“You stay with a man who beats you, Geri,” he said softly. And suddenly, the conversation wasn’t any fun anymore.
He backed away from her, stretched out flat on the bed and put his hands behind his head, trying to look more relaxed than he felt. God, she had him tied up in knots.
“I’m not staying with him,” she said finally.
“Good. Who’s Dan?”
“None of your business,” she replied.
“Fine,” Alex lied. “Did he die? Or did all your begging and pleading make a difference?”
“What?”
“You were crying in your sleep,” he said. “You were begging him not to die, and I was just wondering if it worked, if he made it.”
She paled, then seemed to stop breathing altogether. He saw a brief hint of fear, which reminded him of her bruises, reminded him a man had put them there, that there must be a part of her that had been taught to fear any man, that he was a louse for teasing her in a sexual way, if she honestly was afraid of him. He should have remembered that—even half-asleep and naked and more turned-on than he’d ever been in his life.
“Geri, I’m not going to hurt you,” he said. “Being here with me might not be the best thing for you. It might not be the safest thing. But I am not going to hurt you, and I’m not going to force you into doing anything you don’t want to do. I swear. If you don’t believe anything else I say, believe that.”
She just sat there, gazing at him. More than once, she opened her mouth to say something, then shut it again. Finally she said, “I’m just no good at this, okay?”
“‘This’?”
She gestured toward him, toward the bed. “Men. I’m no good with men. I’ve never been that comfortable in situations like this. I never will be. If I’m overreacting to this situation—”
“‘Situation’? I’m naked. You’re practically naked, and we’re in bed together. A few minutes ago, we were crawling all over each other, and now we’ve decided we’re not going to do that, even though we both want to. It’s not the kind of situation that inspires calm, rational discussion,” he conceded. “But go ahead, please. Try to explain.”
She frowned. He tried not to watch the rise and fall of her breasts beneath his shirt. He’d burn that shirt, he decided. He’d never be able to wear it again without thinking of her and her breasts encased in that material and the way she looked, sitting here all tousled and sleepy in his bed.
“I’m sure you’ll be able to control yourself just fine,” she said. “Believe me, I know I’m not the kind of woman who moves men to uncontrollable fits of lust—”
“Geri?”
“Hmm?”
“You’d be wrong about that.”
She glared at him.
“The fits-of-uncontrollable-lust part?” he clarified. “You’d be wrong. I’m barely holding it together over here.”
“Do you always make jokes about everything?” she asked.
“If I can. I’m a fairly happy guy. But I’m not joking about this. If you want to come over here, I’d be happy to show you exactly how you make me feel. If you don’t want to do that, one of us should probably get the hell out of this bed.”
He’d left her speechless. He could see the wheels turning in her brain. She was running through all sorts of conclusions, seemingly discarding them all.
“Can it be that hard for you to believe I want you?” he asked, amazed.
“I don’t know.” She sighed.
He rolled his eyes, wondering what in the world he’d done to deserve her. She was the most frustrating, confusing woman he’d ever known, and she’d shown up in his life at exactly the worst time, and he simply couldn’t let himself trust her. Not if he had half a brain inside his thick skull. He couldn’t.
Hell, he thought. If she was staying here, and she was already making him this crazy, he might as well keep going.
“Who’s Dan?” he asked for the third damned time.
“A man,” she replied.
“God,” he muttered. “You really know how to shoot off that smart mouth of yours, don’t you?”
She was still glaring at him. He didn’t think any woman had ever looked at him with such loathing while she was in his bed.
“I’ll make you a deal,” she said finally. “You tell me exactly what happened last night. Exactly what I said and what we did. And I’ll tell you about Dan.”
“Me first?”
She nodded.
“So you can get your story straight? Figure out what you have to tell me and what you can leave out? What you can lie about?”
Alex grinned. She wanted to hit him so badly. He knew it. “Want to go a few rounds, Geri? Right here? Who knows what that might lead to?”
She raised her hand and nearly smacked him across the face before he could react. Damn, she was fast. He’d barely caught her hand before it connected solidly with his face, and they practically arm wrestled right there on the bed for a minute. She was awkward about the whole thing, frustrated and holding back, he sensed, but dying to hurt him, and all he was trying to do was keep her from doing that, without hurting or scaring her. As tussles went, it was quite interesting. But the sheet was getting lost in the heat of the battle, and one glance from her at what she was about to uncover, and she was done. She quit fighting him and backed away to her corner of the bed.
“You’re tough,” he said admiringly.
“Tougher than you know. I’ve been battling with one man or another for most of my life.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, enjoying just watching the agitated way she was breathing. He really had to get her to put on a lot more clothes, if he was going to keep his wits about him.
“You’re an incredibly frustrating person,” she complained.
“And you think you’re not?” he retorted.
“I think you’re enjoying yourself.”
His mouth twitched, verging on a smile. She’d probably hit him again. “It so happens I am. I didn’t realize how bored I’d been until you showed up.”
“Oh, great,” she said. “I’m better than being bored?”
