by Vivian Wood
He inhaled. “Hate you for it? Jesus, Rose. You’ve gone through so much, yet you’re still so kind and lovely. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He tipped up her chin so she could look into his eyes. “If anything, I don’t deserve to kiss your feet.”
A watery smile touched her lips, and Seth gently brushed away the tears that fell from her eyes. She laid her cheek against his chest, hearing his heart thump. It was a comforting sound, reminding her of how precious life was. How precious Seth’s life was to her.
She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she hesitated. She hadn’t told him everything; it seemed unfair of her to admit to her feelings when she couldn’t be fully honest with him.
“I want to make love to you,” he whispered in her ear. He sounded unsure, like he didn’t have any right to ask her that.
Stepping away from him, Rose smiled. “Then what are you waiting for?”
Seth had never said those words before, but it was true. He wanted to make love to her. He wanted to show her how amazing she was, how she should never blame herself for what had happened to her.
For what Johnny had done to her—it hadn’t been some random force. A man had hurt her, and when Seth had said he’d kill Johnny, he hadn’t lied. The only thing stopping him from going after Johnny right that moment was the look in Rose’s eyes as she started to undress in front of him.
She pulled off her shirt to reveal a white bra that had seen better days: frayed and with one strap held up with a safety pin, it was clearly past its expiration date. But Seth didn’t care, she was beautiful in rags or the most expensive clothes in existence.
She unhooked her bra before unzipping her jeans that hugged every curve. Her panties were a scrap of cotton, and Seth could make out the dark hair covering her sex through the fabric. He swallowed, his cock pulsing against his jeans.
Rose sent him a shy smile, a flush covering her chest up to her cheeks. Her nipples were a dark pink—rose-colored, which was appropriate—and in the overhead light, he noticed a constellation of freckles on her stomach.
She finally stripped out of her panties and moved toward him. She placed her hands on his chest, but he waited for her to let him know he could touch her in turn. After what she’d told him, he understood why she’d freaked out when they’d first had sex. Anger thrummed in his blood, but then Rose nuzzled him, sighing softly.
“You’re my first, you know,” she said. She tipped her head back to look at him. “My real first. You know what I mean?”
He did, and it staggered him. He wished he had known. He would’ve gone more slowly. He would’ve savored her. But he couldn’t regret any of it, and when he gazed into her eyes, he knew she didn’t regret it, either.
Seth touched her silky dark hair, fingering the blue tips. “I’m honored,” he said seriously. “I can guarantee that your third, fourth, fifth—one hundredth—time with me will be fucking fantastic.”
She giggled. “One hundred times? How about one thousand?”
“Deal.”
He picked her up, avoiding the rickety futon she’d barely let him buy for her, and pushed her against the nearest wall. They both made short work of his clothes, and when her slim fingers encircled his cock, he almost knocked his forehead on the wall in front of him.
She’d gotten way too good at that—she squeezed and stroked as she began to kiss his chest, licking at his nipples. He, in turn, sucked at her neck until he left a small mark. She tasted like woman and a salty-sweetness he couldn’t identify.
He loved the way she said his name, her voice throaty, and how she reacted so strongly to every touch and caress. She was a live-wire in his arms, and in turn, she electrified him.
When he kneeled in front of her, he pushed her legs apart until he could see her. Smell her. She was as pink here as her nipples, and he watched in fascination as her entire body turned a similar shade of pink.
Rose’s fingers tangled in his hair as he licked her in one slow stroke. Her head hit the wall with a thunk, but she only dug her fingers harder into his scalp, egging him on.
“Why are you so good at that? It’s not fair. You drive me crazy.” She panted, talking nonsense. If Seth weren’t otherwise preoccupied, he would’ve laughed.
She swore at him, curse words dropping like dirty gemstones from her tongue, and it only made him want to make her insane with want. He nuzzled her, lapping at her, and before long, he was circling her clit with his tongue as he edged a finger around her entrance.
“Oh my God, oh my God. Just like that. No, nooooo.” She squealed when he pushed his finger totally inside her, and then she moaned so loudly that she clapped a hand over her mouth.
He could feel her thighs trembling, and he knew she was close. With one more lap of his tongue and a twist of his finger, she came. Her sheath contracted as her body spasmed, and he heard her gasp his name before she let out a high-pitched scream. Or yelp. It was hard to tell.
Seth kissed her thighs, her hip, the constellation of freckles on her belly. He thanked his own forward thinking that he’d put a condom in his wallet the day before, and he had the condom on before Rose even noticed.
Rose glanced down at his cock. “Oh, you had a condom? That’s good, because I don’t have any.” She giggled.
He kissed the tip of her nose, her mouth. Pulling her legs up and around his hips, he opened her to him. Her heat seared him, and it was all he could do not to plunge inside her.
“I want you inside me.” Her voice was a hot whisper in his ear. “I want you so much, Seth.”
A second later, he pushed inside her in one stroke until he was lodged to the hilt. Rose dug her nails into his shoulders—she tended to do this every time he was inside her, and he loved it—and then they were kissing as he thrust.
