The MX Book of New Sherlock Holmes Stories - Part XI

by David Marcum

  JACKSON: This is terrible. Mr. Holmes, you really think they’ll kill my rat?

  HOLMES: It’s hard for me to predict what the police will do, but personally I can see no alternative. The rat has bitten and killed one man, and severely poisoned another. The cause of death looks like strychnine poisoning. It seems obvious that if the rat bite did kill the man, the first thing to do is to dissect the rat and discover how it was able to deliver this lethal bite.

  WATSON: What d’you mean “if” the rat bite killed him? We know it did.

  HOLMES: We know it bit him.

  JACKSON: What is your theory, Mr. Holmes?

  HOLMES: I never theorize. By the way Mr. Jackson--being a zoologist you are naturally familiar with the Tamana... the Tamana... the Darjeeling snow bird?

  JACKSON: Oh, yes... Yes, of course.

  HOLMES: There’s an excellent specimen that’s just arrived at the zoo. We saw it earlier on today.

  WATSON: Darjeeling snow bird? I don’t remember any--

  HOLMES: (INTERRUPTING) You never remember anything, my dear fellow. Mr. Jackson: The man who was killed here in this room tonight. Have you ever seen him before?

  JACKSON: Never.

  HOLMES: Are you still of the opinion that he was employed by the tribe in Sumatra to recapture the sacred animal?

  JACKSON: I can’t think of any other motive.

  SOUND EFFECT: KNOCK ON DOOR

  HOLMES: Ah... that must be the police now.

  JACKSON: (CALLING) Come in.

  SOUND EFFECT: DOOR OPEN

  SINGH: (OFF. CULTURED, SLIGHT ACCENT) Mr. Jackson?

  JACKSON: Yes... that’s right.

  SOUND EFFECT: DOOR CLOSE

  SINGH: (FADING IN) I am Inspector Singh of the Bengal Police.

  JACKSON: Sit down, Inspector. These two gentlemen are Mr. Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson.

  SINGH: Mr. Sherlock Holmes? I am very honored to meet you, Mr. Holmes. We in the Indian Police service are very familiar with your brilliant work in Europe.

  HOLMES: Thank you.

  SINGH: Also your recent handling of the case of the white elephant for the Maharajah of Parbutipur. I am flattered to be associated with you in this case.

  HOLMES: I’m merely a spectator, Inspector. Pray proceed as though I were not present.

  SINGH: Thank you. Mr. Jackson, we have just performed an autopsy on the man bitten in this room tonight. He died of strychnine poisoning. Naturally, we shall have to kill the rat and perform an autopsy on it too.

  JACKSON: This is dreadful! The rat is worth thousands of dollars to me.

  SINGH: (STERNLY) Undoubtedly the dead man’s life was worth even more to him. No, Mr. Jackson, your rat will have to die. I shall return within the hour with the necessary authority to take the rat for dissection. Before I leave, I’d like the exact facts as to the tragedy tonight.

  HOLMES: (YAWNING) I think if you’ll excuse me, gentlemen, I’ll turn in. Are you coming Watson? It’s a quarter-to-three in the morning.

  WATSON: (SURPRISED) Yes, I suppose so, though I must say I’m surprised at your leaving...

  HOLMES: There is nothing further we can do. Inspector Singh is in efficient command. Good night, Inspector. Good night, Mr. Jackson.

  SOUND EFFECT: FOOTSTEPS

  WATSON, SINGH, AND JACKSON AD LIB “GOOD NIGHTS”

  SOUND EFFECT: DOOR CLOSE. FOOTSTEPS ON SLIGHT ECHO

  WATSON: (CUE) Holmes, I just don’t understand your handling of this case. Walking out just as the police walk in.

  HOLMES: Don’t you, Watson? There was nothing more to be learned in there--merely a recapitulation of what we already know. Come into the room and I’ll tell you my plans.

  SOUND EFFECT: DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE. FOOTSTEPS STOP

  WATSON: (MUTTERING) I’ll never get any sleep tonight.

  HOLMES: Perhaps not. But think of the satisfied sleep you can have on the boat--when the case of the Giant Rat is solved.

  WATSON: Good Lord, Holmes. You think you’ve solved it?

  HOLMES: Almost, my dear fellow. Almost. There is just one more thing to be done... and it’s a job for you.

  WATSON: Of course, Holmes. What is it?

