The List

by B L Maxwell

  I wrapped him up in my comforter to carry him into the bedroom, and tried not to worry about how light he felt. I set him on one side of the bed and pulled the blankets back on the other, then picked him up again before placing him back on the bed. I covered him up and went to my closet to get the sleeping bag I had there. I spread it out over the top of him and hoped it was enough. I changed into some dry sweatpants and a T-shirt and checked his head again. It was still bleeding, so I got another towel and put it under his head, then slid into bed next to him and didn’t think twice about wrapping him into my arms. He still hadn’t moved, and I worried he was hurt even worse than he looked.

  Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and climbed out of the bed. I tucked the sleeping bag and blankets around him and left him there while I made a phone call.

  “Chloe? I’m sorry to call so late. I think I need some help.”

  “Tommy? What is it? Did you fine Zane?”

  “No, he found me. I was out earlier with John and Bruce looking for him, but we couldn’t see with the snow coming down so heavy. We decided to look again in the morning, but when I got home, he was outside my door.”

  “Is he okay?” she asked, voice full of concern.

  “I’m not sure, he’s been unconscious since I found him. He was soaking wet and covered in snow. His feet were blue, he has bruises all over him, and his head has a big bump with a gash on it. He’s still bleeding. I’m not sure what to do,” I said, just as the power went out. “Chloe? Can you hear me?”

  “Yes, I’m here, what’s wrong?”

  “The storm must have knocked out the power.”

  “Okay, you won’t be able to do much in the dark, keep him warm, that’s what’s most important right now. When he comes to, he’s going to be in pain, especially if he’s gotten frostbite on his feet or toes. Are you able to take care of him?”

  “I’ll do whatever he needs,” I said, and my voice quivered.

  “You’re doing great, Tommy, don’t worry until you know more. Concentrate on keeping him warm. If he wakes up, give him some fluids. He’ll need to eat something warm too, but don’t worry about that until you have to.”

  “Okay, thanks, I’m going to go back and check on him.”

  “Call me if anything changes, if you need help, I’m here.”

  I said goodbye and rushed back into the bedroom. He was shivering now, great quaking spasms that shook the whole bed. I hurried to his side and smoothed the hair that had grown since I’d seen him back from his face; his teeth were clenched from the shivers that racked his body. I tucked the blanket around him even tighter and moved around the bed so I could snuggle up close to him.

  “Zane, if you can hear me, it’s me, Tommy. I’m just trying to keep you warm. The power went out and I’m worried it’s going to get colder. I’ll do everything I can to keep you warm and safe,” I whispered into his back. He needed a shower, he was still so dirty, and I worried about the gash on his head getting infected, but I couldn’t focus on that now. Right now I needed to make sure he made it through the night and woke up. If he didn’t, I’d be taking him to the hospital at first light.

  Chapter Twenty

  A Warm Bath

  I slept fitfully, on and off all night. Afraid if I slept too soundly, I wouldn’t hear if Zane woke up and needed help. He hadn’t moved at all, still sleeping on his side, and his breathing seemed a little raspier to me. I hoped I was imagining it.

  I reached out and rubbed his back, hoping it gave him a little comfort. What little hair he had was greasy and caked with blood from the gash on the back of his head. It had stopped bleeding, but we’d need to clean it up later. I was glad he’d let me cut his hair a few weeks ago, if it had been as long as it was then, I probably wouldn’t have noticed it was bleeding. I had tried to get a better look earlier, but I was more focused on getting him dry and warm.

  I stayed there next to him, using his heat as much as he used mine. It was cold in the apartment without the heat on, and I was thankful I had that sleeping bag to keep us warm. Zane never made a sound, he didn’t seem to be conscious of anything around him, and as the night wore on, his temperature went up. His shivering woke me, it was different than it had been before. He was soaking wet and his breathing was definitely worse.

