by Vivian Wood
“If we aren’t going to talk, I’d rather we enjoy ourselves.” She licked her lips. “I’ve missed you, too. In fact, all I’ve wanted lately is you.”
His eyes flashed in the dim light from a nearby lamp. “Hummingbird…”
“No, don’t. I know what I want. I know I’ve been confusing the hell out of you, and all I can say is that things are complicated, but you know what isn’t complicated?” She asked this as she climbed into his lap, his hand still on her breast.
“What isn’t complicated?” he asked hoarsely.
“How much I want you.”
His eyes flashed, and then in a quick movement, she pulled her tank top off and tossed it over her shoulder, baring the bright blue bra she’d bought on a whim years ago. His hand that had held her breast now gripped her waist.
Bending toward him, she cupped his stern face in her hands. “Make love to me,” she whispered against his lips.
It was like those words unleashed him. With a growl, he tangled his fingers into her hair and kissed her, his tongue pushing into her mouth within seconds. She gasped, loving the taste of him, the feeling of his tongue against her own.
That hand on her waist moved upward to cup her breast.
“Say it again,” he commanded. “Tell me how much you want me.”
“More than anything.”
He smiled a smile that she imagined would be called predatory—like the wildcat she’d compared him to when she’d first met him.
He kissed her harder before kissing down her throat. When he reached her sternum, he made quick work of pushing off her bra straps to reveal her breasts. Her nipples strained toward him, and when he enclosed one nipple in his mouth, she bit her lip to keep from crying out.
With his tongue and his teeth and his lips, he paid homage to one breast and then the other, just like he had all those nights ago. Except in this instance, Rose knew this was only the beginning of their night together.
“I love your breasts. God, you’re beautiful.”
Rose laughed breathily. “Do you just love my breasts?”
She’d meant it jokingly, but his expression turned serious for a quick second. But whatever had descended into his mind was quickly pushed aside, and Rose found herself toppled onto the couch and underneath Seth.
He stripped out of his shirt as she took off her bra, needing to feel him skin to skin. The hardness of his chest against her sensitive breasts made her moan and writhe. It didn’t help that his fingers were skimming the soft skin of her pelvis below her shorts and panties.
His cock—like an iron bar—pressed against her belly as he danced his fingers across her sex. She closed her eyes and gave into the pleasure of his touch.
It was strange: she’d thought having a man as big and strong as Seth on top of her, dominating her, would’ve made her panic, yet she only felt safe in his arms. A lump formed in her throat, and as he touched her with such tenderness, she felt perilously close to tears.
Seth played with her, fondling her sex, his strokes light as a moth’s wings, and she felt her core tighten. He avoided her swollen clit, though, and when he pressed a finger inside of her, she cried out.
“Touch me—no, higher. Higher. Seth.”
“I know, baby, but I don’t want you to come without me.” He stroked her sex one last time before pulling her shorts and panties all the way off.
He moved up her body and kissed her before saying, “I’ll be right back.”
She blinked, dazed from the onslaught of pleasure. When Seth returned, he flashed a foil pack in his hand. “Probably don’t want to forget this,” he said. “Put it on me?”
It took her a moment to tear the packet open—her body was shaking, and her brain was mush—but after a few tries and some assistance from Seth, they got the condom on. Rose stroked his cock the way she’d learned he liked, shooting him an impish grin.
“Do you want this to be over before it’s even begun?” He kissed her hard, probably just to distract her so he could get her under him.
Rose had no complaints there.
Yet with his weight over her, the smell and taste of him enveloping her senses, she started shaking for an entirely different reason. She fought against the panic, but it was like clawing through a fog: she couldn’t hang onto it to push it away. She gasped for breath when he touched her knee; she felt dizzy, disoriented.
“Wait, wait,” she burst out. “Just give me a minute.”
