by Anna Albo
“Look,” she said. “We can do this. I’ll find a full-time job and I’m sure your dad can find something somewhere. We can make up the shortfall.”
“I won’t let you do this, so forget about it.”
“Why are you being so difficult?”
“I’m not being difficult. I seem to be the only person firmly footed in reality.”
“What does Jason say about all this? He seems to have a lot of influence over you.” The definite sarcasm in her voice was not lost on me.
“Jason says nothing because he dumped me, so that should make you very happy.”
The revelation startled her. I hadn’t told her sooner because I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. Her demeanor softened. “I’m sorry, honey. What happened?”
“He’s in Camp Cornell just like you and everyone else,” I said bitterly. “He agrees with you that he’s the reason I won’t go. Again, that should please you. So he gave me a choice: either I go to Cornell or he was breaking up with me.”
Mom kept blinking at me. She did this when she was caught off guard. “So it’s over?”
“Yes. Aren’t you thrilled?”
“Grace, stop it! I don’t hate him. I had no idea he felt the same way I did.”
“He does. If you don’t mind, I have better things to do than argue about this. If I don’t keep up my grades, I’m not going to any law school.”
“Wait,” Mom said, grabbing onto my arm. “I want to talk about Eric.”
“No!”
“Honey, I wish you had come to us.”
“Why? First of all, no one would have believed me, and secondly, nothing would have happened to him. He’d spin what happened and have everyone wrapped around his finger.”
“We would have supported you.”
“You should be grateful you didn’t have to.”
I took my books up to my room but I couldn’t study. I lay on my bed with a jumble of thoughts going through my head, none making much sense. I flipped open my laptop and for the first time in months, since I’d sent in my application, I went to the Cornell site. I read through each page on the law site, including the information about tuition and financial aid. I read what former graduates said, then went to forums from people who desperately wanted to attend. I googled Ithaca and then shut my computer.
I was scared and that was the truth. I was scared of being on my own without Anita for support. If I went to Cornell, I’d need to make new friends—and what if I didn’t? I’d be all alone and miserable. Sure, Cornell had resources and the campus was amazing, but I’d never left home to go anywhere. And maybe if I’d known that I’d actually had a chance to get in, I wouldn’t have applied in the first place. So it didn’t have anything to do with finances or about losing Jason, but my fears were so powerful, I just couldn’t bring myself to go. I was prepared to lose Jason, but first I’d do anything in my power to keep him.
“WHEN DO YOU NEED TO let Cornell know you aren’t attending?” Mom asked the next morning.
“The end of April.”
“Promise me you will give me until April twenty-ninth.”
“Mom, you’re wasting your time.”
“Will you promise me?”
“Fine, I promise.”
Mom smiled. “Okay, that’s all I ask.”
“What are you up to?”
“Nothing. I just want as much time as possible to convince you to go.”
I rolled my eyes and didn’t argue with her. I wolfed down some breakfast and then went to school. I met Anita for lunch after my morning classes and found her going through papers.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“What if I did go to UT?”
Her question threw me for a loop. “Really? Texas?”
“I’ve been talking to a few of my professors and they’ve hinted to me that attending the same law school that I got my undergraduate degree from isn’t always the best idea. I’d heard that before, but U of M has a great law school, so I thought, who cares? But maybe they are onto something. UT would be great; warm weather all year long is a definite plus.”
While she spoke I listened to her very carefully. Something wasn’t adding up. Her sudden desire to go to Texas? “My mom get to you?”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”
“What did my mom have to do to put you up to this?”
“Honestly, Grace, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I inspected her carefully, waiting for her to crack and admit it all, but instead she stared at me, a bewildered look on her face. Paranoia was setting in. “Are you actually considering this?”
“I kind of am. I’m meeting with an advisor tomorrow, and I’m going to see what she says.”
This was almost too much to handle. Anita was considering Texas? One of my fears was coming to fruition and Anita was going to leave me behind. Everyone seemed to be leaving me all at once. “You’ll have to let me know what she says.”
“Of course I’d want to stay here, but I have to do what’s right. You’re not going to be pissed at me if I go to Texas, will you?”
“No, why would I?”
“Okay, good. I mean, who knows what’s going to happen.”
“Right, who knows.”
“With everything that’s been going on I kind of neglected your birthday. We can go out tomorrow for your big day, or we can go drinking this weekend.”
“Neither,” I answered candidly. I hadn’t given much thought to my birthday either. With the events of the last few weeks, the last thing on my mind was celebrating. What upset me more was the thought of not spending it with Jason. This was going to be my first birthday with him and now, like the year before, I’d be spending it alone. Turning twenty-three was going to suck just as much as turning twenty-two.