  HOLMES: I must examine that rat before it is taken away. You must get Jackson out as soon as Singh leaves. I don’t care what excuse you make, but get him out of the hotel for half-an-hour.

  WATSON: Of course I’ll do it. But I say, Holmes... be careful when you get near that rat.

  HOLMES: Don’t worry, old fellow. I’ve learnt quite a bit about the behaviour of rats from our visit to the zoo today. Also, you will observe that pair of leather gloves lying on the table there. No, I’m taking no chances. Within an hour from now, I think I can promise you the solution to the case!

  MUSIC: BRIDGE

  WATSON: Well, Holmes, I got our friend Jackson to come out and have a drink with me. He’s gone back to his room now. Did I give you enough time?

  HOLMES: You’ve done splendidly Watson. Splendidly. I have completed my examination of the rat and laid all my plans, and there’s no time to waste. Better bring your revolver.

  WATSON: Revolver? What do I--?

  HOLMES: Don’t argue. Do as I say. This is a matter of life and death.

  WATSON: Oh, all right. Here it is on the table.

  HOLMES: Now follow me...

  SOUND EFFECT: FOOTSTEPS... DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE. FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE

  HOLMES: Quickly, Watson... in here...

  WATSON: But this isn’t Jackson’s room... this is 104.

  HOLMES: This is the room next to his. It’s empty and I have obtained the key. Come in.

  SOUND EFFECT: KEY TURNING IN LOCK. DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE

  WATSON: What on earth are you up to, Holmes?

  HOLMES: You’ll soon see. We open those French windows...

  SOUND EFFECT: WINDOW BEING OPENED

  HOLMES: So... and what do we find?

  WATSON: By Jove! A balcony!

  HOLMES: Exactly. A balcony that extends under Mr. Jackson’s window. Now slip off your shoes, Watson, and keep your voice down. Come on. We’ll have a grandstand seat. And keep your revolver handy... Here we go...

  SOUND EFFECT: FAINT SHUFFLE OF FEET. SOUNDS OF EXERTION

  HOLMES: (AFTER A PAUSE, WHISPERING) Here we are, Watson. This gives us a view of the whole room.

  WATSON: (WHISPERING) Yes. There’s Jackson sitting facing the door... and the rat’s beside him on the table. I hope that cage is securely fastened.

  HOLMES: Shh... Here comes Inspector Singh now. We’ve timed this perfectly... keep your eyes peeled...

  WATSON: (AFTER A MOMENT) Singh’s got the warrant. They seem to be arguing about it... Singh’s moving towards the cage... (EXCITEDLY) Look! Jackson’s opening the cage Great heavens! He’s thrown it on the floor! The rat’s loose!

  HOLMES: (GRIMLY) Exactly! And here comes Jackson now! Grab him, Watson! He’s trying to get out this way. I’ll get the rat!

  SOUND EFFECT: WINDOW OPENED VIOLENTLY. SOUND OF RUNNING FOOTSTEPS. HOARSE SHOUTING. YELPING OF RAT

  WATSON: (FADING A LITTLE) No you don’t, Jackson!

  SOUND EFFECT: STRUGGLE

  JACKSON: (OFF A LITTLE) Let me go!

  HOLMES: Look out, Singh! Move away from there!

  SOUND EFFECT: REVOLVER SHOT. YELP OF RAT (OFF)

  HOLMES: (FADE IN) And that, I think, is the end of the rat. (CALLING) Watson, bring Mr. Jackson back in here.

  WATSON: (OFF) Come along.

  JACKSON: (FADING IN) This is all a ridiculous mistake!

  HOLMES: Inspector Singh, I don’t know whether a pair of handcuffs is part of your regular equipment?

  SINGH: Yes, Mr. Holmes.

  HOLMES:
Then I suggest you slip them on our friend Mr. Jackson here. He’s your murderer.

  SOUND EFFECT: CLICK OF HANDCUFFS

  JACKSON: I’ll get you for this, Holmes! You see if I don’t!

  HOLMES: Hardly. The gallows will get you first.

  SINGH: But Mr. Holmes, I don’t understand how you solved this case.

  WATSON: Nor do I. Will you stop keeping us in the dark any longer, Holmes, and tell us how the devil you know that Jackson is the murderer?