Seth stilled. He didn’t ask questions, for which she was infinitely grateful, but instead sat next to her, not touching. She sat up, but she had to put her head between her knees. God, this was embarrassing! Was she going to faint before having sex with the man she loved?
She groaned for another reason: she loved him. She loved him. She wanted him, too, and her body still thrummed with desire, yet her mind fought that desire, tooth and nail. Why couldn’t she get her body and her mind to align for once?
“Rose, you’re scaring me. Talk to me.” She heard Seth’s voice from a distance. Then: “We don’t have to do anything else tonight.”
“No!” She almost yelled the word. It seemed to echo in the small space. Wincing, she said more quietly, “No, I want this. I want you.” She was panting, and then she was climbing into his lap before she could let the panic take over again.
“I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my whole life,” she whispered against his lips. She stroked her hands down his chest, and he shuddered. His cock bobbed between them, a reminder of how much he wanted her.
Rose knew she couldn’t let what Johnny had done to her stop her from living. Don’t live your life in fear.
“Can I be in charge?” Rose asked. She tried to smile, but it felt forced.
Seth was nonplussed, but when he nodded and didn’t touch her, she found herself falling in love with him even more. She didn’t deserve this man, but she vowed she would try to be worthy of him.
Setting her hands on his shoulders, she maneuvered between them until she took hold of his cock. He hissed, and she almost dropped him when he said, “No, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”
Slowly, and somewhat awkwardly, she lodged the tip of him in her entrance, and inch by inch, she took him inside. It was a tight fit, and Rose was certain she couldn’t take any more of him when she slid down a little further. Finally, he was lodged to the hilt, and Rose couldn’t stop gasping.
It was too much, yet never enough. She laid her head on his shoulder for a moment. She couldn’t stop shaking, but this time, it wasn’t out of fear. The fear seemed to have crept away—for now.
She’d take the respite, no matter how short-lived it was.
Rose began to rise up and down, riding him in a leisurely rhythm, and all the while, Seth didn’t touch her. Tipping her head back, she concentrated solely on the feeling of his cock inside her, the sound of his breathing, the smell of his sweat. Her nails dug into his shoulders, and he bucked a little.
The orgasm that had begun to twist and turn inside of her earlier returned, and before she knew it, she was bouncing on him faster and faster. Chasing her release with every stroke.
Seth said her name, swearing, and Rose took his hands and placed them on her breasts. He kissed her, the kiss wild in its intensity, as they both chased their own peaks. He thumbed her nipples, which sent sensations of pleasure straight to her core.
She was so close—so close. When Seth bit the side of her neck, the sharp nip was all that she needed to come right then. She shouted his name, panting and gasping, and it was only his arms around her that kept her upright.
“Fuck, Rose, so good,” he said, and then a few moments later she felt his cock twitch and he was coming, too, his own orgasm seemingly endless.
She felt float-y, light, and she laughed. She laughed until Seth gave her a strange look, but then he was smiling, too. She hugged him close and kissed him. This resulted in him telling her that if she kept that up, he’d have her all over again in the next few minutes.
He carried her to his bedroom after that, going to the bathroom to get rid of the condom and return with a washcloth for them both. She could barely move, her mind and her body languid. Could bones melt? Because she was fairly certain hers had.
Seth got into bed with her and slung an arm around her waist. The feel of his breath on her neck, the way his fingers traced light patterns on her belly, and the sound of his breathing when he fell asleep all came together to feel almost unbearably intimate.
She’d never slept with a man before—not literally. Not like this.
The tears came without warning. They spilled onto the pillow, and Rose bit her tongue to keep from making any noise. She wasn’t sure if these were tears of release or tears of regret or both. Maybe they were just tears to wash away everything ugly that had happened to her.
I’ll never regret loving Seth, she thought. This night had been the most beautiful of her life, yet that didn’t stop that old friend of hers—panic—from coming back around again. It always did.