  “Zane?” I tried to wake him, but again got no response. “Zane? Come on, man, you need to wake up. It’s me, Tommy, and you’re scaring the hell out of me.” I shook him as much as I felt comfortable with, but he still didn’t respond. I slipped out of bed and the cold hit me immediately. I took a sweatshirt out of my drawer and pulled it on, hoping it warmed me up a little before I reached for my phone. I tapped out a message and hoped it would get a quick reply, and before I set it back down, my phone rang.

  “Tommy, what’s going on?” Bruce said, his voice muffled from sleep.

  “I’m sorry to call so late, I found Zane outside my door when I got home. He was soaking wet and cold.”

  “Why didn’t you call? Is he okay?”

  “I’m sorry, I was so freaked out that he was here, and he wasn’t conscious. I called Chloe, I knew she worked with the homeless, and I thought maybe she’d know what to do.”

  “Is he hurt?” Bruce asked, and I heard the rustling of blankets as John spoke softly in the background.

  “He looks like he’s had some trouble, he has bruises all over his chest and back, same with his legs. He has a big bump and gash on the back of his head. I’m not sure if he fell down or if he got hit. He still hasn’t woken, and he hasn’t made a sound.”

  “What did Chloe say to do?”

  “Keep an eye on him, keep him warm, and feed him when he wakes up. My power’s out so it’s freezing in here. I put every blanket and a sleeping bag on the bed, so we’re warm if we stay under the covers. But my place is an icebox. I’m worried that he hasn’t woken up at all. He hasn’t made any noise either. He was soaking wet when I found him. The snow was building up on him, so I have no clue how long he was there.” I knew I was rambling, but I couldn’t seem to stop.

  “Do you need John and I to come over? It sounds like you might need some help.”

  “I think we’re okay as long as we stay warm, but I’m concerned that he sounds congested, and he seems to be having a tough time breathing.” I was trying not to panic, but I felt like I was in over my head. I thought of a long list of things that could be wrong with Zane—concussion, bruised ribs, or pneumonia were just a few.

  “Can you get him in the bathtub? It might help with the congestion and if he has a fever.”

  “I’m pretty sure he does. I woke up to him shivering under the pile of blankets I piled on him.”

  “I’m concerned this might be more than you can deal with, are you sure you don’t need help?”

  “Let me get him in the tub and see how he feels. I’ll call you back and let you know.”

  I heard Bruce sigh, and then he said, “Be careful, and call as soon as you can.”

  I hung up as I was walking back into the room. It was still dark out, the sun not yet up. As I sat on the bed, Zane turned his head and looked at me.

  “Zane? Are you okay?” He didn’t answer at first, just continued to stare at me. I leaned closer and put my hand to his forehead. His eyes drifted closed for a moment, then opened as I pulled my hand away. “You have a fever. Do you think you could handle taking a bath?” He nodded. I was so relieved he’d finally reacted, I had to tamp down the overload of emotions I felt.

  He tried to sit but seemed too weak. “Do you need some help?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” he croaked out before clearing his throat. I moved closer to his side and slipped my arm around his back. He leaned forward and put his hands on his knees.

  “Come on, you’ll feel better after.” I felt him nod and heard his wince when I helped him stand. We were going to talk, but right now I hoped that a bath performed some kind of small miracle and healed him.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Not Alone


  I wrapped the blanket around Zane as he shuffled to the bathroom in the dark. It was obvious he was in a lot of pain, and when he’d made it as far as the door, he coughed so hard I worried he wouldn’t be able to catch his breath. “Are you okay? That cough sounds really bad.” He clutched his stomach with his arm, and tried to stifle the remains of the cough. His face was red from the exertion, and when he finally took a breath, his lungs sounded even raspier.

  “I’m . . . I’m okay,” he breathed out.

  “Why don’t you sit on the toilet while I get the water ready?” I didn’t wait for him to answer, just flipped the lid down and sat him there. He pulled the blanket closer around him as I stumbled around and finally found some candles to light up the place. “I’m amazed I had these,” I said and gestured to the candles. He was being so quiet it made me feel the need to fill the silence with words as the water filled the tub.

