Neither Here Nor There

by Nikki Harmon

  Chapter 33

  Amy is gone when I wake up. Sujatha is reading a book in the corner of the room and I am sore all over. I sit up and clear my throat. Sujatha glances at me over the top of her glasses.

  “Hi” is all I can manage. My nose is stuffed up, my throat burns and I am exhausted.

  “Hello. Seems like you brought back a souvenir from Russia.”

  I groan. “Where’s Amy?”

  “I was going to ask you the same thing. I went out for food and when I came back she was gone. Really gone, not shifted, at least not here anyway.” I groan again and rub my neck.

  “Oh dear. I’ll go check for medicine.” She gets up and begins rifling around the rooms. I start to get out of bed but I am dizzy and lay back down.

  “Did she tell you what happened?” I try to talk loud enough so she will hear me but it comes out a crackly whisper. Sujatha returns with two bottles.

  “All we seem to have is ibuprofen and a sleep aid. Sorry. I’ll go and get you some cold medicine, ok?” She turns to go.

  “Wait! Please.” She turns back. “What did Amy tell you, Sujatha?”

  “All she said was that you didn’t find anything usable. She said it was a dead-end.”

  “Did she tell you Wasserman was Jewish?” Sujatha nods and shrugs. “Did she tell you about Meer?”

  “She mentioned that you ran into her. How was that?” She puts her hand on her hip. I clear my throat again.

  “It was … nostalgic.”

  “Hmmm … well, I’m going out before it gets dark. You should rest. You don’t look good.” I watch her walk away and hear the heavy door slam shut. I am shivering and miserable. I grab my phone from the table next to the bed and tuck myself back in. My battery is on 8%. I look through my texts and read the ones from Meer. I hope Sujatha hasn’t seen them. I delete them. Best to let it lie for now. Where the hell is Amy? I look through my pictures … nothing new. I scroll through my email … nothing but the usual junk mail. The only thing that catches my eye is a new app. It just has a small red “j” in the center of an olive-green button. I tap it open and it closes in the blink of an eye. I tap it again and the same thing happens. I want to ask Sujatha about it but I fall asleep as my battery slips down to 2%.

  When I awake, Sujatha is back in her chair, this time watching something on a screen with headphones. It takes a lot of hand flapping to get her attention. She slides the headphones off her ears. ….

  “I’m bored.”

  “Sorry,” I croak. I close my eyes and hear a big sigh as I fall back to sleep. Sometime later I open my eyes to see Sujatha talking on the phone. Sometime after that, someone gave me a pill and when I awake again I am a lot better. Sujatha and Amy are across the room talking.

  “Ok, but we need to have a meeting. We need all of us. Have you received any new messages?” Amy shakes her head and Sujatha sucks her teeth in disgust. She looks over at me and I lift my hand in greeting. Smiling, she walks out of the room. Amy sits down next to me.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Better. I don’t know what I got but I got it bad.”

  “Yeah.” She picks up my phone and looks at it.

  “It’s dead. I’ll plug it in for you.” I notice she has a freshly-inked tattoo on her left wrist, a tiny flower with seven red petals. I’m about to ask her about it when Sujatha returns with steaming chicken noodle soup for me.

  Amy gets up to make room and takes my phone with her. I’m about to ask her about the strange app but Sujatha sticks a spoonful of soup in my mouth instead. Distracted by Sujatha’s uncharacteristic nurturing, I forget all about my questions.

  Chapter 34

  It takes two days to track down and get messages to the rest of the group. Ramon was on a mission for Patel and returns nervous as hell. When we ask him what he had to do, he is vague and deflective. The others seem to understand. I am annoyed but he won’t meet my eyes and I leave it alone. Grayson is still missing, but Manny is confident that he is ok.

