This is…so unlike me. I can hardly wrap my thoughts around it.
“That. Right there. The fucking stuff of my dreams.” His voice is strained and rough, his features pulled almost into a grimace. He’s studying me intently, his fingers gripping my hair, his thigh tense beneath my palm. “Holy. Shit.”
I take it that he likes what I’m doing.
The weird thing is? I’m liking it too. I’m deriving pleasure from giving him pleasure and it’s a heady feeling. I grip the base of his erection firmly and suck him as deep as I can go, withdrawing almost all the way before I draw him back in again. His hand hasn’t left the side of my face and he’s holding my hair away like he doesn’t want to miss a thing. The farther I take this though, the more inept I’m starting to feel and I hope I don’t screw it up.
Please, please, please don’t let me mess this up.
I withdraw him from my mouth and continue to stroke him, going on instinct as I lean in and trace the veins with my tongue. A choked sound comes from him and I glance up to find his gaze glued to me, his lips parted, his chest rising and falling in time with his accelerated breaths.
“I’m close,” he whispers. “I’m warning you.”
“Tell me what you want me to do.” Oh, I’m really feeling bold now, asking for directions. But I want this to be good for him. I want him to never forget the night I gave him a blowjob. Really? I’d like to obliterate all of those other girls who’ve done exactly this from his mind. So all he can remember, all he can fantasize about is me.
Me.
His eyes flare with heat at my words and he readjusts his position, sitting up straighter. “Grip me tighter.”
I do as he asks, liking how he doesn’t hesitate. How can I know what he wants if I don’t ask for it? Not that I’d ever had the courage to ask any other guy what he wanted before but there’s something about Shep that makes me feel different. In a good way.
In an I-will-own-my-sexuality-and-make-it-mine way.
“Suck just the head of my cock into your mouth. Ah, fuck. Yeah, just like that.” I follow his request, sucking him so hard my cheeks hollow out and from his panting breaths, I can tell he really likes that. I begin to stroke him, increasing my pace, encouraged by the dirty words that fall from his lips. Who knew Shep could be such a dirty talker? I should’ve known, but it still comes as a surprise.
A very pleasant one.
My body is tense, my nipples tight beneath my bra. I’m almost painfully aroused and I wish like crazy I didn’t have this period problem happening. Though he was the one who praised anticipation that night when I was drunk and I thought he was crazy then.
Maybe he was right after all.
“Jade.” His voice is a warning, dark and low. I glance up, sucking him deeper, loving the way he’s watching me like he’s just about to attack. “I’m gonna come.”
I don’t stop. I keep going, wanting him to come. I want to see this. To—taste this. I’ve never been in the situation before where the guy is actually going to come in my mouth so I’m curious. Really curious.
And perfectly willing to let Shep be the one to come in my mouth for the first time.
He says my name again, deeper this time, his eyes sliding closed, his mouth falling open, the cords in his neck straining beneath his skin. I stare in fascination, my lips tightening around him just as I feel the first eruption of his semen on my tongue.
“Fuck,” he groans as he lifts his hips, his length going deeper inside my mouth. I don’t move, I just take it like he described in his dream, swallowing him down, shocked that I would even do this. That I’m actually…enjoying it.
But holy hell, it’s super-hot watching him lose all control, feeling him come inside my mouth, knowing that I’m the one who did that to him. For him. His entire body is tense, his expression one of agonized pleasure as he lifts his hips one last time. I finally pull away from him, letting go of his still very hard erection and I wipe at the corner of my mouth, draw my thumb and index finger along my lower lip, making sure I’m not a mess.
“Damn.” I glance up to catch Shep rest both hands over his face, his chest still moving rapidly, his mouth pursed as he blows out a harsh breath. He runs his hands up, over his eyes, into his hair and then he’s watching me, his face like a mask, his eyes full of…something I can’t quite figure out. “I should take you home.”
I nearly fall backwards at his words. Take me home? It’s not even that late. We have the entire night together since Tristan is gone. Why would he want to take me home?
I meet his gaze again, see the unfamiliar light in his eyes and realization dawns on me.
