by Vivian Wood
“Hey, I was trying to be subtle,” said Caleb.
Mark said, “You’re never subtle.”
“Whatever. Seth, just answer the question. We’re dying to know.”
“More like,” said Harrison, “we’re concerned. You haven’t been yourself lately.”
Seth almost asked what they knew about him being himself, considering he’d been on three tours back-to-back for the majority of his twenties, but he drank his beer instead. He appreciated that his brothers cared. He just didn’t particularly want them to care about this subject.
“Nothing’s going on,” Seth said, because it was sort of true. One step forward, two steps back: that was their relationship.
“Bullshit.” Caleb pointed a finger at him. “We could see everything from over here. You two looked like you were about to climb all over each other right here in the bar.”
Seth gaped at Caleb. “Seriously?” was his hoarse reply.
Mark slapped him on the shoulder. “Seriously.”
“Shit.” Seth put his face in his hands and swore again.
“I know that brotherly advice isn’t really what you want right now,” said Harrison, “but hear us out. We’ve been there. Done that. If you have feelings for Rose, don’t give up. You’ll regret it if you do.”
“What do I do if she confuses the hell out of me?” Seth shook his head. “It’s not that simple.”
“It never is,” said Mark. “Women are complicated and we’re just their loyal servants. If you manage to find one who loves you—flaws and all—don’t let her go.”
“Hear, hear,” said Caleb as he raised his glass.
They all toasted to that, even Seth. Although at the mention of love, his stomach lurched. Was this love? Or the beginnings of it? God, he didn’t know. He knew he needed to protect Rose; he knew he wanted to hold her, kiss her, make her his. He wanted to know all her secrets, and God willing, she would know his.
He winced inwardly at that. He’d told her about Max, but sometimes he wasn’t sure he was capable of love anymore. It was like war had deadened that part of his soul completely.
He could make love to a woman; he could protect her. But love? Love was something else entirely.
The conversation turned, thankfully, and Seth listened to Caleb talk about Megan and how she kept wanting to redecorate their new house; how Mark’s prized mare had just given birth to another foal last week; how Harrison and Sara couldn’t agree on any baby names yet.
“She likes old names, like Edith,” Harrison said with a laugh. “I asked her if we were having a baby or a grandma, and she refused to speak to me the rest of the afternoon.”
“She’s the one having the thing. Let her choose the name,” said Caleb.
“It’s his kid, too.” This from Mark. “You’ll land on something. If all else fails, name it Sara Jr.”
They laughed, even Seth, although his mind was far away. It was still strange to see his siblings get married and have kids. When had they turned into such mature, responsible adults? Seth almost missed the days when their biggest worry had been whether or not they’d gotten a new Xbox for Christmas.
“You know who you should name the baby after?” said Seth suddenly.
Harrison raised an eyebrow.
“Mom. She’d love you forever if you did.”
That made them all groan, Harrison shaking his head with a laugh. They all loved their mother, Lisa, but they also knew very well that she loved to be involved in her children’s lives.
“I’m surprised she hasn’t suggested it herself,” said Caleb.
“She has,” Harrison deadpanned.
Seth drank his beer. He’d heard all about how Lisa had tried to break up Harrison and Sara when they’d been dating. He hadn’t been surprised, but he had been surprised to see Lisa become somewhat subdued when Seth had returned from abroad.
When the brothers said goodbye, Seth looked for Rose, but according to one of the waitresses, she’d already headed home.
Of course she had. Hummingbirds were difficult creatures to catch.
Chapter Thirteen
Rose had never hated not having a car more than when Heath called her to tell her his place had been broken into. He’d told her she didn’t need to come over, but of course she would. He was her brother, for God’s sake.
The bus system in Fair Haven was mediocre at best. Deciding to pay for an Uber even though she really couldn’t spare the cash, Rose arrived about fifteen minutes later at Heath’s small bungalow on the south side of town. One of the few benefits of living in a small town was that you didn’t get stuck in traffic just driving a handful of miles away.
There was a Fair Haven police car outside Heath’s house, and she approached to see Caleb Thornton talking with Heath.
“Rose! I told you didn’t need to come,” Heath admonished, but he didn’t look upset.
She hugged him hard, and he laughed.
“I’m fine. I wasn’t even here, and they didn’t take anything that I can find. Just messed up the place.”
That only made her feel worse. When she started shaking, Heath made her look him in the eye.
She knew this had to have been Johnny. She had no idea what he’d been looking for, but he knew he could hurt her through Heath. He’d always known it. Her heart pounded, adrenaline making her jittery.
“We’ll keep an eye out for any suspicious activity,” Caleb said, “but it’s strange that nothing was taken.”
Heath nodded. “Thanks. I’ll let you know.”
Caleb glanced at Rose and frowned. “Are you okay, ma’am? You look pale.”
She tried a tremulous smile, but she probably looked so ghastly that it was rather terrifying. Heath took her arm and led her inside. “Call me if you need anything else,” he called to Caleb over his shoulder.
Heath had Rose sit down on the couch before pressing a glass of water into her hand.
