Clarity (Hate to Love You Book 1)

by Anna Albo

  By week three my sour mood started to lift. I resolved to move on, get over it, and when Jason made an appearance again, that I would be pleasant. I refused to let on that I cared about him even though I desperately wanted to know where he went. Was he avoiding me? Did he think I was the biggest flake he’d ever met? Did I even care? Well, yeah, I sort of cared, and I hated myself for that. I shouldn’t have cared one bit. He wasn’t worth it.

  “Hey, Cathy,” I said, hanging up my jacket. November was turning out to be colder than most. An obvious chill was in the air and I had to grab a tissue to blow my runny nose. I rubbed my hands vigorously together and longed for a hot cup of coffee.

  “How are you today?”

  She never asked that. “I’m good.” Was everyone walking on eggshells around me? Had I become that much of a terror around Anthony’s?

  “I’m leaving you on floor duty. I’m training for the holiday rush. Is that okay?”

  Why wouldn’t it be okay? “Yeah, I’m fine with that.”

  “If you get overwhelmed, give me a holler.”

  “Will do.”

  Despite being a lowly barista, I was officially a union employee, which had its perks. I made more money than my counterparts working off airport property. When the job had come up eight months ago, I jumped at the opportunity. I wowed Cathy in the interview with my past experience at my parents’ restaurants. She had me trained up in an afternoon and I’d never looked back. I knew I’d never save enough to make ends meet, but at least I’d have something. In a few short months I’d be sending out applications to various law schools throughout the country. My marks and LSAT score could basically get me into my school of choice, but unlike Anita, I didn’t have unlimited funds or the right connections. Harvard Law certainly wasn’t in my future, but if I could work things out just right, U of M was a lock. My dream law school was Cornell, but it was more of a pipedream than anything else. Like Harvard, even if I miraculously got in, I just didn’t see a way I could financially swing it.

  I put on my brown cap and prepared myself for the masses. With Cathy training the new girl, Jessica and I were handling the floor. She’d abandoned using her phone on the threat she’d lose her job. I think she blamed me for it. She rarely made conversation so we both kept to ourselves. I made fresh pots of regular and decaf while Jessica cleaned up tables. Activity at the airport was light, which usually brought out the staff. My least favorite customer, a ticket attendant with Casper Air, made an appearance. For no reason other than she drove me crazy, I absolutely hated Erica. She treated all Anthony’s employees with utter disdain, like we were not worthy to breathe the same air she did. She’d saunter up to the counter in a skirt I thought was far too short and must have been altered to show off her perfectly toned legs, high heels that I’d break both ankles if I tried to walk in them, and the most perfectly coifed blonde hair. Did I mention her enormous fake boobs? Those were always on full display.

  She stalked every single man at the airport whether they wanted the attention or not, and by the looks of her, I’m sure most of them gave into her charms. If I had to guess, I’d put her in her mid-thirties, but maybe under her inch-deep makeup she looked older. She had a new pilot on her arm every other month, but no man had ever made the plunge and made an honest woman of her.

  She stood at the counter and I reluctantly went to serve her. She stared up at the menu for some time pretending to mull over her options. I already knew what she was going to order, but I played this stupid game with her. I did want to keep my job.

  “I’m going to have a medium skinny latte, no foam, with unsweetened almond milk instead of regular milk.” I recited it in my head as she said it.

  I made up her order and handed it to her with the phoniest smile I could muster. She took her drink to an empty table in the middle of the café. I could only imagine which young buck she’d ensnared this time. This poor unsuspecting soul had no idea what he was getting into.

  With a lull in customers, I decided to organize stir sticks and sugar packets. I had to find ways to entertain myself until Erica’s gentleman friend arrived and the real fun began. I counted fourteen boxes of stir sticks, something I’m sure Cathy wasn’t aware of. She probably kept ordering them thinking we were running low, but someone was putting them in the wrong spot. I blamed Jessica. Her head was so far up her ass most of the time she’d likely stuffed them there not knowing where they were supposed to go and didn’t bother to ask.