I think what I’m seeing might be regret, mixed with a major dose of guilt.
Great.
Chapter 16
Jade
* * *
“I hate Shepard Prescott.”
Kelli rolls her eyes, sending me a look that says here we go again. “We’re back to that? Really?”
“Kelli.” I grab hold of her arm and glance around, making sure no one can hear us before I whisper, “I had his dick in my mouth. And the minute it was over, he took me home. Never to be heard from again.” It stings just saying it. Why do I keep reliving it? It’s like pure torture yet I can’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about him.
God, what a jerk. How could I be so stupid? The one time I actually want a dick in my mouth and I end up with a whole lot of dick all right. A dick who got off and then ran like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs.
“Maybe he’s been busy.” She shrugs, trying to look positive. When I continue to glare at her, she gives up the pretense, her shoulders slumping. “Fine. He’s an asshole. Just like you always said. You had good reason to throw up all those walls. The minute he got what he wanted, he bailed.”
Ouch. Hearing my predicament spelled out so simply is painful. But Kelli’s right. Shep is a total dick. He got what he wanted and left me without a backward glance.
It’s been a week since I last saw Shep—an entire week. No calls, no texts, no nothing. Not even a glimpse of him on campus. It’s late April, final exams are coming, I’m working on a final project for my communications class that’s keeping me extra busy and we’re down to the wire. School will be over in May. I’ll head home pretty soon after that and won’t return until classes resume in August.
Meaning I most likely won’t see Shep again, if ever, which should thrill me right? The asshole ditched me. Just like that. As if I don’t matter.
But it hurts, damn it. I’m confused. Was I that awful? Did I do it wrong? I followed his exact instructions and he seemed to enjoy himself. I mean, my God, I made him come in freaking minutes. I let him come in my mouth and I never do that. I really got into it, but he left me in the dust. Like I don’t even exist.
If I wasn’t so pissed off, I might’ve cried over this.
We’re at the cafeteria, eating salads for lunch while I lament over my Shep problem. Again. It’s all I’ve talked about since it happened. The BJ Experience. Why I name all of my moments with Shep, I don’t know but it sort of makes it fun.
Again, it’s either laugh or cry over this mess. Take your pick.
“I hate him,” I tell Kelli. “Seriously. If he were to come up to me at this very moment I’d probably knee him in the balls and tell him to go to hell.”
Kelli’s nods sympathetically, her gaze lifting to a spot above my head. Her eyes widen and I see her visibly swallow. “Uh oh,” she murmurs.
Panic sweeps up my chest, settles in my throat. Oh my God, what if it’s Shep? Yes, I want to knee him in the balls but I also want to…throw my arms around him and ask him where it all went wrong. Damn it that makes me want to punch myself in the face for even thinking that.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her, ducking my head so my hair falls in front of my face, like I’m trying to hide.
“You’ll never believe who’s headed this way.” I watch from beneath the veil of my hair as she sits up straighter, her smile br
ight. “Dane! Hi.”
Oh no. I can only assume who’s with Kelli’s boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend.
Joel.
I lift my head to find Dane and Joel standing by our table, Dane bending down so he can drop a kiss on Kelli’s upturned lips. Joel watches me, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, his expression hopeful. “Hey Jade,” he murmurs.
“Hi.” I try and give him a smile but it feels more like a twist of my lips so I let it fall. “How are you?”
“I’m good. Glad the semester’s almost over.” He rocks back on his heels, a habit he has when he’s nervous. So I make him nervous. Great. “I uh, I’m glad you’re here.”
“Oh?” My voice goes high and I clear my throat, irritated with myself.
“Yeah. I wanted to apologize for how everything went down between us. It uh, didn’t end well and I’m sorry.”
Oh. Well, I didn’t expect that. Though I wasn’t very nice to him either. “It’s okay.” I shake my head, offer him a genuine smile this time. “We all just got—caught up in the moment I guess.”
“Yeah, that’s one way to describe it.” He blows out an irritated breath. “I was an asshole for letting Prescott bet on you though. Guy thinks he can do anything he wants and I let him.”