  When everyone is seated and finished chit-chatting, we get down to business. Amy, Sujatha and I report our failed attempts to find anything to change the situation. Marcus and Liam both had been going back to reverse some of their missions but were also unable to change anything significant. We are back to square one, and the consensus is that I have to go back to the farmhouse. It is a moment of reckoning. If I go back and destroy the techniques and evidence of Patel’s research, what will happen to our abilities? What will happen to the group, their lives, their relationships? Will we remember any of it? I realize that what I have been thinking of as my sacrifice would be a sacrifice for everybody. We all have to agree to give up our superpower, the one thing that makes us special and different from anybody else in the world.

  There is a lot of debate and some begin to try and find other alternatives. Marcus and Ramon argue that we should all travel back to our births and just live our lives again. What are the odds we will make all the same choices? I am surprised to hear Sujatha in a passionate argument with Manny about trying to find Grayson and getting him to wipe out Patel and Wasserman’s ancestors. I think of all of us, she enjoys the freedom of jumping the most. Others are resigned to jump to their favorite timelines and hope that it will be all they remember. Amy is sitting in a corner, watching the discussions and looking thoughtful. I walk over to her and sit at her feet.

  “I already know that I will try to get back to this timeline. I know Phobos is ahead for me. Phobos and Meer. Whatever happens, I will try to get back here.” Amy tilts her head quizzically.

  “You’ll be the only one left with the ability to jump.”

  “I guess, but when I go back, I don’t know if I’ll remember how.”

  “But you might.”

  “I might.”

  “Lucky you.” She sits back in her seat and crosses her arms. I stand up.

  “Lucky? I have no idea what will happen. I might not be able to jump out at all and I’ll be stuck in a building with Russians who want to kill me. You call that lucky?”

  “You’ll get away. I know you will.”

  “What are you getting at Amy? This isn’t about me. Isn’t this what we have to do? Isn’t this what we all decided?” The various conversations come to an abrupt end and everyone is looking at us. She stands up to look me in the eye. She studies me for a moment. I hold her gaze, desperate to find an explanation for this sudden change in attitude.

  “I didn’t mean anything by it, Kim. I’m just a little freaked out and I’m going to miss you, all of you.” She looks around the room. “But yes, it has to be done, we all know that. I was just making an observation. I’m sorry.” She reaches out to hug me and I embrace her firmly. I want her to know how much she means to me. She lets go first and withdraws into a corner of the room. I let her go. I’m tired.

  In the end, we have to move forward. Sujatha volunteers to set the bombs. Between Google maps, my spotty memory and Manny finding a news article on Joan’s murder site, we are able to come up with an address for the farmhouse. We zoom in and I am confident that we have it right. The plan is simple. In 23AK, I am the only one with the ability to jump, but even Patel is not sure about it. The tapes, Patel, Wasserman and I are all there. One thing we are not sure of is what information is stored on Patel’s computers, but Sujatha says she will take care of that, too. After I get abducted, she’ll destroy Lab 19 and Patel’s office. Sujatha seems gleeful when she begins to teach me about the bombs, where she will place them and how I am to set them off. I am getting nervous about the whole course of action, especially the explosion part.

  As the plan takes shape, exhaustion, and maybe melancholy, takes over and one by one, we drift off to find a place to sleep.

  ∆∆∆

  I am in a deep sleep on the couch when I feel someone shaking my shoulder. I open my eyes but it is pitch black.

  “Kim,” Sujatha whispers, “I have a brilliant idea.” I try to sit up but can only get as far as my elbow.

 
; “What time is it?” I ask.

  “Who cares? Listen, why don’t we take a little vacation? We don’t know what’s going to happen with all this so how about one more trip with me? There’s something I want to show you. I promise you will like it.”

  “A vacation? We can do that?”

  “Sure! We’ll pop out and pop back. Easy. And I have the perfect timeline. It’s very strange though. I ran across it by accident when I was on a mission for Patel.”

  “Ok, but what about the others? What if they think we bailed on the plan?”

  “We’ll leave a note, but we won’t be gone long. I promise you will love it.”

  “Ok. Let’s do it.” She gets up and leads me into the “jumping room”. I don’t know how she can see so well in the dark. I find my way to a lounger while she opens the fridge and pulls out the vials.