“Much, much better,” he said.
“Oh, Alex, what am I going to do with you?”
“What do you want to do with me?” he invited.
“Forget,” she said. “Dammit, I just want to forget everything with you. Everything that’s important. Everything that makes sense. Everything that’s right.”
He sensed it was the most honest thing she’d ever said to him, sensed that he was getting somewhere with her, finally.
He reached for her, with nothing but absolute honest need, and brought her mouth down to his. The kiss was hard and deep and the most truthful thing he’d shown her, and so was her reaction.
She just melted—right into him. They were plastered together, kneeling there on the bed, as he devoured her with his mouth and his hands, knowing that any minute she was going to stop him, and already regretting it.
When it finally ended—when they were struggling for breath and looking at each other in a mixture of awe and absolute bewilderment—he told her, “Me, too, babe. That’s exactly what you do to me. You make me want to forget everything but this, even if I know it would be one colossal mistake.”
Chapter 5
Her face took on that painfully vulnerable look, the one that made him feel like a louse because he’d probably put it there, because he’d pushed too hard when she was obviously at her wit’s end.
“Is it so bad? That I feel the same way?” he asked. “That we both know this isn’t the smartest thing we could do, but we want to do it anyway?”
“It might be easier if one of us didn’t,” she countered.
“Sorry.” He grinned. “I want to.”
“Do you always do what you want, Alex?”
“As often as I can manage it. Don’t you?”
“No,” she said.
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.”
“Why
not?”
“It doesn’t work that way, Alex.”
“Sure it does. You’re a grown woman. You can do anything you want. You can make your life into anything you want it to be.”
He saw fragility again. Damn.
“Geri?” He reached for her.
She backed away. “I’m trying to change, okay? I know something has to change, and I’m trying.”
“All right.”
“I can’t do it all at once.”
“Okay,” he said. There were certainly things he’d like to change right now that he simply couldn’t.
She sighed. “I’m sorry. I can’t just hop into bed with you and—”
“Geri, you are in bed with me.”
She hit him again, with a pillow this time. “You’re incorrigible,” she complained.
“It’s one of my best qualities.”
She rolled her eyes, and he couldn’t quite believe he was sitting here naked in his bed, laughing with this woman, but damn, it felt good.
“Let me help you,” he said, all serious again. “Tell me what I can do.”
“Oh, Alex...” She sobered just as quickly. “Everything is so messed up. My whole life is a mess, and most of the time I’m scared to even try to change it. I don’t even want to think about how messed up it is.”
“Everybody messes up from time to time. It doesn’t mean things will always be that way.”
“I know.”
“Will you tell me about Dan?”
She stared at him. “You almost sound jealous.”
“Maybe I am,” he said, straight-faced. Damn. he was.
“That’s crazy. You don’t even know me.”
He shrugged. “I know enough to know I want you and that I’m jealous. Why don’t you put me out of my misery and tell me something.”
“Dan’s just a man I used to know.”
“The one in Virginia?”
“Yes.”
“He’s more than a man you used to know, Geri.”
“Okay, we’re close,” she admitted.
“Lovers?”
“No. Friends. As close a friend as anyone. As close as I let anyone get.”
Alex nodded, liking the sound of this a little better. They weren’t lovers. Good. He wanted very much to be Geri’s lover.
“He had an... accident. A bad one. What did I say about him—when I was dreaming?”
“That you didn’t want him to die. Tell me about it, Geri. Did he die?”
“No,” she whispered. “That’s why you came back to bed with me?”
“Well, I can’t say I wasn’t looking for an excuse.” Alex just couldn’t leave the subject alone. He knew from the intensity of her reaction that it wasn’t the first time she’d had that particular nightmare. “How long ago did it happen, Geri?”
She shrugged her shoulder. “A year or so ago.”
“What else?” he asked. “There’s something else, isn’t there? Why is this so important to you? Not just because you were there or because you were his friend. What else?”
“I can’t tell you,” she said.
Alex swore. She’d turned pale and cold, and her eyes were huge and rounded, with a haunted look to them that just about broke his heart
“Come on, Geri. We’re two absolute strangers who’d never seen each other twenty-four hours ago, and before another twenty-four hours is up, you’ll be gone. We’ll probably never see each other again. So why don’t you just tell me. Tell me everything, and let me try to help you.”
“I can’t,” she replied. “Honestly, I wish I could. You just don’t know, Alex, how much I wish I could, how amazing it is that I even want to. But I can’t.”
“Okay,” he said.
“What did you mean when you said I’d be gone by tomorrow ?”
“You can’t stay here,” he said. “It isn’t safe.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t tell you.” He summoned up a smile. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I’m not trying to get back at you for keeping things from me. I just can’t tell you. You’ve got your secrets. I’m going to have to have mine.”
“Oh,” she said, rubbing at her forehead as if it hurt.
He could help her with that. He could rub out all the tension from her head and her shoulders But then he’d have his hands all over her again, which would definitely lead to trouble. Which meant he had to get out of this bed.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll see what I can find in the kitchen.”
