Destined

by A L Makin

  “Actually, I’ve only just got up,” I reply a little calmer. It’s not Travis’s fault for what happened last night. In reality, I know that Ryder being unseated and ultimately having to marry Liliana isn’t Travis’s fault. That consequence was due to his own actions with his family. And it’s only natural for Travis to be happy that Ryder is no longer in line to be Head of House Draegon. That happiness was born from the events which turned their relationship sour … Amanda. What happened between the pair of them is unforgivable; but with that being said, all that was in the past and has nothing to do with my relationship with either of them now.

  “You’ve only just got up? How come – are you ill?” he rushes out.

  How do I explain to him? How do I explain that he’s right … I’m ill. But not with your normal cough or cold. No … I’m sick. Sick from a broken heart. Sick from the pit growing in my stomach like a black void. A void that only Ryder can fill, but never will. I can’t explain that to him. I will destroy our friendship for sure if he knew even half of what has happened between the pair of us. This is all without putting his own House into danger from the chance of Liliana finding out what’s happened too. It’s a secret that can only remain between the two of us for everyone’s sake.

  I squint my eyes as I pull the belt on my dressing gown tighter. I make sure I stay stood in the doorway. If I let Travis in, he’ll find an excuse to stay and I just want to be alone.

  “So? What’s going on?” he asks again concerned.

  “Erm, you’re right. I’m not feeling too great, to be honest. I think I’m run down and have caught a cold or something,” I stretch the truth.

  “Oh Willow, you poor thing. I can come in and look after you if you want?” he offers.

  I fake a cough, rubbing my chest. “Thanks, but you better not. The last thing I want to do is pass it onto you. I already feel dreadful. I’d feel even worse if I knew I gave it to you too,” I lie.

  He doesn’t take no for an answer. “I’ll be ok. I have a great immune system. It takes something pretty special to bring me down,” he laughs.

  He has no idea how much of what he’s just said, I know to be perfectly true. He hasn’t got the foggiest that I know exactly who and what he is. All this time I’ve been lying to him to protect him … can he say he’s been doing the same?

  “I appreciate the offer, I do. But I’m probably just gonna go back to bed,” I insist.

  He pauses a moment, and just when I think he’s going to push it further, he backs down. “Ok. Only if you’re sure, and that you promise to call me if you need anything … I mean anything,” he finishes by dragging out the word ‘anything’.

  “I promise,” I lie again.

  “Maybe if you feel better tomorrow or the day after, we can go out for the evening? Get something to eat? Maybe go to the pub? Whatever you feel up to doing?” he asks with wide eyes.

  I can’t turn him down for a second time. I don’t need to worry about my feelings for Ryder getting in the way anymore ... I’ve been released. Released to concentrate on my friendship with Travis.

  “We’ll see. I’ll ring when I feel better,” I smile.

  “And if you need anything, remember,” he insists again.

  “And if I need anything,” I repeat.

  “Good. Night then,” he smiles as he takes a few steps back.

  “Night,” I call out as I slowly close the door.

  ~

  A couple of days pass by before I have the strength to pick up the phone and call Travis. We spoke daily over text messages, but I couldn’t face an actual conversation with anyone. I needed some time alone to process whats happened and try to learn how to live with the fact that Ryder and I can never be.

  After a few days, we manage to comfortably slip back into our old routine of Travis coming round in an evening. He’s not tried to push anything more than friendship between us, and I’m glad. But I know he knows there is something different going on with me. I keep catching him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking. He’s not come out directly and asked me what's going on, but I feel it in his presence.

  Truth is I’m not the same. I’m broken. I would have thought with the time that has passed since I last saw Ryder, the emotions from that evening would have started to dull. But if anything they feel just as raw as when they were created that night. And the ache I feel for him, to be with him, only gets stronger each day that passes. My heart and soul yearns for him and its torture.

  “Do you fancy going to the pub this evening?” Travis asks. “It’s been at least a fortnight since we last went.”