Just hearing his name makes me yearn for him. So freaking stupid. “He can be pretty persuasive. And really, he’s the asshole for coming up with the bet in the first place.”
“I guess. What really makes me mad is that I thought I was going to win. I figured it was a sure thing, what with the hand I had.” Joel shakes his head, his face etched with regret. It’s really kind of sweet of him, that he’s still so upset over what happened. Granted it was over two weeks ago and I’m the whore bag who forgot all about him in my hot pursuit of Shep, but I’m letting bygones be bygones.
I wave a hand, dismissing his words. “Let’s not rehash it, okay? What’s done is done.”
Joel glances toward Kelli and Dane, who are cuddled up together in their own little world. He indicates the empty chair beside me. “Can I sit?”
“Of course.” I watch as he settles his lanky body into the chair. He looks good. He’s cute, I always thought he was with his close cropped brown hair and his blue eyes. He’s tall—though Shep is taller—and leanly muscled. Guess he used to be on the swim team at his high school. He still looks like a boy though, while Shep is all man.
Ugh. I really, seriously need to stop comparing Joel to Shep.
“It’s just that…I can’t stop thinking about you, Jade,” Joel says the moment he pulls his chair close to mine. “I feel bad for how it ended between us. I hate that it ended.” He pauses, his gaze meeting mine, his expression deadly serious. “I miss you.”
I can’t even believe he’s saying this. I don’t know how to answer him either. Have I missed Joel? Not really. I’ve been too preoccupied by Shep. But if I’m being honest with myself, Joel is more my speed. He’s the type of guy I should be with. Shep is too much, while Joel is just right.
“I feel bad for how it ended too.” Now that’s the truth. I’d been a total bitch to him after it all went down, not giving him a chance to explain but I was so angry over the entire situation. Angry at Shep especially.
Now I’m even angrier with him and I have good reason to be.
“Listen.” Joel scoots his chair closer to mine, resting his arm on the edge of the table so he can lean into me. “There’s a party tomorrow night. I want you to go with me.”
I stiffen in my chair, my gaze automatically going to Kelli. Like she can feel me looking at her, she nods her encouragement when her gaze meets mine, and I know Dane has already told her Joel’s plan.
“What kind of party?” I ask carefully, praying he doesn’t say the gambling house or whatever the hell it’s called. The illegal casino Shep and his cousin and friend run out of that house. That’s the last place I want to go.
“It’s at a frat. One of our friends invited us. Dane and Kelli will be there. I figured we could all go together.” He smiles that cute little boy grin of his I used to find so appealing. I still sort of do. “Come on, J. Say you’ll go with me.”
I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. But why should I sit home miserable on a Friday night when Shep’s already forgotten about me? If he can push me right out of his life, I can do the same. “I’ll go with you,” I say, smiling when Joel hugs me. I pat him on the back, my gaze meeting Kelli’s once more. She offers me a thumbs up and I roll my eyes, noticing the way Dane’s watching me, like he’s just waiting for me to screw over his best friend again.
I don’t plan on screwing anyone over. That hurts too much.
Pressing my hand against Joel’s chest, I create some distance between us, and his arms fall away from me. “We’re going as just friends, okay?”
“Sure.” His smile doesn’t fade. I don’t know if he believes me. “I get it.”
“I’m glad.” I pat his shoulder. I need to quit patting him. I’m acting like a mom or something. “I’m glad we can be friends again.” I mean it too.
“So am I.” His smile fades. “But you need to know I still…want more. I want what we had before Jade. Like I said, I’ve missed you. A lot.”
Oh, crap. My smile freezes on my face and I laugh uneasily. I don’t know what to say to him.
So I don’t say anything at all.
“I didn’t want to tell you this,” Kelli says conversationally as she curls her hair, her gaze meeting mine in the mirror. “But the party we’re going to tonight? Is at Shep’s frat.”
We’re crowded around my makeshift vanity in our room, fighting for the mirror as we get ready for the stupid, stupid party. I drop the mascara wand that I’d just been using, thankful I didn’t stab myself in the eye. “You’re serious.”