“I’m not accepting that answer. We have to do something, especially after all this Jason shit. Even if it’s just the movies and coffee after? Hanging out with your parents on your birthday is not fun or cool.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
The rest of my classes I thought about Anita. I wanted her to do what was best for her, but deep down I hoped she didn’t go. If she went, I’d be alone, exactly what I didn’t want. By the time my last class finished, I hadn’t taken down a single set of comprehensible notes. I had to snap out of this. I couldn’t afford to screw up my final semester with a few crappy marks. I sulked my way across campus and to the bus station. First I was losing Jason, but now I could lose Anita too? Why was life throwing me so many curveballs lately? Why had I ever applied to Cornell?
I got on the bus that would take me to work. I sat next to an older gentleman and immediately put my earbuds in before he started talking to me. Older people loved me, and while I was always polite, I wasn’t the least bit interested in conversation today. I pulled out my Early European History textbook and tried to read it. Maybe if I pointed out to Jason that Cornell was ranked thirteenth and U of M was ranked twenty-first, he’d realize there wasn’t that big of a difference. Sure, Cornell was Ivy League, but it wasn’t Harvard.
I got off the bus and took the crosswalk to the front airport entrance. I didn’t see the taxi barreling down towards me because I was too busy shutting down my thoughts and listening to music that just funneled in and out of my ears. When I did turn and see the car, he saw me too. He slammed on the brakes.
If it hadn’t been for my backpack, I’d probably be dead.
CHAPTER 23
I read somewhere that of any day of the year, you are most likely to die on your birthday. And to be honest, I thought I was dead. I was sure my soul was leaving my body, but that could have been me coming in and out of consciousness. What do I remember? Not much. I remember screaming, lots of screaming, and my head was throbbing. I was trying desperately to open my eyes but they felt welded shut. More screaming—and when my eyes parted just a bit, I saw only shadows. My next memory I was being fumbled around with, carried, and some
one was talking to me loudly. This time my eyes opened and a man I didn’t know was staring down at me, his lips moving too fast for me to comprehend. I tried to shake my head only to realize then it was immobilized. That’s when I got scared. Had I broken my neck? Was I dying? I tried to focus on his words which were slowly coming into focus.
“Grace, you’ve been in an accident. You are okay. You were knocked out and we think you’ve suffered a concussion. It looks like you may have a broken wrist. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I mumbled.
“We are taking you to the hospital to make sure there’s nothing more serious. We don’t want you to worry, okay?”
There was someone else in the ambulance, and I assumed it was just another paramedic, but when Jason came into my view I gasped.
“Hey, Gracie,” he said softly. He sat on the opposite side of me and I could feel him grasp onto my hand. “You gave everyone quite the scare. Even Erica was a little concerned.”
“I’m sure just a little,” I muttered. My head hurt so much I could barely see.
“Nick in security saw the whole thing and came to get me right away. You’re going to be okay.”
I must have passed out because the next few hours were a bit of a blur. Between doctors, tests, poking, prodding, and finally a cast on my left wrist, I had no concept of how much time had passed. What I’d become aware of was the searing pain in my hand and wrist. A nurse had given me some painkillers, and I was finally ushered to my room where a doctor came to see me moments later carrying what appeared to be my file.
“Hello, Ms. Whellam,” he said without looking up. “I hear you’ve had a run-in with a taxi cab. The taxi cab was unharmed and released, but I can’t say the same about you.”
Was he trying to be funny? Did he not understand the amount of pain I was in? Any slight movement of my head sent excruciating pain throughout my entire body, mimicking the worst migraine times a million. And then there was my arm. That was a whole other kind of hurt. I fought back tears with every movement.
“We are going to keep you in overnight just to make sure everything is okay. Your test results showed nothing, but it’s a precaution in these kinds of cases. You do have a moderate concussion so we’ll want you to take it easy for the next few weeks. You also have a broken wrist—nice clean break, so healing time shouldn’t be too long. We’ve put on a cast and in four weeks we’ll reevaluate.”
“What about school?” I made the mistake of shifting to a more comfortable position and the pain gripped me like an electric shock.
The doctor, who reminded me of Elmer Fudd but thankfully didn’t sound like him, let out a short little chuckle like he was telling himself a joke.
“You might want to take a week or two off. You’ll have headaches for the next while. The wrist will gain mobility more and more each week, and because it’s not your dominant hand, you should be able to get by in no time. I had a patient who was a mountain biker. He was back on the bike in less than three weeks, against doctor’s orders, of course, but you can’t stop people from doing what they love. We can certainly write you a note if you need it.”
A note? Was he kidding? I would have to get my upcoming exams deferred. Did he understand how difficult that was? A jolt of pain hit me and I let out a groan.
“Are you in a lot of pain? We can up your medication.”
“Yes, I’m in a lot of pain.”
“A nurse will be in with something. In the meantime, you have quite the entourage waiting outside. We’ll send them in, but don’t stress yourself out too much. We want you to get your rest.”
Mom, Dad, Evan, and Sara came in first. Mom started to cry and I had no idea why. It was then that Sara put a mirror up to my face and showed me some of the bruises from when my face hit the pavement. It was a wonder I didn’t have a broken nose, facial fractures, or missing teeth. And then another thing occurred to me. Did my appearance make Mom think of Eric? I didn’t want her to think that he’d made me look this way.
