And Then There Was Her

by Tagan Shepard

  The volume on the patio rose with each new bottle. Everyone’s smiles grew wider and their gestures more exuberant. There was a passion in all these people. A shared love that kept them both in the clouds and firmly on the ground.

  Drack poured for Madison and it wasn’t long before she had to request he ease off a little. He had a heavy hand and she would have to be carried home if she let him have his way. Subtly, Madison went through the brief ritual of smelling and tasting that CS taught her. She was slightly embarrassed to discover CS’s wine was in another league from the other offerings. When Minerva Hills’ pinot noir came around, she didn’t stop Drack from his heavy pour.

  “So you like the pinot, do you? It’s by far her best, but that’s only because she doesn’t make a Meritage.”

  “A what?”

  “Meritage.” Drack tipped his wineglass to his lips, holding it by pinching his thumb and first knuckle on the base. “A fancy word for a winemaker’s blend. No single grape dominates and the blend changes from year to year.”

  “I didn’t know that’s what it’s called. I don’t know much about wine.”

  “CS doesn’t make one, though we’ve been nagging her for years. I don’t suppose you can blame her. CS’s pinot noir is the best wine made in the United States.”

  Madison looked across the table to CS sitting in the shadows with the brunette. The description Drack gave sounded very much like the wine she’d barrel-tasted with CS weeks ago. Did she have a wine that not even her friends knew about? If they didn’t know, why had she shared it with Madison? While she wondered at the incongruity, CS turned her vivid blue eyes on Madison for a heartbeat before turning back to her conversation. Even that brief gaze was enough to make Madison’s wine-soaked head spin.

  “She doesn’t like to admit it,” Drack said in a conspiratorial whisper, “but she’s much better than the rest of us.”

  “I just like the lavender that comes through,” Madison offered by way of apology.

  “It is a neat trick, isn’t it?” Drack nudged her. “I wish it were as simple as planting what you want under the vines and having it come out in the wine.”

  “Isn’t that how it gets there?”

  “Well yes, but there are a million other little things in winemaking that enhance the quality. CS does better than all of us at each and every one of them.”

  Conversation had moved on without Drack, but he flowed back into it without missing a beat. While he chatted, Madison watched CS. She let her eyes linger over broad shoulders and long, powerful arms. CS sat quietly in her corner, letting others take the lead in the rare conversation that included her, and sharing a small smile with everyone. She didn’t look over at Madison again, but Madison couldn’t seem to look away. Hiding her interest behind her wineglass, she thought she was being subtle until the brunette dropped into the seat next to her.

  “What are you doing, exactly?” she asked as she reached past Madison for the nearest bottle.

  “I’m sorry?”

  “You’re practically drooling,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “I hope your artwork is more subtle. CS said you are a potter?”

  “I am,” Madison answered, but she was floundering in the multitude of accusations. “And I’m not. Drooling, I mean. I was just…”

  “Staring. I understand. It’s hard not to.” The brunette cut a look over at CS that was half-affectionate, half-hungry. “But stop.”

  “Why exactly do you think you have the right to tell me what to do?”

  “You have no idea who I am, do you?” She rolled her eyes at Madison’s vacant expression. “Laura.” When that still didn’t earn a response, anger started to creep into the woman’s face. “I used to own half of this little goldmine.”

  “You owned half? I thought CS opened…” When the penny dropped along with Madison’s jaw, Laura smiled like the Cheshire cat. “You and CS were a couple.”

  She nodded in response and drank deeply before responding, “For a very long time. Much longer than you and your sexy little chef have been together. Why haven’t you run home to her yet? The restaurant’s closed tonight, isn’t it?”

  Lead settled into Madison’s stomach and she set down her glass, the wine still floating inside looking more like poison than oblivion. “Kacey’s gone.”

  “Gone?”

  “Almost a month ago now. Hadn’t you heard?”