  “I tried to come back,” he said, so quiet I didn’t think he’d said anything at first.

  “I kept looking for you, I was so worried with the weather getting bad. I knew you needed new shoes and pants, but I didn’t have time to get them for you.”

  “I didn’t expect you to do any of that. You need to take care of yourself too,” he said.

  “I wanted to help. I guess I wish someone would have helped me in the past.” He coughed again, and it seemed every new round of coughs came sooner and lasted longer. I turned up the hot water, thinking the steam would do him some good. It was so cold in the apartment, and that couldn’t be helping him. I closed the bathroom door to keep the steam and the heat in, anything to warm him up.

  “What happened?” he asked. I was so focused on the water, I was startled by his voice. I turned the water off and spun to face him.

  “My mom died, she’s all I ever really had. I guess I got used to looking out for her, so I couldn’t help looking out for you too.”

  “Thank you, I appreciate it more than I can say.”

  “Come on, get in the tub. I’ll wait outside, let me know if you need any help.” He started to stand and stumbled. “Hey, careful there, I think I’ll be staying close for a while.” I stepped in close to his side to steady him and felt him shaking. “Are you cold?”

  “I’m okay,” he said and shuffled toward the tub. The blanket slipped from his shoulders and he stood there in just his underwear. Even in the candlelight I could see the bruises and abrasions that covered his body, and the thought of what had happened to him made me grimace. My attention snapped back to him as he tugged off his underwear, and tried to step into the tub.

  “Here,” I said and held my hand out to steady him. I tried not to look at him, but he was so thin, and had so many injuries. It took hardly any effort to ease him into the tub, and he groaned as he sat in the hot water.

  “I’ll leave you to relax.”

  “No. Stay with me. I—I don’t want to be alone anymore.” I could only nod and take a seat on the floor next to him. He picked up the bottle of body wash and squeezed some on a washcloth. “What’s your name?”

  “I told you, it’s Tommy.”

  “Your last name.” He looked at me then, and my heart did some weird flutter thing before he looked away.

  I cleared my throat before I answered. “Tommy Carter, I’m twenty-three years old, and I’m in my last year of college. I’ll graduate with a degree in economics. How about you?”

  He didn’t move at first. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and he hugged them to him, the washcloth forgotten. “I’m Zane Martin,” he said, and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I’m twenty-five years old, and I graduated last year with a degree in kinesiology.” A tear made its way down his cheek, and I pretended not to see it. I absently picked up the cup by the sink and scooped it in the tub, poured it over his hair, and his head slumped forward.

  “What’s kinesiology, Zane Martin?” I said as I picked up the shampoo and squirted some in my hand. “I’m going to be careful of the bump on your head, it was bleeding when I found you out front.” He reached his hand up to the back of his head and winced when he felt it. “Watch it, I’ll be careful. You want to tell me what happened since I saw you last?”

  “I didn’t want you to feel like you had to take care of me. I know you work hard, and you’re just getting started. You bought me a coat, and socks, and brought me a blanket, hats, and gloves. That was so nice of you.” I lathered his hair and avoided the back where he was injured, I didn’t want to make it worse than it already was.

  “I bought you a coat at Goodwill and socks at Walmart. And if I didn’t want to help you, I wouldn’t have,” I said, probably more defensive than I meant to be. “I just wanted to help you.”

  “I know, but I can’t pay you back. And that bothered me. If I had a job it wouldn’t be a problem. But how can I get a job in my field when I don’t have a permanent address, or a way to stay clean?”