  “Hi, Grace.”

  I jumped at hearing my name, stir sticks flying into the air and landing all around me. Make that thirteen boxes now.

  “Hi, Jason.”

  “Large dark roast, black.”

  And that was it. No “how are you doing,” “how’s your day,” “sorry I didn’t call.” Nothing. He paid for his coffee and took a seat with Erica! I wanted to scream and cry. I hated her so much and now she was having coffee with Jason. The Jason I scared off with all my peanut butter and gun control gibberish. The only guy I had taken notice of in months, who, for that matter, had taken notice of me! Albeit for all of four minutes, but at least he had! I could feel my cheeks burn both with fury and humiliation. Of all places, he had the nerve to meet her here?

  I tried hard not to look at them. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Instead, with pure rage, I threw all the stir sticks away into a nearby garbage with far more flair than I needed to. Cathy and Lily, the new girl, both turned to look at me from the procedures manual they were going over.

  Before I lost my cool even more, I motioned that I was going to use the restroom. Once there I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face and neck were covered in blotches of red. I took some paper towels and dabbed myself with cold water. In a few minutes I would be fine and hopefully they wouldn’t stay long. This horrible evening would pass and I’d forget all about it. Yeah, right! Who was I kidding?

  “You okay?” Jessica asked when I returned. Her interest surprised me.

  “I’m fine. Allergies.” That would explain the red rage blots that had finally begun to fade.

  I glanced over to Jason and Erica. He was talking and she was batting her fake eyelashes. Thankfully we had a small rush that kept me and Jessica busy for the next ten minutes. When I looked back over at their table, they were gone. Relieved, I longed for my shift to end so I could go home and sulk.

  “YOU’RE KIDDING,” ANITA said at our weekly lunch. “The nerve.”

  “I know. Of all places, they have to come to Anthony’s for coffee? They could have gone to a dozen other places, why bother me?”

  “Write him off.”

  “I am. He’s written off. He’s not even going to be a footnote.”

  Our task this lunch hour was to go over law school applications. We both picked five to apply to. In our estimations and based on our GPAs and LSAT scores, U of M would be a shoe-in. It was also the closest to us, and we looked forward to the prospect of going to school together. We’d talked about getting an apartment together, studying together—well, we could do everything together. Her dream law school was Northwestern, but based on her LSAT score, we both thought it was a long shot. She’d considered taking the test again, but we’d already made up our minds: we were going to U of M. Secretly, I didn’t want her to take the test again. What if she did get into Northwestern? I wanted us to stay together to the very end. I wasn’t ready for her to spread her wings and fly just yet.

  In the event that something went horribly wrong, we also applied to two other law schools we knew we’d get into. We figured it was best to have an insurance policy. Anything could happen and neither of us wanted to wait another year just because we weren’t prepared.

  “When Northwestern rejects me, we’ll go out and get drunk.”

  “Let’s wait until Cornell rejects me so that we don’t have to do it twice. You know I’m not an attractive drunk,” I added.

  The next order of business was Thanksgiving, which was less than two weeks away. Anita had
her Black Friday shopping all mapped out and wanted to know if I’d be attending.

  “Working.”

  “I need to get you out more. Mike and I are going to the movies Friday. You are coming, and don’t even tell me you’re working.”

  “I’m not, but the idea of being a third wheel doesn’t exactly excite me.”

  “We’ll let you choose the movie. We’re picking you up at seven. We’ll get a quick bite and make an evening of it. Maybe we’ll even find you a new guy.”

  MIKE AND ANITA HAD been together for over a year. Just as my relationship with Eric imploded, hers blossomed. I liked Mike. He’d recently graduated and was pursuing a job as a high school teacher, but until something came up, he substituted when he could and worked at a hardware store on the side.

  Mike loved coffee. I don’t remember a single time I didn’t see a cup of java in his hand, whether it was at a sporting event, the movies, a party, or just sitting around, he was never without it. I joked once that he should have an IV just to keep himself properly caffeinated.