Gripping her thighs, he heard them knocking against the wall with each thrust, but he didn’t care if the entire apartment complex heard them. All he cared about was how extraordinary she felt around him, and how he knew right then that he could never let her go.
“I’m close. Fuck, Rose.” He angled his thrusts so his pelvis pressed against her clit. When he hit the perfect angle, he watched as her eyes rolled back inside her head.
Bingo.
“Keep going, faster, faster, harder, yes, God, Seth!” she yelled when her second orgasm hit.
Seth grunted, sweat beading on his forehead. His own release was close—so close—and when Rose licked his jaw, he felt his body tense. His orgasm hit him with the subtlety of a bomb going off. He slapped a hand against the wall, his body shaking until his muscles and bones all turned to jelly.
They stood like that for a long moment, breathing hard, when Seth felt something cold between his ass cheeks. He jumped, yelping.
Rose burst out laughing. “Callie! No! Leave Seth alone. Go lie down.” She laughed even harder at his expression.
Seth set Rose down as he turned to glare at her dog. “Can’t a guy get a little respect around here?”
“Aw, she didn’t mean it. Did you?” Rose rubbed Callie’s nose and bent to kiss her ears. Callie just gave her a wide doggy smile.
After cleaning up, they pulled out Rose’s futon and curled up together. Although the sex was amazing, Seth had to admit he liked this part almost as much. Which meant he was turning into a total sap. He could just imagine what Max would’ve said: Watch out. You’re not getting out of that trap anytime soon, man.
Seth moved his hand under his pillow, only to find a book there. He pulled it out. North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell.
“Oh, I’d forgotten I’d put that there.” Rose took the book from him, smiling. “This is one of my favorites.” Her eyes widened. “The hero’s name is Mr. Thornton, actually. John Thornton.”
Seth lay on his back, his hands behind his head. “What a coincidence. Is he ridiculously good-looking and a total lady-killer?”
“He’s actually really awkward. He totally screws up the first marriage proposal to Margaret and she tells him to ta
ke a hike.” Her smile turned dreamy. “He’s so romantic.”
Seth snorted. He flipped through the book, intrigued despite himself. “Have you read all of the books on your bookshelf?”
“Mostly. A lot of them I got in college…”
At the mention of college, they both stilled. Because of Johnny, Rose hadn’t finished college, had she? Seth hated Johnny even more, which he didn’t think was possible.
“You were an English major?”
“Yeah. Sometimes I think about going back.”
He rubbed her arm. “Why not? You should.”
“I don’t know. I’m too old, and it would be weird…”
“It’s never too late. Besides, you love it. Who reads books like this? Nobody, except people who really love them.”
She lay down on her stomach, her hair falling down her back in dark waves. “And then what? I teach? Write books?”
“Whatever you want. Sing songs in the park if you want. As long as it makes you happy.”
They talked into the night: about Seth, growing up in his crazy family; about Rose, growing up without a father and then without either parent. They talked about what they’d wanted to be when they were kids and how their lives had turned out so differently. Seth told her about when Lizzie had run off, and how he’d been adrift until he’d joined the Marines.
He didn’t tell her about possibly returning for another tour. He didn’t know why—or maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t want her to know that he was afraid he could only be a soldier and nothing else. That war was in his blood, and if he wasn’t in the Marines, he became adrift, just like he’d been before he’d joined up.
Yet as they lay together, Seth also knew that he couldn’t let Rose go. He had convinced himself he couldn’t love, that Max’s death had killed that part of him, but more and more, he realized he’d been wrong.
He loved her. He closed his eyes against the realization, but there it was. He’d do anything for her, and wasn’t that love in its purest form?
When her breathing became even and slow, he kissed her pale shoulder. I love you, he thought, unsure if he could ever say the words aloud.
Chapter Sixteen
Rose awoke to the sound of Seth’s voice. Yawning, she sat up, her brain slowly clearing of sleep.
Seth’s shoulders were tense as he spoke to someone on the phone. “Yeah, you’ll have my answer soon, sir. Yeah. Yeah, I understand. Bye.”
He seemed not to realize she was next to him. She began to rub his shoulders, concerned, but he pushed her hands away.
“I need to take a shower,” he muttered. “I’ll be back,” he added in a gentler voice.
Rose heard the water turn on next door, and as she made breakfast for herself and Seth, she frowned. Who wanted an answer from him? He hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort lately.
Rose gave Callie a bite of bacon. “It’s just one thing after another with us, isn’t it?”
Seth returned twenty minutes later, his hair wet and looking a little less dazed. They sat down to eat, not speaking, and Rose decided not to press him until he felt ready to tell her what was going on.
Seth set his plate down on the table, smiling when Callie tried to nose another piece of bacon from his plate. “Sit,” Seth said, and after Callie sat, he gave her a piece as a reward.
“I guess you’re wondering what that was about,” he said finally.
Rose bit her lip and began to fiddle with her hair. “Something like that.”
He sighed, running his hands through his hair, disheveling the damp strands. “My CO told me that he has a mission in mind for me. He can get me switched from inactive duty to active by the fall if I accept.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It means I’d do a fourth tour.”
