Girl Who Wasn’t There

by Vincent Zandri

  So now … right now … I’m shutting down my mind, reining in my thought processes, putting an end to my fear of being killed by cops. What was I doing before my imagination sidetracked me? Before the dream went south?

  Of course, I remember.

  Rewind, then press play …

  … I’m driving, the road two-sided by the old trees, shading me from the bright summer sun. Soon, the open front gates appear for me. The torn yellow crime scene ribbon is blowing in the summer breeze, along with the leaves on the trees. No police officers surround the gates. No SWAT team having assumed combat position with their automatic rifles and handguns. The coast is perfectly clear.

  I drive through the gates, head south on the main road in the direction of downtown Albany. When, ten minutes later, I come to Fairlawn Avenue, the bleeding in my gut has all but stopped. It tells me the wound is mostly superficial. My luck is getting better all the time. Our luck. Chloe’s and my luck.

  I head up into the house, money bags in hand.

  “One of these is yours, Lochte,” I say, “if you help me … help us out.”

  He takes the bags from me, sets them on the floor.

  “There’s more in the truck,” I inform. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’ve got a wound to take care of.”

  My parole officer heads outside while I go to Chloe, who is still lying on the couch. Bending over, I kiss her face. She opens her eyes. Smiles.

  “Guess I must have fallen back to sleep,” she says, softly.

  I glance at Susan, lying on her back, sound asleep, breathing in and out steadily.

  “If I were you two, I’d sleep for years,” I say. “But not yet. I need you to get up, Chloe. We’re taking a trip.”

  “Where to, Daddy?” she says.

  “Somewhere where the ocean water is crystal blue and the beach goes forever.”

  Her eyes light up. “I can make a huge sandcastle.”

  “Of course,” I say. “I can help.”

  She looks at my side.

  “You’ve been hurt, Daddy.”

  “Oh, it’s nothing, Chloe. Looks worse than it is. I’m gonna go in the bathroom and clean it up while you get ready.”

  When I come back out of the bathroom, I feel like a new man. I’ve cleaned off most of the blood, washed my face, combed my hair. Turns out the bullet from Joel’s pistol passed right through some loose flesh, avoiding the major organs altogether.

  How lucky am I?

  Chloe looks rested and fresh. Even the sadness of losing her mom seems to have disappeared.

  Lochte has set all the cash bags on the dining room table.

  “Can I trust you with all this?” I say, shoving a dozen cash stacks away in the old daypack. “When it’s time, I’ll send for more.”

  He nods.

  “No worries, Sid,” he assures. “I want you to know that Susan can stay with me. She has a home with me if she wants.”

  I smile. “You’re a good man, Drew. She needs a solid father figure like you.”

  “Listen,” he goes on. “While you were in the bathroom, I went online and purchased bus tickets for Florida. From there you’ll charter a fishing boat my friend captains to Havana. No one will bother you there. Besides, you’re an innocent man in my eyes. You will be in the eyes of the law, too, once the truth comes out.”

  He hands me the newly printed tickets. I stare at them resting in the palm of my hand.

  “There’s three,” I say, perplexed.

  Lochte smiles.

  “That’s where the surprise comes in, Sid.”

  A knock on the front door.

  “Why don’t you answer that,” he goes on.

  I go to the door, open it. She’s standing there, a beaming smile painted on her face. Penny.

  “Oh, my Lord,” I say, my throat closing up on itself, my heart pumping against my ribs. “You are alive, and so beautiful.”

  I take her in my arms, squeeze.

  “Don’t squeeze too hard, Doc,” she says. “Those bullets only caused flesh wounds, but they’re still pretty tender. I’ve been in the emergency room all night. If you hadn’t called 911 when you did, I might have been a goner.”

  I loosen my hold and back away.

  “Sorry, baby,” I say, tears in my eyes. “It’s just that I thought I lost you for good. We both did.” Then, my heart pulsing in my sternum, I turn. “Penny, there’s someone here I think you’d love to see.”

  Penny approaches the door.

  “Mommy! Oh my God, it’s Mommy!”

  Penny steps inside and takes her little girl in her arms and I swear she will never let her go again. They cry happy, sweet tears and they run their hands through one another’s hair and they can’t believe that any of this is for real. That is has to be some kind of vivid dream come true.

  … It’s all working out, Doc. It’s working out the way it’s supposed to …

  “Okay, family,” I say, throwing my arms around them. “We have a bus to catch.”

  The bus takes us south to Florida. It takes two full days, but eventually we end up in Key West, where we quickly head to the docks and board a large white fishing boat. The white-bearded captain is jovial and friendly. I call him Captain Hemingway and he seems to love it. We drink six cold beers apiece on the trip from Key West to Havana. After we pull into the docks, I hand him a full stack of Rabuffo’s money, and tell him to “keep the change.”

  “Keep the change?” he bellows. “How’s about I buy another boat!”

  We all have a good laugh as he pulls away from the dock and disappears into the bright blue horizon.

  It doesn’t take us long to find a hotel right on the water and suddenly, just like that, we’re back where we started. With Chloe down by the water’s edge, digging a big hole in the sand. She’s wearing a brand-new yellow polka-dot bikini, and she’s found a friend to play with. A girl about her own age with long brunette hair and a blue one-piece bathing suit. They laugh and play, and it’s a delight to watch them. Innocent kids with not a care in the world.