  I think about it for a moment and am about to turn the idea down when Travis jumps ahead of me.

  “Oh come on Willow. I think getting out of the house and seeing a different set of four walls will do you some good, and a few drinks down the hatch won’t do you any harm either,” he finishes laughing lightly.

  He’s right. Apart from taking Max for a walk, I’ve been cooped up in this house. Moping around isn’t doing me any favours, and it would be nice to see Lorna too.

  “Ok, you’ve twisted my rubber arm,” I reply playfully. “Give me five minutes to get changed?”

  “For you, anything. I’ll even let you have ten if you want,” he laughs again.

  I smile back at him and run upstairs to get changed. I’m not gone long and return wearing a pair of black jeggings, silver top and matching silver heels. I’ve kept my hair loose with minimal makeup.

  Travis stands as I enter the living room. “Perfect,” he smiles. “Shall we go?” he asks as he motions towards the door.

  “Lets,” I reply simply.

  We walk the short distance into town linking arms and enjoying the evening walk. The sun is setting and the sky is ablaze with rich colours. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this view.

  We enter the pub and head straight to the bar.

  “Well hello, stranger,” Lorna greets me. “I thought you’d done something crazy like give up drinking,” she jokes.

  “That’ll be the day,” I laugh back.

  We catch up briefly before ordering a couple of drinks and sitting at a table in the corner of the pub. A couple of hours pass and the drinks are starting to creep in with their warm blanket like a hug. I’m beginning to feel light-headed and fuzzy, but I don’t mind the feeling. It’s nice to be able to feel something other than heartache.

  Travis has just left the table to order another round of drinks when I see from the corner of my eye Ryder enter the pub.

  Of course, he’s here. Why wouldn’t he be? I think to myself sarcastically. Another knife in the wound which is my heart

  He spots us straight away and his jaw locks as his eyes darken. His chest heaves as he stares at us from across the room. He’s pissed off, but why?

  Travis hasn’t noticed Ryder yet, he’s too busy laughing at something Lorna has just said while he orders our drinks. I watch as Ryder’s eyes dart a couple of times between myself and Travis when he takes a deep breath, shoulders stiff and sets off across the pub heading straight towards us. I stand up from my chair and it makes a loud scraping noise across the floor. The sound rings through the air and Travis turns as Ryder stomps over to our table. He leaves the drinks on the bar and rushes to my side.

  Blanking me and staring straight at Travis, Ryder growls out in a low voice, “What the fuck are you two doing here?”

  I don’t wait for Travis to answer. Instead, I take a step forward and grab Ryder by his wrist and tug on it gently attempting to distract him. To calm him down. To do anything but allow him to do the murderous things that I can see splayed all over his face.

  “We’re just having a drink. You know as ‘friends’ do,” I say quietly.

  I linger on the word ‘friends’ to try and drive it home that, that’s all we are. Something that Ryder knows already. So why he’s acting like this is beyond me.

  Ryder's shoulders relax slightly and he turns towards me. His eyes are still burning bla
ck molten fire, but I’ve managed to distract him slightly. But that’s all I’ve done, distract him. I’ve no idea how long for so I need to tread carefully from here on out.

  “I could ask you the same Ryder,” I hear Travis hush.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing coming in here looking like that? Your eyes man. What do you think you’re playing at?” he continues angrily.

  Unknowingly with that comment, Travis has just slipped up. But he still doesn’t know, I know. But as things escalate, I can see as clear as day how this conversation is going to go, and it’s not going to end well for any of us.

  With Ryder is still facing me, he closes and opens his eyes slowly. When he looks at me again, his eyes are back to the beautiful blue I know. I give him a small smile as my hand slips down from his wrist and past his hand. Our fingers flex, touching for only the briefest moment. But it’s long enough for Travis to notice.

  “What the …” Travis says, his voice raised.

  “Maybe I’ve got this all wrong. Maybe I should be asking both of you what the fuck is going on?”