“Were you done talking to Caleb? You shouldn’t have sent him away,” she said.
“He got what he needed. Now, why did you come here when I told you not to?”
She drank the water to figure out how to answer that question. She needed to tell Heath what was going on with Johnny. That morning, she’d tallied up her latest paycheck from The Fainting Goat and had almost sobbed with relief: she had enough to pay back Johnny. This would all be over soon.
She finished her water, mostly to still her trembling. Taking Heath’s hand, she squeezed it.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while now. I just haven’t had the courage to say the words,” she began.
“What is this all about?”
How to explain? How to tell him without upsetting him? She took a deep breath.
“Johnny has been…contacting me. Lately.”
It was like a bomb went off in the living room. Heath pulled his hand away and stared at her.
“How long?” he rasped.
“Since mid-June. He found me here.”
“Tell me you went to the police. Tell me you didn’t talk to that creep. Tell me, please.”
Rose smiled sadly. “That same creep who saved you from going to jail and ruining your life?”
That made Heath stand up, and as he began to pace, Rose could sense the barely leashed tension inside him.
“Tell me the truth for once. I knew you hid from me what really happened with that bastard.” His voice was modulated, but rage teased at the edges. The calm and collected teacher had disappeared.
“Only if you don’t stand in front of me, glaring at me. Sit down. It’s hard enough telling you this without you looking like you’d enjoy strangling me.”
“Don’t give me ideas.”
When the words came, they came haltingly. She tried to downplay what Johnny had done at first, as she’d always done. Heath didn’t say a word. He stared at a spot on the couch and listened.
“When you were arrested, he told me he could help you. So I said yes to whatever he wanted.”
&nb
sp; Heath dropped his face into his hands, and Rose wondered if he hated her now. He didn’t make a sound for a long moment, until finally, he groaned like a wounded animal.
When he looked up, she saw, to her shock, that he had tears in his eyes.
“Don’t try to spare me. Tell me what he did. Tell me.”
She swallowed. Then: “He raped me. Is that what you wanted to hear? I didn’t realize that was what it was at the time, but I do now.”
Heath swore. He seemed to collapse in on himself right then and there, and Rose realized for the first time what her sacrifice would do to him. She had never wanted him to shoulder a burden that had been her choice.
Choice? She almost laughed. Johnny hadn’t allowed that. He’d used her fears and her love for her brother for his own twisted mind games.
“God, God.” Heath stood up again and paced. “I knew something had happened, but I didn’t want to believe it. And to get me out of going to prison?” He whirled on Rose, his face so stark, so grief-stricken, that it made Rose’s heart bleed. “I would’ve rather gone to prison than to have had that happen to you.”
“How could I? You had your entire future ahead of you. You were so close to becoming a teacher, and then you were arrested for a crime you didn’t even commit! You took care of me for our whole lives; you gave up so much for me. How could I not have done the same?”
Heath just shook his head. Finally, after a long moment of silence, he asked, “What does Johnny want now? And why haven’t you gone to the police?”
She explained that she’d saved enough money to pay Johnny back, and that she hadn’t gone to the police because she knew very well there was nothing they could do. And it would hurt Heath if it got out that he’d been arrested on drug charges.
“Rose, are you insane? He could hurt you again, or worse, kill you!” He pulled his phone from his back pocket. “I’m calling Caleb to tell him what’s really going on—”
“No, you can’t!” She grabbed his phone. “Please, don’t. I’ll make this all end. You’ll see. And then he’ll be out of our lives forever.”
“Oh, Rose,” Heath said with a head shake. “You can’t still be this naïve. You know what guys like that will do. His word isn’t worth anything.”
She knew that. She knew that. But what did he want her to do? If she went to the police, she’d have to tell them all about Johnny’s abuse. And then what? It would be a case of he said, she said. Johnny had enough friends in high places that any charges like that against him would be quickly swept under the rug.
Rose wasn’t naïve—not anymore. She knew this was her last opportunity to put an end to all of this.
Maybe that was why she carried a gun; she’d always known this would end with either getting Johnny to see sense or defending herself against the man who would never stop hunting her.
“Just trust me,” she said, gazing into her brother’s eyes. “That’s all I’m asking. I told you about all this because I wanted you to know.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I love you, Heath. You’re my brother. I’d do anything for you.”
He sighed and pulled her into a tight hug. She buried her face in his shoulder, soaking his shirt with her tears.
“I love you. God, this was why you disappeared for those years? When you wouldn’t talk to me? I should’ve known. Hell, I think I did know. I just didn’t want to believe it.” He gripped her tighter. “If anyone was a coward, it was me.”
“You? No. I wouldn’t let you find me. I knew you were looking for me. You never gave up, did you?”
His smile was twisted. “No, I didn’t. And when you finally called me and said you’d move here…” He rested his chin on the top of her head. “I was happier than I’d ever been in my life.”
“I’m sorry I ran away from you. I was ashamed.”
He sighed. “Then from now on, I’ll carry that shame for you. It should be my burden to bear, not yours.”
