“Aww, I always loved your mom. I used to wish she was mine.”
“I know you and your mom aren’t the closest, but you should try to get along with her more.”
“Trust me, I’ve tried. Because I’m not feminine enough and prefer science over cooking, nothing I do is good enough for her. Sometimes I feel like we’re from two different planets.”
“I know. But just try okay? For me.” He grasped my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
When I looked up at him he was staring out the front window, the sparkle that usually danced in his eyes was absent. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to tell you something before we go in.”
“What is it?”
His eyes stayed fixed on the window, and he squeezed my hand once more. He opened his mouth, and then closed it again, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he took several swallows. “When you see my mom, don’t be alarmed if she looks different. She’s been sick lately.”
“Sick? Sick how?” His somber tone thickened the air around us. What could it be that had him on verge of tears?
He turned to face me but didn’t meet my gaze. “She has ovarian cancer.”
I sat there for a moment with my fingers pressed against my lips. Mrs. Adams was the sweetest woman in the world. She’d been the one to help me through my first period when my own mother had been too busy to notice. She’d encouraged me to go out for track when I was nervous I wouldn’t make the team. When I’d sneak into Jay’s room to escape my hell at home she’d always turned a blind eye, and on a few occasions even brought us breakfast the next morning. Why did life always screw over the good people?
My heart constricted at the thought of a world without her. It wasn’t fair. I could only imagine what Jay was feeling. I lifted the center console and moved closer to wrap him in my arms. “I’m so sorry.”
He hugged me back in silence, laying his cheek atop my head while mine pressed against his chest. His soft sniffles broke my heart and I squeezed him tighter, repaying him for all the times he’d done so for me.
I moved back just enough to wipe his tears away with my thumbs. This was the first time I’d seen him as anything besides my rock. I guess boys really did cry too.
He pulled away and scrubbed the remaining tears with the back of his hand. “I’m okay.”
He wasn’t, but I nodded anyway and took his hand. “Can we go see her now?”
“Yeah, but try not to get too emotional if you can. I don’t want to put any stress on her.”
We got out of the car and made our way up the walk hand in hand. The scent of spiced sausage hit us when we were half way up the walk causing my mouth to water. My mom would faint if she found out I preferred Mrs. Adam’s cooking over hers. It was more down home while my mother’s belonged in the category of fine dining. It wasn’t bad, I just preferred my food...simple.
Jay led me through the house and to the kitchen where Benji was already seated at the table with his plate piled high. When Mrs. Adams turned from the stove to greet us, my heart sank. A silk scarf covered her head, the long braids she’d once worn, gone. Dark circles rimmed her hazel eyes and her high cheekbones were more prominent than they used to be.
She beamed when she saw me, her smile revealing where Jay had inherited his dimples. “Gabi! My goodness I thought my son had brought home a model for a minute. You’re gorgeous, baby.”
My face heated up a few degrees. I hated compliments, I couldn’t help but blush at them. “Thank you, Mrs. Adams.” She came closer, looking me over. I was doing good keeping my word with Jay until her frail arms wrapped around me. A lump formed in my throat, I tried to swallow it down, but a sob escaped instead.
She rubbed big circles on my back and rocked me back and forth. “It’s okay, my sweet girl.”
“I’m sorry.” I held her as tight as I could without fear of breaking her.
“Don’t be. It’s okay to be sad.”
I sniffled a few more times before releasing her. There was a light in her eyes that couldn’t be denied. She was resilient. She’d beat this. She had to.
Jay hugged me sideways and placed a kiss on my temple.
His mom raised a brow and he dropped his arm, putting a foot of space between us. What was that about?
Mrs. Adams went over to Jay and they shared a hug. “How’s my handsome son?”
“I’m good Ma, same as last week. How are you feeling?” He leaned back and examined her from head to toe.
She waved him away and headed back to the stove. “I’m fine. Now sit, eat. I didn’t spend the morning over a hot stove for all this food to go to waste.”
He sat across from Benji, but his eyes stayed on her. “You shouldn’t be at a hot stove, Ma. Why don’t you sit down and relax?”
“I said I’m fine, Jayson. Besides, I like cooking for my boys.” She ruffled Benji’s hair as she passed him.
“Come on, Auntie.” He ran his fingers through the tight ringlets on his head trying to get them back in place.
The front door closed, and a few seconds later Mr. Adams entered the kitchen carrying a jug of milk. His face lit up when he saw me standing next to Jay. I was halfway in my seat when he sat the milk down and pulled me into a hug, lifting me from my feet. What was it with Adams’ men and picking people up?
“Little Gabrielle.” He sat me down and turned to Jay. “Boy, when you gonna marry this girl so I can have me a beautiful daughter-in-law?”
My eyes darted from Jay to his father, then mother. Both were looking at him expectantly, but he kept his gaze glued to his empty plate. I knew his parents liked me, but they’d shipped us? Judging by his actions, Jay was against the idea. He didn’t even glance at me or make a peep.
I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat and smiled up at Mr. Adams. “Jay and I are just friends.”