She forced herself not to bolt, though, and she prayed that this wave would pass until she could sleep as peacefully as Seth was right now. Memories of Johnny mixed together with the memories of tonight, and that made her stomach churn. She couldn’t bear having Johnny taint this.
Rose closed her eyes and took one deep breath, and then another. She wiped away the tears, although a few stray ones still spilled over. When she was certain Seth was fast asleep, she rose from the bed and went to the bathroom to rinse her face in cold water. She brushed her teeth for good measure upon finding an extra toothbrush, because it made this seem normal. It made her seem normal.
She’d been a virgin when Johnny had raped her. In her mind, she’d still been a virgin until tonight. That made her smile. What woman would regret giving her virginity to a man as handsome and amazing as Seth Thornton? Certainly not her. She was glad that this time, it was her choice—and only her choice.
When she returned to Seth’s bed, she smiled: she could just make out his sleeping face. He seemed so much younger when he was asleep. She prayed that he wouldn’t awaken with any nightmares, and she prayed that she wouldn’t either.
Climbing in beside him, she placed his arm back over her like a protective shield and then laced their fingers together. He mumbled something in his sleep before she felt sleep claim her, too.
Chapter Fifteen
Rose knew her happiness couldn’t last. The morning after, she went to her apartment to shower and get ready for work. Seth had made it difficult for her to leave, though, as he’d kept kissing her and luring her back into bed. After they’d eaten breakfast, he’d carried her to his bed again, the sex slow and tender and so amazing Rose couldn’t believe any of it was real.
Toweling her hair dry, she heard her phone ring. Her heart beat in excitement, thinking it was Seth, but when she saw it was an unknown number, her heart sank.
“Hello?” she answered. She refused to sound scared.
“Rosie, it’s been too long. I got your message,” said Johnny, his voice almost jovial. “I’d love to meet with you, but I don’t have much time to waste. How about Saturday afternoon, at the Sanditon Pass?”
“That’s at least an hour away. I don’t have a car—”
“Figure it out.” His jovial tone melted away. “Either agree to meet me there, or you can kiss your boyfriend and your brother goodbye.”
“And what if I say no?” She didn’t know why she was trying to provoke him. Maybe because she was just so tired of capitulating to his demands.
He laughed. “You already know what’ll happen. Do you want everyone to know what your brother did? Or for him to lose his precious job because of you?”
She remained silent, seething.
“That’s what I thought. I’ll text you the exact address. Oh, and Rosie?”
“What?”
“Come alone. Don’t tell anyone where you’re going. Believe me, if I catch a whiff of you blabbing, you’ll regret it.”
“Fine,” she replied. “But I have one more question.”
“Of course you do.”
“Did you break into Heath’s place?”
Johnny didn’t reply for a long moment, and Rose could imagine him shrugging. “Does it matter?” he countered.
“No, I guess it doesn’t.”
She sat in her apartment with Callie’s head in her lap. Taking out her box from her safe, she counted the money in it for what felt like the thousandth time. It was enough—more than enough. Johnny didn’t deserve a penny of it, but it was her last chance to get him to stop this. Money was always a safe bet to get people to leave you alone.
She considered going next door to tell Seth about Johnny’s demands, but she hesitated. She knew Johnny; she knew he watched her and the people around her. And would Seth agree to stay quiet? Or not to follow her to Sanditon Pass?
Unlikely, if not impossible.
By the time she arrived at work a few hours later, she was so distracted that Rebecca asked her what was going on.
“You’ve forgotten refills and brought out the wrong orders,” Rebecca said, assessing Rose. “You look like hell.”
Rose laughed, but it was a hollow sound. “Just a lot on my mind. If anyone complains, tell them it was all my fault.”
When one customer became upset that his steak was cooked well-done instead of medium rare, Rose almost bit her tongue in half trying to keep her cool. Normally the annoying customers didn’t ruffle her, but she was on a short fuse at the moment. She almost wished Johnny would show up so she could punch him. Instead, she kept the anger balled up inside for the time being.
