by HJ Welch
He wrote back to her that he was okay and agreed to stay in touch. Before he knew it, Levi was escorting him towards the elevator. Once again, they rode in silence.
Raiden was crashing hard. After the emotional turmoil of trying to process everything he had learned about Levi that morning, he wasn’t able to cope with evacuating the gig for a bomb scare too. He stumbled out of the elevator and followed Levi, trusting he would lead him to his room.
He got out a key card and opened a door, as expected. Raiden looked left and right. “Which one’s yours?” he asked. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
Levi shook his head. “I don’t have one,” he said. “Come on.”
Raiden opened his mouth to question what the hell he was talking about. But before he knew it, he was ushered inside, and the door was shut behind him.
Then Levi was hugging him like he’d come back from the dead.
“I know I have no right,” Levi growled, his breaths ragged. “But for a second there I thought you were going to die and I can’t…I won’t…please. Raiden. Hate me all you want, I promise I’ll let you go if that’s what you need. But I have to at least try and explain.”
Raiden allowed himself to be hugged.
He hadn’t really thought about losing Levi. He’d been so blindsided by the notion of an actual bomb, he hadn’t stopped to think they could have died without ever speaking again. Touching again.
But by all accounts, Levi had taken part in war crimes. Raiden didn’t want to be anywhere near that. On the other hand…could there really be an alternative explanation?
Raiden used every scrap of strength he had and pushed himself gently free. He felt Levi watch as he moved over and sat on the edge of the solitary double bed occupying the basic hotel room.
“I’m not promising it will change anything,” Raiden said, scrubbing his face. He looked up into Levi’s icy blue eyes. Who was he kidding? Of course they were beautiful. “But, if you have something to say, I think I owe you to at least hear it.”
Levi nodded. He removed his jacket and gun the same methodical way he always did. Then he pulled out the chair by the desk and sat, his hands clasped between his knees. He looked up at Raiden, a ghost of a smile on his lips.
“Thank you.”
25
Levi
Levi wrung his hands for a minute, considering what he had to say. He absolutely could not fuck this up. This was his one chance to keep Raiden. He wanted that so badly, but only if it was genuinely what Raiden wanted too. Levi wasn’t going to trick him into staying in this relationship they had found themselves in.
“It has been the proudest honor of my life to serve my country,” Levi began. “I have a big military family. I wanted to follow in their footsteps.”
He licked his lips and glanced at Raiden. His dad had been a Marine too, but Raiden obviously hadn’t felt that urge to sign up that Levi had. He was so creative, he was meant for a more beautiful world than that of war.
“I have served in both Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as a couple of peacekeeping missions. My last tour, the one you saw the documents for, was Iraq.”
Raiden dropped his gaze and swallowed. Levi would have done anything to take away the distress seeing those files had caused him.
“In the military, the chain of command is absolute,” Levi continued. “If orders aren’t followed when they are given, without pause, the whole operation could come crashing down. When your superiors are competent and have earned their position as well as your trust, this works just fine. It saves lives and wins battles.” He licked his lips, the pain welling up inside him. “When your superior is incompetent, the situation can get FUBAR in the blink of an eye.”
Raiden looked back up. His face was hard to read. He clasped his hands together, rested his elbows on his knees, then placed his chin on his fingers, watching Levi intently.
Levi took a slow breath in to steady himself. “I’m not trying to shift the blame,” he said. “Just give context.”
“I’m listening,” Raiden murmured.
Levi rubbed his thumb against his chin, stalling for time. “My lieutenant was a guy named Meyrick. He…had issues.”
Levi shifted in his seat. Nausea rolled through his stomach. He had done his best not to think about this at all the past few months.
“Issues?” Raiden repeated.
“He was a fucking gung-ho cowboy,” Levi growled, unable to look at Raiden. He stared at the threadbare carpet instead. “He only got the position because he had an uncle in high places.”
The irony that Levi had only got his current job – that he was screwing up – was thanks to his own uncle was not lost on him.