She nods, her expression somber. “I bet he won’t be there though. I hear he doesn’t hang out at his fraternity house so much anymore.”
“Last time we went to a party at the house, he was there.” I turn to look at her, dread filling my stomach. That was the time he slipped his hand under my skirt. The pervert. The sexy as hell, rotten, horrible, most excellent kisser I’ve ever met, absolute dickhead. God, I loathe him. I love that word. Loathe. It describes my feelings for Shep perfectly. “I don’t know if I should go now.”
“Oh come on, you have to go. You don’t want to disappoint Joel, do you?” She sets the curling iron down on the table. “Jade, you can’t let Shep win. If he’s going to be a dick, then you’re going to turn into his worst nightmare come to life. I’m serious. Wouldn’t it be awesome if you show up at that party looking smokin’ hot and he sees you? He’ll be salivating after you and you can tell him to go fuck himself. He’ll regret everything and you’ll get some satisfaction by telling him off.”
Is it wrong that I sort of like this idea? Looking sexy as hell and watching Shep’s eyes bug out of his head as I walk into the house on Joel’s arm? Yeah, he’d look at Joel like he was nothing, but it wouldn’t matter. I’d look at Shep like he was nothing.
Because he is. He’s nothing to me.
Absolutely, positively nothing.
“You can wear that cute little denim skirt like you did last time or…oh! I know what you can wear.” Kelli dashes off toward the closet and throws it open, digging around until she pulls out a tiny pair of denim cutoff shorts. “I just bought these. I want you to wear them.”
Kelli’s shorter than me. I could probably shove myself into those shorts but I’d be all legs. “Don’t you think my butt cheeks will hang out of them?”
She shoves the shorts into my hands, a giant smile on her face. “Yes. Isn’t that the point? You’ll drive him out of his mind.”
“Who? Joel?” More like give him the wrong message.
“No, not Joel.” She rolls her eyes. “Shep.”
I shake my head. “I can’t wear these. I’ll look like I’m trying too hard.”
“You’re wearing them. And you’re going to look fucking amazing
in them. I know it.” She waves a hand at me. “Try them on.”
“Seriously?” I hold them up, examining the frayed edges. Oh, these are short. My ass cheeks will definitely hang out the back of these shorts.
“Do it. Right now.” Kelli snaps her fingers and with a sigh I shove off my cotton shorts, grab the cutoffs and slip them on.
They fit perfectly. Crap. I go to the full-length mirror that hangs on the wall and examine myself. My makeup is half on, my hair is in a sloppy bun on top of my head and I look like I have legs for miles.
Miles and miles and miles.
“Oh yeah.” Kelli comes up just behind me, beaming. “You are definitely wearing those shorts.”
“Were you going to wear them?” I ask weakly, turning to the side. Oh my God. “Because I don’t want to take them from you. And my ass is practically hanging out. Look at me.” What the hell am I doing? Trying to impress Shep who probably won’t even be there? So I’ll end up wasting all of this time and a perfectly good outfit for nothing. And I might end up setting Joel on fire too, the very last thing I want to do.
I like Joel, but I have no plans on dating him again. Even though I consider him more my speed, it wouldn’t be fair of me to pretend I’m interested in him when I…am interested in someone else.
“Fucking Shep Prescott.” I turn to face Kelli, who’s practically bouncing up and down and clapping her hands. I’ve changed my mind. I am so wearing this. Fuck him. “We need to find the skimpiest top in this closet. Whether it’s mine or yours, I’m wearing it tonight.”
“On it.” Kelli salutes me before she starts skimming through the closet. “How about a tank top? That’s sexy without trying too hard.”
“Perfect.” I reach up and take the band from my hair, shaking it out so it tumbles past my shoulders, almost to the middle of my back. He likes it best when my hair is down. He likes to see my freckles too so I won’t wear any foundation or powder tonight. I’ll play up my eyes instead. Wear a pretty pink lipstick that makes my lips look big. Give him exactly what he wants.
Keep This Promise Page 38