“Thanks,” she said. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll have another shower to wake me up and clear my head.”
“Make yourself at home.” Alex touched a finger to the bandages on her chest. “How does this feel? Do I get to play doctor again?”
“I don’t think so, Alex. I don’t think I could handle it if you did.”
“Me neither,” he admitted. At least not without making love to her this time. Then he threw back the covers and climbed out of the bed.
Geri watched with her mouth hanging open while he strolled out of the room as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He honestly didn’t have a stitch on. She’d known he had a wonderful body, because they’d been all over each other in the past eight hours or so. But to see him like this...
He moved with an easy grace, muscles stretching and flexing in a veritable symphony. She found herself fascinated by the sight of all that bare skin, the wide shoulders, narrow waist, and those glorious thighs.
Geri groaned, then rolled over and buried her head in the pillow, which was a mistake. She’d landed on the spot in the bed that still held the warmth of his body, the clean smell of him. She couldn’t remember ever noticing the scent of a man’s skin, or being tempted to bury her face, close her eyes and pretend it was him and not a soft cotton sheet she had her nose pressed against.
This whole scene had taken on an air of unreality. She felt like Alice, who’d fallen down the rabbit hole and found herself in a completely other world. She was in a man’s bed, scarcely clothed, unarmed, and had been totally unconcerned for most of the past twelve hours about her mission. They had calmly discussed the fact that he wanted to have sex with her, even though he knew it wasn’t smart but knew she wanted the same thing. She’d told him a little about Dan, about being lonely and needing to rearrange her whole life, and he’d been sympathetic, understanding. She’d cried all over him, and he’d held her in his arms, very nearly made love to her.
Everything he’d said to her—about his sisters, about his mother dying young—indicated that he was Alex Hathaway. Everything about the way he treated her, the way he touched her, told her he wasn’t. Either he was the best liar she’d ever met, or there was something very wrong with the information she’d been given about him.
Geri thought about it. His fingerprints were on the weapon used to shoot and kill Doc. She’d been guarding his lab that night, when Dan nearly died and she was shot, as well. There was no mistake about that. She hadn’t seen him shoot Doc. She hadn’t checked the fingerprints on the gun herself. She hadn’t seen him slink off. But that’s where she and Dan had been—guarding Alex.
So how did she make it fit together? How could she connect what she’d been told about Dr. Alexander Hathaway—genius, traitor, murderer—and what she’d seen with her own two eyes, heard with her own ears, from Alex—the kind, funny, sexy man?
This was no rabbit hole, no other world. This was the Texas panhandle, and she was an agent on a mission. She’d fallen asleep here in his arms when she was supposed to be searching this cabin. She should have been gone by now, should have reported everything she’d found out about him to her superiors and left it to them to decide what to do next. And whether they sent her right back here to bring him in, or to kill him?
Geri prayed the day would never come when she received that order. After all, she’d slept wrapped in his arms all night long, had very nearly had sex with him this morning. Worst of a
ll, her traitorous body wanted him, wanted all the pleasure he had to offer, wanted oblivion in his arms.
Was it merely about power, she wondered? Was he one of those men who liked to toy with women, like a cat with a mouse? Was he getting her to relax in his presence and throw her off-balance just enough that when he moved in for the kill, it would be that much easier?
Was that possible? Could Alex, the seemingly open, honest, funny, caring man, be that devious? That good? Was he waging some kind of psychological war with her? If he was, he was winning, she thought grimly.
Feeling older than her years and totally inadequate for the job she’d been given, Geri tried to clear her head, to think like an agent, at least for a few minutes. There was nothing left to do but play this out She hadn’t accomplished anything yet, except catching Alex’s attention and getting into his cabin. But that was a start.
Relax, she instructed herself. Think. Play it out
Looking down at her predicament, half-clothed, rumpled, tired, still aching for him, she added one more curt demand to herself.
Stay the hell out of his bed.
Showered, her hair still wet, her face bare, she dressed in a T-shirt and a pair of cutoffs. The shorts were too short, and she still didn’t have a bra, but all in all, it was a welcome change after the outfit she’d donned yesterday.
She’d given herself a thorough dressing-down while she showered, imagined the water and the creamy soap erasing the feel of his hands on her body, taking away any desire she had to feel those hands on her again. She remembered visiting Doc’s grave, remembered Dan in the wheelchair, herself on the firing range her first day back after the accident, when nothing was working the way it once had. She remembered being scared and hurt and doubting everything she’d ever believed about herself, everything she’d ever wanted. And she remembered it was all his fault—all of it.
How hard could it be to hate him for that?
When she opened the bathroom door, the smell coming from the kitchen reminded her that she’d slept through dinner the night before, that nerves had kept her from risking lunch that day. So it had been more than twenty-four hours since her last meal.
Tucked into a corner of the main room, Alex stood in front of the tiny propane stove stirring something in a pot.
Spies, Lies and Lovers Page 7