“He was borderline unhinged most of the time. Thought the enemy was hiding around every corner, just waiting to take us out. A glint of a mirror through a window became the barrel of a machine gun. Kids playing in the street were suicide bombers. Guys who couldn’t speak English were Iraqi special forces trying to infiltrate our camp.” Levi swallowed, but he couldn’t dislodge the lump that had risen in his throat. “I wasn’t the only sergeant that tried to question Meyrick, that reported his actions to higher powers. But ultimately, it was his command, and what he said, went.”
Raiden’s gaze on him was unflinching. “So, you were just following orders?”
Levi suppressed the flare of rage that filled him. “No,” he managed to grind out. “I refused his orders on more than one occasion. As you said, I was very close at times to a dishonorable discharge. Some of the other guys weren’t so lucky and took the blame for his shit when they were simply helpless bystanders to his hysteria.”
He looked back at the carpet again, afraid of Raiden’s reaction. “I should have done more. I should have fought harder after the third hamlet he accidentally leveled. But…” Shame threatened to overwhelm him. “Do you know how my dad died?”
He shifted his gaze to see Raiden frown at the apparent non-sequitur. “Um, no I’m sorry, I don’t. I assumed he died on duty?”
Levi sighed. “He was killed by an idiot kid texting on his phone while driving. He didn’t see the red light, so he ran straight into my dad’s pickup. The kid walked away.”
He refused to let the tears fall. But that would always be the greatest regret of his life. He had been on the other side of the world, and one day, his dad was just gone. After everything Dad had faced in the service of his country, he had to go in such a pointless way.
He hadn’t seen Raiden move. But his sneakers appeared in Levi’s view of the carpet. When he looked up, Raiden cradled his face, letting his head lean on his stomach as he stroked Levi’s hair. Levi let out the breath he had been holding and rested his hands tentatively on Raiden’s narrow waist. He thought he was never going to be able to touch him like this again.
“I’m so sorry,” Raiden whispered.
Levi hugged him closer. “No, I’m sorry,” he said. “For everything.” He closed his eyes and let Raiden hold him. “The Marines were everything to my dad, and betraying them felt like betraying him. So, when I couldn’t make the higher-ups see sense about Meyrick, I knew I had to go. I couldn’t stand to work for an institution that would rather blindly follow the word of a maniac than protect people.”
“Weren’t the Marines everything to you, too?” Raiden asked quietly.
Levi dug his fingers into Raiden’s skin, not enough to hurt him, but enough to anchor Raiden to him. “Yes,” he said, so grateful Raiden understood. “They were my family too, my brothers. I’m proud of my career and the good I did in the world. But it ended in a tower of flames, and I’ll never be able to set it right.”
Raiden cupped his hands either side of Levi’s face, getting him to look up at him. They stayed like that for what felt like forever but was probably only a minute. Levi allowed Raiden to look into his eyes and didn’t flinch away.
“I believe you,” Raiden said.
Levi gritted his teeth and couldn’t help but look down. He hadn’t cried since his
father passed away, but he was damn close to it now.
“I wish you didn’t have to,” Levi said, unable to look up. “I wish I could be better for you. I…I want that. To be good. For you.”
Raiden lowered himself to his knees so they were at the same level. It was more difficult for Levi to avert his gaze like that. “You want to be with me?” Raiden asked. His eyes were glassy with what Levi dared to believe was hope.
He swallowed, afraid. But he had almost lost Raiden with this mess already. He could have lost him for real at the gig earlier. He was done being a coward. It was time to do the right thing.
“Yes,” he said. “I want to be partners. Officially. I understand if that’s not-”
Raiden stopped him with a kiss. “It is,” he said, the tears escaping his eyes that Levi wouldn’t allow himself to indulge in. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. I should have believed you when you said there was more to it.”
“Why would you, though?” Levi said. His relief may have been strong, but he was still deeply ashamed. “The evidence is pretty damning.”