  “I was supposed to be following up on some climate regulations… I followed this rogue Senator from the 1960s, a real asshole, who refused and denied every piece of climate change legislation. I found a very thin thread where he gained the support, well, he blackmailed and got the support of his party who then got control of the government … anyway, it’s kind of complicated but there was this tiny, tiny thread that I found stretching through him … the world if he got his way and all environmental regulations were banned.”

  “What happened?”

  “Oh you have to see it, it’s amazing.”

  “Amazing good or amazing bad? And how can you be sure that I’m there?”

  “Now that is the good part … I remember you from there. We were actually working together in a lab. I was working on making genetic modifications to human DNA to support survival on Earth, and you were working on creating the transportation systems needed for evacuating humans up to space stations.”

  “Sounds lovely”.

  “I think you will find it very interesting. Now, it’s a thin thread, you have to stay close to me. Do you mind if I lay with you? Sometimes that helps.”

  “Be my guest.”

  “Here’s your vial.” I drink it as she throws back hers and squeezes into the chair with me. She spoons me and I relax into her embrace. Our hands entwine, and she whispers into my ear.

  “Let’s go now, Kim. Feel me, follow me, stay close.”

  ∆∆∆

  I close my eyes and mySELF takes over. I feel Sujatha’sSELF pulling and guiding me. I let mySELF be steered and ride the gentle wave of me. It seems we are drifting for quite a while, flashes of brightness, snippets of sound play in my peripheral senses. For a dizzying moment, I am upside down and pulling left and up, then I look to the right and see a sliver of green opening itself to me. There is no resistance, so I move toward it and sense an anchoring that jolts me out of my reverie. I am lying on a beach blanket looking up at palm trees, bright sun rising just over the ocean at my feet. I sit up. The sun’s warmth is beginning to burn and I start at the voice behind me.

  “Hey, babe. Let me put some more block on you.” I turn to see Sujatha in a white tank top and blue bikini bottom. I remember falling asleep out here after making love to her. We are on a two-day vacation from the lab trying to clear our minds and feel like people again. We are staying in a bungalow on an island in the Arctic … one of the few places where people can breathe outside without respirators or the new oxysuits. The island is small and exclusive, only the heads of states and the scientists who serve them can get time on it. There are 50 of these artificial islands up here, thanks to the Chinese who barter them for foodstuffs. I remember all of this as much as I remember strategizing with the group in a North Philly warehouse. As my brain wraps itself around, Sujatha’s hands are on my back, soft and warm, slathering on the sunblock that will turn my skin temporarily blue. I take a big breath and inhale the coconut scent of it. The ocean, despite its impending death, smells salty. The air thick with humidity manages to conjure up occasional cool breezes. I turn, tilt my head up and kiss her.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

  “I like to keep some secrets. And honestly, who would believe this anyway? But here we are … also trying to save the world, well at least the people. My first trip here, we had just come back from this vacation, and I was so confused by our relationship. But then when I met you again at the warehouse, I understood. …. So, how do you like the beach?”

  “Well, I can’t say I like it. I mean this world is pretty fucking terrible, but I like this ... being here alone with you.” She raises her eyebrows.

  “Alone? Who said, we were alone?” She claps her hands and a young man in a Hawaiian shirt comes out of the trees behind us.

  “James, could we have two frozen lime margaritas, a plate of fresh fruit and a couple’s massage?” James bows.

  “Of course, Madam Chaudury.” He turns and proceeds quickly and smoothly across the sand and through hibiscus bushes where a small path is barely visible. I realize that he is a robo-waiter. Only the top half is animatronic and appears human. The bottom half is a pole that travels on a track. We look at each other and laugh.

  ∆∆∆

  Later, after a candlelit dinner of fish, mangos and honey wine, we relax at the table. The breeze is soft and the night is quiet. I remember the two mass extinction events and sigh over the loss of so much. I miss the birdsong.

  “So, should we talk about here or there?”

  “I don’t think there is much to talk about here. I checked, this thread fades in about twenty years. I don’t think anyone gets off-planet and I don’t think people survive for too long after we lose that hope.”

  “So I fail? Well, that sucks.”