  The way Laura dressed, every crease and every jewel perfectly in place, made Madison assume she’d revel in her heartbreak. There would always be women who liked to see other women suffer. Apparently Laura was not one of those women, but the way her eyes narrowed didn’t express empathy either.

  She leaned close to Madison and hissed, “You can’t find what you lost here.” Laura stood and looked down at Madison with contempt. “Go home.”

  With that she spun on her heel and crossed the room, back to the seat next to CS. She pulled her chair closer and let her fingertips brush against CS’s bare forearm, leaning in close, smiling and batting her eyelashes at CS. To Madison’s surprise, CS immediately relaxed and their conversation flowed easily. Madison forced her attention away from them and back to Drack, and she did not refuse when he offered more wine.

  She dropped back into the conversation easily as wine slipped past her lips. Occasionally, Drack would lean toward Madison, his eyes on whoever was speaking, and quietly explain one of the finer points of the conversation to her. To her surprise, it didn’t take long for her to understand some of what they said. It was almost as intoxicating as the wine, this feeling of community and shared goals. If she got the chance, Madison might even feel at home here.

  Eventually she allowed herself to look back over at CS, who had removed herself from the conversation with Laura. It was nice, seeing CS around her peers. The way they all talked to each other as equals, but not in that haughty way of some professionals that left outsiders feeling like just that—outsiders.

  Time flew by faster than Madison expected, and before she knew it, the sun was long set and night had draped over the patio. When the group moved to the freshly lit fire pit she used the interlude to make her excuses. CS offered to walk her home, and she accepted with a pleasant stirring in her belly. The last glass of wine left her feeling both warm and daring. She wanted to walk through the vines, to avoid the path and dance among the grapes in the moonlight. More than anything else, however, she wanted to take that walk with CS.

  Madison slipped out of her sandals and clutched them in one hand, CS neither encouraging nor condemning her flight of fancy. It felt like heaven to wriggle her toes in the cool night air. She could hear the echo of conversation from the patio drifting through the night, the laughter and drone of voices like the chatter of insects in the night.

  After a few minutes strolling downhill, the world went still and dark. She and CS were in the interim, the place between the building at the top of the hill and her cottage at the bottom where the whole world went still and belonged to them alone. The moon was new, providing the world no hint of reflected sun, leaving the stars alone to guide their travels. She felt again that peace of being alone with CS. She slipped her arm around CS’s as they walked. It was intimate but she was not frightened.

  They arrived at Madison’s cottage, a single light glowing inside, and by silent consent went together to the deck. Madison sat down on one of the long loungers and watched as CS stacked some wood in the outdoor fireplace. Once the fire started to crackle pleasantly, she sat down on the next lounger. CS crossed her long legs in front of her, leaning back against the chair with a contented sigh and watching the flames. She turned her head to smile at Madison, who held her look as the firelight flickered over both of them.

  Madison didn’t know what her future held. Didn’t know how long she’d stay here at Minerva Hills. What she did know, what she’d always known but refused to think about, was how drawn she was to this place. She’d been happier here than she had ever been. She’d done better work here than she’d ever don
e before. That happiness, that inspiration, hadn’t come from Kacey. The memories she cherished from this place were those she recalled while she walked home tonight. They were shared memories—shared with CS. Every single one of them. From the sunlight through the leaves in the clearing to the laughter in the moonlight tonight. CS was at the center of everything that made her feel happy and alive. It was true before Kacey left and it was true now. The best thing about this revelation was that now she was free to pursue that happiness. Free to pursue the woman sitting next to her.

  She barely felt her feet beneath her as she crossed the few steps that separated them. She didn’t think as she moved, but let her body make the decisions her mind wasn’t quite ready for. CS watched her, the ghostly glow of her eyes a beacon for Madison while she held her breath. She didn’t say a word as Madison threw one leg over hers and settled onto her knees, straddling CS’s waist.