  Mike and Anita drove up to my house and I said a quick goodbye to my parents. The three of us planned on seeing a comedy, something I desperately needed. Some humor and a few hours of slapstick would do the trick.

  “That was good,” Anita said, taking Mike’s hand in hers as we walked back to his car. My heart longed to hold someone’s hand. Even when we dated, Eric wasn’t much of hand-holder—or a cuddler, for that matter. He hated PDAs and, even in private, affection was an obligation for him. About the only time he touched me was when we had sex, and even after that he was usually dressed and doing something else before I could catch my breath. I couldn’t blame it on his family because Callie was the consummate hugger. We hugged hello, we hugged goodbye. When each of my grandparents died, she was there, holding my hand, with an arm around my shoulder and a hug at every opportunity.

  “Let’s go to Kramer’s for coffee,” Anita suggested.

  “Great idea,” I said.

  Kramer’s was a family-run bookstore and café. Mike, an avid reader, dumped us and beelined for the science fiction section. We’d easily lose him for at least an hour, so we took a table and ordered some drinks and dessert.

  “I talked to Callie the other day,” Anita said, stirring the foam in her mochaccino.

  “How’s she doing?” It didn’t bother me that Anita and Callie kept in touch. When Eric and I broke up, their friendship was basically on life support. For a few months they kept in regular contact, but when it was clear that Anita was in my camp, their friendship fizzled.

  “Good. She and Greg are thinking of getting a place together in the spring, but they haven’t decided yet.”

  “Did she mention Eric at all?”

  “You know me, I’m nosy, so I asked. He’s been dating someone for a few months, but I didn’t ask any more. My guess is she wants it to get back to you.”

  The news stung a bit, but not for the usual reasons when you hear your ex is dating again. It was more that Callie wanted to stick it to me. Man, how did our relationship with each other come to this? “Whatever. Glad he’s moved on.”

  “We will find someone for you. I’m going to make it my personal mission.”

  I tore off a piece of my still-warm cinnamon bun and the sticky concoction melted in my mouth. I was licking each of my fingers, savoring the sweetness, when I felt a pair of eyes staring at me. I looked across the café to see Jason standing only a few feet away, a book in hand, his blue eyes watching me as I ate like an elephant—apparently elephants are messy eaters. I caught my breath and panicked. Did I say hello, wave, or give him the finger? I decided to do nothing. I returned my attention to my cinnamon bun like he didn’t exist. At least my cinnamon bun didn’t judge.

  “Are you having a reaction or something? Your face is all red,” Anita remarked.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Is your drink spiked?”

  I stole a glance and saw Jason in line paying for his book, his back to me now.

  “He’s here,” I said under my breath.

  “Who?”

  I gave her a look.

  “Oh, the guy. Where?” Anita asked, her head jerking around to see if she could find him. Her eyes fell on Jason immediately. “The guy in line? The one with the most perfect ass?”

  “Shhh!”

  “He can’t hear me. He’s a million miles away.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  “He is cute. Too bad he’s an asshole.”

  “Stop staring.”

  “Does he have eyes on the back of his head?”

  “What if he turns around?”

  Anita returned her attention to me and laughed. “Like what he just did? He so looked over here, Grace. He knows you’re here.”

  “I know he knows. We made eye contact.”

  “He looked over here again. That’s kind of weird. Guys usually try to leave when they have their stalker in the same room.”

  “Funny.”

  Anita laughed while I squirmed. “Ok, he’s leaving. You can relax.”

  “What are the chances?”

  “Kramer’s is an institution. Maybe he wanted to check it out.”

  “Whatever. He still sucks.”

  Anita rolled her eyes. “You sure seem to care.”

  “I don’t care at all.”

  Now Anita smirked. “Okay, you don’t care. Bet he comes around tomorrow.”

  “He’s not going to.”

  “But if he does?”