  HOLMES: With pleasure. Let me first slip on these leather gloves. Even in death our rat can still be extremely lethal. Now, gentlemen, to be technical, here is the weapon that was used to commit the murder. This rat. First of all let me point out the fang here. It’s really an extremely clever piece of dental work. The center of the tooth has been drilled hollow and in the cavity has been inserted a tiny hypodermic needle--a needle containing strychnine. On biting anything--a natural impulse in a rat--the needle would puncture the skin, injecting strychnine, and so producing immediate death. Ingenious isn’t it?

  WATSON: But why should he have done that? I say, Jackson, did you go to all that trouble just to protect the rat from the vengeful Sumatra tribe who were trying to recapture him?

  SINGH: Mr. Jackson, I must warn you that anything you say will be taken down and may be used in evidence against you.

  JACKSON: I’ll tell you nothing. Ask Mr. Sherlock Holmes. He seems to know everything.

  HOLMES: Certainly I’ll tell you. Your guess isn’t a bad one, Watson. The rat was equipped with a device for protecting itself from capture--but not from a Pygmy Tribe in Sumatra who worship rats. That was a colourful story invented by Mr. Jackson. There are no Pygmies in Sumatra, but there are Pygmies in the Andaman Islands some three-hundred miles away. If you read your papers thoroughly, you will recall that some five weeks ago, the famous Hapang diamond was stolen from the head of the idol worshipped by the Andaman Islanders.

  WATSON: Good heavens! But where is the diamond now?

  HOLMES: If you will observe the underside of the belly of this rat, you will notice this large bulge. When you perform your autopsy, Mr. Singh, you will find the Hapang diamond cleverly inserted between the skin and the flesh of the dead rat. A very ingenious safe for your treasure, Mr. Jackson--a safe that defends itself with a bite of death. But I’m afraid you reckoned without meeting Sherlock Holmes.

  WATSON: Look out! He’s going for the window!

  JACKSON: (FADING HYSTERICALLY) You’ll never get me! Never!

  SOUND EFFECT: CRASH OF GLASS, FOLLOWED BY FADING SCREAM

  WATSON: Great heavens! He’s gone. Through the window and over the balcony. Poor devil!

  HOLMES: (STERNLY) I should save your sympathy, Watson. A man who kills with a rat must expect to die like one!

  MUSIC: UP TO STRONG FINISH

  CAMPBELL: Well, Doctor Watson, you promised to make my hair stand on end and you’ve certainly succeeded! That’s quite a story. But I still don’t understand when Holmes first became suspicious of Mr. Jackson.

  WATSON: (CHUCKLING) Nor did I. But coming home on the boat, the great man told me a lot of illuminating facts. For instance, d’you remember his asking Jackson if he was familiar with the Tamana--the Darjeeling snow bird?

  CAMPBELL: Yes, I do. And Mr. Jackson said that he was familiar with it.

  WATSON: Exactly. (LAUGHING) There is no such bird! Holmes invented it! So of course he knew at once that the man was no zoologist.

  CAMPBELL: (LAUGHING) Well Doctor, to tell the truth, I didn’t know that Holmes had invented the Darjeeling Snow Bird, so I guess that proves I’m no zoologist either.

  WATSON: Well, you don’t profess to be--you’re a wine expert.

  CAMPBELL: Now wait a minute Doctor--don’t get me wrong. I never said I was a wine expert. I judge wine just like anybody else does. I taste it... and if the wine tastes good--well, then I say it’s a good wine.

  WATSON: That sounds like good common sense.

  CAMPBELL: And I say that Petri Wine is good because the Petri family knows how to make wine that’s really delicious. That’s because the Petri family has been making wine for generations. And ever since they started their business, back in the last century, they’ve kept it in the family. Therefore they’ve been able to hand down from father to son, from father to son, all they’ve ever learned about the art of wine-making--that fine art of turning plump, sun-ripened grapes into clear, fragrant, delicious wine. And because the making of Petri wine is a family affair--naturally the family takes a great deal of pride in every bottle of wine that bears their name. That’s why--even today--when the demand for Petri wine is so great, Petri Wine is still made in the same, old-fashioned, unhurried way. So if you want a wine to serve with your meals, or a wine to make a refreshing wine and soda--no matter what type of wine you wish--you can’t go wrong with a Petri Wine, because Petri took time to bring you good wine. And now...

  WATSON: I know. You want me to give you a hint about next week’s story. Next week, Mr. Campbell, I have a strange story for you. It takes place on a lonely island off the Cornish coast--an island containing a lighthouse--a strange bird, and a... an extremely frightened politician...

