God and the King
Page 19
PART II
THE QUEEN
"I have really hardly had time to say my prayers, and was feign to runaway to Kensington, where I had three hours of quiet, which was morethan I had had together since I saw you.
"That place made me think how happy I was there when I had your dearcompany; but now--I will say no more, for I shall hurt my own eyes,which I now want more than ever.
"Adieu! Think of me and love me as much as I shall you, who I love morethan my life."--QUEEN MARY TO KING WILLIAM, 15*th July* 1690.
"Every hour maketh me more impatient to hear from you, and everything Ihear stir I think bringeth me a letter.... I have stayed till I amalmost asleep in hopes; but they are vaine, and I must once more go tobed and wished to be waked with a letter, which I shall at last get, Ihope ... adieu! Do but love me and I can bear anything."--QUEEN MARY TOKING WILLIAM, _July_ 1690.
--"My poor heart is ready to break every time I think in what perpetualdanger you are; I am in greater fears than can be imagined by any wholoves less than myself.
"I count the hours and the moments, and have only reason left tothink--as long as I have no letters all is well.... I never do anythingwithout thinking--now, it may be, you are in the greatest dangers, andyet I must see company on my set days; I must play twice a week; nay, Imust laugh and talk, tho' never so much against my will. I believe thatI dissemble very ill to those who know me; at least it is a greatconstraint to myself, yet I must endure it. All my movements are sowatched, and all I do so observed, that if I eat less, speak less, orlook more grave, all is lost in the opinion of the world; so that I havethis misery added to that of your absence and my fears for your dearperson, that I must grin when my heart is ready to break, and talk whenmy heart is so oppressed I can scarce breathe.... Besides, I must hearof business, which, being a thing I am so new in and so unfit for, dothbut break my brains the more and not ease my heart....
"Farewell! Do but continue to love me and forgive the taking up so muchof your time to your poor wife, who deserves more pity than ever anycreature did, and who loves you a great deal too much for her own ease,tho' it can't be more than you deserve."--QUEEN MARY TO KING WILLIAM,5*th September* 1690.