  He wasn’t going to. “Then, if he orders a coffee, I’ll give it to him.”

  “Maybe he’s having second thoughts.”

  “Maybe you should stop this.”

  Anita leaned in closer. “When a guy is paying attention to a girl he barely knows, he’s interested. He’s going to be sniffing around you again, Grace. You better be ready and decide what you’re going to do about that.”

  She was crazy. I wasn’t wasting another thought on Jason.

  CHAPTER 6

  Something was wrong at Greta’s House when I went in for my next shift. Ellen and Lindsay were huddled in a corner along with another therapist. Something had happened, so I stole away to help my first resident of the day, an older woman with three teenaged children who had all stayed with their father and blamed their mother for abandoning them.

  “I kept it hidden from them,” Angie said. “I didn’t want them to know what a monster their father was, and he was good at hiding it too, but this last time it was just too much! I fear for the children now, but they won’t leave. He’s never laid a hand on them before, but now he’s probably frustrated and angry with me and he’ll do anything to get his revenge.”

  “I understand,” I said, even though I didn’t. I also didn’t judge.

  “If I can find some steady work, maybe I can fight for custody of them. Or at the very least persuade them to come live with me. I want to be able to offer them a home.”

  My heart ached for her. “Of course.”

  “I’m hoping to do my resume. Good Lord, I haven’t worked in years. I didn’t even know that they called them CVs now.”

  “Well, I can help you. That’s my job.”

  “If I’m working, bringing in an income, I can get my kids back.”

  Angie was one of many women who didn’t turn her husband in. Like most cases, her children were the reason. If she went after her husband, had him charged, the children would blame her. Especially in Angie’s case when the children weren’t the wiser. But was this any better?

  We got to work on the shelter’s ancient computer. The monitor was the old style that weighed at least twenty pounds. I knew there wasn’t money in the budget to buy a new one, but I vowed to put some money together and get them one. I had a few people I could ask for donations. It’s not like monitors were expensive.

  “Do you think I’ll find something?” Angie asked.

  “I won’t lie to you; the market is tough, but you are a hard worker. I’ve se
en you around here baking up a storm. I say walk into every bakery in town with some samples and blow them away. Lindsay will surely allow you to have access to the kitchen to make that amazing banana nut cake of yours. Or those grain-free chocolate chip cookies. I don’t know how you do it, but they taste amazing.”

  Angie beamed. “Thank you, Grace.”

  We finished up her CV and printed off several copies. I saw Ellen alone in the office and made my way over there. I ventured inside and shut the door behind me.

  “Bad news?”

  “I rarely have good news. I don’t know if you remember Penny? She’d only been here a week? Her husband tracked her down at their daughter’s preschool. He beat the shit out of her, nearly killed her in front of a group of four-year-olds. They think she will lose hearing in one ear and some of her vision.”

  My heart sank. I didn’t know Penny, but even though I didn’t, I considered all the women friends.

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “The good thing, if there’s a good thing, is that there were so many witnesses. I hope he’s put away for a long time and every last inmate knows what he did. They’ll fix him up.” Ellen paused. “I know I shouldn’t think that way, but I get so angry!”

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  Ellen rose and walked to the door. “I’m too upset to talk now. We’ll catch up later.”

  I watched her leave. This job never got easy.

  ANITA AND I MET AT a Starbucks that was situated perfectly between the two of us: Anita in the upscale part of the neighborhood and me in the more middle-class section. I took a secluded table in the corner along with the largest and strongest coffee they had. We were hunkering down for some major studying and essay writing.

  My phone chimed.

  Anita: I’ll be a few minutes late.

  Me: Got our usual table. Take your time.

  I fired up my laptop and pulled out some notes. I started with my Justice in America class. I had some readings to do and a paper to write. I thrived on my essays. While some of my classmates groaned at the prospect, I relished it. I could write ten papers a week and love each and every one of them. I could lose myself in research—and when it came to putting words to paper, I excelled. Anything less than an A was failure.