Rose swallowed. She felt dizzy at the news, like her world had been tilted on its axis. Seth could be leaving in only a few months? She closed her eyes and did her best to stave off the panic.
“Do you know what you’re going to say?” she asked woodenly.
“No. Sometimes I think I should, because what the hell am I doing here? Making tables?” At her hurt look, he winced. “I don’t mean you. I’m sorry. I just meant that I feel like I’m meant to be only a soldier and nothing else.”
“That’s not true. You did really well in the Marines, from what you’ve told me, but you can’t go to war for the rest of your life. We might not even have any wars to go to eventually.” They both stared at each other at that statement before laughing sadly.
“Okay, maybe not,” she allowed, “and I may know nothing about the military, but you don’t stay on the front lines forever. Right?”
“Right. After Max died, I thought I was done.” Seth leaned back, sighing. “But I don’t know anymore. Sergeant Loyd has offered me something that could make me a sergeant if things go well.”
“And if things go badly?” Her voice was a whisper now. “What happens if you don’t come back?”
“I came back three times already. What’s a fourth?”
His light tone fell flat, and they both said nothing. The panic once again clawed at Rose’s mind. She’d just found Seth—fallen in love with him—and here he was, about to leave her.
The thought sent her to a dark place, where she was alone no matter what she did.
“Rose,” he said as he lifted up her chin. “It’s going to be all right. I haven’t made my decision yet anyway.”
“Haven’t you, though? If you were going to say no, you would’ve already.”
He couldn’t deny it; he dropped his hand and clenched his jaw.
“I don’t have a right to tell you what to do with your life, but think about your family. Yourself, even. You still have nightmares—”
“You think I don’t know that? I can’t sleep without seeing my best friend getting fucking blown up.”
Rose flinched.
“Look, I should head out. I’ll call you. Do you have to work today?” he asked.
“No. I’m going over to Heath’s. He’s picking me up.”
“Good, good. I’ll see you later.”
He was so distracted that he only kissed her cheek before heading out, not even telling Callie goodbye like he usually did.
Rose rubbed her eyes, exhausted beyond measure. She’d lied about Heath coming by: she just hadn’t wanted Seth to stick around because he felt guilty.
“Come on, girl,” she said to Callie as she got Callie’s leash, “let’s go take a walk. Otherwise I’m going to lose my mind sitting around here.”
Callie barked happily, and Rose was glad that at least somebody around here was happy for once.
When Seth screwed up a table leg for the third time, Alan told him to take a break. “Otherwise I’m going to run out of wood,” he said dryly.
Seth swore under his breath. He was too distracted to get any real work done; the usual peace he got from woodworking wasn’t happening today.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Rose’s face when he’d told her he might say yes to a fourth tour. She’d been stricken, yet she hadn’t told him to say no, either. But what else can I do? he thought rather desperately.
His mind whispered that he was just too scared to admit how much he cared for Rose—that he couldn’t tell her that he loved her. Because the people he loved died, didn’t they?
“You going to tell me what’s going on or am I going to have to torture it out of you?” Alan joked. He handed Seth a mug of hot coffee. “I haven’t seen you destroy a table leg like that since you were a kid.”
Seth grunted. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“No kidding. The missus got mad at me this morning because I’d forgotten to buy toilet paper. Like I’d remember her telling me that at seven yesterday morning when I don’t get home until five! She told me to get out until I could get my head out of my ass.” He whistled. “That woman has a temper, that’s for sure.”
“Did you buy the toilet paper?” Seth couldn’t help but ask.
“Sure did. Rolls and rolls of it sitting in my trunk right now.” Alan winked. “Because you gotta compromise to keep the peace. You can’t keep fighting everyone and everything, son.”
Seth wasn’t sure how Alan buying toilet paper when his wife had asked him to do just that was compromising, but he just smiled, shaking his head.
Alan had been a father figure to him in a way, and Seth found himself wanting to tell him about Sergeant Loyd’s offer. It wasn’t as if his own father would be of any help: Dave Thornton had never been fond of his son’s decision to join the Marines instead of doing something more prestigious. Like becoming a physician like himself and Harrison, or a lawyer. Or an investment banker or something like that. Something involving a suit, tie, and lots of money.
Alan listened without comment as Seth told him everything. Crossing his arms, Alan nodded and harrumphed a few times until Seth reached the end. Although he’d hardly mentioned Rose, apparently he’d said enough to convey that his feelings were more than just surface feelings.
“Here’s the question,” Alan said, “what do you want?”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. Do you want to make sergeant? Go back abroad to fight again? Or are you doing it because you’re running from something—or someone?” Alan stroked his mustache. “Think about that, is what I’d say. It’d be one thing if you felt like this was the right path for you. It’s another if you’re doing it for stupid reasons altogether. And it sounds like you care about this girl a lot.”
Seth shook his head. “I don’t know what I feel.”
“Yeah, you do. Don’t be a dumbass, son.” Alan slapped him on the shoulder. “Get your head out of the sand and figure it out. I have a feeling you know what the answer is; you just don’t want to face it. We all get into that place. It’s just a matter of how you get yourself out of it.”
Seth was able to finish the table without destroying another leg, his mind focused on the task at hand.