  Shit! As far as Travis was aware, the only time Ryder and I have ever been in contact is that night in the church, and a couple of weeks ago here with Liliana. He’s no idea about all the other times. The way we’re acting with each other screams of deceit.

  I turn around. “Look, Travis,” I start, but Ryder interrupts with his eyes still locked onto mine.

  “No Willow, you don’t need to explain anything,” he replies as he brushes the back of his cool fingers down the side of my warm cheek. Even here in this situation, his touch feels electric and I can’t help but smile at his touch.

  Ryder moves so he’s stood beside me.

  “You know what, save your breath the pair of you. You’ve already answered my question. I know exactly what’s going on here, what’s been going on all along,” Travis glares.

  “I’m sorry …” Is all I manage to say.

  Travis shakes his head and looks at me with distant eyes.

  “But why Willow, why? After everything, I’ve told you about him … why? Why him?” he pleads.

  I move to stand in front of Ryder to keep the pair of them apart. I can sense Ryder’s anger building at Travis’s outburst. I’d like to think that neither one would hurt me to get to the other.

  “Look, Travis, I don’t want you to think that I’ve ignored everything you’ve said. I heard it all loud and clear. But that was only your side. I had to get to know Ryder for myself and make my own judgement on the type of person he is. Surely you can understand that?” I question.

  But he doesn’t answer me, instead, he continues to stand with an empty look of disgust on his face while he slowly shakes his head.

  “I can see I’m not going to convince you of anything. And I’m not trying to either, I was just hoping you’d see things from my side too. Like I did with you. But I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say you weren’t allowed your own opinion on us because you are. Be disgusted, sad and angry, feel how you please. But I want you to know that I don’t regret a thing. He’s been there for me when I’ve needed him.”

  “And I haven’t!” Travis protests, arms flailing in the air.

  “I’m not saying that. You know I’m not. I’m just trying to explain my actions as you asked. I’ve got to know him and I can’t help the way I feel. I’m drawn to him Travis, I need him in my life. When I’m not with him, I don’t feel whole. There is a part of me missing and I feel empty,” I rush out.

  “Maybe you understand what I’m saying, maybe you don’t? But it’s the truth. Neither of us meant for this to happen. And I promise you when I say we both tried to stay away from each other. But as with anything that’s missing a part, if it’s meant to be and it’s strong enough, it’ll find a way to come back together and become whole again. I’d say I’m sorry for what’s happened, but I’m not. Not for my feeling towards Ryder. But I am sorry I wasn’t honest with you from the start,” I finish rubbing my temple.

  Travis looks utterly deflated and it’s all my fault. I feel as guilty as hell, but he left me no choice. I couldn’t keep lying to him. Not when Ryder showed his feelings towards me so openly in front of Travis. We stay standing next to the table. Our glasses of chilled wine on the bar forming puddles from their condensation.

  “But that’s the thing, you don’t know him, not really … There are things about him you can’t ever know,” Travis mocks laughing.

  I feel Ryder place both his hands on my shoulders and he gives them a reassuring squeeze. I take a deep breath as the enormity of what I’m about to reveal becomes apparent.

  “I assure you, Travis, I know. I know everything about him,” I reply as I look him squarely in the eye.

  “Again, you think you do, but you don’t. You only know the lies and bullshit he’s been feeding you,” he replies annoyed.

  I feel Ryder’s fingers twitch at Travis’s slander of him. But he doesn’t move or say anything. He leaves me to take the lead. He knows this needs to come from me.

  I think of what he’s just said, and either Travis truly believes there is no way that Ryder would confess all to me about who he is, or there is something that Ryder hasn’t mentioned when he bared his soul to me that night. I have no doubts that it’s the first reason.