  “No, we all fail. There aren’t enough resources, and we can’t get to them anyway. Let’s talk about there. Amy was weird when she came back, quieter than usual. Did something happen?”

  “We spent a couple of days fishing around until we found Wasserman. She was gone for a few days following him but the only dirt she came back with was that he was born Jewish and poor and he tried to hide that. Not much of a smoking gun,” I shrug and don’t mention Meer.

  “Gone for a few days … that’s interesting, so what do you think?”

  “I think I have to go back, I think we have to follow the plan. Unless someone else comes up with another answer, I think it has to be me.”

  She reaches over and grabs my hand. “You are going to have to blow that whole place the fuck to pieces.”

  “Do you think I can survive?”

  “I don’t know, I hope you can jump out of there in time. But I really don’t know, Kim.”

  “Ok, enough talk. Is there more wine? Let’s get drunk … I haven’t been drunk in a while ... and then let’s have some fun, ok?” Sujatha stands up and walks around to my seat at the table. She sits on my lap, cups my breast with her hand and kisses my neck. She murmurs, “Can we just skip to the fun part?” I nod and we do.

  ∆∆∆

  Two days later, as the helicopter is landing at the lab, we jump back. We open our eyes to find Amy staring at us.

  “Seriously?” she says with no small amount of disgust. I clear my throat.

  “Sujatha suggested a vacation jump. What’s the big deal?” She scoffs at us as we disentangle.

  “Well, while you two were doing whatever you were doing, Turkey was annexed by Russia with Iran and Iraq next in line.”

  Sujatha scoots off the chair. “What?!”

  Amy is quiet. I wonder if she is jealous. Maybe she had a thing for Sujatha. I start to walk over to talk to her, but she gets up and starts making tea and scrambled eggs for everybody. I retreat back towards Sujatha. I don’t know what would happen with our friendship. We might never meet at all. I try to recall the details of the jump, they are fading but I remember the feeling of Sujatha under me, the sun over me, and the deepening blue of the sky. I am embarrassed by my failure and burdened by the knowledge of how fragile our life on Earth.

  ∆∆∆

  Amy awakens everybody and feeds them as she s
hares the news about Turkey. The mood is friendly despite the gravitas of our situation. After breakfast is cleaned up, we begin to make our final plans. I think half of the group is worried that I won’t succeed, the other half worries that I will. As awkward as it now seems, I decide to focus on Meer as my trigger. In 23AK, I never had a relationship with her, but I need to get back to this timeline, 2A2, when she cheats on me and I end up back at Temple to complete my degree. I have to get to Phobos.

  Sujatha is the first to leave. She hugs everybody goodbye, making jokes and teasing them as their faces began to fall. I stand back and wait my turn. We go into the hallway for privacy.

  “It’s been an honor,” she says bowing to me.

  “That’s not funny,” I reply, voice quivering. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For risking your life for this, for me, I guess.” She sighs.

  “Kim … all of this has been a most interesting adventure, the parts with you particularly exciting I’d say, but I have been waiting all my life to be a hero. And now, I get to set bombs to kill the bad guys and save the world!?! It’s going to be so much fun! I only wonder what will happen to my memories … I’m going to try and record them if I have the time.” And it was true, the rest of us are anxious but Sujatha is energized. I am heartened.

  “Ok, then, maybe I’ll see you on the other side.”

  “I hope so.” She raises my hand and kisses the Prince tattoo. It leaves a warm buzz there. “Now, I have a lot to do and remember so I’m going.”

  “Do you want me to sit with you?” She laughs.

  “No dear. No distractions.” She pecks me on the lips and slides into the room with the tiny fridge and comfy chairs. She closes the door without looking back. I turn back to see the others turn away. I walk down the hall to the bathroom alone.

  ∆∆∆

  Each person has their favorite timeline and one by one, they leave to go and jump from another location. By 3pm, only Amy and I are left. We decide to delay my jump for a day to watch the threads and see if anything seems off. We binge watch the original Heroes TV show and eat Thai food and popcorn. In the morning, everything seems the same and there is nothing left to do or say.