He twisted his mouth to the side, looking down at Jay again. “That’s the same thing Nicolette said, look at us now, twenty-two years strong.” Rounding the table, he went to his wife and wrapped his arms around her from behind.
She leaned into him and stared into his loving eyes. After two decades they were still madly in love. It was the way they looked at each other, like they were the only two who existed in space and time.
I couldn’t help wondering if Jay would ever look at me that way. I glanced over at him as I took my seat. He was busy piling food onto his plate. I pushed my thoughts of him, of us, away as best I could, and focused on the lovely breakfast Mrs. Adams prepared.
The conversation was lighthearted and easy as always. From the moment I came into their lives the Adam’s had been like a second family to me. We discussed the coming semester and Jay’s aspirations to make it to the Olympics one day. Benji was quiet most of the time, and vanished at some point, leaving just me, Jay, and his parents.
Mr. Adams poured himself some orange juice then turned his attention to me. “How are you enjoying being back in River Crest? As good as you remember?”
“Better. I missed it here. Things moved too fast in Chicago.”
He nodded in agreement. “Did you have a lot of friends there? Or a boyfriend perhaps?”
I shrugged. “I hung out with a few people but I wouldn’t call them friends.”
“So, no boyfriend?”
Wow, he was really pressing this boyfriend issue. “I dated a bit but nothing too serious. I’m not seeing anyone now either,” I said before he asked.
“Oh?” He sat forward and rested his hands on the table. “That’s interesting, because Jay’s not dating anyone either.”
I frowned and looked over at Jay. “What about –” Jay grabbed my hand under the table and shook his head.
“What about who?” His father asked.
Jay kept his head bowed and said nothing.
“Jayson.” Mr. Adams voice was stern as was his gaze that bored into Jay.
Jay spoke without meeting his father’s eyes. “Brooke and I are back together.”
A loud cough caused everyo
ne to turn their attention to Mrs. Adams. She leaned over in her chair, hacking and holding her chest.
Jay rushed over to her and kneeled on the floor in front of her chair.
Mr. Adams helped her to stand and glared at his son. “Now look, you’ve gone and upset your mother.” He rubbed small circles on her back and led her towards the stairs. “Why don’t you lie down for a while, sweetheart?”
Jay ran his hands over the top of his head as he watched them retreat.
I leaned against the fridge, giving him some space, while I pondered over why he wouldn’t want his parents to know about his relationship. I hadn’t let the fact slip by that he’d said they were back together, which meant they’d spent some time apart. Whether recently or not, they’d broken up and I was eager to know why.
Just like the doting son and sweetheart he was, Jay stayed and cleaned the entire kitchen, with my help of course, before we went up to relax in his room. It was almost identical to the last time I’d been inside. Well, except for the brown skinned, bikini clad models replacing a few posters of his favorite track stars. Okay, then.
Jay sat down at his desk and I took a seat on the bed, far far away. “So what was all that about? Your parents don’t like your girlfriend?”
He sighed, pivoting back and forth in the chair. “It’s a long, complicated story.”
“Well, I don’t have any other plans today. You?”
He looked at me with a lopsided frown. “I don’t wanna tell you.”
Talk about a knife to the heart. We’d never kept secrets before I left. The ache in my chest was a painful reminder that as much as I wanted them to be, things just weren’t the same anymore. The langoliers had eaten away our yesterdays and there was no getting them back. “Why not?”
He stared at the carpet instead of me, tightening the vice grip on my heart. “You’ll think I’m an idiot like everyone else.”
“Why would I think that?”
He met my gaze for a moment before dropping it back to the floor. “Because I pretty much am.”
I wanted to go to him, lift his head and make him look at me, see me. Instead I stayed put. “I won’t think any less of you.”
Leaning his forearms on his knees, he looked up at me, biting down on the side of his bottom lip. “A few months ago…Brooke cheated on me with some meat-head on the football team.” His nostrils flared as he relived his heartache.
I could stomp a hole in her for the pain she’d caused him. Why was he still with her? She didn’t deserve him.
He leaned back in his chair again and crossed his arms over his chest. “We went our separate ways for a while, and then we ran into each other a few weeks ago. She showed me a whole new side of her. Said she’d done a lot of soul searching during our break and asked me if we could try again.”
“So you forgave her?”
He nodded.
“But why? After what she did to you?”
“I loved her.”
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, shattered into a million pieces. I stared down at my high tops. I couldn’t let him see my face because if he did, he’d see the tears that were threatening. And if he saw them, he’d ask me what was wrong and I couldn’t answer that question. The room was silent for a long time, until it dawned on me... “You used past tense.”
His gaze lifted from his lap, a frown furrowing his brow. “What?”
“You said you loved her. Do you still?”
He pressed his lips together and leaned his chin on his fist. “I’m still trying to figure that out.”
I felt just a teensy bit guilty for how happy that made me. But if he wasn’t even sure of his feelings for her, perhaps there was still a chance. My heart slowly rebuilt itself, but there was still one more thing I needed an answer to before I dared to hope. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Why’d you stop calling?”
He stared at me for a long while, and for a moment I though he wasn’t going to answer, then he smiled. Just a small one, no teeth, and unfortunately no dimples. “Come here.”