“Because I should have known the man I love wouldn’t do that.”
Levi’s breath disappeared from his lungs. He and Raiden looked at each other as the seconds ticked by. Love. He had almost convinced himself that was what it was between them, but for Raiden to name it was terrifying.
He ran his hands through the black hair he adored. “How can you love me?” he asked, skirting the issue. “I’ve been such a dick to you. And now this…”
Raiden didn’t look away from him. “Because I do,” he said. “That’s why this hurt so much. But…I’m starting to think that’s what the hacker wanted. They’ve tried to take my reputation, my career, my safety. Why not take my partner too, in the cruelest of ways?”
That was what Levi had thought before. This was more than just trying to separate Raiden from his bodyguard. He rubbed the back of Raiden’s neck. “I won’t let them do that again,” he promised. “If I can. You’re very important to me. I…” He couldn’t say it. It was too much.
Raiden saved him by pulling him close for a hug. Levi rested his head on Raiden’s shoulder and splayed his hands over his back, holding him tightly.
“I need you,” he managed to say instead.
“Partners?” Raiden asked, hope naked in the single word.
Levi nodded. He preferred that so much more than boyfriends. He’d never been keen on the word, even when dating women. “Partners,” he agreed. It made it sound like they were both working together towards the same goal. “To hell with the consequences. We’ll work something out.”
Raiden chuckled. “Oh god, I thought I’d lost you,” he said. “You big, grumpy ogre.”
Levi laughed and kissed the side of Raiden’s neck, making him squirm. “It’ll take more than that to get rid of me, I’m afraid.”
They stayed embraced until Raiden protested his knees were starting to ache. Then he led Levi by the hand over to the bed, where they laid down, side by side, Raiden snuggled up to Levi’s flank, his head resting on his chest. Levi continued to stroke his silky hair.
“I think,” Raiden said slowly, “I need to quit the tour. It’s not fair at all to the band if they’re going to get caught up in the fallout of my shit with this hacker. We can work over email until it goes away.”
Levi sighed. He knew how much being on the road again had meant to Raiden, and it had been almost entirely ruined every step of the way by whoever was behind these attacks.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “I won’t stop doing what I can to make it safer for you.” He wanted to offer to bring in a team, but his uncle didn’t have anyone else to spare right now.
Raiden nodded against his chest. “Let’s just go home. We can try and figure out who this asshole is, and…” He paused and bit his lip, looking shyly up at Levi. “We can figure out how to do us as well?”
Levi smiled, leaning down the inch or two to bring their lips together for a chaste kiss. “As long as I’m with you,” he said, feeling like an idiot but saying it anyway, “I’ll go anywhere.”
26
Raiden
Raiden wasn’t sure what he was surprised by more. The fact that they had slept in the same bed together just cuddling, no wandering hands at all. Or that when he had woken several hours later, Levi was still there.
Raiden blinked in the sunlight streaming through the cheap curtains. Levi was snoring lightly, his arms slung possessively over Raiden’s belly. Raiden felt his heart contract, a fullness there that he suspected had been missing from their previous encounters.
He didn’t want Levi just for the things he could do to his body or the way he could make him come. He wanted him for sweet cuddles and idle chatter. Raiden wanted to share his heart and time with him, not just his flesh.
Stroking Levi’s hair carefully from his face, Raiden felt perversely thankful to the hacker. If they hadn’t targeted Raiden in the first place, he wouldn’t have needed Levi’s protection. If they hadn’t called in the bomb scare last night, they might never have made up.
Of course, Raiden also would never have known about what had happened in Iraq in the first place. But he was glad he did. This had pushed Levi to share one of the darkest times of his life with Raiden, trusted him with that knowledge. It had brought them closer together, maybe giving them the push they needed to acknowledge their true feelings.
