’m supposed to believe he’s suddenly had a change of heart?”
“People change their minds, Penny. Maybe he feels differently now.”
“Or maybe his dedication to our friendship is blurring his reasoning,” I argue. “He sees that I’m struggling to prepare for twins and he wants to save the day, as always. I’m the girl he’s been saving from trouble his whole life. Being my hero is second nature to him. And I won’t let my parenthood journey become yet another rescue mission for him. The last thing I want to do is selfishly trap my friend in a domestic situation he wouldn’t be completely happy in.”
The thing is, when a person feels trapped, one of two things happens. They either spend their whole life in a situation that makes them miserable or…they eventually break free, never looking back, leaving the people who depended on them in the wreckage. That
’s what my mother did.
She was on her way to earning a law degree when she fell pregnant with me. She was trying to climb the ladder but there I was, a weight shackled to her ankle. She kicked me off and she carried on with her life. I don’t want that for my children and I don’t want a guy who ends up feeling trapped with me.
So, it doesn’t matter that Walker is literally the man of my fucking dreams. I refuse to dive headfirst into a relationship. Not unless I’m sure it’s what’s best for all of us.
“Well, over dinner, he looked pretty damn happy to me,” Iris says confidently. “He couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”
My gaze darts away and I make a skeptical noise.
“My god, hun. You are absolutely psyching yourself out.” She squeezes my arm and smiles. “You’re overthinking this, Penn. Maybe the guy just loves you.” On that, she drags me into the kitchen.
The room is pure chaos. Callie sits on the counter while she and her grandfather eat cake crumbs off of a serving tray. Diana is busy packing up doggy bags for her sons while Jessa is at the sink, up to her elbows in soap and bubbles. Cannon bounces around the kitchen with his cooing daughter in his arms. Lexi pops a slice of glazed ham into her husband’s mouth then turns back to scraping the leftovers into plastic containers.
It’s chaos. Happy, happy chaos.
As Iris and I step through the doorway, Walker looks up from where he’s loading the dishwasher. I come up beside him and hand him a dirty casserole dish from the counter. His eyes narrow darkly on my face.
“What?” I ask, perplexed.
He braces me by the shoulders and leads me to a kitchen chair. “Sit,” he commands, his voice low and firm.
I glare but he only smirks in my face then grabs the casserole dish and walks away.
Handsome bastard.
I don’t miss Diana’s smile as she observes the interaction.
Mister Baby Daddy (Bad Boys in Love Book 3) Page 23