  I’m seated on a chaise lounge, a cold bottle of Dos Equis set on a table by my side. When I look over my shoulder, I see Penny approaching me. She’s wearing a black bikini, and she’s holding her own bottle of beer in her hand.

  She sets herself on the edge of the lounge, leans in for a kiss. Our lips lock for what seems a long time. But never long enough.

  “Nice life you have there, Dr. O’Keefe,” she says. “How about a little fishing tomorrow?”

  “Life is but a dream, Pen,” I say. “Yes, tomorrow we can fish in the morning, do a little house hunting in the afternoon. Man, the homes are cheap down here.”

  “Cuba is once more up and coming,” she says. “Whatever we find will be one hell of an investment.”

  “Don’t worry, we’re never going to sell. Why leave paradise?”

  She raises her beer to make a toast.

  “To paradise,” she says.

  We touch bottlenecks with our eyes locked together or else break the spell of the toast.

  We drink.

  Coming up for air, Penny says, “Hey, Doc, now that things have calmed down, what say we take a little break and, ah, you know, get better acquainted?”

  I sit up.

  “Are you kidding?” I say, not without a smile.

  “Chloe’s got a friend and we’ll only be gone a few minutes.”

  “Not a chance, my love. I’ve learned my lesson.”

  She purses her lips, nods.

  “You know what?” she says, the brilliant sun glistening off her metal ring. “Silly idea. You’re right. We both should know better.” She places her hand gently on my leg. “Tell you what, we’ll find a little time in the shower later, when Chloe is fast asleep.”

  “Now you’re cooking with gas, Pen.”

  She looks up at me then. Her face has taken on a patina of seriousness and intensity. I feel the bright sun on my own face. It makes me feel young and healthy.

  “I love you
, Doc,” she says. “I never stopped loving you. I’m glad you’ve come back to us.”

  I feel my eyes filling. Tears and bright light blur my vision. Happy tears.

  “And I’m glad you came back to us,” I say. “You are everything to me, Penny.”

  She leans into me entirely, resting her head on my chest. She holds my hand tight, and I feel her against my beating heart, and I breathe in her flowery fragrance, and I see our daughter happily playing in the sand. When she tosses me a wave, it’s like my heart can’t possibly fit all the love that’s filling it. Raising my hand, I wave back, close my eyes, and say a silent prayer of thanks to my maker …

  The bright overhead lights sting my eyes when I open them. This isn’t sunlight. It is, instead, the light that pours down on me from a series of halogen lamps mounted to the ceiling in a post-operative/post-anesthesia care unit. The sweet, almost fragrant smell is the translucent oxygen mask that’s been placed over my nose and mouth. An abundance of tubes, hoses, and electrodes have been connected to me and it’s nearly impossible to move without pulling one of them out. But I manage to turn my head just enough to spot Chloe. She’s holding my right hand with both her hands. She smiles now that she sees I’m awake.

  “You did it, Dad,” she whispers directly into my ear. “You’re going to make it. The police, they know everything. And, boy oh boy, did they make a mistake when they shot at you. But you’re okay now. You’re free, Dad. We’re together, Mommy is in heaven, and Susan is with your friend Mr. Lochte.”

  How I’ve managed to live through this ordeal is anybody’s guess, but maybe it’s the way the good Lord intended. Maybe I’m one of the lucky ones, the blessed ones. Maybe the former killer is being offered a second chance at life. An opportunity to raise his daughter in peace. Because that’s what it’s all about in the end. Living a full life in peace. It’s all any of us can ask for.

  Chloe is crying, her tears streaming down her face. I try my best to squeeze her hands as tightly as I can. I never want to let her go. Not ever. She is my reason for living.

  Once more looking into the light.

  I see Penny. See her big brown eyes, her smooth skin, her thick dark hair parted neatly over her left eye. She’s throwing me a kiss from heaven. I can’t exactly return the kiss. Not in my condition. But I sense she knows I’m kissing her back. My love, Penny. My Penny from heaven.

  Chloe leans in once more, kisses my cheek. I’ve never really noticed before until now, how she has her mother’s eyes. My hand gripped in her gentle hands, I feel in my heart that she is my home now. She is my sandy beach, my big blue ocean, my bright sunlight, my castle in the sand. She is why I’ve made it through the darkness to the other side. Made it back to the light.

  I could ask her about the money bags I took from Rabuffo’s vault, but she has no idea about them, and they are almost certainly in the hands of the police by now. They’ll use it as evidence when they prosecute Mickey to the fullest extent of the law. It’s possible I will be charged with something, too. I’ll need a good lawyer once I’m healthy. Or even before I’m healthy. Of course, in the end, I’m still dead broke. But I have my daughter back and that’s all any man can ask. Just being with her makes me the richest man in the world.

  “Love you, Chloe,” I whisper into the mask. “Always have. Always will.”

  Sidney “Doc” O’Keefe is back.

  It’s good to be home again. And let me tell you something else.

  I’m so, so damned lucky to be alive.