“I look horrible,” I said.
“We were so worried. They wouldn’t tell us anything. Thank God Jason was here, otherwise we would have thought the worst,” Mom said.
“Is he here?”
“He left a few hours ago,” Sara said. “I’m sure he’ll be back.”
There was something in the way she said it that deflated me. What had he said to her? He must have given her some indication that he wasn’t going to return.
“They said you have to stay the night, but we’ll take you home first thing in the morning. The last thing we want is for you to be stuck here. Hospitals are full of germs.”
Mom and her irrational fears.
“Your boss and Anita are here too,” Sara said, sensing that Mom was annoying me. “They came right away. Anita said she’d talk to your professors tomorrow and tell them what happened.”
“We should go,” Mom piped in. “She needs to rest. We are going to send them in, but don’t let them stay long.”
“Okay, Mom.”
“And we’ll be here right at eight-thirty.”
“Got it.”
Anita and Cathy came in as my family left.
“Grace, you gave us all heart attacks!” Cathy said. “What happened?”
“I barely remember.”
“I won’t stay long, but I want you to know that we want you to get well soon and to take off as much time as you need.”
“Thanks, Cathy.”
“I’ll call you in a couple of days to see how you’re doing. Get your rest and take it easy.”
I was now left alone with Anita. She pulled up the only chair in the room and sat next to me. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“What do you mean?”
“You just step out in front of a cab? You could have gotten yourself killed.”
“I was distracted.”
“I’m glad it was only a knock to the head and a broken wrist. It could have been so much worse. Like dead, worse.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to talk to all your profs tomorrow.”
“My mom mentioned it. Thanks. Were you here before Jason left?”
“Yeah, I talked to him for a few minutes.”
“What did he say?”
Anita averted eye contact with me, another sign that something was amiss. “He told us what happened. That’s about it.”
She started playing with her hands and looked anywhere but at me.
“What else did he say? Obviously he said something because both you and Sara are acting weird.”
“I’m sure he’ll call you.”
“Anita, I’m starting to get pissed off, and if I get pissed off, it hurts my brain, so tell me what’s going on.”
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. “Basically he waited until we got here, told us what happened, and left. Sara was with me when I asked him if he was coming back later and he sort of asked why he would do that, like why would he bother? I’m sorry, Grace, I didn’t want to tell you, but I didn’t want you waiting for him to show up either.”
“I understand, thank you.”
“He did seem worried.”
“But he left.”
“Don’t get upset about it. Maybe he’s just waiting until you go home.”
“Right, maybe.” But I doubted that.
“I should go. The doctor didn’t want us staying long. I’ll come over to your place after classes tomorrow.”
“Okay.” At least I would see her tomorrow.
AS I EXPECTED, JASON didn’t come by to visit nor did he call, not even a text. For a week I endured the pain from my head, arm, and my heart. I was finally able to drag myself to school where I met with all of my professors. Mercifully, every single one of them understood my situation and were kind enough to defer my final exams for three weeks until the first week of May. A few even forgave some final tests and papers. Maybe the accident wasn’t such a bad thing, even though my headaches persisted. There were days and nights
I crawled into bed with earplugs in and my room shrouded in complete darkness just to relieve the agony. Each day was a bit better than the one before.
I’d arranged with Cathy to take at least another week off, but I so badly wanted to go back to work just to see Jason. My doctor advised me not to rush it until the headaches were manageable. What did he know?
“Bet all your profs will feel sorry for you when they mark your finals,” Anita said while we studied at my kitchen table. She came over a lot now to study because she was feeling sorry for me too. I’d been a virtual shut-in since I got home. Too much activity made me tired or gave me a debilitating headache. Working from home was so much easier.
“That would be nice. I’d hate to blow my GPA now.”
“Your profs like you too much to do that to you.”
“Any decision on UT?” I asked. With all the recent commotion I’d forgotten to ask.
“I’m leaning towards U of M. It’s a better school and it keeps me close to my dad. I think he’d miss me if I was gone. How about you? Your mom manage to convince you yet?”
“Honestly, since the accident, we haven’t talked about it. Unless something amazing happens, I’m mailing my intention to decline next Friday.”
“Maybe she forgot?” Anita couldn’t even say it without laughing.
“No, I’m one hundred percent sure she hasn’t forgotten.”
We went through some of the notes from classes we had together so I could catch up. We took a break after about an hour and I made some coffee and pulled out a chocolate cake Ellen had brought over the night before. I sliced us both a piece.
“Anything from Jason?”
“No. He’s standing by his decision.”
“Do you think you can get him to change his mind?”
“I don’t know. I got hit by a taxi cab and he hasn’t called once to see how I am. I think that’s a pretty good indicator.” Then a thought occurred to me. “Has he called you?”