  MUSIC: UP TO CLOSING

  MUSIC: “SCOTCH POEM”

  CAMPBELL: Tonight’s Sherlock Holmes adventure is written by Denis Green and Bruce Taylor and is based on an incident in the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story The Sign of Four. Mr. Rathbone appears through the courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer and Mr. Bruce through the courtesy of Universal Pictures where they are now starring in the Sherlock Holmes series.

  MUSIC: THEME UP AND DOWN UNDER

  CAMPBELL: (OUT) The Petri Wine Company of San Francisco, California, invites you to tune in again next week, same time, same station.

  MUSIC: HIT JINGLE

  SINGERS:

  Clink, click, clink

  An icy drink

  A drink for summer time

  Is wine and soda, half-and-half

  Made with Petri Wine!

  CAMPBELL: Yes, Petri Wine made by the Petri Wine Company, San Francisco, California...

  SINGERS: Pet--Pet--Petri Wine

  CAMPBELL: This is Bob Campbell saying goodnight for the Petri family. Sherlock Holmes comes to you from the Don Lee Studios in Hollywood. (CUE) This is MUTUAL!

  “Matilda Briggs was not the name of a young woman, Watson,” said Holmes in a reminiscent voice. “It was a ship which was associated with the giant rat of Sumatra, a story for which the world is not yet prepared.”

  Sherlock Holmes - “The Sussex Vampire”

  The Vatican Cameos

  by Kevin P. Thornton

  Although I no longer shared lodgings with my friend Sherlock Holmes. I tried to stop in and see him at least two or three times a week. When he was busy he was less a worry to me. As long as his brain was occupied, he would not lapse into some of his more laggard ways. I also conspired with Mrs. Hudson to try to make an event of at least one of those visits. For all that Holmes was disinterested in whatever form of nourishment was placed in front of him, he had eminent connections in the countryside, and quite often I would be informed of the arrival of a treat - one time there was a basket of oysters, another a leg of venison.

  So it was that evening. It was the beginning of the year, with the cold nights setting in. The fog of the city settled around one as a vaporous cloak and the bite in the air made a hansom cab the preferred means of travel. We had dined on two well-hung end-of-season grouse, gamy and tender, accompanied by a pot of stored root vegetables: Potatoes, turnips, and carrots with onions. The entire repast was washed down with some excellent Riesling from the Hochheim region that Holmes seemed able to obtain at will.

  I was reluctant to leave, though I knew I should get home to my wife. It had been a while since adventure had taken me
away from her as in the early days, and I was a little wistful of those more carefree times. Holmes may very well have read my mind, for as I was shrugging into my coat and hat he called me to the window.

  “Pray tell me,” he said. “What do you make of that man across the road?”

  “He is dressed in quality clothing,” I said. “Obviously well-to-do. I would guess his attire to be Savile Row. Maybe out for a stroll after a repast such as ours. He may even be coming from the Park.”

  “Really, Watson, you amaze me. Your eyes see what mine see, but your mind and the grey matter therein does not connect in the same way. About all that you had correct was that he is well-dressed, which tells me that he is a servant at an establishment where they place much standing on propriety. He is not, as you suggested, a gentleman out for a stroll. He is not dressed for the cold or an extended walk in this weather. No, this is a man sent to us in a hurry by cab. There is adventure in the air. Do you think you can send a message home to say you may be some time yet?”

  I nodded my assent. “Dash it all, Holmes. How do you know all this about the man? You barely glanced at him.”

  “Ah. Well that is because I recognize him. His real name is Sergeant Jontellier Barkoven, formerly of the 5th Brigade, Royal Artillery, but you must never call him such. To the few who know him, he is the front door guard and gatekeeper of the Diogenes Club, and as such he goes by the name ‘Epicurus’.”

  I looked at my friend in astonishment. “Holmes, did you just play a joke on me?” My answer was his continued smile, which I had put down at first to the hock. “Your good humour has to do with where Epicurus works. Whatever message he brings comes from Mycroft, and his puzzles are always intriguing.”

  “Indeed,” said Holmes. “And he has not even entrusted it to a message by wire. My brother is obsessive about secrecy, but he is also parsimonious, so this presupposes derring-do and intrigue. This adventure will be a challenge, Watson, you mark my words.” He rubbed his hands together in delight.

  “Barkoven,” I said. “It is an unusual name. I remember him from when it was gazetted. He won the Victoria Cross at Isandlwana. He’s a brave man, and lucky. Most who win that august honour do so posthumously.”