  “I don’t know how else to say this, but I promise you when I say he’s told me everything. I know why his eyes were black when he entered the pub. I know why his complexion is pale and his touch is cold like ice. I know why when I cut my lip, the mere sight of my blood scared him to death. I know how he can change and why. I know about his past and I know about his predicted future. I know what he is Travis … and with that, I know what you are too … But feel free to fill in any of the blanks,” I finish folding my arms across my chest.

  The little colour that Travis had, has drained from his face.

  “He’s told you. He’s actually told you,” he says quietly “I never thought he would.”

  I take a step forward making Ryder’s hands fall from my shoulders. I reach out for Travis but he immediately takes a step back away from me like I’m about to burn him. The look on his face tells me that any trace of friendship we had, has been wiped away.

  “This is bad … this is really bad,” Travis mutters to himself a couple of times.

  He looks up and his face is contorted with rage.

  “What were you thinking Ryder? How could you tell her everything? Are you too fucking stupid to realise the kind damage you’ve just released on us all? Your mother, your sisters, House Draegon, me, you and now Willow! What do you think will happen when Liliana finds out? She’ll give you her blessing and forget your promise! No fucking way! You know what was planned for the pair of you. And now what? It’s all gone to shit because you had to have what I wanted! You couldn’t bear to see me happy again, is that it? Well, screw you! In fact, screw the pair of you. You deserve each other! I’m having nothing to do with the shit that’s coming your way!” Travis rushes out angrily.

  He doesn’t wait for either of us to answer, instead, he turns and leaves without looking back.

  ~

  There was no point in staying at the pub after everything that just happened, so Ryder walked me back home. The night is so peaceful and my brother’s garden looks magical basked in the light from the little driveway lanterns, moon and the stars. Walking up the porch steps Ryder has hardly said two words since leaving the pub. He runs his fingers through his dark hair while he lets out a deep and long sigh.

  I bite at my thumbnail.

  “You’re not annoyed that I told Travis everything are you?” I ask.

  He shakes his head before smiling softly. “No, I’m not annoyed at all. I feel like I should be apologising to you.”

  I scrunch my eyes and tilt my head to the side.

  “Apologise to me? Why?”

  “For the way, I acted in the pub. I’m sorry I went off like that - but when I saw you sat there with him I just lost
all sense of reason,” he explains.

  With a side smile I reply, “You mean you got jealous?”

  “I’m not too proud to admit it. Hell yeah, I got jealous,” he smiles. “You look beautiful tonight by the way, not that you don’t normally.”

  “Thank you,” I smile before asking what has been playing on my mind the whole walk home.

  “So what happens now?” I ask as I sit down on the top step of the porch.

  Ryder copies my action and sits down next to me. He sits with his legs apart resting his elbows on the top of his knees and locks his fingers together. He lifts his head, takes another deep sigh and stares out into the vast night ahead of him.

  “Honestly … I’ve no idea,” he replies while shaking his head gently. “I didn’t think this far ahead when I barged my way over,” he continues.

  I pick up a small stone off the step next to me and roll it between my fingers and thumb for a few moments while thinking.

  “Do you think Travis will tell Liliana? I ask.

  “I don’t think so. I mean, I know he hates me and everything. But telling Liliana won’t just affect me, it’ll affect us all. He has a duty to House Draegon to keep it safe. And even if that safety means he has to keep his mouth shut on what he knows, then he’ll do it no matter how much he doesn’t want to. If he’s the one to confess to Liliana what he knows, then he’s going to be the one who brought the war back,” he says while still looking into the night ahead. “Travis is smarter than that. He knows there’s no chance that we can keep ‘us’ secret for too long. So if he’s patient and waits, he knows that sooner or later all the heat will be solely on me and I’ll be the one who brought the war back.”

  I throw the stone onto the grass at the side of the porch.

  “Oh god, I never thought of it like that,” I say realising for the first time just what kind of impact our actions will have. I start to think about how no matter how much it breaks my heart, I can’t let that happen to Ryder, his family, Travis or their House.

  “Stop it,” Ryder says turning to look at me.

  I shake my head slowly confused, “Stop what?”