I rose from the bed and went to stand in front of him.
Taking my hand, he pulled me own onto his lap.
I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped me. My heart thundered in my chest at our closeness. His lips were mere inches from me, I could almost taste them.
His strong arms wrapped around my waist, holding me close. “Remember when you first left?”
I nodded, afraid of what my lips would do if I moved them.
“How did you feel?”
I looked into his eyes, unsure of the where he was going with this. “Sad.”
“What about when I called, how did you feel when you heard my voice?”
“I was always happy when you called, why?”
“And at the end of the conversation, when we’d hang up knowing we wouldn’t be seeing each other the next day, or ever again?”
My throat tightened at the old memories he’d dredged up, ones that had never ceased to hurt. Ones of me wanting so much to hate him for abandoning me, but loving him too damn much to accomplish it. I didn’t realize I was crying until the pad of his thumb caressed my cheek, brushing away a hot tear.
“That’s the one.” He held my gaze and wiped away more of the tears that continued to fall. “I’m not ashamed to admit I cried. My heart ached every time we spoke. It killed me only being able to talk to you and not have you around me, to chill, or be together. I didn’t want to feel that pain anymore. I wanted all of you, not just a piece. I thought severing ties would make it go away but it only got worse. Every day a little more of me died. By the time I made up my mind to accept you any way I could have you it was too late, your number had changed. I did an incredibly selfish thing, and I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”
“I could never hate you, JJ.”
He smiled and pulled me against his chest, nuzzling my hair. “And that’s what I love about you.”
I snuggled closer, enjoying being in his arms, even if it meant more to me than him.
Jay spun the chair and the sun glinted on something around his neck.
I lifted my head and pulled the silver chain from beneath his t-shirt. Hanging from the chain was a tiny silver dolphin, identical to mine. “You still have this?”
“Of course.” He lifted the charm on my necklace, his fingers brushing my skin, and trapping the air in my lungs. “It’s what bonds us, remember? We can’t ever take it off.”
“But…I didn’t notice it at the lake yesterday.”
“Didn’t want to risk losing it.”
I let the necklace fall against his chest, and for the first time decided to something bold. I held his face and pressed a gentle kiss to his dimple.
“What was that for?”
“For being the best friend ever.” I laid my head in the crook of his neck, feeling confident that our bond was unbreakable, and one day our relationship would shift into something much more.
Six
Jay
Brooke rolled her eyes at Benji as she passed him on the way out of the room. He slammed the door behind her and shook his head. “Entertaining the devil again, I see.”
I sighed and closed my eyes for a second. “Chill Benj. It’s too early for all that.”
Benji snorted his disapproval. “I wish you’d chill, with screwing Satan.”
Grabbing my boxers from the floor, I slipped them on beneath the covers and sat up. “Ready to run?”
“Don’t change the subject.” He sat down on his bed and pulled a few crumpled bills from his pocket.
I could take a wild guess where he’d been all night. He had a lot of nerve getting on my case when he was screwing dirty strippers. “Maybe I wouldn’t have to if you could let a day pass without discussing my relationship.”
“Maybe there’d be no discussion if there was no ‘relationship’.
He pulled off his shirt and went over to his dresser. “Didn’t you tell me
not even a week ago that all ya’ll do is have sex anyway? That ain’t a relationship, it’s a fuck buddy. And it doesn’t strike you as odd that she’s distracting your big head by riding your little one?”
“It’s not like that. It’s just –”
“Just what? If you think things will get better with time you’re fooling yourself.”
I sat forward and rested my head in my hands. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was a lost cause, but how could I just walk away after all the time and energy I’d invested. It wasn’t like things were always this way. We’d been happy before. Was is so bad to try to get that back?
I stood and grabbed my running clothes. “I’m done talking about it. I’m going to take a shower.”
~ ♥ ~
I sat in the sand with the sun beating down on me and laced up my running shoes. It was too damn early to be so hot. I looked forward to the coming winter. Only two more weeks left of September then it would start to cool down, I hoped. Unlike most people who enjoyed walking around half dressed, I preferred snow. I didn’t understand the big complaint over cold weather. At least you could add layers, as opposed to summer, where there was only so much you could take off before someone called the cops. Not to mention, the winter season was a lot more festive.
Looking out at the lake, couples taking early morning rides in paddle boats and kids splashing around, I couldn’t wait for it to freeze over. The thought of hot chocolate and ice skating with Gabi brought a smile to my face. I bet she still sucked. I never understood how a girl as sporty as she was could be terrible at something as simple as skating.
A small cloud of sand flew up near my feet, sending some of it raining down on my shoes.
Benji stood over me with his arms folded. “Are you gonna sit there day-dreaming or are we running?”
“How about the third option of me kicking your ass?”
“I’d like to see you try.”
“Don’t tempt me.” I dusted off my sneakers, strapped my iPod to my bicep, then stood.
We started our first lap, Benji falling in step beside me. Half way through the run, he yanked the cord of my earphones, pulling the bud from my ear. He must have wanted his ass kicked. He knew better than to interrupt my flow.
Excuse Me, First Love (College Daze #1) Page 6