He loved Levi Patterson. This cranky, uptight man. Raiden felt like he didn’t see his gender, though, he just saw the person who made him feel whole. Maybe Joey would know if there was a word to describe that. In the meantime, Raiden reveled in the acceptance that he was a bit queer, and that was sort of wonderful. The more love in the world, the better, as far as he was concerned. It didn’t matter how it manifested itself.
Levi roused and Raiden stilled his hand on his hair. He held his breath, anxious in case he spoiled the moment.
But Levi simply blinked a couple of times, absorbing his surroundings. Then he closed his eyes again with a sleepy smile, pulling Raiden closer to him. “Morning,” he said.
Relief flooded Raiden. “Morning,” he said. He lightly kissed Levi’s shoulder. It was the closest part of his skin he could reach with his lips. Before going to bed they had stripped to their underwear, and Raiden was vaguely aware of his half-hard dick now. But he wasn’t feeling the desperate need to get fucked senseless. His time with Levi no longer felt finite.
Instead, he shifted his weight so he could trace a few kisses along his partner’s neck and jaw, finding his mouth for a couple of sweet kisses.
“I wish I had my toothbrush,” Raiden said with a laugh, certain he had morning breath.
Levi smiled at him. “Still gorgeous,” he said with a wink. “But how about we head back to the hotel. I’m sure it’ll be safe now. We can pack up and start the drive home?”
Raiden sighed. He knew it was the right thing to do while the threat was still looming. There was no telling what the hacker might try next. But damn it, he didn’t want to leave the tour. Despite all the hiccups, this was the most alive he had felt in years.
“Sure,” he said to Levi, though. At least if he had to ditch, he got to spend the next couple of days traveling with Levi. That meant sharing more hotel rooms, after all…
He got up before his morning wood could get fully erect. While he searched for his jeans, he thought about what it might be like once they got back to Apple Blossom Ranch. If Levi continued to be his bodyguard, would he stay at the farmhouse with them again? Raiden liked the idea of having him that close by.
Even afterwards, Levi didn’t live that far away. Raiden guessed Levi would have to travel depending on who his other clients were. But maybe he might be based in nearby cities like Lexington.
As he pulled his t-shirt back over his head, he realized he was seriously considering their future together. He was excited about it.
“What are you smiling about?” Levi asked as they walked to the door.
They took the drive slowly across Philly back to their original hotel. Despite his preference for the outdoors, Raiden thought he might go for a run and workout in the gym before they got back in the car. Otherwise, his muscles were going to murder him.
He checked his phone again. He’d told Pearl that Levi had looked after him the night before, and for the sake of everyone’s safety, he was going to go home and leave them to the rest of the tour.
Okay, was her initial reply. Then a second text followed. So you and Levi made up?
Raiden smiled but also huffed in exasperation.
“What?” Levi asked.
Raiden felt a little guilty, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. “I guess Pearl picked up that something was going on between us and that we’d fallen out,” he said. “She wants to know if we’re okay now.”
He had no idea how Levi felt about this. He may want to be together, but how public did he want to make it?
“What did you tell her?” Levi asked, looking over and raising an eyebrow.
Raiden bit his lip. “What do you want to say?”
Levi slowed to take a corner, then glanced back over at Raiden. “Tell her your dumbass partner apologized and everything’s okay again?”
Raiden tried not to show how pleased he was. “Okay,” he said quietly, then tapped out the message.
Pearl and the rest of the band were already on their way to New York for the final leg of their tour. They would play a couple of smaller gigs before their biggest show to date, opening for Dyrnoir. Raiden was sad not to have said goodbye, but he would hopefully see them soon enough.
In the meantime, that meant there was no one for them to bump into at the hotel. But Raiden still felt like people were looking at them. Like they could tell something seismic had shifted between them just by looking their way.
He allowed Levi to guide him towards the elevator, the silence as they rode it up subtly different once again. Raiden’s body was turned slightly towards Levi’s, their hands brushing. Raiden bit his lip and he smiled, his gaze shyly on the floor. Levi leaned over and placed a quick kiss on his temple.