  “We’ll figure it out, okay? Let’s get you cleaned up and some food in you.” He nodded and didn’t speak again. After he did a quick wash, he let me help him out of the tub, then I grabbed him a towel. He shivered from the cold, and I tried to dry him off as fast as I could without hurting him. His coughs were definitely getting worse, and he was close to wheezing when he drew a breath. I checked his feet, and they were pinked-up now and not the blue they had been earlier. I hoped he’d be okay, and I tried not to think about him going back out in the cold.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Food and a Friend

  I guided him back to sit on the toilet and wrapped another towel around him before I rushed to my bedroom to find some clean clothes for him to change into. I waited outside the bathroom while he dressed, and when he was done, I helped him into my bedroom. The sweatpants and T-shirt hung on him, but at least they were warm and dry. He stood there for a moment, looking unsure of what to do next. I took out some socks, and without thinking, slipped them on his feet as soon as he sat on the bed.

  “Go ahead and get back in bed, I’ll make us some breakfast. I have a gas stove so I can still cook, but we’re going to get really cold if the power doesn’t come on soon and it keeps snowing.” Without a word he lay back down and covered up until just the top of his head was visible. I squeezed his foot as I left the room.

  As soon as I walked into the kitchen, I turned the oven on, hoping it would take some of the chill off the apartment. The sun was just rising, so I walked over and looked out the window. The sight that met me took my breath away. Snow. More snow than I’d ever imagined I’d ever see in Sacramento. All of the cars in the parking lot were covered with what looked like close to a foot. But that couldn’t be right; it never snowed so much here. I turned around, and Zane was behind me. He had a blanket wrapped around him and stood there like he expected to be in trouble.

  “Look how much snow fell,” I said and motioned for him to look out the window. He coughed in answer and quickly covered his mouth with his hand.

  “Sorry,” he said before stepping closer to the window. His face softened in wonder at the sight of all the white stuff, and I stared at his profile while he enjoyed it. Even though his face was drawn, his features were still beautiful. And I couldn’t make myself turn away. He slowly turned his head to look right at me, and for a moment, neither of us moved. For some reason I didn’t want to admit, it wasn’t uncomfortable, or weird. It felt right. As though some lost puzzle piece was finally found and slotted into place.

  His cheeks warmed and he blushed slightly before looking down at the floor. I stepped closer and cupped his cheek. “Are you feeling okay?” I asked, not forgetting for a moment how bad he’d looked when I’d found him.

  “I feel fine, thank you.” He covered my hand with his, and a contented sigh escaped him before the silence was ripped apart by his cough.

  “I think your cough might be getting worse. Go and sit down, let me know if you start to feel any sicker, and I’ll make us some breakfast. When was the last time you ate?” I tried to sound casual
about it, but I knew he saw right through me.

  “It’s been a while.”

  “A while? Sounds like it’s time I feed you, then.” I got busy cracking eggs and chopping up ham and some peppers for a big batch of scrambled eggs. I set slices of bread on a cookie sheet and put cheese on it before putting it in the oven. I wished I had a stovetop coffeepot so I could make us some coffee, then remembered I had cocoa, so I warmed some milk in a pan. I plated it all and turned around to find Zane walking into the kitchen. “Whoa, where do you think you’re going? Go, sit and relax, I got this.”

  “I wanted to help with the silverware,” he said. I opened the drawer and handed him what we’d need, and he shuffled back to the table. As I set the plates down, he walked back to the kitchen and got our drinks.

  “Thanks so much, this looks great,” he said before he’d even taken a seat.

  “Sit down and eat, and you don’t have to keep thanking me. I’m really relieved you’re okay.” After that neither of us spoke, too hungry and both too busy eating to talk.

  “I didn’t know where to go when I left here,” Zane said. I set my fork down and focused solely on him and his words. “I was walking down the street away from here, and some old guy jumped me and took my coat. The coat you gave me. I wasn’t sure what to do then, it was raining . . . it rained for so many days. I tried to find someplace I could get out of the wet and cold, but everywhere I tried people were already there. And they made no secret of letting me know I wasn’t welcome. I tried to go to a shelter, but they were full. And I don’t like to take a place that a kid could use. So I just kept walking. I only had one pair of socks on me, I left the other ones behind the restaurant, so once my feet were wet and cold, I couldn’t walk far. One night I tried to sleep under the big heater vents by the Capitol building, but security made me move along.”