  She didn’t say anything out loud, but her eyes spoke volumes. A mildly curious glow that shifted ever so slightly, nudging into a flame and then sparking white-hot even as the fire behind Madison gave a loud pop and sizzled. Madison lowered her weight into place slowly, sinew by sinew. Her heart thrummed in her ears, blocking out the whole world.

  When she settled into place, straddling CS’s lap and looking into her eyes, the fire engulfed the deck and the cottage and then the earth and sky. It burned inside her from the places where their bodies touched, multiplying exponentially when CS’s hands found their way onto her hips, then to her back, pressing into the thin fabric of her shirt. She reached out with both hands, cupping CS’s face to anchor herself as their bodies ignited.

  Madison leaned forward, tipping her body with infinite slowness. It overwhelmed her. Swallowed her whole. The tips of their noses brushed as she tilted her head and let her eyes flutter shut.

  The kiss was like nothing Madison had ever experienced. CS’s lips were soft but firm. Searching but not insistent. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and breathed in the scent of this woman. This woman who was as quietly strong with her lips as she was with her manner. Madison didn’t feel the kiss on her lips—she felt it in her whole body. Felt the way it made her blood flash and her skin tingle. Felt the way it made her bones ache for more.

  She wanted to fall into the kiss and let it capture her for all time. Wanted the press of CS’s fingertips on the small of her back to hold her in a moment that lasted forever. A moment full of her gentle lips and her sure tongue. A moment full of nothing but Madison and CS.

  With a snap like the world ending in ice, the weight was gone from Madison’s back. CS’s hands were on her shoulders, applying light pressure. CS pulled her lips away and Madison teetered on the edge of madness.

  “Madison.”

  She leaned back in, refusing to open her eyes and curling her fingers around CS’s cheeks. She tried to press their lips back together, but CS moved them aside.

  “Madison.”

  “Shhh,” she said, releasing CS’s face and pawing at the buttons on her shirt with trembling fingers. “Don’t say anything. We don’t have to talk.”

  CS lay her hands on top of Madison’s, stilling her movements. She didn’t grip, just trusted the weight of her touch to stop Madison. The gentleness worked. Madison sat back, ceding every inch between their bodies reluctantly. She opened her eyes to see regret mixed with the earlier lust in CS’s gaze. She turned away so she didn’t have to see it.

  “We do need to talk.”

  “You don’t want me.” The words stung as they crossed her lips.

  “Look at me.”

  She waited, the level tone both stern and sweet, and Madison did look at her. Looked into those eyes and felt her heart break at the beauty of them, so close yet so far away. She slid back along the chair, finding a spot at the end where she could sit without touching. CS stood, moving in front of Madison and kneeling at her feet.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not going to be your revenge.”

  The words cut deeply into Madison, echoing in her empty chest. She turned away, ashamed of the heat on her cheeks and the sour taste of her regret. CS, in her style, waited for Madison to speak. Her presence was still undemanding, but Madison hated her for it in that moment. She needed more from CS right now. Some sort of response that was not clinical and level. Madison wanted her to shout and insult her or to kiss and make love to her. She couldn’t handle in between right now. Couldn’t take cold logic on a night like this, with peace all around her and a burning need in her body. It was apparently all CS could give.

  Madison ran to the front door, slipping behind it before the sob ripped through her chest and she peeled apart from her embarrassment. CS did not follow.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Perhaps staying up all night because of sexual humiliation was Madison’s new normal. It had started with her throwing fistfuls of clothes into a suitcase, determined to leave Minerva Hills and never look back. Her frenzied packing had only lasted long enough for her to remember she had nowhere to go and no way to get there. Trapped in her cottage, she had thrown herself into bed. Memories of her sloppy pass at CS kept her tossing and turning all night, one moment cold with loneliness, the next hot with embarrassment. She never closed her eyes for more than a few moments. Every time she did, flashes of the night crossed through her mind, both exciting and mortifying her, all of it illuminated by flickering firelight.