“No, it’s not your burden, and it’s not mine.” She wiped her eyes, sniffling. “The person who should be judged is Johnny. He’s the reason for all of this. He’s hurt so many people. Don’t take the shame that should be his and make it yours.”
That made Heath smile sadly. “When did you become so wise?”
“I had to grow up to survive.”
He flinched, and she wished she hadn’t said that. But it was true: although she’d been almost twenty-one, she’d still been so young and sheltered when she’d met Johnny. She’d been ripe for the plucking, and Johnny had known.
Men like him always knew.
“I hate that you felt like you couldn’t tell me,” Heath said as they sat back down on the couch. “I want you to know you can always come to me about anything.”
She felt so drained that she could sleep for the rest of her life, but her confession had helped the shadows recede somewhat. They would never go away—she knew that. Yet having someone to talk to helped her more than she could’ve realized.
She leaned her head against Heath’s shoulder. “Anything? Even if I want to join a traveling circus?”
“Do those still exist?”
“I think so. I’m not sure what I’d be, though. Trapeze artist? Lion tamer?”
“How about you stay here in Fair Haven and try out some other job that’s a little less dangerous?”
She nodded, yawning. They sat companionably for a little while longer. She’d missed this with Heath, and during the years when she’d avoided him, she’d thought about him constantly. If he was happy; if he hated her for running from him. She’d expected him to hate her still when she’d moved to Fair Haven, but she was glad to have been wrong.
“I didn’t tell you this, but when I was at Caleb’s birthday party last weekend, Caleb let something slip about his brother.”
Rose stilled. “Which one?”
“I’m sure you can guess. He said that sometimes they all feel like Seth is a stranger, since he’s been gone for so many years. But he thinks that the reason Seth hasn’t wandered off again is not because of the family, but because of someone else.”
“Oh?”
“What I’m trying to say and doing horribly at is: that if you care about Seth…” Heath swallowed, clearly uncomfortable now. “You shouldn’t let him go. Don’t let Johnny win, Rosie. He isn’t worth it.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. She was surprised that Heath would say anything positive about Seth. Hadn’t he warned her away from him more than once?
As if he’d read her mind, his mouth twisted into a smile. “I know. I told you to watch out for those Thorntons. Maybe my own bias was getting in the way because you’re my sister. Can you blame me?”
“Maybe.” She sighed. “I don’t know if I am brave enough,” she admitted.
Heath jostled her shoulder. “Of course you are. You’re the bravest person I know. If there’s a way, you’ll find it. I believe it.”
She smiled. She hoped she could find the same confidence in herself as Heath had.
Chapter Fourteen
That night, Rose lay in her nest of blankets with Callie and thought. She thought about everything she’d told Heath, and everything he’d told her.
You can’t let fear rule your life.
Those words thrummed in her mind like a single chord of music. She stroked Callie as she thought, and considered, and finally, made a decision.
She knew very well it wouldn’t be as easy as letting go and dusting her hands of everything that had happened. But that didn’t mean she should stay in a kind of stasis, either.
If she didn’t push herself to move forward, no one would.
It was close to midnight. She wondered if Seth was asleep, but then she heard the creak of footsteps next door.
The universe was giving her a sign, that was for sure.
“I’ll be back later,” she whispered to Callie. Before she left, she brushed her teeth—a second time—brushed her hair, put on her prettiest bra-and-panty set, and then added a little lipstick on top
of it all.
If she was going to seduce a man, she might as well give it her best shot.
When she stood outside Seth’s door, she almost lost her nerve. But before she could hightail it and run, he swung the door open and then crossed his arms over his chest.
Rose cleared her throat. “Can I come in?”
“How many times are we going to do this?” was his reply.
She winced. It wasn’t cold out, but she shivered nonetheless. She suddenly felt silly, with her fluffed hair and lipstick, standing outside Seth’s door like he would’ve fallen at her feet in an instant.
“I told you I’d tell you what was going on,” she said. “So, here I am.”
“It’s midnight.”
“I thought I’d continue our usual trend of nighttime sessions.”
He raised an eyebrow, and then he moved aside so she could come in. She ducked under his arm before he could change his mind and lock her out.
Tonight he wore a shirt, which was a shame. Then again, it would help her concentrate. Closing her eyes, she centered herself and took a deep breath. She started to shiver, though, and she wondered if she was going to be sick.
It didn’t help that she’d already told all of this to Heath earlier. The thought of explaining again? She wasn’t sure she had the strength to do that.
When she opened her eyes, she saw Seth’s concern. He led her to the couch, his touch gentle.
“You don’t have to tell me anything.” He held up a hand at her protest. “That was unfair of me. That’s not to say I would stop you if you wanted to tell me, of course. But you look like you’re about to puke.”
She laughed and tugged at her hair. “You could say that.”
“Then just sit with me.” In a tone that was almost shy, he added, “I missed you.”
That sent her hormones into overdrive. Gazing at him now, with his dark hair rumpled and smelling of soap from a recent shower, she wanted to crawl onto his lap and kiss him until everything else faded away.
He still held her hand. Gathering her courage, she took his hand and pressed it to her breast. He stilled.