Exhausted and wanting nothing more than to sleep for days, Rose left work with her mind elsewhere. Yet when someone stepped out of the shadows, saying her name, she pulled her gun out without a second thought.
The dim light revealed the shadowy figure was Seth. He blinked at the gun.
“I thought we’d moved past this?” he joked.
When she didn’t say anything, just put the gun back into her jacket pocket, he touched her arm.
“Hey, what was that about? I told you that I’d walk you home from work, especially at night.”
She shrugged, embarrassed. “Reflex, I guess,” she replied.
He narrowed his eyes at her, but she looked away.
“Can we go home? I’m exhausted,” she said.
They didn’t speak as they walked back to their apartment complex. Everything seemed so pointless right then, and it made her shoulders slump. How could she love Seth when she couldn’t be honest with him? When she was afraid he would hate her if he discovered what she’d done?
A lump formed in her throat as they arrived at their apartments. Before she could lose her nerve, she asked him, “Want to come in?”
He nodded and followed her in.
Callie rose and greeted them both. Callie had decided that she approved of Seth, and to Rose’s amusement, the dog seemed to love Seth more than Rose at this point. Callie panted, her tongue hanging out, and her tail wagging so fast it was a total blur.
Rose couldn’t tell Seth about her promise to Johnny, but she could tell him everything else. The things she’d told Heath recently.
She almost laughed. Apparently her fate lately was to tell the men in her life how one man in particular had almost destroyed her life completely.
After sleeping together last night, Seth had gotten her to agree to let him buy her a futon for her living room that following morning., This was the first night she would use it for a bed. She sat down on it now, the wood creaking when Seth sat beside her.
“I told you that I’d explain everything to you,” she said. “About Johnny.”
He stilled. “Hummingbird, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“That’s the thing: I want you to know.” Because if you can’t love me anymore, I want to know now. “And I said I’d exp
lain everything.”
His eyes darkened, and he looked like he wanted to take her into his arms. But right then, she needed to stand on her own two feet—metaphorically speaking.
“Before you start,” he said with a small smile, “let’s have something to drink.”
Ten minutes later, Seth drank a beer while Rose sipped at a glass of wine. Since telling Heath what had happened, she found that the words weren’t as difficult to come by.
She didn’t sugarcoat any of it: she told him exactly what she’d told Heath. About Heath’s arrest, her deal with Johnny. How she’d thought Johnny was her savior, but he’d turned out to be her tormenter. She recounted the abuse and the rapes, and she closed her eyes for a moment when she saw Seth’s anger at her words.
“He’s been stalking me now, but I haven’t seen him in a while,” she said. It was mostly true: she hadn’t seen him in a while.
Seth frowned, but he was so distracted by her story that he didn’t poke holes in that part of it. Instead, she saw a man who looked both frozen and enraged. His soldier’s training seemed to keep him from exploding completely. The only evidence of his agitation was how he clenched and unclenched his fist against his knee.
“That’s my story,” she said sadly. She shrugged. “I was an idiot to think Johnny would take care of me.”
“No, you weren’t.” The words seemed to burst from Seth. “You wanted to believe that he’d help you. You weren’t stupid, he was a bastard. An evil, cruel bastard.”
Seth hissed in a breath, and when Rose saw his eyes, she could honestly say she’d never seen a man so angry yet so contained at the same time. She swallowed, her mouth dry.
“Fuck!” He growled the word as he rose from the futon. He paced, much like Heath had paced, but while Heath had been stricken with guilt, Seth was a caged animal.
“Fuck him. Goddamn, Rose, if I ever see him, I’ll kill him.” It wasn’t just a threat, she knew—it was a promise.
“You’ll have to get in line after me.” She got up and put her arms around him. “I was so afraid to tell you,” she admitted, speaking to his chest. “I was afraid you’d hate me for it.”