  Well before the sun rose, Madison dragged herself out of bed, exhausted but giving up once and for all on the prospect of sleep. Torrents of hot water woke her and cleared her mind. The smell of shampoo and soap scrubbed away the edge of her raw nerves. She took her time about dressing since the sky was still dark. Then she lingered over her hair and makeup, wanting to look good but not desperate. Natural. It was a surprisingly difficult balance to achieve.

  Once she finally felt presentable, she hurried out the front door, leaving it unlocked as usual and started off down the hill toward the stables. If she didn’t go now, didn’t force her body to move without thinking, she would talk herself out of this trip. She didn’t want that. Didn’t want to lose her nerve and ignore what happened last night. She had to talk to CS, to apologize or explain or something to make sure that scene last night was not the last they shared. She had to make CS understand.

  Not that she totally understood herself. Sure, she had known for a long time that she was attracted to CS. Drawn to her in a visceral way that would eventually work its way to the surface. What she had not expected was how her attraction had nothing to do with lust and everything to do with the memories they shared. Happy, sad and even frightening memories. It was trust and affection that led her to kiss CS, not revenge. Madison had to find the right words to explain that before it was too late.

  As she walked, she let her mind wander back to the way last night felt. Not how if felt after CS rejected her, gentle as it was—that hurt too much to think of right now. No, she let her mind go back to the way CS’s body felt. The muscles that Madison admired for the last months were just as solid as she imagined, but with a hint of the feminine tenderness she craved. The feel of her strong hands on Madison’s back, holding her tight. The blazing heat of CS’s tongue sliding past her smooth lips to claim Madison’s mouth. A shiver started at the tip of Madison’s toes and made its way to her scalp. She knew, if nothing else, that CS had enjoyed the kiss when it started. If she could explain that it had nothing to do with Kacey, maybe CS would be as interested as she was.

  The sun peeked over the treetops as Madison arrived in front of the stables. As usual, the barn doors were closed for the night and she could hear the soft sounds of horses growing restless in their stalls.

  She was nearly to the apartment door when it opened. Her heart leapt into her throat, waiting to see CS’s square shoulders and well-set jaw. The happy bubble that had built in her burst, flooding her with all the painful shame she thought she’d set aside. It wasn’t CS who walked through her apartment door first thing in the morning—it was Laura. He
r hair bounced with freshness, her pouty, ruby-red lips set in a straight line.

  Laura caught sight of Madison and held her gaze. The smugness from last night was absent, but the implication was even clearer today. It was far too early in the morning for this to be a social call. She must have spent the night. No wonder CS had turned Madison down. She already had the woman she wanted available at a moment’s notice. An ex who was obviously eager to come back.

  Madison turned to go. She couldn’t stand Laura seeing her cry. She wanted to keep what dignity she had left. Laura, unfortunately, was quicker than she looked. She whipped around in front of Madison, blocking her path. There was something unreadable in her eyes. Something tinged with possessiveness and the raw edge of anger.

  “CS is in the shower.”

  More evidence Madison didn’t need. She nodded and tried to slip past Laura, but she was too quick for her again. She sidestepped back into Madison’s path.

  She squinted at Madison, looking hard into her face, scanning for information. “What are you doing here? Why are you hovering around CS? What do you want from her?”

  “I just want to talk,” she answered in a numb monotone, wondering if that was the real reason she was here.

  Madison waited for Laura to sneer or laugh. To bring up the embarrassing scene that played out on her deck last night, but she didn’t. She didn’t look angry or hateful, just wary. “I thought I made it clear last night, but apparently you need me to spell it out. CS deserves more than being your rebound. She deserves more than a freeloading, flake of an artist.”

  “I’m not free…”

  “CS has a good heart, but it’s too big for her own good. Don’t go to her looking for a quick fix, okay? There are a dozen other people you can find for that.”